293. - Raina Morris

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on youtube yeah we're recording i forgot what stand up i'm googling it right now i brag on my dick there's a special time Bragging on my dick is not a good, I think it was Martin. It feels Martin-esque. All right, how long gone? What a great, what a great, what a great, yeah, it's from 1994's You So Crazy doing his penis material where he says the quote, ladies, I brag on my dick. You know, it's tough because you're like, is he on top of the dick? Is he standing on his own dick bragging? What's he bragging about? But he's saying, i tell other people i have a big dick oh i see i'm not surprised martin feels like he's he comes through swinging i don't know he's a he's a short king yeah but but he could he's wide yeah i mean dick on wide anyway how long gone how are you chris how long gone great to be here i'm um i mean i'm doing great jason i'm just kind of going through it a little bit with um I got a call yesterday that I'm still kind of processing, and I've chosen to speak for us as a show. You chose wrong. Go ahead. I know, and I'm sorry I didn't have time to consult you, but Neil Young called me yesterday. Singer-songwriter Neil Young. Yeah, one of Canada's greatest exports, big sideburn guy, Neil Young, a legend. Not somebody I've ever really been super into their tunes, but a legend called me yesterday, and he said,

Chris, How Long Gone is huge, and I'm trying to kind of build a cabal to threaten. He used that word cabal. Wow, it's unlike him. It is unlike him, but I think he's feeling aggressive because of how passionate he is about vaccines. Basically, he was like, Chris, How Long Gone, come out with me, stand with Neil Young, and say, if you don't kick Joe Rogan off your platform, then you're not going to get the How Long Gone podcast or any of Neil Young's deep, deep catalog. And I said, Neil, look, man, I know you're a legend. I'm going to forgive you for doing that high fidelity audio startup that failed and you lost millions of your own dollars. But I don't have time. TJ's on the plane right now and I'm going to have to, you know, can you give me 24 hours? You know what I mean? I was like, can you give me 24 hours? Jason's flying back from Big Sur. He said, he said, no. This decision needs to be made now. And I know he had no, he gave me no leeway. And I said, Neil, if that's the case, if you're, if you're putting a gun to my head, which you are, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to say no, because I can't speak for, I can't, I can't speak for Jason and I without consulting with our, with our, you know, it's, it wouldn't, it wouldn't have been fair. And then he comes out and he did it. You know, he said, he said, I'm taking my shit off Spotify if you guys, you know, still allow Joe Rogan to spread his misinformation about vaccines and health in general. Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I feel like the amount of people, yeah, this was in the news. He basically said, Joe goes or I go. And Spotify is like, great, we make $11 million a day from Joe Rogan. And most of your demographic fan base doesn't know how to open Spotify. So we're going to go with Rogan. You can't threaten to leave when nobody cares when the door shuts. Yeah, there's nothing funnier and sadder than either they go or I go. But it's clearly... Like, everyone in the room knows, like, what's going to happen. I've been in situations like this in the club world before, you know what I mean? Oh, I was thinking more in your romantic life, but okay, go ahead. Well, has there been a situation in my romantic life about that where it's a...

either either this tall guy goes or you go type of thing i don't know i don't know if that's ever happened it's no it's it's more it's more like these cdjs go or i go you're spending too much you're spending too much time in the lab and i just well that does remind me of a tweet that i did see recently seems to be going viral oh i love virality the instagram or the sorry the twitter handle is at The witty girl. Oh, that must be good. You're telling us, you're giving us a preview of what we're going to get, which I like. I like that. This raggedy bitch found a name that's like cheesier than the new girl starring Zooey Deschanel. The witty girl. Male birth control exists, comma, it's called having a podcast. 53,000 likes. Does that mean, look, that to me, I don't see that as a diss to us in our profession, even though we can diss it ourselves. I don't want to hear it from the witty bitch. But I think that the amount of likes on that leads me to believe that we're barking up the right tree. There's gold in these hills? Exactly. If 50,000 nerds like that bad tweet, then that means that our numbers are only going up. True, true, true. And also, clearly, this tweet exists because... somebody was like you know what i'm gonna fuck the witty girl and talk about it on my podcast and she's like damn it yeah i fucked a podcaster and now she you know it didn't work out with this podcaster so now she's taking it to the tweet which who do you think hit which which which guy from come town or bill burr which one which one it's a good question i don't think either of the you know bill's a taken man he's he's a happily married man that's true he's got he's got bill's got two kids now isn't that crazy that is crazy Because he's like, he waited late. I mean, he's like 50. That's how, I mean, in the entertainment industry goes. Once I hit my M's, I'm going to start fucking podcast listeners. I'm going to be popping out my kid at 52, 57. I'm not even going to see that motherfucker graduate high school. You know I'm about to be dead. Nah, I'm going to die in Santa Barbara. You're going to high school down at your mama house. You want to toss the old pigskin around?

Eh, it ain't going to happen, little boy. Yeah, not tonight. Not tonight. But, yeah, so, you know, in closing, male podcast birth control does exist. All the people who have retweeted that I don't think ever got pregnant after I hit. So there is factual truth to this Weedy Girl tweet, and thank God. I can't fault it. In terms of following the science, the numbers don't lie. I love following the science, and that's what Joe Rogan does, that's what Neil Young does, and that's what the witty girl does. It's funny they can't all agree. That's the problem with stuff like that. You think they would all just agree if they're following the science, but it's confusing. I don't get it. We've covered a lot of ground in the first few minutes of this podcast, but I wanted to get a quick... Yeah, if you're listening to this podcast for the very first time because of our guest today, You probably didn't love that last four minutes. You probably didn't love that part a ton, but if you did get a chuckle out of it, if you have fucked a podcaster and you said, ah, screw it, what are you going to do? Sometimes you're going to fuck a podcaster. Then welcome home. Yeah, welcome home. I also, quickly before we move on, I did see that there was a... I, I, I, you know what? No, let's just, let's, let's, I wanted to, I wanted to discuss the rest of your, your holiday. Are you feeling refreshed? And because I noticed that today I saw on Instagram that you're like pretty focused on sustainability, which is something I didn't really know about you. So I thought, is that something, is that something you picked up at Sea Ranch or is sustainability kind of a platform you've been standing on for a while? Well, are you, is this in reference to my, um, There's a website that a lot of our listeners use called The Real Real. I've heard of that website. They have an application, too, on your cell phone. They have a good cell phone app. They got games. Hashtag old Celine. I did some great sponsored content, getting rid of the old clothes, to make room for the new clothes now that I'm a dripaholic. Things have been going well. I did answer some questions, do a little Q&A.

I said a bunch of cool, funny stuff, but I think the thing that really stuck was a comment about me saying that sustainability is super important to me, which I guess it's not false. No, I mean, I've seen the way you dress, and it does look like that you are into sustainability. There's no question there. It's not false, but it goes back to my theory of if you care about anything too much, then it makes you a dork, and I don't want to come off. like somebody who cares about sustainability that much. You know, I do recycle because it's illegal not to. I do recycle because it's illegal not to. I'm a they-them of a certain age. Recycling to folks like us. No, you're right. F-O-L-X. Recycling's for the birds when it really boils down to it. You know what I mean? Well, you know, I've heard, and I don't know if this is true, Jason. Tell me if you've heard this, but I've heard... that once they take it away, it all goes to the same place, and we're being duped. And that's part of the reason our planet is in such danger. Yeah, if I'm really tired, stoned, or drunk, and I need to, like, go take out the recycling or what it's full, you know, the bin's full or something like that, I'll remember that nice little colloquialism that recycling is, you know, is an invention by the government and it doesn't exist like birds. And, you know, just fuck it. Just fuck it, yeah. But, I mean, I'm... Fuck it. Okay, so... It doesn't sound like Sea Ranch changed you. I'm sorry. Are you washing your – are you drawing a bath over there right now, Chris? What's going on? Yeah, I'm drawing a bath. I apologize. I like to podcast. I like to podcast. Camera off on this Zoom call today, please. Yeah, the camera. I'm in a – you know I like to soak, TJ. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you were drawing a bath. I got my Upsom salts. I'm sustainable. Yeah, I got my Upsom salts out. I'm feeling – I'm going to see Rick in a few hours, so I need to loosen up as much as possible. Are you really? Oh, and speaking of the rear wheel, shout out to the rear wheel. And anyone who's listening in the real, real billing department, you know, just invoices still cruising around. If you want to go ahead and kind of knock that out. Paige Kozak, if you're listening to this, I'm going to need you to process that invoice ASAP. Paige, if you think it's affordable to have a...

Infrared sauna installed in your home? It's not. Jason just flew. He upgraded for $22 total on Alaska Airlines, and every little bit helps. No, times two. Times two. That's two and home. Oh, so you spent $44 large. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's broke. Paige, help this man out. After I hit Burbank Airport, straight to the Charles Schultz Airport in Santa Rosa. Shout out to all my chiefers. Of course, I had to cop. The veggie chips for Bay and the vending machine in Terminal 1. You already know. So, yeah, it's adding up. It's adding up. It's adding up. I know. TJ doesn't want to look at the P&L this month. It's been a pricey one. I know. I told my business manager, just pay it. I don't even want to see it. I mean, unfortunately, we have the same business manager. Tell your dad I said hi. Give your dad a pat on the back for me, Chris. Love the guy. He really takes care of me. Well, look, I'm glad you're back, and I can't wait to build with you IRL tomorrow. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. Oh, yeah, we have a nice meeting with a friend of the show, Nick Darrell. That's right. We're going to talk about, you know, finally the collaboration the world's been waiting for, how long gone, Tyro the Creator. But we're not talking about the podcast. We're talking about clothing. Golf gone. Same letters. Starts with a G. It's going to be easy to flip. If I can get him, if we can get in the same room, I think this is something we can make happen. One of us is going to have to do some kind of. Something, you know, to get the ball across the end zone line. I'm willing to freestyle in front of him and embarrass myself so that you can zoom in and be the smart one for once. I was more leaning on to, you're going to have to do a few bars on his dick. Oh, I see. No, no, no. That's too far, Jason. I think he's a businessman. Don't do that. Don't do that. This town, this town is a crooked town, Chris. The music biz, the entertainment biz. I've heard that. I've heard that. Well, you know, I'll bring my Kenzo blanket to dinner tomorrow night and we'll just all kind of, you know, we'll build over it. We do have a guest today, Raina Morris, a comedian and writer. She worked on the best show on television, Emily in Paris, season two.

Uh, which I'm obviously, I would like to talk about some details there. I know you don't, you don't want to talk about that, but could you, I'll be a good sport. I'll, I'll pepper in my asides when applicable. Great. I can't wait for your asides when applicable. I hope it's not broccoli Rob. Uh, okay. Um, let's, uh, let's get, is Raina, is she in LA? I think, or I don't know where she is actually. I think she's in LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she was. Yeah. If you have comedy in your bio, I think you have to live in, in LA. Yeah, man. The store. Oh, she doesn't. Her bio is disgraced former barista current TV writer. That's pretty good. So let's get into some lattes with her as well. Okay. We need to find out where did all my soy milk go. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone was brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. What hotel are you at? I'm in the like business center of my apartment building. Okay. And it's dire.

It has this giant fake plant. That's a nice fig. It's nice that your apartment building is like a hotel vibe. Do you guys have a doorman, a pool, a gym? Do you maybe have an area where residents congregate just to hang after work? So it's not a hostel. Oh, I'm sorry. So you're not in Berlin. You're in L.A. You're in the Berlin of L.A. Koreatown, though. I've never been to Berlin, but I'm just going to pretend I have. That works for us. Neither have I, honestly. But it's cool that your building has like a place where you can do this. It's like a WeWork, you know? Yeah, I am going to be honest. You're going to your pod pod. I've never been in here until right now. My boyfriend was just making smoothies for like seven hours straight. And I was like, this isn't going to work. I have to go somewhere else. Sounds like my kind of fella. I'm over here tipping right now. Damn, I hope your man's got the Vitamix. I hope he doesn't have some broke boy Nutribullet in there. Oh, he's got a Vitamix. He's really intense about it. He's really intense about it. Oh, no, no, no, no. My man's got a Vitamix. Don't get it twisted. When we're done with the pod, if we could kind of exchange information, him and I, I would like to get to know more about him. He sounds like my kind of fella. You said seven hours of smoothie making. Obviously, it's an exaggeration, but what? What's his man doing in there? So he's making what he calls his second juice of the day. Kind of a lunch smoothie. This one's usually a horrific beige. I don't know what's in it. Horrific beige? No, I don't. Smoothies coming in brown. That's not looking good. Okay, so your boyfriend listens to Joe Rogan. That's been established. No, no. He's not white. Okay. Oh, got it. Thank God. Thank God. It was touch and go for a second there. I was like, damn, is she dating a white podcaster? Because it sounds like this. No, he's not white. He is healthy. Is he a personal trainer? No, but he's like, he's a, this is so awful to start out this way because no one listening is going to know anything about me. And it's just like such, he's a fitness model. Oh, damn. So, damn. So, don't worry. We have a whole hour to explore you, but your life partner is a big part of you.

And you know that. So true. This guy sounds fucking hot. He's really hot. Being a, what does that entail? Basically just making sure your abs are constantly popping. You're not holding any water weight. Just like literally being stunning. No, he just does normal modeling stuff. He like, you know, when you're online shopping. Sure. Were you going to say e-com? Were you going to say e-com? I was going to say e-com. I love when you say e-com. We're in the biz. We get it. We get it. It's not like, you know, when you're shopping on essence and it's like waif like ghosts, like little like 12 year old orphans wearing the clothes. That's not what we're talking about. That's what I prefer. I like my models to be able to blow away, but it sounds like you've got a sturdy one on your hands. I've got a sturdy one. Well, I'm pretty sturdy, so things have to balance out. Dan, would you describe yourself as a sturdy chick? I can't be pushed over. I've got a low center of gravity. Yeah, I feel like if you and I were sort of tangling a little bit, and you were like, just push me over. I would have some trouble, sure. Yeah, I'd be like, give it a go. Give it a go. I wish you would. I'm not scared. Because that's also a testament to, of course, your sturdiness, your self-proclaimed sturdiness, but it's also a testament to Jason's pen-like arms and his weakness because he's not really – he's a very tall, thin guy, but he's not packing a lot of punch in the muscularity area. Not a ton of torque. Well, Jason, have you ever punched someone in the face? Yeah. But it's been a while. Have you, Chris? Have you ever punched someone in the face? No, I haven't actually. Me neither. Just wondering. Interesting question. You haven't punched anyone in the face? Have you been punched in the face? You've definitely been punched in the face. No. No. No, you don't. See, I feel like you'll get mouthy in an altercation. So I am actually just so rarely in an altercation, I can't think of what I would even do. I think I would just like... fade away are there mostly online altercations like in the metaverse yeah well in the metaverse anything can happen so i'm a quaker and so when i was a kid i wasn't allowed to like even simulate like play violence like we didn't have toy guns or any violent video games or anything and so i do not have any natural tendencies toward violence okay good for you hold on hold on hold on you're a you're a quaker i am

Well, I was, you know, my family is. And you're not talking about you're somebody who plays the video game Quake. This is a, this is like Amish style Quaker life. No. Okay. Everyone thinks I'm saying Amish. It's not the same thing. No, no. I said Amish. I said Amish style. More Amish than, more Amish than gamer. Yeah. Well, I guess so. Well, come on. Can you, I don't, I don't, I know this is a, this is probably something you've had to do thousands of times in your life. But, you know, in one sentence, can you give us the difference between an Amish person and a Quaker person? So I know almost nothing about Amish people except for the episode of Breaking Amish on TLC that I watched once. But I think almost everything is different except for maybe that they are mostly white people. But Quakers, Quaker is just a. Oh, it's a religion. Okay. Or it's now called the Society of Friends. That sounds like a streetwear brand, but continue. I mean, I might just go ahead. But it's just like a pacifist, so nonviolent religion. And you meet up and sit in silence together. It's the church. part damn i love yoga this is great so is there yeah that's the vibe is there a jesus like figure or is it is it something separate is it a different god i think it started out as christianity i am not at all in authority on this i always talk about it i'm like i feel like i'm the last one left so i have to tell people but i don't know anything um it started out as christianity my family is like non-theist quakers so they don't really believe in like a god as a person it's mostly the like Community, like communism vibes, silent worship, don't fight. When you say communism, that means like a commune? Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. I thought you meant a little something different, but okay, like a commune. Okay, I just did some Googling. So it says there's around 300,000 Quakers left in the world, highest percentage being in Africa. Didn't know that. Didn't know that. And their beliefs and testimonies are integrity, equality, simplicity, community.

And stewardship of the earth and peace. I think all this stuff sounds fucking sick. It's pretty cool. It's like fine. Well, where are you from? I'm from Oregon. Oh, yeah. They got that kind of shit up there. That's like the Pennsylvania of the West Coast. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. I would agree with that, actually. Oh, yeah. And like a little bit of Vermont. Oh, okay. You get a little crunchy. Yeah, go Bernie. Yeah, I got you. So, but you had electricity and stuff. Yeah, so I cannot stress enough how much it doesn't have anything to do with electricity or strong carriage. I just, look. That had nothing to do with Quaker. It was just more of like an organ thing. Did you grow up on the wrong side of the tracks type of thing? Yeah, so my family does have a farm. I'm not going to like come on here and try to cover up the family farm. I'm like sick of lying about it. Yeah, we have a farm that are chickens. Like, okay. someone's gonna okay so morris ranch morris ranch is pumping um what kind of merch you guys have merch or you guys have how many how many head of cattle you got down there it's not so it's not like cool like opulence farm like oh she like quietly has oil money it's like we have like literally chickens in the garden and my mom's family built it when she was a kid they grow christmas trees now i grew up not on the farm i grew up in portland so i'm just like the normal kind of the worst. I think I would rather grow up on a farm in rural than Portland. I think that's super fair. I've never been there before. I've never been there before, but people are always like, a person who just meets me is like, oh, bro, you would love it. It's great. There's great restaurants. If anybody that knows me is like, don't go there, you'll absolutely hate it. There's no in between. Yeah. Well, because I don't know you at all, I can't make that judgment yet, but I'll let you know a little later if I think you should go. So far, just like from your visual vibe. I think you would absolutely do great there. I think you would love it. Everyone would love you. Look, people that listen to this podcast already know that I'm white, okay? You don't have to thinly veil it in your little game you're playing. Is there a lot of balding in Portland? Is that where you're going with this right now?

Jason doesn't understand that I have a beautiful shaved head because I chose to do this because it's more aerodynamic and I want to look violent. He doesn't understand that I want to look intimidating. No, I definitely get that. It's tough to look intimidating with headphones on, and I know that's kind of ruining my vibe overall. Well, I'm intimidated because I don't even have a mic. I just have my AirPods. Oh, good. You sound good. You do sound good. Don't worry about it. Okay. But you do. You don't. have a podcast of your own but you wrote on one that was like a a scripted one and you appear on podcasts right oh yeah so i don't have a podcast i acted in a narrative podcast called illuminati interns you're one of those people okay oh someone with a adorable voice yeah chris chris chris we we have also recently done that just to clarify okay okay oh yeah i guess you're right god damn it i guess so i will say i I listened to an episode of your, of your podcast to prepare because I'm a professional and I do have like literally thousands and thousands of questions for you because I, please stop. First of all, stop right there. Shut the fuck up. Okay. First of all, what episode did you listen to? Yeah. Yeah. That's the question. Okay. So I have kind of a poor attention span. So I listened to the first part of two. I listened to the beginning of the Lena Dunham one. And found out she's happily married. Congrats. And then I listened to... Congrats, Lena. I listened to the one where you were like, one of you was like, I don't wear lotion on my body. Oh, that was Chris. I listened to that one. And I was like, okay, so... I'm a dry hands guy. I'm a pro dry hands. I was like, okay, this person has never had a black friend or lover in his entire goddamn life. Like, ever in his life. Because I... cannot imagine that you would face the reaction of a black friend or girlfriend when you get out of the shower and just go, well, I'm done.

and then just put clothes on. Let me tell you something right now, Raina. White men do not put lotion on after the shower. I'm telling you this right now. They do not. I'm so worried for you. They do not. I speak for all of us when I say, and it might be a problem, but I don't think that is something that happens. We're not taught that. It's not part of our culture. But also, Raina, we know that we have privileged dryness levels where we don't... You don't flake off when you put on your little... You're a little under armor. How'd you know what, what under armor I wear? No, I mean like base layer. Don't put it on my base layer. I just, I feel nude without it, but we, yeah, we, I mean, just to put it fair straight or straight ahead, we don't get ashy yet. It's not, it's like, to me, it's like not even the ashiness. It's just the, like the lack of. moisture. Look at my mother. Look at my glistening ass body. Okay. Do you have to say stunning? Look at, look at my, my shit looks, look at that. That's called my hands look like this weightlifting. So your hands can look like that. That's the whole thing. My shit's fucked up. I'm so happy for you, but I am just going to say like, that was my, I was like, okay, I got it. Okay. So are there parts of your body that don't get lotioned after the shower or is it tip to tail? There's not a part of my body that does not receive lotion. immediately when I get out of the shower. How do you hit the bike, though? You know what I mean? I'm very flexible. You have a whole system you've been working out your entire life. You've got to stretch. If you've been reaching that spot every day for your whole life, you'll never lose it. I would like to just inquire. I guess this is something I need to look into. Unfortunately, my mobility is not great. I probably couldn't hit below the neck. Is there a brand you're loyal to? Is there something? Are you kind of like Juergens? I don't give a fuck. Are you using oils? She probably has a multidisciplinary office. Are you doing an oil lotion on top of oil? So I have literally a skincare routine for many different parts of my body, including my face. You look great. I mean, you look great. You look young. I think you are young, though, which is not fair. I'm 56.

Listener. She's 50. She looks amazing. Amazing. You do look amazing. You do look amazing. Thank you. I do like actually plan to look like this for the rest of my life because of how much time I've spent putting different lotions and oils on. So how's your mom? How's your mom looking though? My mom's white. So we can't, we don't know. We don't know what's going to happen to me. I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. That's where the data stopped. Yeah. There's no way to know. I'm kind of blazing the trail. She looks great, though. She's gorgeous. She's never going to listen to this. Because white people, they start here, and then they go nice and gradually down until the day I die. And then everyone else, looking good, looking good, looking good, looking good, looking good, turn 79. Straight crash like crypto. Is that going to happen to you, or are you going to take your own life before you... your skin begins to, you know, crow's feet and wrinkle. I've literally never thought about being old. I don't know. That must be nice. That's, that's called privilege. You know what I mean? Well, no, I just like, I'm like, I won't, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. Honestly, that's the way I thought at your age. And I think it's the best way to be. And it's like, and sometimes you wonder, are you repressing these thoughts that you should be caring about? Or is it just like, I'm a chill person and I'm present and that's healthy. I don't know. I just don't fear death. I don't either. I don't either. It's just going to happen. Okay, Tupac. I also don't care when other people die, so that's kind of twisted, but we can talk about that another time. Do you want to talk about it right now? The way that people on the internet act like a personal friend dies when a celebrity dies, that's a little much for me. Let's go with Bob Saget. Scale of 1 to 100, how much are you mourning his death? I've seen a few episodes of Full House. All respects. I think whenever I watch a movie or a TV show, I'm like, so many people got together and made this. Good job. What a beautiful attitude so far, I gotta say. Yeah, spoken like a true Hollywood insider, gatekeeper.

I see what you're doing. I literally don't know anything about him or his life. And people were sad when he died and that made me sad. All right, fuck him. But I'm not the like, I need to post a photo of this celebrity on my story right now. You're like the one person who doesn't do that. So congratulations. But who's a big celeb for you? Because we need to talk to Gen Z about this. Like, is it like one of the D'Amelio girls? Would that send you down a spiral or like? The passing of Sydney Sweeney will affect all of us. Yeah. No, no, no. Again, if they died, I'd be like, it's sad that they died. I'd also be like, what happened? Charlie DiMello is like, what, 12 years old? Look, money and drugs will fuck you up no matter what age. I'm just telling you that right now. Those private jets, when you get turbulence, they don't take it as much as the 747. That actually did lead me to one of my questions that I have for you that I wrote down in my iPhone notes. Oh, you wrote down questions. Okay. I just wrote down a couple. My first one was, what are your jobs and how much money do you have? Super curious. My job is podcaster and Instagram influencer. I'm not going to tell you exactly how much is in the Wells Fargo business checking right now. Okay, that tells me a lot already. I'm not a millionaire, but I have enough money to feed my family. He doesn't have a family, so that's why he has enough money to feed them. I have a desk that moves. It could be standing. Or regular. I live in Glendale. Can I ask why you're asking this question? These are really just what I wanted to know so bad when I was looking to your episode. I was like, what are their jobs and how much money do they have? Because you guys sound fancy. That's not a money thing. That's a lifestyle choice. That's a mindset. That's a grind set, if you will. I have my own business. I basically consult with fashion brands. About what? How to appeal to the Caucasian demographic. Vibes. Yeah, no. And then I have more money than Jason, but we don't like to talk about that, really. Okay. I love it. Thank you for telling me that. I needed to know. No problem. The other question was, can I go to Coachella with you? Great question. Week one or week two? There's two. There's two.

Welcome to Hollywood, baby. It's the same lineup, so it's fair for you to be confused. Okay. We were talking about this today because I bought tickets today because two bands that you've probably never heard of just because of age. Have you heard of Jawbreaker or the Lemonheads? No, but there was a Disney Channel original movie where their band was called the Lemon something. No, no, no. So this is a legendary band. But anyway, they're playing at the Wiltern. So I bought tickets like a simp, even though I probably could have gotten them for free because I was so excited. Coachella, on the other hand, are you a big Harry Styles fan like me? So I'm not. I'm a pretty good Harry Styles fan. I was a One Direction fan in high school. Interesting. And had a very popular One Direction Tumblr. What was it called? It was called 1D Outfit Imagines. It does not exist anymore, and I'm worn it every single day. 1D Outfit Imagines. Yeah. That's a lot of words. That's a lot of words. So if you're not familiar, an outfit imagine is something that was a phenomenon when One Direction was at its height. And basically what you would do is imagine a situation that you would get in, like, you know, going to Coachella with Harry. Uh-huh. Then you picture the outfit that you would wear, and you go on a... now dead out the website called polyvore oh yeah you make the outfit like a little picture of it yeah and then you post it and thousands of teens say thank you and some of them masturbate to the outfit images we assume yeah that's their business okay okay i'm just the purveyor so you're a content creator years ago before that phrase was coined you've been you were on the front you were on the front lines of content creation but this reminds me of i mean the same the shipping phenomenon that was so popular with One Direction. This feels along the same lines of just fantasies that you're projecting onto these young, talented men. It's just a more visual version of fan fiction. You know, people will go on... It's all happening on the same, yeah. It's all happening on the same part of Tumblr. Like one category, it's like...

This is what happened when Harry and I kissed for the first time after he took me on a date to go roller skating in Central Park. Roller skating? Roller, sorry, ice skating in Central Park. It's very romantic. No, you can roller skate too. I just love how specific it was. Here's what I wore when I was ice skating. Right before Harry Styles fingered me by a bush. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, the point of this story is that we are going to start working on my Harry Styles artist pass so that hopefully I can get fingered in a bush. But I don't know. I'm a big Harry fan, and I was supposed to go to the last show at the Forum, but I had to be back in New York, and so I missed it, and I'm pretty upset about it. I hate music festivals, so it would be good for content purposes if Jason and I went to see Harry Styles at Coachella. And also Reyna. Also Reyna. So, Reyna, why are you so interested? Is it just because you just moved to L.A. and now you want to see what all the fuss is about, or is there an artist playing? Is J. Cole playing and I didn't realize it? Oh, come on, Chris. It's not a good guess, but super not interested in that. Good answer. Good answer. No, I asked because I just feel like you guys were going to go. And no one I know, I feel like was going to go. And I'm so curious about it. And I do specifically think it would be fun to go with you because I feel like you're going to get a pass. We're not GA chicks. You go to this dirt patch if you want to see. I just feel like you know that. We're going to be able to introduce you to ASAP Nast or something like that. A question for you. When we're going to Coachella, the three of us, my fiance and Chris's girlfriend obviously not invited. Your hot boyfriend obviously has to stay at home. The three of them can binge some Netflix or something. Yeah, they can do whatever. Do you do drugs? I smoke weed. Can you drive on marijuana? No. I'll drive. Okay, good. That's kind of where I was going. What kind of whipper we got over there? Oh, I don't have a car. She doesn't have a car, but Chris, we can. I don't have a car. Part of the deal, it's a community that the three of us are in. A Quaker-like circle has been formed. Thank you. We have jobs. We have responsibilities. Right.

Hers is driving because I'm going to be cross-eyed off of the Mali, and Chris doesn't like to drive after dark, so it'll be crucial to get us out of that parking lot at 3 a.m. Yeah, I don't love to drive after dark. My LASIK worked, but, you know. No, I get it. I don't like to drive on the highway, so we will be taking back roads. So it's going to be a five-hour trip back from Coachella, all surface streets. Thank you, Waze. That's going to be really fun for us. Exactly. Yeah, that's going to be great. But are there any artists that you're excited to see, or is this just mainly to build with me and Jason? Have not seen the lineup. Don't even know who's doing it. Great. I just feel like that's something that I would want to check out. Similarly, I do want to also ask if I can go to Soho House with you guys. That one's easy. That's no problem. I knew it would be. That's no problem. I knew it would be. Yeah, but you're like a writer. You're in the industry. You have a big following. I feel like you have the access to all of these things if you want. Yeah. Do I? Do you need two straight white males to be your manager? Oh, I have one. Okay. Thank you, though. I have a straight white male who's my manager. He just isn't, like... He's not taking you to San Vicente bungalows? Yeah, I'm just, like, super annoyed, actually, right now. I was recently writing for a show under the Universal Television umbrella, and I asked them if I could have passes to Harry Potter World. Okay. Obviously. And they said no. Well, because if they do it for you, then they have to do it for all the executives, kids, and they want special treatment. It gets complicated. They can't just open the floodgates. I bet they do, though. I think it's because I think it's like, I don't know. I was upset about it. I think you got to crawl before you can walk in this town, right? I think just get a couple more IMD credits under your... Under your belt, and you'll be there. Yeah. I do need to first get an IMDB page. I don't know if that's my job or someone else's. It's always someone else's job. That's the Hollywood way. Okay. Got it. Thank you. It's always somebody else's job. I love having a team to blame things on. Yes. Love a team. The only thing you got to do, keep writing those funny jokes, hit Equinox, and that's it. Making those little ha-has. When are you coming on screen, though? I feel like that's really your destiny. I feel like this behind-the-scenes shit is just the beginning for you.

I don't know. I have this thing where I can't do a self-tape because it makes me hate myself and everyone involved. That's kind of the major thing between me and that. Okay. I guarantee that I'm a better writer than I am an actor. Hey, no one's arguing with you. I'm just saying that sometimes, sometimes, you know, life comes at you fast. You might have to jump in front of the camera. When Spielberg calls, are you, are you not answering? I mean, what do we, you know? Well, that's not my job, right? That's for someone else to answer it. You got to be able to pivot. So you've never been, hold on. So you've never been to, you've never been to Soho House or you just want to go with us? Oh, I've been to, I've been to the ones in New York. I just try to keep a little collection of people who I know will be able to bring me there so that we can sit there and sort of complain. Or maybe Meghan Markle will walk in is ultimately my goal. Markle? That's low. That's my fucking girl. Is she confirmed a member, though? I'm not sure. The rumor is that her first date with Prince Harry was at Soho House. Damn. Do you think she let him beat first night after Soho House? That's low down. That's nothing. I think maybe... 100% yeah. Do you think Prince Harry is hitting it right? Because she's a monster. She's ruined this guy's life. She must be a freak. You know what I mean? There's no way she's not a freak. No, for sure. So you think Harry low-key is taking care of business? He's like, my life's a nightmare, but she knows how to suck my dick from the back. So it's kind of a wash at this point. Mate, she does this thing, right? I think that's literally why it's the world's greatest love story. You're like, this has to be incredible. I feel like they don't talk to each other at home. There's a TV on, and then they have sex once a week. What's on the TV? Whatever Oprah sent them to watch. No, it's probably like the cricket match is on TV. Because I only like her because she literally broke up the royal family, and she's like a...

she's mid in every way. Like I don't under, like it's so insane. That means she is, the power she wields is, is so impressive in a, in a dark way that it is attractive. Amen. Zara makes more money than Chanel. Damn. You really, that really made me think TJ. That was gorgeous. Yeah. My, my thing with her is like, she is like this, like stunning sort of like mediocrely successful. woman who is kind of single-handedly humiliating the entire British monarchy. And I do find that to be so inspiring. She got a prince to move to Santa Barbara. I just think it's amazing. I think it's so inspiring. Now a member of the royal family gets to grind on bomb-ass carne asada tacos and go longboarding every weekend. No, I mean, I think the fact that she, I mean, they have a Netflix deal. That's literally how they're making money. They're paying out of pocket for security from a Netflix deal. Like this guy had it made. He was good to go. Oh, yeah. And you know, the second I saw that they got a Netflix deal, I was like, are they looking for a POV sort of? multi-hyphenate yeah you're kind of the girl for the job um they super are not looking for that actually it turns out super weird i was like do they want a gen z fleabag and they're like no we want like nature documentaries i imagine yeah i imagine that their content is more documentary style i don't think they're really getting into the narrative stuff you know just yet we'll have to see how the first six things go before they really branch out So I wanted to go back to you said earlier when you were a youngster in the Quaker days, you were sort of separated from violence and video games and movies and music and stuff like that. Is that kind of what you're saying? It mostly has. I am learning effectively now that I never, ever played video games because now I am trying to and do not have the like the motor.

skills required to do it hand-eye coordination motor skills to walk and look around at the same time people who can do that have privilege and they don't know it okay so according to checking out your social media it seems like you're a gamer chick thank you um no so i'm what they call uh a liar uh and i just i just sit So I spend so much time watching my boyfriend play video games and then like kind of absorbing that into my identity. The one game I have been playing and I'm addicted to right now is Spiritfarer. Spiritfarer. Which is the key about it is that you don't have to walk and look around at the same time. It's like a... One dimensional. Yeah. What does your man play and does he wear a headset? He does not wear a headset. Thank God. Right now he's been playing Ghost of Tsushima. I've had that before. It's pretty good. The omakase is nice. And he was like, do you need me to turn the blood off? Because it's like so violent. And I'm like, oh, oh. But no, I still need you to turn the blood off. I've seen Game of Thrones. Damn, you're such a cool girlfriend. Yeah, I'm like, keep the blood on. Babe, you don't have to take the blood off, babe. It's totally fine. Don't turn it off because of me. I'll just be in here watching. There's something about, I mean, I'm kind of jealous of younger, hot dudes where everyone just grew up around video games. Yeah. If my life partner walked home, opened the front door from doing whatever she was doing, working or yoga or anything, and I got one sock on, I'm sitting on the coffee table. I'm hunched over the TV playing some bullshit. My dick's going to be dry as a bone. She's going to be like, what the fuck is going on? But everyone else who's like younger, your age and younger, it's just like totally normalized. Yeah. I do have to say though, I think it is because neither of us were cool kids. I think that really does contribute to it. So it's like a coping mechanism. It's like a thing to do. It's like, it's your, your true activity. It's like, well, it's just like private. It's like we, we live together. Our apartment is truly one room.

If he needs to be playing Skyrim for five hours, like that's what I'm going to watch. And I'm going to watch it like a movie. That's so sweet. I really like that. You're a real ride or die. I would make it 10 minutes in that nerd dome. I ain't no fucking way. That's what I'm saying. It's not like cool. We definitely are being nerd. Okay. Okay. It is really sweet, but you're out here in Hollywood. And I mean, you know, you gotta get out. You gotta, you know, get out there. Are you guys hiking Runyon Canyon or anything? What's going on? I did that one time and I was like, Wish there was a bar up here or something. No. Oh, okay, okay. So you enjoy alcohol. No, it was more like we did this view and there's... know where to sit down and have a rule. It was more like, where's my tree? You would like maybe a small tapas style menu, light bites, Negroni. I would change everything for me. I would do Runyon every day. When you guys do Runyon, does you wear one of those vests that has all the weights in it? I can't stress this enough. I've done Runyon one time and I was like, where's my tree? And I never went back. Okay, got it. So you're not hitting Equinox then. You're good to go. I recently started, there's a gym in my building. My new thing, I was very excited to tell you guys about this because you both go to the gym. Ooh, you go to the gym. It's like, ooh. I turn the treadmill all the way so it's a hill, and then I walk. And that's what I was doing when I was listening to your podcast. I was like, so we're kind of all fitness guys. How long did you walk? I'll do it for like 30 minutes. Okay. No, no, that's nothing to shake a stick at if you're on 15. So incline's on 15. Yeah. What speed are we at, though? That's a big question, Brandon. Like 2.5. I'm trudging. We got to hit three. We got to hit three. That's a respectable 2.5. We got to hit three. Let's push for three. Okay, we'll see. Maybe next week. Next week. Next week. It's Tuesday. Yeah, well, I got to get used to 2.5. Oh, I see. I see. I see. So do 30 on the 15 incline. Turn it off. Stop.

And then walk backwards on the treadmill while it's turned off. Your legs have to force the treadmill to go. Okay. So you're doing a front and a back leg workout. Okay. It's good for the cartilage, good for the knees. Loosen it all up. You'll be thinking yourself. I didn't know you were allowed to do that. You're not. You're not. It will destroy the treadmill, but it's not yours, right? Who cares? And we have almost 300 episodes of how long gone for you to get through. By the time you hit the end of our catalog? Yeah. Oh, man. They're not ready for you. You're replacing Gal Gadot in a superhero movie. It's no problem. Enough champagne to fill the Nile. You guys see the trailer for that? Hell no. Deeply bad movie that she's in that's coming out? I don't watch trailers. I don't get that. You don't go to the movie theater? No. I'm not a movie guy. I find it boring. He does, but he kind of does like a cover shield. I just find movie is too long of a commitment. Okay, no, I hear you. I like seeing a movie without the trailer, though. I like seeing a movie without the trailer going with fresh eyes, you know? That's what I did for Get Out, and boy was I scared. What a treat. So what's this flick about? This is a Key and Peele guy. They're doing pranks. What's going on? I saw it in Boston with three white friends, and we left, and I was like, I'm going to die. Why were you in Boston? You know you can't go to Boston. You saw Get Out in Boston with three whites? That's dangerous. I went to college in Boston. You went to college? Yeah. Yeah. For what? Yeah, why not? Fuck it. I went to college for health science. Health science? Where'd you go? Northeastern? Damn, she went to a real college too, Jason. She didn't go to OC community like you. All right. Come on, bro. We're two failures. I dropped out of high school and Jason did one semester of college, so it's always impressive when someone...

finishes, and especially when they finish and then don't use that degree whatsoever to make money. Yeah, I did not use it at all. You said health studies? Yeah, it was health science. It was basically pre-med, but then I didn't apply to med school. Pre-med? Damn, and now you're just doctoring these jokes. Damn, be careful. I stubbed my toe. So when you were like, I'm going to go do some funny shit where your parents were like, no, you're not? Oh, they didn't. No, no. So they didn't get to her at all. They're both artists. They're from Portland, bro. You were raised to be a freak then. This is in your blood. They thought you were a narc for going to college in Boston and then they're like, thank God you're back in Cali. Literally, yes. That was the situation. We would be remiss not to talk about the best show on television, Emily in Paris Season 2. Everyone wants to talk about it. I think these three people, look at us. We want to talk about Emily in Paris Season 2 so bad. This guy wants to do it so fucking bad. Jason doesn't get it. Jason doesn't watch the show. I'm a diehard. And it causes a rift in our relationship because he doesn't share the excitement I have for... Emily's Journey. It's so easy to watch it, Jason. It's literally so easy to watch it. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe the problem is it's too easy. Yeah, he likes to be challenged. Yeah, he likes to be challenged. I don't think TV should be hard. Yeah, I agree with you. Yeah, no, that's true. That's true. I mean, we all have our brand of easy and hard, though. You know what I mean? You know, obviously, the blonde chick is hot. And... The chef guy is hot, but he got a little thick this season. You know what I'm saying? He got a little thick. So I never, he never did it for me. Well, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. All due respect. I like that Chris is like, all right, we're going to talk about Emily in Paris. We have a writer from the show. And then the opening question, you know, chef guy got a little thick. But he's a chef. That's his job. But what I want to talk about is the black gay guy that she works the agency with. That motherfucker is funny.

Perfect. He's everything. So funny. He's so good. Why is he so funny? He's just a great comedic actor. Like if he's in the shot, it does not matter what is going on in the scene. If he's in the shot, you are looking at him. Yeah, he's just funny. Exactly. No, exactly. The way he makes his face, his mannerisms, he's so fucking funny. He's so good. And I always liked him, but I was like, damn, this motherfucker is stealing the show. Emily better watch her little skinny ass back. I think that's why we like him. Yeah, that is the thing. He's kind of the only one who's like, ew, when she talks. Yeah, he just looks at her with disgust, no matter what she's saying. In a way that Jason looks at me. I think maybe that's why I feel such a... I think a lot of shows kind of have that. That's an emerging... character that is almost necessary on an ensemble cast. I think that show, Call My Agent, another French. Love that show. There's, like, the one gay guy in the office who's kind of cunty and makes fun of everything, and, like, he ends up stealing the show. He knows a lot about, like, particular fashion brands. Yeah, yeah, and he kind of, like, started out as sort of a background character, and now he's, like, he gets his time. You know, we share, actually, if you like to call my agent. Cecile. One of the actors in that is Sylvie in Emily in Paris. Yeah, Sylvie's the older woman who's a baddie who wore the see-through dress to Fashion Week last week, Jace. I'm sure you saw that on your timeline. The universes are crossing. Oh, I sure did. This is crazy. Well, there's only 10 French actors, I guess, that we accept. And so those two shows, yeah, I mean, we share them. Because call your agents on Netflix as well, right? But it is subtitled in French, though, I think. I can't. I can't do subtitles at night. I know. It's going to be a tough putt for you. Yeah, it's fully in French. I can't do subtitles at night? Is that what you just said? Yeah, I'm not a big – I just don't want to have to concentrate that hard, to be honest with you. No, yeah. Watching something with subtitles is reading a book. I stand by that. Anytime, like –

Anime is reading a book. Okay, no, I'm not going to go with you on that one. If you have to read all the words they're saying, I think that's reading a book. Well, the problem is anime. It's not about reading. It's anime is the problem. That's where I'm going to draw the Gen Z line. That's not a Gen Z thing at all. But the only other option is learning another language. That's the only way you're going to understand what's going on. How many languages do you have? Two. ish i mean that's better than one i i used to speak french like really well and now i speak french okay like survival okay do you do any quaker shit now at the crib like do you and bay sit there in silence for 20 minutes we definitely do that okay but i mean i'm not talking to i'm not talking about while he's like playing some fucking sword fighting anime shit i'm talking about the mute the the tv's off the screens are off the iphone is on silent not really um i like when i moved here it was covid and so i was like and still is stuff but um i was like no no no chill chill chill chill trying to get in touch with myself and was like maybe i'll find like a meeting i can go to but everything's on zoom i don't want to sit on zoom in silence that seems silly you know i was looking at your twitter i saw a tweet that you wrote a little while ago that said I never have anything to promote on podcasts, so I just try to focus on humiliating the hosts into submission. Ah, damn, that makes a lot of sense. A couple questions up top. So first of all, you don't need to promote anything to be in a podcast. We just want you to be here because we think you're a shining star in spirit. Second question, how long have you been like a pod dom wanting to punish us podcasters into submission? Yeah, what do you have against us? How long have you been topping? First of all, shut the fuck up. Oh, God, yes. So I've only been on a few podcasts, again, because I am so scared of the part where they're like, anything you want to plug? And I never can think of anything. Well, who cares about that part? You must listen to some whack-ass podcasts. We don't ever ask anybody to plug anything. That's not true. So that's not true, because on your Spotify page, when you look at each episode, it's like, blah, blah, has a book.

coming out soon. Well, yeah, but we don't talk about it. I like your podcast voice, your podcast description voice. Thank you. This bitch has a new book out that the New Yorker really likes. Yeah. But yeah, that was mostly referring to. I was, I like revisit it. I've only been on like four podcasts. It's not like my whole deal. But I was just remembering. that i kept forgetting to prepare anything but if you're if you're a funny person you're a writer you're a conversationalist you don't need to prepare anything yeah and if you're on a podcast and they're like well is there anything you want to plug blah blah blah and then you're like no i'm good then like that's it it's done and like our coolest guests of all time will just say like nah or like yeah if you like me google my name and everything pops up you know that's That's all you really got to say. You have a very Google-able name, which is a blessing. Yeah, but if you Google my name, it's all articles about when I tried to ask John Boyega out on Twitter, and he rejected me. Oh, no. That's your claim to fame? We got to change the SEO up. If you Google me, the top five results are like Raina Morris, John Boyega. Was this something that was picked up by Us Weekly and Entertainment Tonight type shit? It was more like the British version of The Shade Room. Oh, oh, I know about this. This is the, what's it called? The Shade Burrow. The Shade Burrow. I told. It's actually pronounced, it's one word, Shade Burrow. When I was in, when I was in London, when I was in London, like a month ago, somebody was like, you've never seen the Shade Burrow? It's the, I'm like, oh my God. And it blew my mind. So you were. It's real. And I was their victim for about three days. And. It was kind of the most famous I've ever been. Yeah, but when it was on the Shade Burrow, did the photos that they used of you make you look good? So it was actually super weird what photos they chose. They chose kind of old ones. And it was like they specifically chose ones of like me like in a bikini when my hair was like lighter. And I was like, okay, interesting choice. Someone's horny. And then when they would not like it was getting so much attention that I DMed them a photo of me holding up my diploma.

and it was like can you because i had just graduated this was um 2020 so i'd just gotten my diploma in the mail and so i took a picture with it and sent it to them and they posted it and we're like and we're like she wants you to know she's a college grad or something and then they blocked me no bro that's absolutely currently blocked by the that's fucking mental man why would they do that yeah it was fucking nothing i think that's bollocks that they would do that I think so too. I personally think it's bollocks that they would do that. So you never linked and built with John then? This was all just a Twitter thing and he didn't DM you like, yo, sorry, the media is crazy. No. So if he did, what conversation would you have with your current life partner, gamer, hottie boyfriend? Well, so this was before. this was before i know i know but but if you did i'm going more like hall pass vibe more hall pass vibe you know no so it's ultimately like my boyfriend has like in his mind john boyega is his enemy now that's exactly how it should be of course that's called toxic masculinity look it up i feel the same way about whitney port's husband i don't know who that is i knew that was what he did I knew you didn't know who that was. You never watched The Hills? Have you seen The Hills on MTV? No. You young motherfucker. You know what it is, though, as a concept. Girlboss, Lauren Conrad. Yeah, we'll take it. She was on that, right? You know what fucking time it is. It's Girlboss time. It's Girlboss time. So John is your boyfriend's sworn enemy currently. Who else is on that list? Who does he have to keep his eyes peeled for? I can't say the rest of them. He does have a bunch because he does like, he does frequently refer to people as his enemy. And it's mostly just like people in the comedy scene who have ever been even a little bit rude to me. And I mentioned it. And then he like holds, kind of like holds space for them in his mind. Okay. So he wants to fight Donald Glover. He wants to fight Aziz. He wants to fight. No, no. These are not famous people.

Oh, they're not even famous? I met them at an open mic, and they were rude to me. And he's like, well, that's my enemy now. But he can easily beat up Brandon Wardell. I think he needs to shoot higher to somewhere. Pick on someone your own size. I've never met your boyfriend. I'm trying to train with this motherfucker. I'm assuming he's not a short king. You said he was a sturdy fella. He's not a short king, but I love and cherish kings of every size. That's smart. You have a big career ahead of you. Thank you. Your media training is paying off. Thank you so much. Universal couldn't get those Harry Potter tickets, but they did pay for the media training, which is a bigger benefit. Let me get a goddamn butterbeer. You know, now I don't know what you're talking about. So the tables have turned. That's totally fine. That's a beverage on Harry Potter, I think, right? That was just kind of context clues, but I'll give it to you. Let him have it. He's not doing so hot. Let him have that one. He's had a tough day so far. He just got back from vacation, and some of his sponsored content didn't go the way he wanted it to, so he's kind of working through that. You getting approached? You doing any sponsored content? Are you into the gloss chick? No. And you know what? I think that's rude because I have an extremely shiny face. They could really benefit from my work. I'm saying, though. No, I haven't. So I had like a few months where people started sending me stuff and I was like, it's all happening. And then I absolutely forgot every single time. It's the first day of the rest of my life. And I always forget I have Instagram and so I will post something on it and then like. four weeks later be like i need to post on instagram so i'm i yeah no one ever sends me shit anymore They can. Well, they're all listening. They're all listening to this podcast. Obviously, we have a very wide reach when it comes to free stuff senders. Yeah, we don't have, like, fans. We just have different brands that listen to our podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No actual people. No, there's no... Regular civilians enjoy the show. It's just different corporate brands. Well, brands are people, too. Thank you for saying that. That's exactly what our outlook is. I'm glad that you understand kind of where the future is headed because that's important. And a shout-out to all the 27-year-old chicas who...

Manage the social media accounts for all of these brands for listening to this podcast. We love you. Shout out to you, Lauren. Exactly. Damn, Lauren. Lauren is feeling seen right now. We got love for you and all your friends. I love her. Yeah, all your friends. I used to run the social media for my health science college, and I was super bad at it. Okay. Were you guys verified? What were your analytics, your insights, what's going on? It was like I would post a picture of the quad and be like, sunny day on the quad. Not the quad. And like five people would like it. And you said you graduated? You got a diploma? It was a work-study job. It was like part of my financial aid that I had to do with it. You're making college sound pretty cool, if I'm being honest. When you were in Boston, how racist was it? Just walking around the streets. Yeah. Yes. Yes. You see people, I feel like people don't believe it. They've been racist for so long, longer than the South has been racist. So they're just better at it. They just have more, more reps under their belt. They have the subtlety really practice, but I lived in, I lived in like a black Dominican neighborhood. And so I was, they didn't even know I was gentrifying it. I was like undercover, you know, like I was walking down the street. Everyone's like, Hey, I was like, good morning. But my rent was like, ruining their neighborhood. That's something I have to live with. If they would have known that your mom was white, oh, brother. Thank God you didn't let that slip. Thank God you didn't let that slip. Playing with fire. She never visited. I was like, you stay out of here. They can't see you. We should meet in the quad, mom. That'd be so random. Okay, so it is super racist. Are you glad that you're out of there or do you kind of miss Boston and do you miss any part about it whatsoever? I'm so glad to be gone. I visited. I was in New York for like a month in October, and I did the whole train to Boston to see my friends for like a couple days thing. And when I left, I was like, I actually don't have to do that ever again. Well, then what do you miss about Portland? Exactly. Nothing. You can't say those damn chickens either. The chickens are fine. Raina, when you were on the farm, did Ma and Pa ever make you kill one of them chickens with your bare hands? No.

I don't think I've ever killed a chicken. You milked a cow? I've milked a cow. What's the most down and dirty, dastardly thing that you did on the farm? She milked. My context on the farm was like visiting. And so I didn't really have to do that much beyond like normal gardening and stuff. You managed the social media profile of the farm? Yeah, I was like the city slicker niece visiting. So I'd be like, ew, the eggs are weird and warm when you pick them up. And they were like, yeah, they just came out of a chicken. You know, so that was kind of my vibe. This sounds like the... Sounds like a simple life. Yeah, exactly. This is just your Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. And to whoever's listening, that's what I look like. You kind of do look like a combination of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah. What LA hotspots, like we'll take you to Soho House, it's no problem, but what LA hotspots are you frequenting where maybe- I want to know about your LA. Yeah, where we could run into you, you know? You said you're in K-Town, is that correct? Yeah, I'm in K-Town. I'm kind of like- I'm definitely the Paris Hilton of K-Town in terms of, like, I always am walking around in Uggs. Yeah. You see someone wearing like a giant shirt and basketball shorts and Uggs. Okay. And you're like, that's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my whole life. So you've been to Air One, obviously. Based on the fashion sense, it sounds like you're hanging out at Air One. I went to Air One for the first time a couple days ago. Congratulations. Welcome home. I'm a Ralph's girl. Okay. So if I'm driving down Olympic, yo, shout out to Ralph's. I see a badass chick dressed like Eddie Wong. That's you? Yeah. Damn shorty. Damn shorty look like Eddie Wong out here. It's crazy. She got the Knicks jersey on, some tins. She had the Chinese New Year ones on. Yeah. If you have any stock X hookups. Okay, so the Ralphs right by the wheel turn. That's your spot? That's my spot. I'm always in there just like a little bit scared of what's happening. There's some crazy shit goes down in there. I'm in there all the time. People are laying down on the floor.

Damn, damn. It's the kind of thing where it's like so many people are stealing that the security guard just has to choose one, and they never choose me. Yo, Raina, are you stealing? I steal a lot. I steal a lot. I do a lot of petty shoplifting. When you do the stealing, is it the self-checkout whoops-a-daisy? Mm-hmm. Okay. I didn't know if you were tucking the JNCOs into the socks and stuffing the cheese wheel down the fly. No, you don't need to do that. Parmigiano-Reggiano is not cheap. Okay, so you do the self-checkout. It's the self-checkout. Self-checkout is like it's choose your own adventure. It's one for you, one for me type beat. Yeah, absolutely. And there's a lot of – it's a spectrum of ways that you can do a discount. You can just do a full like – I'm taking this $12 thing and putting it in my bag and I'm just literally stealing it. And it can be as simple as like, I'm going to get the organic broccolini. I'm going to type in the regular broccolini. I just got 47 cents broccolini. I love saving money. It can be anything. Sometimes I forget to steal when I'm doing self-checkout and I just do it correctly. And then as I'm walking away, I'm like, fuck. I did it right. I only do it from, like, literally CVS and Ralph's because I just don't think they deserve my money. I like that you're like, fuck capitalism. Like, these guys don't deserve my hard-earned money. It's revolution. As an earner who still shoplifts, I think it keeps you young. Yeah. You see any crow's feet here? That's exactly. Keeps life exciting. And I do feel like every, like, middle school white girl went through, like, a klepto phase where they would, like, steal stuff. And I never did because I was like, I'm going to go to jail. And so now I'm like, now's my time. Okay. So your Quaker upbringing was similar to our upbringing where we grew up straight edge. You familiar with that phenomenon? I am familiar with straight edge. Mine was more like my dad being like, if you steal things, you'll go to jail. We're black. And I was like, got you. That is fair. That's a fair point. But it ended up the same way. And then your mom was like.

But, you know, but once you kind of shoplift as an adult that seems to be doing like you got AirPods in, you know, you're wearing nice clothes and somebody is like, hey, you know, you just stole that. And you're like, oh, whoopsie daisies. Wouldn't you know, I forgot to scan that. I am so sorry. Might be. You're fine. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, it's it's privilege and it's beautiful. I think everyone should use theirs. Just deal from CBS. All right. Well, on that note, Raina, thank you so much for potting with us. So nice to meet you. What a pleasure. You're a pro, Raina. I'm glad that we got you on the upswing, you know what I mean? Because people are going to, when you finally crack into the on-screen talent world, they're going to go back and listen to this and be like, damn, she's a cool, humble chick, man. What a sweetheart, you know? Yeah, and two years from now, they're going to Google your name and instead of... pictures of you holding a diploma or with blonde hair in a bikini they're gonna be like wait a minute on page 53 she did a she did how long gone oh my god those guys holy shit damn those guys didn't have her on their tv show they just had her on the podcast that's crazy that's great do you have a tv show no no no i'm saying in the future oh this is the future this is the future i was i was about to be like yeah wait why didn't you ask she's on she's camera ready chris you are camera ready yeah you're you might be the best on camera we don't turn the cameras on often but you really are camera ready we look like shit i felt i didn't know this was i didn't think this through no you are the least raggedy podcast guest that we've had on all 292 we have some raggedy ass motherfuckers on this show you already know badass chicks too badass chicks looking bad yeah well that couldn't be me All right, Raina, we're not going to ask you to plug anything because you ain't got anything to plug. Go watch Emily in Paris Season 2. Try to find her boyfriend on Instagram. Challenge him on PlayStation 5 or Xbox 360. Yeah, let me know if he wants to. Yeah, anytime he wants to hike, I'll go with him. I'll bring the weighted vests because I know you're at home. I literally will tell him that. If he's looking for a treat at the top of the hill, you're talking to him right there. His name's Chris.

There we go, baby. All right. No, Raina, honestly, thank you for joining us. It was a great podcast. See you soon. Of course. Later. Bye.