434. - Ho Ho How Long Gone

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. All right, it's noon. Christmas time is here. It's Christmas Eve in Glendale. It's Hollywood. Kris Kringle is in the building. I made the trip. I took the sleigh all the way out. from WeHo to Glendale. It's so dope of you to drive your Porsche 17 minutes to my house. The struggles that you go through. 27 minutes, and you know the trunk is small, so it's tough to fit all my Christmas bounty in the back. Oh, I didn't see you bring any presents over to my house except a scrungy-ass tote bag that needs to be dry cleaned. That's a vintage tote bag that I've used like you should, and this is what these are supposed to look like. Oh, yeah. No, but I do have... I'm excited to learn more about quote-unquote vintage. So it's like old? Yeah, it's old. I know you like your shit crispy. I mean, it's kind of rich coming from a guy who's wearing... Head-to-toe Prada? His Uggs, his Pirelli, Prada knee-length shorts. It's a hot hemline right now, and people like you don't understand that. I don't. I don't understand. There's puffer on top. I do have presents for you, but I'm not going to bring them until Christmas Day, obviously. Yeah, so that means – and thank you for coming over to my house twice in one 48-hour period. Coming over here more than the Santa Claus himself. Well, at least tomorrow I'm getting fed, so that's kind of a benefit. Today is more like hashtag work mode. Yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to give you the gift of hidden lard. Oh, wow. Okay. Which bite? You don't know?

I'm making a Latinx feast, of course, going back to my roots. Yeah, I wondered, is the discovery of your Latinx heritage informing the menu this year? It is not. It is not. I already knew it the whole time in my GNA. Okay. But this is... I forgot about GNA. And that's not gangster DNA. That's Guadalajara and DNA. No, no. I kind of had a feeling it had multiple meanings. Yeah. Don't sleep on GNA. It's a great term that can carry on into the 2023 years. Well, I learned a new one yesterday called Grind Mess for Christmas. It doesn't roll off the tongue super well. I retweeted it. The guy said, if you're not online on Christmas, you're broke. Yeah. You know, I saw that it is funny. To me, it's not toxic to have that type of mentality because obviously it is a joke. Yeah. But it's also sort of the same kind of joke that people make when their life isn't going the way that it should be going. You know, like, yeah, I'm probably just going to watch my wife fuck another guy in a hotel today. LOL. Okay, it's the same energy. Well, I retweeted another one today that I saw that was like, Like, if you care about your hustle that much, you'll meet on a holiday or a weekend. And people are just like, bro, you're insane. And he's like, what? If Bezos hit you and wants to meet on Christmas Day, what are you going to do? What, dude? First of all, these are all hypothetical situations. There's no one. Like, this guy has some startup I've never heard of, of course. You know what I mean? It's somebody who is never going to be put in that soapy choice decision of like, all right, what am I going to do? It's Easter. It's the LinkedIn version of Lunch with Jay-Z or $500,000. You know what I mean? Mark Zuckerberg wants to buy my smoothie shop in Tampa, but I told my wife that I would take the kids to not spare. I mean, the life of a hustler is tough. Mark, I'm hiding the eggs in the lawn right now. I have the bunny costume already. I don't know if I can do it.

The NFT sale will have to wait until tomorrow. So speaking of Grindmas, this menu that you're preparing for all of your loved ones and us is thorough, I would say. Now, why... I love bucking tradition. You know that about me. I love to kind of flip something on its head and give it like a new flavor. No pun intended. So this Mexicali Christmas, was this inspired by all your visits to the beautiful Tokaya region of West Hollywood? Or is this something? This is not Mexicali. This is just Mex. Oh, okay. There's no Cali elements besides your heritage. There will be no... Pomegranate seeds in the guacamole. Okay, good, good, good. Okay, because I'm very excited because I'm a known holiday food hater because it's brown and gross. Yeah. So this is really up my street. Like, I'm very excited to have. So I would love for you to kind of go through the menu and let me know what's presenting some challenges, maybe where you're going to have to pivot because of produce availability, et cetera. Well, the only real challenge is dealing with people who have dietary restrictions. Which seems like every single person that's coming to this event has a little problem. Yeah, more or less. Your own mother is putting a fucking thorn in your side on Christmas Day. Yeah, but it's easy for my mom because my mom is vegetarian, but she also eats nothing else. She would rather eat bacon than eat an avocado. She thinks avocados are gross, which I feel bad because... that's sort of like the sea urchin of a vegetarian's diet like that's true that's where you get to really splash out with a naughty fatty protein kind of thing so with her like that ship has already sailed i'm just gonna be like here's a bean burrito and get you know have a chip but but for you you know it's a little different but I'm going to do some Contramar tostadas. Oh, great. Contramar is a restaurant in Mexico City. It's a really good Wi-Fi there. You're saying I'm going to be able to get a Contramar dish without being a digital nomad right here in my backyard? Well, unfortunately, you are still a digital nomad. Okay. Especially if you're going to be inside of my house, then you're a cultural icon. But I'm saving money on Airbnb. Bye. Actually, no. Airbnbs in Mexico City are so much cheaper than the...

cost of petroleum here in Los Angeles that the 27-minute drive from your house, we all know the Porsche does not get good mileage. Not great, not great. Maybe 11, possibly 12 MPG. Whereas an Airbnb in Mexico City, if you share it with five of your hombres, it's literally $9 a day. Sure, it's so cheap. And there is like a little pool. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty nice. You could dunk the cilantro in there. Yeah, and the cervezas are affordable as well. Yeah, it's all very cheap. And I know if you're going there, you're going to be downing some cervezas. Oh. I mean, don't go there for lunch. Don't go there for dinner. Go there for the meal in between. Okay. Where sometimes the Mexico City nights, the day just turns into night. They blend together. Oh. As the sun's setting, I'm crunching into my beautiful tostada. and an ice cold cerveza oh yeah i feel less white you know what i mean i think that's why people are going there so much and you're like i could get used to this i kick my feet i think i can get used to this so your menu okay so so contra mar tuna tostada It'll be a tostada shell, corn tortilla that's been deep fried. On top, it's a chipotle mayo. I'm going to go QP, a Japanese mayo with the addition of MSG. I'm familiar with QP. Don't talk to me like I'm a simp. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to millions of international listeners. That's true. The millions of listeners may not be familiar with the different mayonnaises of the world. This mayonnaise is chock full of MSG. So blend that with some chipotles. No problemo. Shmear that on there. And then some ahi. sushi-grade tuna. And you flew that in from Japan, or was that bought locally? The good people at Fish King will fly it in from Japan. Oh, so you didn't have to. Okay, so you're really leaving a small carbon footprint with this meal, which I like. Damn, that reminds me. I have to go to Fish King today after we podcast and pick up tuna. Ooh, road trip. Hopefully I sober up by then. I am two 805s deep. More on that later. And then a little ahi tuna goes on, then some crispy fried leeks. You want to talk about a curveball?

I do. And then some thinly sliced avocado on top. Of course. Squeeze of lime at the end so the ahi doesn't turn into a what? Ceviche. Oh, okay. But I always thought of ceviche as being finely chopped. Yeah, I mean ceviche I guess just by technical definition is cooking fish with citric acid. Okay, okay. So the presentation can be up for debate. It can be a slab or a cube or a noodle of... Of tuna as long as that lime hits it. Yeah, could you run the tuna through the pasta maker and kind of flip this thing on its head? Could you imagine? Could you imagine if you combined Mexican Christmas with Italian Christmas? Bro, I mean, do I look like Senor Rene Redzepi? I don't do that type of gastronomico. So that'll just be tray passed as our guests begin to arrive and we take their coats. Is there going to be a famous Them Jeans guacamole as well? I will do a guacamole. I'm going to keep it fastball straight down the middle though. Nothing funky going on. You're not going to add the peas? No peas. Okay. No queso azul. Okay, no pomegranate seeds. No pomegranate seeds. Some diced jalapenos, of course. There'll be a little jalapeno, no chicharron, but I'll probably use the molcajete, the mortar and pestle, and grind up the onion and the garlic and the jalapeno. So into a flavor paste. Exactly. A flavor paste that you can mix with the avocado and a little cilantro. Just keep it very simple, very regular. It sounds like there's going to be a lot of avocados used in this Christmas meal, a beautiful Christmas color. I'm looking for the red. I'll wait for that. Obviously, that's the salsa. But in the pursuit of the freshest avocados in what seems like bulk to me, you have to go to one of your kind of black market sources. Did you have to go to the back of a restaurant and give a guy a couple hundred bucks? I just went to... Beep! Okay, so you didn't have to pay a night porter 200 cash to kind of bring out the tote bag of our... They pulled out the Sprinter van. You had to go talk to one of your Australian friends? Yeah, I know this guy. He's like this...

He's like a popular chef. He does this, I guess, salt bay. But he has one of his distributors at the Santa Monica Farmers. He pulled one of the cases aside for me. That's really nice. And I said, do not let this touch a refrigerator because as soon as that happens, it begins to die. It's like my coconut water. I need it. No. So, okay. So, yeah. I'm sitting. You saw my refrigerator. I mean, you saw my kitchen. It's absolutely mayhem in there. The amount of avocados. The pyramid of avar. It looked, I mean, on the black market, I didn't want to think about it. They were on sale. Two for four? And they're jumbo sized. Well, it's because also most people are cooking one of their nasty little turkeys or a roast or a pork shoulder or some other nasty shit, but you're going for something a little off the beaten path or maybe feels less than seasonal. And I think that's allowing you to maybe get avocados at a faster clip and a more affordable price. Next dish, pork shoulder. Is that true? Yeah, it is. How are you making that Mexican, bro? There's a Mexican dish called carnitas. Oh, I'm familiar with that. I've never had it, but I know what it is. Yeah, you get a big pork shoulder or a butt. You cut it up into some chunks. You cook it in lard and its own fat with some oranges and bay leaves and onions and garlic and whatever other shit you want in there. And then it slowly cooks and crisps up and it's fat. And then you finish it super high heat. Put it on some tortillas. We got some tortillas shipped in from... Guisados. Guisados? Yeah. How did you, did you just go there and buy them? Yeah. It's like they sell pizza dough at places. Is it the same kind of thing? I went to Sonora Town and got two dozen flour tortillas. Best flour tortillas in Los Angeles. They do have lard, so you can't eat those. I always thought that, I always thought people shit on that restaurant. No, no, no. What's the funny one people shit on? It's like it's outside and it's like all families. And it's in Frogtown? Salazar. I'm sorry. All families. It's like all young families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all people who have email jobs, and they're like having, let's have a spicy skinny. No, work at Netflix, but in marketing. Yeah, yeah. I love these chips, y'all. What do you do to, wait, don't tell me what you do to these chips, because if I find out.

I won't be able to have any more. I'll have to size up to an extra wide on running. Okay, so you're going to all your favorite local Mexican purveyors to kind of cherry pick some of their marquee ingredients. I'm a secure enough chef to know when I'm not as good as other places. And by secure enough, you mean so white that no one would expect you to be able to make your own tortillas that taste good. Well, I make flour tortillas from scratch all the time. Asbe. Okay. And with lard that I've procured myself, not bought from a store. And they are very good, and they are very delicious, but it's also time-consuming, and I'm not going to make two dozen of them. It's going to take fucking way too long. Okay, so we have the carnitas. What else besides the beaten cheese burritos? And, of course, the menu highlight, or at least what I've heard the most about, tamales. Yeah, we've never made tamales before. We did a test batch a week ago. I saw some of those highlights on Instagram stories. It's not that hard. I mean, I made it once before, and for some reason, the person's house who I was making them at, they're like, our grandma's over here. Abuelita's going to show us how to make the tamales. And I swear to God, like four football games later, it was finally done. Like, it took so long. Me and wife, we did it in like an hour. Just knock it out. Boom, boom, boom. It's not that hard. So what is the, I guess. But you have to set up like a streamlined conveyor belt. A system. Process. What is the, okay, so when I go to like a fun local LA kind of taco truck. I love tacos, by the way. See, taco zone. You know, they have a, one of the signature things at all these places is kind of the insane lineup of accoutrement. You know, they have 14 salsas. They have cilantro. They have chopped onion. They have salsa fresca. They have all of this stuff. They have all this stuff. They have little containers, little plastic bags. And people go kind of – Cucumbers, radishes. It's amazing because I watch these like –

white guys that like our studio musicians fill up it's like they're trying to stock their fridge like i'm pretty sure i need four pounds of sliced radishes it's like they're making a salad with what they get from the the bar later so what is your offering going to be there or is it going to be kind of a sauce Sauce is not. Shorty making two salsas from scratch. Wow. Red angry and Christmas style. We're going Christmas style. Salsas divorsadios. Okay. That's great. I'm honestly very excited about this. I'll be chopping onions and cilantro. Don't worry. I know sometimes people think I'm being facetious when I am saying I'm excited, but this is the perfect Christmas for me. It's 70 degrees outside. I drove. High of 79. Shout out to all of our listeners in the rest of America. Get in the cyclone. What is it? Negative 40? It's negative 40 everywhere. I see people in Minnesota. I'm like, I'm praying for you. I guess I don't need to apologize to you because your Wi-Fi is out anyway. You can't stream this shit. You can't stream this. But the... But I'm not even done yet, Craig. Oh, there's more? So the tuna tostada, I know that you will dabble in the fish. The tuna tostada, the one we had at Anajac was fucking amazing. Yeah. The one we had somewhere else was nasty. Yeah. Do you know why? Sam Monroe. We don't need Sam Monroe. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince.

Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. For our actual vegan heads in the building, my mommy, I'm going to do tofu. In addition to the tuna. I'll be having one of both and giving you kind of a comparison after. Of course, we'll do a full wrap-up. Well, once I pick up the sushi-grade tuna, I'm going to bring it back, kind of cut it up into the flaps, and then I'll wrap that around the brick of tofu so some of that tuna flavor can infuse into the tofu. I'm just kidding. I was about to say. Wouldn't that be disgusting? That's illegal. Although I know from my years of healthy eating that tofu does take on the flavor however it's cooked, and that's part of the appeal. It's like a sponge. Sponge. Yeah, I'm so excited. The way it sucks up turmeric. Sucks up turmeric better than Emily Oberg. Oh, damn. Adios, inflammation. Yeah, so it's Christmas Eve. I wore shorts and a t-shirt and drove here in a convertible with sunglasses on. And this is really how life is supposed to be. Like, I don't understand. Welcome to the Cali Swag District. I don't really. I mean, I love the East Coast. Of course, that's in my blood, even though I grew up without snow. But I don't understand. I guess if I was a sick snowboarder, maybe I would feel differently. But romanticizing snow seems like one of the dumbest things. Because I think what it is is people.

trying to make something awful better they're trying to trick themselves and be like oh my god it's stone and crisp look how beautiful that shit sucks it's like coachella yeah exactly they showed up to india and they're like let's try to make the best of this yeah let's try to make the best of this wow this is great a place where normally the only thing that happens here is a vulture comes down and and gouges your eyes out but i just don't find it i yeah i i just don't the romanticization of snow and winter is people are lying to themselves And I just don't. Do you think that by the end of our lifetime, people will stop saying that they miss the seasons and people are going to be like, I'm OK with one. They're not. Well, they're not going to have a choice because we're going to be it's going to be 100 degrees year round. So you are not a climate change denier. I'm not a climate change denier. I know I almost you know, I wanted to. I don't know if David Cho is going to listen to this, but I found a Christmas gift for him. As you know, speaking of climate change deniers, there's a Fox News Christmas sweater. Oh, I've seen it. Yeah. And I. I looked into purchasing as a gag gift for our friend David Cho. But then I thought that it would just create waste. And I'm kind of trying to, because I'm a climate change believer, I didn't want to create the waste, the carbon footprint. I feel that way, honestly, every time I give you a gift where I'm like, just take a photo of it before you throw it away. That's all I ask. I would never throw away your gift. Which is what I wish that all the brands that sell me all this horse shit would just tell me. They're like, hey, look. I know it's stupid. You know what would be cool? Just take a picture of it before we throw it. Wouldn't it be cool if brands sent you a limited edition bare brick with a return label and box and it was just like, take a flick, send it back. Honestly, it's genius. Self-addressed stamp. We all know what the fuck is going on. If a brand had the confidence... to admit to themselves that like these people don't care about us or care about this shit but if we pay them they will do what we want them to do instead of writing a note ask if you do post please include the hat you know i think it'd be a better idea to put a box

and a return label and just say, you know what? Do your thing and send it back. We're good. No one wants the stuff in their house. My garbage man would be happier about that. 100%. My recycling bin is always, every single week, it's overflowing with cardboard. The top of my recycling. My life is very difficult. The top of my recycling, the lid is literally broken from being overstuffed with cardboard. But you probably don't get in there and break it down, do you? I do, actually. I love breaking down boxes. Okay. Have you ever gone inside of the can? Only when I've thrown my keys away by accident. When he says keys, that means dropped one of his pills. No, no, no. I've dropped pills. Wait, you've thrown your house keys into a trash can by accident? I've thrown my house keys into a trash can at least three times in the last three years. What? No joke. I did it at my... Oh, but the best one was when we were living at my parents' house when we were renovating the house. I threw the rental car key away and couldn't find it and was losing my fucking mind because it was going to cost me $500. I can't drop the fucking rental car. Then I did remember that. How? Because I just will like. It's like a reflex? No, because I'll be like in the car. I'll be grabbing some like a coffee cup and a water, you know, this, that. A receipt? Yeah, exactly. I just kind of toss it and I just am absent-minded. The key is in my hand with it. I've also done it into a dumpster where I had to get into the dumpster. And that was a humbling experience. That was in Beachwood. That was not that long ago. So this is funny because I've never heard of anyone doing that ever. And this is all happening while you've been sober. 100% sober. Which is interesting. I think this probably happens to more people, but it's not something they have the confidence to talk about because rifling through trash is embarrassing and disgusting. But it's something that I've had to deal with. Dude, podcasting changed you. I know. I've literally done it three times. Good for you. Well, hopefully it never happens again because that's embarrassing and you shouldn't talk about that anymore. So Jason – so we're podcasting in the morning on Christmas Eve, and I pull up, and Jason's like, I'm a little late because Jason had to get a last-minute lineup from his barbers. My fade. And then he's like, I'm a little – he's having a coffee. He has a couple cookies with the coffee. I'm like, that seems a little extreme even for Jason, known food maxer. And then he tells me that at the barbershop, along with his lineup, he received –

uh two 805 ipas straight to the dome lager not ipa oh lager i'm sorry i apologize so you think it's acceptable because it's the holidays or because you're at the barber shop which is a lawless male society to have two beers before noon both okay okay so it's some it's something that i would normally do but i would only have one but i don't know like for some reason like i i usually don't like ever day drink Or even drink at all unless there's a reason. I'm going out and I will have a drink. But I'm never having a crack of beer at home. Sure. If I'm at home and we're making dinner, we never have a bottle of wine with it. That's just what happens. Just milk and water? Milk, lacroix, guia and soda, guia and orange, a lo-fi aperitif, Amaro. Of course. Makes a noise for my friends over at lo-fi aperitifs. Thank you so much. It's been a great year with our lo-fi family. 2022 did a lot for me, thanks to aperitifs. So all that is to say, I'm looking on Instagram. I'm seeing all these people who are like, last shoot of the year. You know, I'm putting my my little calendar post that says holiday break happens here. Did you maybe post a picture of yourself at a tropical vacation said today's office or no? You resisted that? No, no, no. I did hire a 3D animator to create my out-of-office visualizer. Okay, that's great. Not cheap. It is a business expense right before the end of the fiscal year. It's a great way to get into TJ mode if you guys are looking for it. Just go on YouTube and search them jeans visualizer. Don't do that. Please. But yeah, your boy is O-O-O. And I see all these people posting that and they're like... You know, have a little wine, have a little eggnog, have a little brandy snifter by the fire as you watch Sarah Jessica Parker movies or whatever it may be. And I'm like, you know what? I should be doing that. But in your case, you're in a barbershop with eight dudes listening to Bane and having a beer.

I'm the only one who's drunk. Okay. I'm the only one who's drunk. Luckily, Jason's Barbers are from the straight-edge community, but they're still nice enough to offer their customers. They offered me Truly, an assortment of Truly flavors. That's nice. They had a Four Loko Gold that was on ice for me, and I said, I can't do that before noon. And then they had a nice selection of 805s, and I'll crack that all day long. What I like about this is they didn't try to offer you some, like, a classic, like... We got some whiskey, like a shot of wild turkey. Well, no, they have definitely like a Depression-era, like wooden bar. You know what I mean? Sure, sure, sure. You have to like dial a crank. There's a crank that gets the Japanese whiskey poured into a glass. They definitely have one of those, but since they're all straight edge, they don't know. That's cool. They don't know what to have, so all their customers every year, they bring a bottle of alcohol. It's just like what you do. So it's just full of mismatched alcohols that I've never heard of. There's no just like, oh, let me get a glass of whiskey or tequila. It's just like, here's this weird spirit that my friend made. I can't even get a scotch neat. They don't have any Johnny Walker blue? No. Black? No, no, no. Honestly, it's all the weird reject shit I've never seen before that you get for free. I mean, trust me, I have a bar full of it. Yeah, that's true. You do. You do. So the Casamigos is... It's very missing. Okay. So Jason comes back. He's a little twisted. He's wearing his funny little outfit. Yeah, baby. And I just think it's funny that you choose to – I don't know. I just think that you drinking – I yelled at a guy in the parking when I was parking there. Did he get too close to the Benzo? He had a bad – I had to park in the very last slot. on the Brand Boulevard of Cars, dangerously getting into the red territory. Of course. Clock was ticking. I had to go for it. Because they squeezed you, and they did you a holiday favor. Yeah, they squeezed you. The elves gave you a holiday miracle. And this guy was parked next to me the last spot over. So he has nothing but room. There's like 20 cars to the left. On the right, open skies. His shit's hanging off the edge. It's parked diagonally. What kind of whip?

It's like a shitty, like, it's like a Toyota Supra with, like, a homemade spoiler. Yeah, I love a homemade spoiler. Nothing is more Cali swag than a homemade spoiler. With house paint. Yeah, not even spray paint, just house paint, Home Depot with the brush and shit. We get the map. And I'm calling, I'm like, this fucking idiot, blah, blah, blah. And I look down, and he's sitting in his car playing video games on his iPhone. Oh, he's got the Switch out? Oh, he's got, okay, just the iPhone. No, no, he's playing, like... A Boulder Dash game on his phone. Let me tell you something real quick. You will never, ever, ever see me with my phone like this. Horizontal. For a listener, he's horizontal. I'm horizontal. I lock my phone. It is locked. So I will never, you will never see. There's nothing, besides working in public with a laptop, you will never catch me going horizontal mode with the iPhone. That's embarrassing. You're, okay, you're never landscape. You're always portrait. Never landscape. What are you guys doing? Like, what are you watching? A Tarantino movie? Grown-ass man. You're playing games. That's what it says. When I see you doing that, unless you're watching one of your YouTube, like, tiny houses shows, then you're probably gaming. Unless you're watching a tiny house, a tiny desk, or a tiny animal. There's no reason. Never go horizontal. So you had to, did you have to go knock on bro window? No, I just called him a fucking idiot. And then that was it. He didn't do anything. Did he look at you? He looked at me, but he was too locked in the zone. But, you know, it's just like. Yeah, I had this happen to me last night. Like 40-year-old guy with like a Dodgers hat backwards. He probably has five kids. And it's Christmas Eve and he's sitting in a parking lot alone playing video games. So last night we discussed I was dragged to a performance of the Nutcracker at the beautiful Dolby Theater in Hollywood that felt like a suburban. Now I know what song to play at the end of this episode. High school performance. Yeah, for Elise, please. And the guy in front of me was like a kind of like good looking younger guy, like a guy that probably listens to the show and his chick. And after the intermission, he turns around. He's like, hey, can you watch your knees? And I was like, I didn't understand what he was saying. But he was basically saying my knees were touching his seat and he didn't like that.

And if I wouldn't have misunderstood it, I would have been like, fuck you, bitch. And started as some sort of kind of uncomfortable, even though I'm in the wrong, of course. You have to meet that with aggression to let the other guy know who the alpha is, even though you're both gay for being at the Nutcracker. Yeah, that's a good point. You know what I mean? So it's like, so I'm at the Nutcracker. So you were like, I. We're both a nutcracker, but I ain't the one. But yeah, you don't want to mess with me tonight. I've had no cocktails. So basically, so you're sitting behind him and you said the knee. My knee was touching his chair and I guess he could feel that. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's the Dolby Theater where they do hold the Oscar awards. Oh, really? Chairs are very uncomfortable. But the good Lord upstairs, Allah. He blessed you with long legs. It's out of your control. It's out of my control. And then it was just like the crowd at this. I can't even begin to describe the hodgepodge of fucking Southern California freaks. They were at this because the range. So Dolby, that's in like Hollywood, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Proper. Yeah. The range of person, like fat son in a fucking Kid Cudi. kids see ghost hoodie sitting on the ground on instagram being pissed that he's there to like a 22 year old mexican girl in her prom dress to like the 70 year old from mason district to quinceañera exactly to this everyone was there to the 70 year old guy with like a russian hooker wife it was the full spectrum that's so crazy so that Even though the dancing was community theater level, the crowd, the intermission, I was just absolutely – there's a guy in a tux. It was just absolutely mesmerizing because when you – there's no dress code, but it's something that people spend a little bit of money on. I think that everyone takes that differently and kind of dresses. dresses that way. And SoCal is a melting pot, so if you think you know what you're going to expect, you thought wrong, Jack. It was a stunning, stunning... And I love this tale days, hours after I was being ridiculed by not only you, but also the New Yorkers, Nomi Fry, for attending the Walt Disney Concert Hall to hear the Los Angeles Philharmonic.

A globally recognized masterpiece. Great people. The L.A. Phil, they're not at fault here. They've got to make money. And then the crowd was all nice people. The wine was good. The drinks were flowing. The seats, very comfortable. The acoustics, pristine. The show was amazing. Look, I'm sure you love Frank Gehry as much as the next guy, and I do agree that the acoustics at the... I'm sure the Dolby sounds good, too. The Dolby did sound good, but the cool part was we were right, we were like one row behind kind of like the sound. Front of house? Front of house, but there was a camera that they had like a live feed of the conductor, but you couldn't see him because he was in the orchestra pit. Sure, sure. So I was kind of focused on it. Whereas my seats were so good, I could have sharted on the conductor. Yeah, but you're also watching a TV screen, so it's not really – that's something I could do at home. My brain was in 0.5 mode, so I was able to see not only the screen, but also from the cello to the first chair violinist, who was a little bit of a bitch, to anyone – Let me say this. Let me say this. We're both in the wrong here. We both lose. I'm not saying – that I'm better or worse than you. I'm saying that holiday stuff like that is an absolute money grab, and it's awful for everyone involved. I'm only saying maybe the gods of karma, Santa Karma Claus, was like, this Grinch is talking shit on my Home Alone journey. Just the very next day. No, no. I knew this was coming. It's like this. This has been in my calendar for a month and a half. There was no secret. I made fun of you. You chose not to reveal that until it was too late. That's because I think that makes for a better podcast. Don't you agree? Yeah. God damn it. You're right. See, I do this all. We do it all. You know, it's fine. And luckily I got out of there. We rushed out. I didn't have to wait in too much of a line to get out parking wise. We had delicious meal at Gigi's before. So it wasn't a full wash. Did they have any Christmas specials, any Yorkshire pud? No Yorkshire pud, but I did have the... I'm dying to have a banging Yorkshire pud this week. Really? No, the desserts at Gigi's, there was a fantastic, like it was like chocolate and coffee, but I didn't really understand what I was getting. Like a mocha? Yeah, but like deconstructing. How many pumps? Yeah, let me get three pumps, but it was a really nice deconstructing. There's a little crunch to it as well. Oh, mama. It was hitting. But yeah, so anyway, yes, I'm...

The Christmas spirit is unfortunately not alive in me, as you know. But last night only further pushed that agenda, unfortunately. I could have, you know, when I see a real ballerina perform, the beauty of the human body and the way people are able to move, that could have brought me into the Christmas spirit. But unfortunately... So shocked you never made a mention of how skinny they often are. Well, I mean, this wasn't... You didn't have to. Well, I mean, this collection of people... I will say this, though. The lead male had such a fat ass on him. I tell you what. Because that motherfucker was leaping. He was getting some air. But he was wearing these, like... How many nuts could he crack with that jumper? Bro, his ass was eating up the white tights. You know what I mean? Look, he had a cod piece in on the front. And his ass... I leaned over. I was like, look at this motherfucker's fat ass. And that was unfortunately shushed. Hopefully not by Alex and just a random stranger. I was like, yo, check out the fatty on this motherfucker. But he had a fat ass. And I was like, damn, I always forget that the one thing about dance is that it builds a beautiful body for a man or a woman. And that's kind of the thing I tried to focus on versus the 15 children that were kind of like running around the stage didn't seem to really be like in sync. It does take a toll on the body as well. It does. And that's what the beautiful. the beautiful, bittersweet part of the world of dance. Yeah, I love looking at a bitch's fucked up feet after years in the New York ballet. I mean, yeah, I mean, the bloodied extremities, the knees, the hips, the spinal damage. Reminds me of podcasting, honestly, in a lot of ways. But there's something to be said about just regular folks doing shit. It's like, fine. But when you see somebody who has a unique sized body, be it large or small, skinny, tall, short, whatever it is, But when you see, like, that super tall, super skinny ballerina moving like a toy doll or like a CGI animatronic thing, just such precise perfection. Yeah, it's amazing. So amazing. And the same way when you see, you know, a 500-pound sumo wrestler doing some crazy shit. Absolutely. Or, like, a linebacker running that ball back, just hauling ass, weighs 380, soaking wet. The human body, Jason, is an amazing thing. And thank you to, you know, as we celebrate his birthday.

Jesus Christ, I mean. Jesus Christ. I would like to kind of, we need to thank him for our bodies and how they work so well. Dancers, football players, sumo wrestlers. Like, we wouldn't be here without him. Yeah, and maybe next year I will thank him. I will thank them? No, it's a him. Jesus is a guy, but God is a woman? That's right. Okay. There you go. God is a they, them. Because I'm thinking about, I'm thinking. God is a she, them. I'm thinking before lunch tomorrow. I noticed that Mosaic's got a nice little morning service over there. Because after I hit my morning service at Barry's, I'm doing Barry's 830 Christmas Day. You're doing two a day in terms of church. Yeah, I'm going to church one, and then maybe we hit Mosaic, see what celebs are in the building. So you're going to go from the red Ruminati to the white Ruminati. I forgot to mention this. We forgot to talk about this. I was told a couple weeks ago, and I don't remember who told me this, that Kris Jenner, friend of the show, has a... tax shelter, church, somewhere in like a strip mall that's like truly only for tax purposes. There's no services there. It's called... So it's a church. It's a church, but it's like... But there really is... They haven't unlocked the doors in years. Yeah, they don't. It's strictly, which is pushing me once in a while. Well, Rob sleeps there every once in a while. That's true. When him and Blac Chyna are still fighting, he kind of pulls up a cot to the... To the church in Ontario next to the Ikea. He's on the doghouse. But I think that this just reminded me of kind of – and I was talking about this with Scott Sternberg the other night at Dan and Lauren's house. I was like, I think I'm getting to the point where it's really time for me to pivot to pastor. We've talked about it before, but I think now that – You want to move from a cop to a pastor. Cops don't make any money. That's the problem. Unless you're on the take, but it's getting harder and harder. With technology these days? I mean, you can't even fucking keep it over yourself. There's only so many times you can say, I forgot to turn the body cam on before they start asking questions. Evidence, I didn't find anything. But yeah, I think it's time for how long gone industries to go religious. Maybe the Christmas season is putting me in this place, but I think you and I, you're music director, I'm pastor. Who are we getting as youth pastor? So this will be a child?

No, no, no, no, no. It's just... This will be like a young... The youth pastor is supposed to... It's going to be Mikey. Yeah, you're right. The youth pastor has to be younger than us by like five to ten. But appeal to the 14-year-olds. But appeal, like know about TikTok and, you know, like wear essentials and kind of like... Right, right, right. You know? Hey, guys. I'm lit. Yeah. I'm not one of those other pastors who says that Red Bull is not bussing. I think it's all good. Exactly. Yo, fam, is that a Cartier tank? I've been thinking about copping one of those. Oh, I mean... It really is. The youth pastor is a funny – because I had many growing up. It's a certain archetype. In the South, they're usually more sports-leaning, as you can imagine. They can talk to their fellow young people about college football, pro football, basketball. Sports is the only topic that really comes up. Kind of the only thing that comes up. Whereas in L.A., you have to talk about, of course, drip, as you're discussing. Maybe like – It's going to take a miracle for me to afford these ricks. Can you imagine your youth pastor being the guy who can get you a table at catch? You know what I mean? Maybe that's... By the grace of God, I was able to secure a 615 to catch steak. Now, Craigs, we were able to do... It's 9 o'clock, but you're young. I know you can stay up. The good Lord said that he will need you to sit in the patio, unfortunately. The good Lord did bless us with... curbside dining. So we're going to take it. Yeah. He said you will need to have the table. We should look into who should, we should think about who could kind of fill in because as the musical director, you'd be able to put together a rocking little band. You know what I mean? Like, and then of course you could get some major artists to come guest on special. So like Steve Lacey comes. Plays a solo on Christmas Eve. We don't allow his people inside the church. No, in Mosaic we do. We take all kinds. What? Yeah. Ethel Kane, Barack Obama's favorite trans singer. Oh, she's a devil woman. She could come bless us on a Sunday. Maybe Thanksgiving. Okay, so this is so lit that you can have a face tat and you're still walking. Oh yeah, like modern Christianity is not about...

conventions, Jason. It's about accepting all people into the Lord's house. As well as accepting all forms of payment. We also accept all forms of payment. We accept Cash App, Venmo, PayPal. Let's keep it at Cash App. The offering plate now is just one of those toast things where you can tap your card like they give you at a restaurant. The good Lord will rotate an iPad screen and ask. Thank you. Would you like to add a 28% tip on your $28 donation? The tip at How Long Gone Mosaic, it starts at 30%. It starts at 30%. It kind of goes up from there. Oh, if you don't have Jesus in your heart, I guess we can talk to the manager and do something less than 30%. But I think also what we need to offer, the baptismal area is more of a cold plunge. That's kind of what I would – because it's like the benefits of baptism besides eternal life, of course, are not – super clear when there's like chlorine involved so i'm thinking we get an outdoor kind of cold plunge and then the that way i think that i just like the holy spirit two birds one stone exactly okay exactly so you're gonna come out touched by christ that's right laird hamilton will guide your tiny infantile head into the water and just you can almost feel the energy in the room as your white blood cells begin to regenerate. Exactly. And then your muscles begin to just kind of swell up. What could be more Los Angeles than a cold plunge baptism? This is something that I just came up with this. This feels like a sellable concept, not only at How Long Gone Ministries, but at... Well, not to go Kanye mode, the only thing that would make more sense is a cold plunge bris. Great point. Unfortunately, that's not the kind of church we are. We're keeping it Christian just because that's what I know. Copy that. Obviously, I'm a friend to our Jewish brothers and sisters. I would prefer to be one of them, but unfortunately, my upbringing doesn't allow that. Look, we've all been in a cold plunge, the shrinkage alone. I don't want to cut nothing down there. No, exactly. You ain't got nothing to cut. Yeah, we'll figure that out. No, we'll give you a...

we'll give you a cool, like a rude bathing suit to wear for your cold plunge baptism at How Long Gone Ministries. But I think all this stuff is just, when the holiday season comes around, this is kind of where my head goes because, you know, as we talked about, it's grindmas for me. So I'm laying low and kind of ideating on what we can kind of tackle 2023 with. And I think this is kind of something at the top of the year we should start chatting about. All I want for Christmas is a keynote. cheat yeah i'll i'll have i'll have jacob put together a nice deck kind of showing some cool churches that exist and then we'll kind of ruminate on that and and and then continue to build we'll take pieces from yeah that sounds like a good idea but i also um yeah i mean i think we're running out of the times where people can have their fake church tax shelter with and just have it be a thing that doesn't exist anymore i feel like I think that celebrities and rich people have been able to enjoy for decades. I think that the noose is tightening a little bit. Joe Biden's on to Joel Osteen, and we all know that. And I think that's why. I mean, just any type of offshore shit. But I'm ready. I'm ready. We're not faking it. Once the IRS gets their AI. Oh, no. Uh-oh. That's not going to be sweet. Chris Jenner is going to do more time than Tory Lanez. If that's the fucking, that ain't good. And also, as people begin to make more and more money, they're only going to want those big fish, hopefully. Yeah, good point. So we can't make too much money. Our middle class religious podcast can kind of stay under the radar. This is great stuff. I'm not too greedy. No, no, I only need a couple mil a year. I'm good. I want to talk about Barack Obama's. end of year playlist yeah because it's just the same list every year at this yeah but unfortunately it all molds unfortunately for me i gotta pull it up there's a little bit of crossover which i don't love there's always crossover i don't love so i every year there's there's a good amount of crossover

But the Ethel Cain is getting a lot of love. But I also think that Ethel Cain, that song is like a smash hit. It's not like that song is hard to understand. That doesn't seem that unreasonable to me. I wouldn't call it a smash hit, but it was a pretty big song, but they never played it on the radio. No, no, I don't mean like that. The song itself is a hit. You hear it, and it's very uplifting. Yeah, exactly. It's not like it's challenging musically. I mean, it's twice as good as a SZA song. So, I mean, we got that. I don't know. We're not debating how good it is. It's a great song. But it's also – But you're saying that you find it hard to believe that former President Barack Obama, a Netflix employee, isn't listening to a trans artist with a face tat. You're saying that's not – I believe it. I believe all of it. I think one of his little coke-snorting daughters put him on, and I think that's fine. Well, we've talked about this at length, and I think David Cho as well weighed in, and he was saying basically like he's – from his ear to the inner workings of the government and all that stuff. He approves the list. He says that it's 50-50 him and then 50-50 his handlers, his daughters. So his young Snapchat manager is the one maybe being like, you should check out this. You should check out her. And he's like, oh, I'm well aware of her. He loves an industry. He's an industry plant, so he likes an industry plant. He's got Rosalia, which is always good. I mean, yeah, it's just the same shit every time. It's Bad Bunny. It's SZA. It's her. It's Lizzo. But what's the most – what to you – I saw somebody tweet today, Barack Obama – Maggie Rogers has one stan in the world, and it's Barack Obama. I saw it. What is the other – what is the most – what sticks out the most to you as a very knowledgeable – dj and music lover what do you find that like his fucking body man snuck in on the list without him really knowing it's probably the ethel cain right yeah i guess but i again like musically i think that that's not a stretch is there anything more i mean all the all the others like coffee and yeah and beyonce and omar apollo omar apollo feels a little bit like a stretch to me because he has he has less songs than me so i don't know how he i don't know that song is called tamagotchi

Yeah. Never heard that one. I've never heard any Omar Apollo song, but I've seen his billboards. That's true. And that's cool. Yeah, you know, it's all there. Ari Lennox, Kendrick, it's all standard issue Obama. It is standard issue Obama. But why do you think he continues to do this? Is it because he knows that the power of the Obama cosign will blast a her song that no one's ever heard to the top of the charts? Yeah, he, I mean, the world, like he was president, he was leader of the free world when signal boosting became a real thing. And so he was the person in control of our planet Earth, you know, quote unquote. And he loves to signal boost and he wants to keep signal boosting his power because that keeps his cultural cachet going and all that shit. Well, since he's making $100 million a year from, you know, producing things on Netflix I've never heard of. It seems like it's working. He did a great show about our national parks, spreading awareness. But I mean, when you're a president, you don't need the money. You know, that's the thing. The worst thing. I'm assuming, right? The biggest. Well, no, I mean, the president makes no money. So that's the whole point. Once you leave office, you're able to cash the fuck out. You do the book, you do Netflix. I know, but I'm saying like in terms of like what people need for day to day living, like no matter what you do, if you've been a president. you're going to be okay. Like you're going to have a nice house, a car is going to pick you up and take you to whatever restaurant you go to. You don't need to do this, but I think that that's... Everything is just there for you. Yeah, Michelle Obama does not need to be wearing like a Sakai jumpsuit before her appearance, but like... But if she wanted to, she just calls somebody and it appears on her desk the next morning. No, she's been getting a lot of great press for her styling, her clothing lately, and I'm a little bit like... Is she saucing? Yeah, I mean, it looks good, but it's also, like, I just don't need everyone to try to be cool. Like, you're the first lady. Like, you look good because you're beautiful and you're smart and you're talented, but you don't need to, like, pander to, like, Instagram generation. I think that's because we're old. I think when you're a kid, you're stoked to see the first lady wearing a cool jumpsuit. I think the only person is stoked to be seeing the first lady.

the first lady wearing Sakai is Sakai. I mean, I think that's who's benefiting from it the most. Sure. But I mean, I also think that now that they're out of office, you know, when you're in office, you kind of have to wear American designers. So I think she's, her fashion palette is blown. Thank God Mary, Kate, and Ashley are from the greater 48. Where would I be? That's why I'm running for office. Actually, I wanted to announce it here. I'll be wearing the robe exclusively during my campaign. My campaign for president. American-made designers, Dickies, The Row. Exactly. The list goes on. I'm like John Fetterman. I wear The Row and Dickies over there in Pennsylvania. You know what I mean? Well, we didn't talk about Tory Lanez at all. That seems to be a hot issue on Twitter right now. It was pretty obvious that Tory Lanez did it, but I think that the stuff that was happening was like her friend lying and the bodyguard disappearing. It just gave dumbasses with Reddit. Reddit accounts. Conspiracy theorists. I saw somebody say this is going to be black QAnon. Do you see Tori's dad though? Of course. Tori's dad, five foot two with the beard who is actually a pastor. I saw this photo of him where he was wearing these jeans. And there were holes ripped, strategic rips in the holes because he was wearing a pattern tight underneath it. I don't know if they're all tied in together in one unit or if he was... Can you imagine your dad? Like, that's just crazy. Like, my dad shows up to fucking Houston's for lunch wearing some Amiri's. Dressing like Vic Mensa? Yeah, like, what the fuck? But I think that... Tory Lanez, though, bro, he's going to do... I mean, I don't think he'll do a full 20. But I bet he'll do real time in L.A. But the fucked up part is that's it. I don't think he'll ever come back to America. He'll do eight and change, get out in five. He'll go to Toronto. And he's done forever. But I don't think he'll ever come back to America. I was talking to some of my criminal friends, and they were saying, yeah, this is going to be tough. Look, I mean, if I can't get into Canada because of a fucking graffiti charge or a DUI, what about attempted murder? Yeah. I mean, I...

think the border frowns on that it was a bit it was a fucking this was like a big you can't do that you just can't shoot somebody with a gun and hit them but can you imagine this is what i was saying to alex yesterday i was like this guy this is this is why the this is why the conspiracy theories are flying because it's it makes it doesn't make logical sense not everything's adding up and that's why we all want to blame jay-z for this but what exactly did jay-z do you know Something. I'm not clear yet. But I think the thing that blows my mind is that Tory Lanez, I don't feel like he's even a street guy. I don't think he... He doesn't strike me as that guy. Cosplay. And for him to be... You're that rich. You're that famous. And you literally... You are so drunk or so drunk on fame that you think you can shoot a person more famous than you in Hollywood and you're going to be good? is like, I've never drank that much Hennessy. I don't know what that is. That's absolutely fucking insane. Yeah, Megan, the top of the food chain. And you're also fucking her. Yeah. Like, you've accomplished. Megan Thee Stallion is hot. Which is why Jay-Z was using his Illuminati mind control techniques to get this to happen. He's like, don't kill her. Just one in the foot. It's over. You'll get out of that contract. I think he wanted Tori gone. Tory gone. Tory's gone. But why go through all this rigmarole? Is it because it's the perfect crime? I think it's because... Why can't you just dump him in the Saskatoon River? You can't because he was getting too big, I think. Because Tory Lanez is one of those guys who's... Name the Tory Lanez song. No, that's not the thing, though. He's like low-key big. He does crazy streaming numbers. It's like mixtapes, and he had that show during quarantine. I bet he has a song on the radio that we don't know. I mean, yeah, I know. But it's not. This made him famous. This made him a household name. I mean, no one knew like it is now. It's really jump-starting his career. Honestly? I mean, who knows? Maybe he'll send us some bars from jail. Do you think he's gang-affiliated or no? I think you have to be in some way if you're at that level, but I don't know.

We should have Joe Coscarelli. He's in the Canadian Mounted Crips. Yeah. We actually know you need to wear the hat. I know the dress code says no hats, but tonight it's not a fitted. It's something different. Me and the rest of the gang would be very disrespected if you didn't wear the hat. I'm pulling up in an SUV with a crew full of guys dressed like refugees, and I'm going to need to get into the club. Well, this is sort of like hip-hop Me Too going on, and I think there's a little bit of... you know, the momentum is carrying first a Cosby, then an Epstein, then a Weinstein, then another, you know, like, is this going to create a tumbleweed of momentum where, because people are saying like, all right, do blank next. Of course. So like the best tweet I saw was like, when is somebody like, is that piss colored OVO something? Talking about our fearless leader, Drizzy Drake? Talking about Aubrey Graham. Is he going to be the next one popped for doing some shit? Aubrey Graham. Because you know he's done some sideways shit. I actually think he's smarter than that. I think he's smarter, and I think also like... Yeah, but I mean, I think Tory is smarter than that too, but you get swept up. No, he's not. He gets swept up in the... The biggest fuck up Drake's had is having a baby with that porn star. And I bet you that motherfucker after that, he was like, uh-uh. Not even his sports gambling addiction? That is fine. That's a victimless crime. But also that girl that he has a kid with, that's the only kid that the public knows about. He's probably impregnated by women. Didn't he say he made a necklace? That has 42... That's engagements. That's not pregnancies. 42 diamonds on it because he almost proposed to 42 different women. And I ran the numbers. It was like 2.3 women per year that he almost proposes to. What kind of maniac does that? No, I think he's using that. I think he's leaning into his lover boy. Obviously, he's...

being funny a little yeah yeah he's being funny but where's there's a fine line between lover boy coon hound sex pest simp i don't i think he's a simp criminal i think he's a simp i don't think i just don't think i think he is so famous and so good at being famous whereas i think tory lanes was a little bit like oh yeah what not famous enough to know better I mean, anybody should know better than to shoot someone. But you know what I mean. I don't think he knew how to... I think Drake is like an architect, like a master of the game. And I don't think Tory Lanez... I think Tory Lanez is like, I got hair plugs and I fuck Megan Thee Stallion. Drake's the architect. Tory Lanez is the guy who has to drive the junk to the hall... Yeah, Tory Lanez is getting rid of the old water heater. you know he's hauling yeah he's he's demolishing but i mean look anything is anything is possible but i just i mean it's it's really crazy but i also i think that like i think people it's like the johnny it's like the johnny depp thing it's like the amber heard thing like people go so insane over that when it's like i'm pretty sure johnny depp is guilty of whatever is being said yeah but because amber heard is not a sympathetic character it's like people The internet just rallies. And also Johnny Depp's extremely famous. You know what I mean? Extremely famous. All the money, bro. Yeah. But I'm saying I think when you have a – that case is different because Johnny Depp is so famous that he's got millions of diehard fans where he could do no wrong. Whereas in this case, it's the opposite. Like Megan Thee Stallion is really famous. Imagine being a diehard fan of somebody so much because they play a pirate good. Yeah. Like, oh, he played a pirate. And he's in that great band with Jeff Beck. Yeah, literally. People love Johnny Depp. From row tickets for the Hollywood undead. Loving an actor so much is something I just cannot understand. Well, he's a poet first and foremost. No, I mean, I consider him a musician first, poet. And also, of course, the face of Dior. Fragrance. And they still have the Dior fragrance ads up in LAX. Savage must be doing motherfucking numbers. How?

Because, dude, that's regular stuff. That's how all luxury fashion houses make money is fragrance, licensing, jewelry, sunglasses. That's how you make money. You know SLGs. Don't get me started on SLGs. Shout out to all the buyers listening. Yeah, you buyers. You guys make the world go around. So, yeah, thank you guys for listening to us for another great year of podcasting. This is coming out on... Monday. The day after Christmas, right? Yeah, it's the 26th. I know you slackers are still at home, you know, making cookies and dicking around. But just remember what I said. If you're not on the internet today, you're broke. Just remember. Gosh darn, right. That's a new kind of, that's every day. That's every day. That's every day. Unless you're on set creating content, that's the only excuse you have to not be on the phone. And it's a closed set and they have little signs up that says like, no, it's no social media. Unless your bag's in a yonder. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to hear it. Yeah, thank you guys for listening to How Long Gone. It's been a pleasure. And we will be announcing some stuff in the beginning of the new year that we're very excited about. And that merch that we had for Seattle, I think after Christmas we'll put it up online so you guys can order it all over the world, even in London. Even in London? Yeah, we'll continue. Australia, anywhere except for Putin's Russia. We won't deliver there. And don't forget, some other people might be taking the week off next week. I don't know. But we're not. We have two great guests lined up for next week. Very funny people. One who just took a train. from Portland to LA because their flight got canceled, which is, that's an hour right there. It's 26 hours on the train. I'm like, how bad do you want to get home? Just stay in a hotel until this shit's over. Hey, you've been to Portland, right? I haven't. Great point. How long gone? Merry Christmas, et cetera. Happy holidays to you and yours. And I can't wait to talk next week about Jason's Mexican feast.

Christmas Eve. You promised me Broadway was waiting for me. You were handsome. You were pretty queen of New York City. When the band finished playing, they held up for more. Sinatra was swinging, all the jokes they were singing. We kissed on the corner, then danced through the night.