606. - Delaney Rowe

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How Long Gone is Here, another classic V-Day episode, Chris. Love is in the air for some of our listeners. For some of our more toxic listeners, hopefully love is not in the air. What's going on with you, bitch? Well, it's one of the worst weather days I've ever experienced in Money Making Manhattan, and I had to kind of really get suited and booted and prepared with Gore-Tex fabrics and tape seams to walk to the gym. um and okay okay well how i looked on the weather app you know i'm a weather junkie and it said it was 32 degrees which is just nine degrees higher than it is in glendale so what else is going on that's making it so gnarly because i just wore a dead stock how long gone hoodie for my dog walk and i was kind of fine It's a wintry mix, which as a weather aficionado, you should be familiar with. That's my favorite nut blend at Whole Foods 365. It does sound like something you would get at Trader Joe's. But no, it's a combination of snow, slush, ice, sideways blowing winds, etc. And it's not great. And I have to go out tonight. for something so i i'm it's stopped now but the ground is still obviously quite moist okay so do you have to take precaution when you're tiptoeing around them hatton or like are you at danger of slipping and falling at any moment when you because you're a ultra paradiso or something because i have the correct gear

For the elements, thanks to our friends at Arteryx and Norda, I'm good to go, Jason. Honestly, I'm good to go. This is the answer I was hoping you were saying. I put on all my little gear, and I go outside, and I feel good. And this is what's so funny about people wearing gorp clothing when the weather isn't like that. Every time I put it on, I'm like, this stuff is comfortable. It's really functional. But I just – I can't look like that all the time. I need variety. Yeah. I would say I know what you mean, but I don't because that is all I wear. But, I mean, to me, it's like everyone in L.A. complains or everyone outside of L.A. complains about L.A., how we all just wear workout clothes all day. And then the one night out of the week where we go out to our dinner and hire a babysitter to go to Etra. You put on the Zara and you're kind of good to go. Then I put my Zara on. Then I'm actually going to dress up. It's so weird. What if we get mezcal marks, stuff like that. But to me, I think wearing the higher end nicer gorp versus just like some aloe shorts and, you know, a Chris Pine pullover. I think wearing, you know, a nice pair of. Arc'teryx pants, you know, they're beautifully designed. They're super comfortable. You know, something nice on top. And it's a little more dressed up. It's a little more formal. It shows that you're trying a little bit harder. What do you think? I would say, yeah, I would agree. I mean, I would say it's L.A. formal. That shit ain't going to fly here or in many other places. But it is. That's not true. It does work. It works in your environment. I mean, it's just you can hear the material. You know what I mean? Oh, so that's an issue. This is a trigger. I think it's a little bit of an issue. I think it looks great. I mean, obviously. But, yeah, they swish a little bit, which is nice because you know it's working. you know what i'm saying but for for some situations that's my clothes aren't working yeah mom my body's all wet my clothes aren't working okay so so the irony is you you're wearing all this stuff with a pair of sneakers a shoe designed to literally not hear you coming and chris is saying what's the point of sneaking around

When you could hear my little panties. Exactly. I'm not, I can't, because you know I'm always sneaking up on people to rob them and stuff. That's what I was saying. If I'm making noise, then they're going to hear me coming. You know what I mean? Unless they're wearing their... beats pro on the street. You know what I mean? They're going to hear me approaching. You have like an Elmer Fudd kind of vibe right now that I like. Yeah, I do. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I'm going for. Did you catch Killer Mike's performance last night on Colbert? Or did you miss that? What? I've never caught any of the words that you just said. There's two things I really don't like. It's Killer Mike and Stephen Colbert. So I'm glad they're able to link up. So Killer Mike, first day out. Freestyle? What happened? I don't think he – I think that he's about to have – I think even more white people are going to like him because it feels good for them. He's got seven nights sold out at the city winery coming up to him. Killer Mike, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Killer Mike. Yeah, he – I guess, though, that once you win Grammys and you're not like – I just – you get – you get – paraded around to all these shows and i'm sure he was getting invited before with his toxic group run the jewels but i don't think his solo work was getting the attention it it is now obviously yeah you're getting getting like sweeping the grammys is a good way to get some heat on you but he would always kind of do that he'd do bill maher and he'll do the talk shows because he'll put on his his professor mike glasses and he i mean he's a very intelligent person he's a little yeah he likes guns a little too much i don't know if he's as intelligent as he is loud which i could say the same for myself but i just mean like interesting he just talks a lot and i think because he sometimes can string something together people are tricked into thinking that it's like this brilliant this brilliant soliloquy on life okay so he's a rapper got it but but every single rapper does that but

you know so many it's just it's literally just to pick your poison like every rapper does that not no not to the level not to the level he does where he's talking about like he he's talking about political issues more than most rappers i would say That's true. And that's when he tries to sound smart. He's very fucking conceal and carry. Yes, he is. Yeah, yeah, he is. Come on, honey. I mean, like I said, I saw the video of him with Cesar, the real estate scammer from DJ Envy fame, so I can't trust him. That is... so damning it really hanging out with fat ass caesar is damning like it's really it's really damning that that affects your your hood credit score your hood yeah it affects your hood score so so much that's it that's it's it's filing bankruptcy on in the in the streets you're just like oh you fucking with caesar bro it's bad it's bad i mean i now i feel like fat ass caesar sounds like something you could get at john and vinnie's now now that i now that i said that Delicious. Yeah, I just had the fat-ass Caesar at all times. I wasn't able to see it. It was candlelit, but I think it was served in a five-gallon bucket. It was huge. Yeah, it was in a Home Depot bucket. There was a lot of dressing, a lot of fucking dressing. We didn't talk about the Super Bowl yet, so I know we all tuned in. What did you think about Usher's chaotic? performance jason well i think i saw somebody write a little story i forgot what it was on but it was a reputable thing and their biggest gripe was that he did not do climax which i believe is his his best song and i understand why he didn't sing it because it's about coming but i believe on the world stage i have to add this to the the outro of today's episode but there's there's a moment kind of on the bridge where because like to me the super bowl has to end on this transcendent moment where like even if you don't like what song is playing you're getting emotional you're tearing up yeah this happened when i was watching the weekend i'm like i hate the fucking weekend and here i go crying to this motherfucker how is this happening i was pissed at myself for crying

And he could have done this beautiful kind of falsetto, amazing thing, this uplift. It's Chainsmokers, Coldplay-level euphoria going on that he could have played with. But, I mean, obviously, he's a very talented person. He looks good. He moves amazingly for a man of his age. He was touching on Swizz Beats Chick a little too much. Bro, they're acting. They're acting. People need to relax. Even Swizz himself said, relax. That's not what we're doing. That's what he said publicly, but I bet he was upset behind the scenes. To me, you can't say anything about that, but you have to take the high road. But it was giving the one kid in theater who low-key pulls your chick. yes where it's just like we're just like like kind of i'm assuming how ariana grande's creepy little boyfriend pulled her just doing stuff like that one day you wear it down and eventually eventually next thing you know he's hidden eventually ariana grande is giving you top backstage that's that's broadway what a wicked predicament i found myself in here that's what unbelievable but i thought it was i i mean i think he's i think he's great and but i i do think that the It was just too many difference. It went too fast. It was them jeans DJ set when I have a little coke in me and I'm in my hip-hop craze. I'm like, oh, this motherfucker played eight seconds of Day No. Let me at least decipher the song before you change it. No, that was kind of the vibe. And I know that that's part of the Super Bowl. You know, you have a limited amount of time, obviously, blah, blah, blah. But I just found it to be a little bit. It was a little too much of that. She needed an edit. The problem, you know, his cross to bear is the man has too many hits. And how do you squeeze them all into one thing? He needed a no person, a no person to be like. We just can't do this one. We can't do them all. We've got to start cutting. You know that he also argued. It's like Pia with the puppies. We can't keep them all. There's too many. He argued and won two extra minutes. He fumbled those two minutes. Not to use a football puck. Usually you get 13. He got 15. He used those two minutes to go roller skating with his homies. I don't think that was the greatest use.

Yeah, I'm mad. The thing that I read, I don't remember who wrote it, but he was saying like, is it very hard to put on and take off roller skates? Yes, it is. Yeah, for sure. Is anyone impressed by it that he went, ran backstage, put roller skates on, came back, and then did some backward spinnies while he said, true player, for real. That's my beep, for real. Not so much. No, I don't think it's, I mean. Skating backwards is something I could never do, but I'm glad that – I think he might have stock in flippers, the cool roller ring. Interesting. I think it was a little bit of a nod to some of his investment portfolio pieces. ATL's king of insider training. Well, I mean, speaking of, did it feel emotional as a member of A-Town to see this celebration? Honestly, it was – It was pretty sick. I have to say, he should have brought out Jeezy, the real king of the streets, instead of some of these other... I mean, Lil Jon looked great, by the way. EDM is working. He's hanging out with Steve Aoki too much. That's why he's probably on his healthy boy swag. He's got arms looking good. Dread's looking good. Yeah, Lil Jon did look very good. And I was wondering, I was like, so how... With Prince, I just keep thinking of Prince, where it's like, he's playing these songs, and everyone knows them. Young, old, it's just what it is. I don't really know how many young people are very familiar with Usher's deep catalog. But then when the camera panned to Lil Jon doing Turn Down for What, that was by far the most over-the-top moment of the show. And I was wondering if Usher was like, this motherfucker did... He was outshined by... Turned down for what? Hey, man, that's how it goes sometimes. Like you said, that's still Usher Song, so he's probably a little annoyed, but the money's still looking good. We need to talk about Jermaine Dupri's little LV look with the little socks. Miro said, every photo of me at one years old, this is what it looks like. We got to stop with those socks. Yeah, I mean, the socks were atrocious. The whole outfit was atrocious, and it's not like...

Jermaine Dupri is known for really dressing. You know what I mean? But I think that there is a world where he could have... made a better decision than the one that he did make. And shout out to Pharrell. That's family, obviously. But it's just not great. I didn't know that they made Prada loafers in infant size, and it was cool to see that. They do something for it. When it's the Super Bowl, Jason, these luxury brands will roll out the red carpet. Did I mention it's for the Super Bowl? We have a guest today who I actually met last night at the Tory Burch show because we both worship at the altar. of our queen. And, um, I'm glad that I'm glad that we got to chat a little bit, but Delaney Rowe is joining us. And I think she's, are you, she's in New York, I guess. Cause I just saw her last night. She's in New York. You know her from content creation. We've both met her at different parties, different cool parties. you know one one tory birch one gucci who makes a better clothing item is anyone's guess but let's give her a jingle and we're going to talk about i actually don't know what we're going to talk about but i'm not worried about it this episode of how long gone is brought to you by a new podcast from the guardian stateside with kai and carter this is covering a lot of our bases jason it's a it's trying to slow down The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone.

It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right. So you're in a hotel room and I see something very familiar to my eye in the background. That's a Tom Brown garment bag. That's right. Is what it looks like. God, it looks like I planted that. I swear that I didn't. Oh, this Tom Brown garment bag? What do you mean? What do you... So were you dressed by TB last night? The show is tomorrow. Yeah. Yes. Well, yeah. Two different TBs. Two different TBs. Two different TBs. Yeah. So last night I went to Joy Bridge where I met...

Chris, you're tall. I didn't realize. Whoa, I'm not giving tall in images that you've seen of me? I don't look tall? Is it because we talk about how tall I am all the time? Yes. And Chris, we just assume. But he's... He's a large man. I'm above average. I'm above average. In only that way. Most ways I'm below. He has a wider neck than I do. You're working on that. But that's all going to change. It's going to change thanks to my friends at Iron Neck. I just finished an Iron Neck workout right before I came on to podcast. I heard on the last episode. Look at that. Look at that shit. It looks good. I don't know. It looks good. It looks good. And were you sitting next to Pierce last night? Did you guys know each other or did you meet last night? No, me and Pierce go way back. We met almost a year ago today. Okay, wow. Okay, so you guys basically grew up together. That's family. You guys are both reaching for the same squash blossom and then that was the meet cute. Right. No, actually how we met is I was filming a video and I was making fun of... sort of a culture of man that exists primarily in New York. I actually would put you guys in this culture. It's like a culture that I'm only making fun of because I've never been embraced by it. If I were only to be embraced by it, I probably wouldn't make fun of it. It sounds like the how long gone method. It's literally, yes. It's like how long gone. It's like throwing fits. It's like puppets and puppets. It's going to stop you there. Puppets and puppets. I don't, look, we're not talking about... Ekau Slada, high snobiety. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm not in it. I'm not in it, and I want to be in it. You don't want to be in Puppets and Puppets. You do not want to be in that. They had a show last night. Yeah, I've seen art projects before. I follow Chloe Wise on Instagram. Oh, she was all over. All over that last night. So you didn't bring your cookie bag to that? I think it's cute. I think it's cute. Well, I mean, did you see the story, though? There's a New York Times story that's basically like, I can't make this business work. And people are like, yeah, that's because the clothes are unwearable. Like, what do you want?

This goes back to everyone thinking you're not owed a brand. You have to make stuff that sells to make it financially make sense and live in New York and do it in New York. It's expensive. Or a little one for you, one for them. That's what everyone else has to do. If your target demographic of people who want this shit and can afford this shit... and are also skinny enough to wear this shit, there's 11 bitches in New York who can buy your product. Maybe. Maybe. 11 tops. You met Pierce making fun of Pierce? Is that kind of what you're saying? 100%. I was talking about... uh who does like the um the artwork on like a bottle of natural wine and i was like oh my friend pierce does it so i was like you know saying that in a sort of character video and then he saw it and then i think i think he commented on the video or whatever and then weirdly that night i go to jeans lafayette okay and And for an Alex Delaney party. Wow. I'm trying so hard. It's so embarrassing. I'm trying so hard. So you are not in this group yet, or are you the mayor of this group? I don't know. I can't tell if they hate me and think I'm so stupid. I'm sure the guys think you're cool. I'm sure the chicks are kind of take it or leave it is probably my guess. You're the Ember Rose of this group is kind of what I'm getting. That's my guess, but that's kind of normal. That's how things work often. Right. Right. Yeah. No, I'm having a... this weird week where i'm like just getting my feelings hurt a lot um and i'm doing it to myself but i sat down at one of these shows two days ago and it's next to somebody i didn't know um but she had seen myself on the internet and she goes oh you're pretty in person are you fucking kidding me let me ask you a question was she pretty as well She was really, really pretty. Okay. So, see, I think that, to me, that feels better. Because if she was an uggo, then it would be like, shut up, bitch. But because she's also bad, I think it feels like real recognized real. But is that the first time that anyone's ever said that to you? I have to be honest. It happens once a week. Okay. Not because of any reason, but just like... Is that what you thought the first time you saw me?

Yeah. Be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the content that you make. Chris, is that what you thought the first time? Honestly, no, I didn't. I just. David. No, I don't. I think. I could see it in your eyes. Please. That is not true. That is not true. First of all, I have an amazing poker face. Don't do that. And I mean, but I see where I guess that when you are being silly and shit, you know, and like making faces, you know, people get confused. Fair enough. It happens with like hot people on SNL. Or like the better looking SNL cast members when you see them on SNL doing their goofy skits and stuff. Right. You're like, oh, that's a person. But then you see him at like a dinner or you see him at a party or you just see like a hot photo of them on Instagram and you're like, oh, they're kind of bad. The male brain specifically cannot comprehend, I think. Funny and hot at the same time. That's right. Well, to be fair, those two things don't intersect that often. Let's keep it 1K. It's kind of our flat earth. What about Jennifer Lawrence? Huh? Wait, she's funny? I think she's funny. Yeah, I guess she is pretty funny. I mean, I like Jennifer Lawrence. I love Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah, she's in that rarefied category where the diagrams cross of being a certified baddie and a certified funny. Yeah, it's this funny thing where it's like, if I try to do anything that's like, I want to be hot today rather than funny, people get so mad. I posted a photo of me at one of these parties, and someone's like, nice tech neck. Tech-neck? Tech-neck. What? What's tech-neck? Yeah. That means that you're kind of like... There's an arch. ...bent over from looking at your phone? Oh, that's like... I'm showing you the photo. That's not tech-neck. That's tech-neck, I guess? I don't know. No, that's a pretty... Arch? That's kind of a look back at it. Do you... I feel like you must do Pilates or something along those lines, right? No, I'm in the sort of Sloan Crosley camp of I'm anti-working out. Oh, okay. Well then, maybe you do have technique. I was going to say, maybe you should start doing Pilates to reverse some of these. How have you avoided exercising? Because that must mean that your mental health is in the toilet. I don't think it's great. It's not strong. Like, I'm not. I think I need a lot of help. Like, I still...

I have my childhood blanket here that I brought with me from LA. I'm constantly trying to create a safe space for myself. A warm cocoon for yourself. Yeah. Does this blanket have a title? Or a nickname? This is why I'm not embraced in New York. Does it have pronouns? Does your blanket have pronouns? It's just blanky, unfortunately. That's clean, like Beyonce or Prince. I like that. That's a they, them, I think, if I was going to have to prescribe a pronoun. Yes. Okay. I mean, and it goes either, like, one or two ways. Like, if a gentleman sees it, they're like, she's so endearing. I love her. Or they're like, uh-uh, I'm out. They're either like, I can't wait to come on that, or I have to leave right now. Right, it's a cum rag. It's a cum rag that I've had since childhood. You can test this thing in a lab. It reminds me of my mother. So you pack that with you, and I imagine because this trip is so fashion-focused that this was a big kind of – you had a lot of suitcases. You had a lot of baggage. Just one. Just one. You don't have to pack that much because people let you wear clothes. Yes, for some people that is the case. The clothes are all just there waiting for you, Chris. Come on down. Yeah, that sounds nice. I have to usually purchase my own clothing is what normally happens to me, but I'm trying to get there. Tory Burch didn't offer me a purse. Pierce had a purse. Of course Pierce had a purse. Where's my fucking purse? Chris, if you could pull it off, you would have had one. I mean, I could pull off a larger size. This was a little dainty, I would say. Yeah, no, it's been sort of a rocky trip, like a turbulent trip for me. I just broke up with somebody like three weeks ago. Happy Valentine's Day. No, I know. It feels good. If I don't get sent. like flowers or something to the hotel tomorrow i'm gonna freak out like i've told so many people about this breakup and then have followed up with like i wonder if somebody will send something to the hotel

I'm sure a brand will. I'm sure a brand will. Do you want a friend to send this to you, or do you want a next guy? No, I want a crush. I want a crush to send this to you. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I'm sure there's some content creators out there that are looking to make their move. Can you give out your hotel and room number, please, on the show? And I'm sure there will be hundreds, if not thousands, of people who would. Yeah. We'll do it after the show. In the Patreon, we'll reveal it. I'm staying at the Bowery. I won't tell the room number. That's not necessary. You don't need that. That's actually true. That's a good point. I, I, uh, I was there yesterday actually, and it was really humming. There was nowhere to sit in the lobby. Chris, you know, the first time I saw you and you saw me, but you looked through me, you know, you didn't, you know, quite. Yeah. Cause you were like, she's, I do, I do that. Yeah. She's a funny girl. Yeah. Those fucking teeth. Oh, fine. Okay, I saw you at the Ludlow about a year ago. And I had known you because I'm a fan of the pod. And I was like, it's that kind of weird thing when you run into somebody in LA or New York where you're like, okay, their Facebook's familiar. Is it because I like... went to high school with them, or is it because they're famous? Yes, and somehow I'm neither of those things, and you still were able to pick me out of line. Or has the algorithm presented this person into my social media feed? Right, yeah, no, and then actually... Jason, first time I saw you, similar thing. Me, of course, staring right at you. You, you know, just kind of right, right above. I got nervous around celebs, but I'm sorry. It was at Eric, Eric Wareheim's like wine party. Oh, the Laharis thing. And do you remember a woman fell into the pool? Yes, I do. Oh, I remember you telling me this story. It was. psychotic had she had too much of warheim's juice she was hammered and on something else but what was so weird about it is she was wearing scrubs she had just come off of like some nurse shift nurses get lit she's a she's a first responder uh i guess alcoholic but the i saw it happen i was one of the only few people who saw the entire beginning middle and end of her

mishap and she was this was a wine event with open bar literally bottles being poured as much wine as you want to drink you can have and and this was like not at the end of the night this wasn't like an hour in the sun was up oh i didn't i didn't realize okay i didn't realize i didn't realize the sun was quite shining at that point maybe it was even earlier we're looking at a dusk pool fall There was like three or four of the canned little solo wines on the diving board so people can create content around that. And she was so drunk and mischievous and on a drug or something that she literally, like in a cartoon, looks around both ways to see if anyone's looking, climbs out onto the diving board, steals. A canned wine, and there's a bar five feet away that has hundreds of these cans on ice. This is a warm can. I know. She puts it down. You know how the OR scrubs have a little side pocket that you can kind of put your little thingy in or whatever? You can show off a fatty in the figs. I know about that little side joint. People look so good in figs. She put one of the cans in the fig pocket, and then she goes to make the getaway, loses her footing, and then just falls straight into the swimming pool in the middle of the party. It was too good. It was amazing, and she tried to play it off. Okay, so this was the craziest part. She had her phone in her fig, and upon the fall, the phone slides out of the pocket and goes to the bottom of the pool. Oh, hell no. And she does a cartoon-esque up and over into the pool. pool to go all the way down to the bottom to fish her phone out and i was like bugs bunny jumping in a pool kind of vibe yeah and she got it she was going through it she got her samsung you think she got it with her teeth or you think you got with her hand the the best part is nobody wanted to save her no they were all just kind of hovering around like if she dies then we'll do something but i don't really want to get wet

for this person's life yeah yeah so she was myself included she was okay do you think maybe she thought it was going to be like hot when she got out of the pool no no you know what i mean no it was dark um okay yeah and it it and then she tried to like play it off in this way like oh yeah of course i fell into the pool i was trying to get the can off the dining board and yeah like it happened i my because see my mom was an uh my mom delivered babies growing up so i've spent a lot of time in the hospital okay and she always throughout the years would have like a story about one of her co-workers who was lit yeah like a nurse a nurse that would be like yeah this bitch comes in every sunday and hooks herself up to an iv to get over her hangover so she can like work awesome i think i think the nurse community is a known kind of traveling party troop if you will because now In the nursing community, you're offered job. Like you're like, I'm going to go to New York for a year because they're offering me so much money. So you just show up and you get lit and then you leave. It sounds pretty good. I mean, that's like fucking New York though. Every time I'm in New York, it's like, I'm just like eating cigarettes. I'm having like a hundred drinks a night and I don't know how to like maintain a sense of equilibrium here. But again. This is probably attributed to the breakup. That sort of, I'm being delightfully unhinged. Well, that happens to me in New York every single time I go. It's like daytime cigarette? Sure. Right. Five martinis every night? You guys aren't built for this shit. You have to pace yourself. I so admire your sobriety. I think that one day being sober sounds really nice. But it's so funny. It's like, Jason, you're such a partier. And that gives me hope, you know, that. that I don't have to turn it up. I can rock this for a while. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world...

writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Not everyone. It is impressive. I've seen Jason really twisted maybe twice in our entire history. And I've seen what he does to his body, and it doesn't really add up. And it is impressive. You've got to pick your battles. I wish I could be like that. You've got to pick your battles. Did you end up getting very drunk that night, the night that I met you and Carolyn? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. At the Mark Ronson party thingy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to say it out loud because I didn't. At Mark Ronson's Gucci extravaganza brought to you by W Magazine. It was, yeah, we actually. We did not realize how hungover we got. We were surprisingly hungover. You prepared because you pushed our usual recording time back an hour the day before. Sure. So I was expecting... a less than stellar performance but you were able to get it together when you finally showed up i mean hangover pods are the best ones yeah well for you yes i agree weren't you saying somebody took a sober shot the other day or like what was it the one that when when we were talking about jason oh jason isbell oh yeah yeah i mean they're going through the kind of ghostly emotions of going down to the bar getting a shot of and we we joked around about it being apple cider vinegar right just to feel the sting right i would love to do i would love if somebody invented something a version of that for cocaine that sounds even cooler that was your drug of choice chris no no no it was it was i mean one of yeah but it wasn't the the undoing of my entire life and progress as an adult That would be Oxycontin, one of the most famous unraveling. Well, Oxy brought you down, but cocaine, I would still consider cocaine to be your drug of choice. I mean, I would agree. Was it not your favorite child? I'm looking at it from a purely spend aspect. And if you're looking at the numbers, I spent a lot less money on cocaine over the years than I did. It's inflation, et cetera.

Um, but I, I don't think that, um, I think that like a just nice white powdery substance that kind of makes your eyes water that doesn't get you high. This could be a big market. Okay. Makes your eyes water. You know, you want a little pain. You know what I mean? Right. California Coke. Yeah. Yeah. You want, yeah, exactly. You want kind of mid. It's just gasoline. Yeah. You want kind of mid Coke, you know? That's a good, that's a better thing to have. Delaney, what drugs do you do? So the last time I did cocaine, I was 22, and I had one bad night with it, and I was just like that, like turned it off. I was like, I'm never doing this again, and my Nobel Prize is in the mail. When you say bad night, what do you mean? Tossing and turning, you couldn't sleep? but at the time, of course, you feel like you're going to die. I was like out all night, ended up at, you know, some freak's house, like doing cocaine off of the table. Um, this was right when like, Oh my God, this was right when reputation, the Taylor Swift album came out and we were playing it on a loop all night long. That's I think that's your problem. Taylor Swift is not cooking music. That'll take you to a dark place. It was crazy. It was so dark. And I remember like, You know, the guy's house, he was just, like, looking at me. And I was like, oh, no. Like, we're definitely going to kiss if I don't leave right now. And so, you know, it's 7 a.m. I'm leaving. And my heart's like, I'm on my way home. And I do something really dark, which is I get myself into bed and I pour myself a massive glass of white wine to bring things down. Oh, God. It's 7.30 a.m. Huge glass of Savvy B. That's why you that's why people take pills is to kind of calm down. Right. Also, that takes time. But I guess you're awake. So it's fine. But so the like zenith of that was me feeling like, oh, this isn't coke. This is a heart attack. Of course. Of course. Yeah, of course. I've gotten myself there. So then I ended up I call my ex-boyfriend who at the time was a senior in college.

And I fucking hell. And then I, I Uber down to USC because I'm like, he's the only one who can make the heart heart attack go away. And I just eventually, of course, fell asleep and I didn't have a heart attack. But I was like, this took me to such a dark spot. Like, I'm good. I'm good on that. Got it. Got it. That's impressive because that sounds to me like, you know, let me try this again. Maybe it'll be different. He's like, cocaine one, me zero. Let's see what happens tomorrow. Yeah, let's keep this tournament going. The problem with cocaine is it's so hard to really moderate it. For me, I've had one or two nights like that where I go off the rails and I turn into a fiend and I just keep wanting to do more and more. But nine times out of ten, it's like one bump and I'm good for the night. I don't like the way the energy changes when there's coke. I don't like the, all right, is the guy here? Is the guy here? Like, I don't like that energy. What energy do you want? What energy do you want? I don't want any coke. People having conversations? That's fucking boring. Wait, when the guy gets here, that's almost a high in itself. When the guy arrives, that's almost as good as doing the drugs. I'm not a drug girl. I'm like a booze girl, and I want that to be the energy. Fun, laughy, kissy, that's the energy. You don't want to look at your friend's competition, and this bitch is going to steal the last kernel of Coke out of this bag, and I can't lick it, and it's going to be weird. Well, I think the key is, and this is something that I definitely did, it's like I'm buying I'm just going to buy an eight ball and we're going to be good. I'm going to share. We're going to put it out. It's about if your friends are broke, then it's a problem. But if everybody's doing okay and you can spend a couple hundred bucks, it makes it an equal opportunity playing field and the guy only comes once. You know what I mean? The guy never comes once. If you're buying in bulk, the guy comes once. Unless you're really going for it, which I'm sure you know people that do.

Speaking of buying in bulk, remember that one time when your drug dealer sent you a bottle of champagne as a thank you gift? That's so nice. It was so nice. Honestly, it was the big bottle of Vouv. And I think, Jason, there was also a selection of pre-rolled blunts as well because he knew that I liked that. And it was just because you were a loyal customer? Yeah, he's a good businessman. Oh, my God. He was coming to L.A., and we had some partying on the docket, so he probably put in an order that was a little more than normal, and he wanted to show his gratitude. And literally waiting in the hotel for him. Got his, you know, figured out where he was. It was a nice touch. A very nice touch. And that's the thing about when you find a good guy, you know how it is. You don't want to leave them. It just sometimes clicks. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it just feels good. Okay. Well, speaking of love and romance and today's episode coming out on Valentine's Day, what are your plans? My plans tomorrow. I'm going to wake up. I'm going to get calls from the lobby that are going to say, so many people have sent you flowers, chocolate-covered strawberries. We can't. We have no room. There's an 18-wheeler from Seize Chocolates that's trying to park in the loading zone. That's right. That's right. So I'm hoping it's kind of like that. And maybe... Even more, ideally, I will already be with another person who I will have woken up here. Got it. Okay. And he'll see all of, like, the tidings and offerings. The tidings. Okay. The myrrh. Yeah, yeah, of course. And then, but no, realistically, I will go for a run. And then I'm just to kind of sweat things out because I've been drinking for... almost seven nights straight. That's how it goes. Then I'm going to go to the Tom Brown show. But the Tom Brown show is not until pretty late in the afternoon. It's at what, five? Yeah, it's at five. You have a lot of day to kill. Not me. No. Not when I'm in fucking New York. I'm waking up at 11. So you're saying you woke up at 11 today? I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you this. I feel like this is a safe space to admit. So last week I woke up at 3 p.m.

3 p.m. No drugs involved. No drugs involved. Are you a teenage boy? In so many ways, I am a teenage boy. But this was related to the fact that there are blackout curtains in here. Of course. And I am not used to that at home. I live in like a trash can of a loft. And there's, you know, it's very cool inside. But like outside, there's like a pile of human shit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you live downtown? Basically, basically, I'm on the very edge of Echo Park, almost into downtown. Why? Because I wanted sort of a Jonathan Larson vibe. Okay, so you live there and it is, are you from California? No, I'm from Idaho, unfortunately. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. And you didn't know any better. It's kind of like, you know, you're a country girl coming to the big city. Do you want to move out of that area into a different area? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I do. Quite urgently. There was a man who took a shit in front of my front door a few weeks ago. And lest I think it were an animal's leavings, he left his boxers. Right next to the ship. Oh, that's nice. That's nice of him to let you go. Right. I like leavings. That's a great word for... Thank you. Leaving, tidings, comings, going. Okay, so where are we heading to? Where are we looking? Are we buying or are we renting? I don't really know how much money I have. You know what I mean? I have to focus... on some um some irs a lot of it's tied up in stocks and stuff like that no i just like i haven't paid more taxes yet oh sure let me just answer it let me answer this question you don't have any money so just think about it okay perfect good thing i'm staying at the fucking barry um bankrupted myself to say here it pays for itself lobby culture yeah it's worth it for itself the networking is insane the networking is absolutely insane right it's just like bj novak

Just sitting. He's holding court in every corner. Did you meet BJ? You know BJ, right? I've known BJ in the way that we all know BJ, right? Well, I haven't fucked him. I have not either. I wasn't saying that you did. That doesn't mean – okay, well, that doesn't mean no one tried. You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying. No comment. I'll just say this. I love BJ. Moving forward. Moving forward. Yes. But I think I actually spilled a drink on him that night at that – party i was being a little nervous because i was meeting you and carolyn and i like kind of do you remember this i kind of like he like brought me a drink and then i spilled it immediately and i was like it's over it's over yeah i remember that but also we like carolyn and i each spilled five different drinks during the course of that night everyone spilled drinks on everyone and smoking cigarettes inside like you know just scrunching them into the rug disgusting That's a real party. Chateau Marmont sure got a nice couch here. Did you end up anywhere that night? Did you go to some sort of afters? No, thank God. I had to pull the plug on it because it was going to get to a point where we got too sloppy. And it was too heavy of a room, and I had to sort of evacuate us out of there. Right. But we went to dinner before, and we already had like two martinis at dinner. We went to Matu, right? We went to Matu. Oh, I really want to go. We were talking about how the rain, if you go out in a torrential downpour, you really party. You make it count. And you go a little harder than normal. Because you've made the effort. You, like, owe it to yourself. You know, I got that, like, this, like, inkling of, like, guilt as I was heading to that party. And we were getting these, like, active alerts on our phone. They're like, stay inside. I was like, is this going to be, like, a COVID thing? Like, you know, a super spreader party? What do you mean? A bunch of lies fed to us by the government? Yeah, maybe it is. Maybe it is. No, I was getting those while my Lyft was...

hydroplaning across Sunset Boulevard, and Carolyn and I are, like, holding each other's hands like an elderly couple on an airplane that's about to crash, just, like, texting our parents. I had flown in that night. I flew into, like, the heart of, what are we calling it? Like, Pineapple Express? Yeah, where were you flying from? I was coming in from Vail, and that was already, like, oh, my God, it was crazy. It was the worst flight of my life. hitting some fresh pow pow or is this a branded activation i was carving i was carving down the mountain are you a big are you sick on the board or the skis um i am sick on neither but i ski sort of averagely and i was not doing it because i was i was just kind of i had like it was like a desperate friends um uh trip and i was like i'm not gonna be the one downer who doesn't ski but obviously i'm into the sort of opre culture and it was weird going to veil having been in la for so long because you're used to like a certain type of man that exists in los angeles and going to veil you're like oh these are men that's crazy yeah los angeles they're all they're all gay or they want to be gay and veil They're real men. They could get your truck out of snow. You know what I mean? Yeah, they have these thick necks. I was like, what's going on? They're building houses. They're not building dope little coffee tables that you can get. Right, exactly. They don't have Chemexes. Yeah, they don't. They have a regular old bun. Chemex, what kind of queer is that? So are you looking to upgrade to more of an XL, manly, real man? Yeah, sure. I sure am. Wait, hold on. Is this the Travis Kelsey effect? You can be honest. You need a Kelsey. Guys, don't get me started on that. You know what? I know we all feel the same way. Okay, we won't. But I'm getting hot. My cheeks are getting hot. What do you mean we feel the same way? We want to have sex with a guy who thinks he's black? No. Oh, my God. Wait. What was he like walking into the Super Bowl with like an Amiri? He had full custom Amiri. Oh, my God. It was something so embarrassing about that to me. I don't know.

I didn't like it. I didn't like it. When I say it, it looks like it was made out of Tyvek. Speaking of house building, it's a material you lay down before some... I don't need to tell you what Tyvek is. You're from Idaho. Right, right. Yeah, that's it. My dad kept a lot of Tyvek in the shed, but I think that his performance in the game... you know, was not what people were expecting. He didn't score the one yard. He didn't score the game winning touchdown. He didn't have any great plays. He yelled at the coach. You know, it wasn't a great night for him. And then he took Taylor to the club with her parents. And there's like videos of him like rapping along to some vulgar hip hop music. With Taylor's parents kind of in the cut. It's a scary sight. It really is. It is a scary sight. No, I don't think that relationship is real. Either way, I'm happy for them. Sure. The Travis Kelsey pick, meaning like you're going from a certain type of like skinny LA boy to the big. You're going from a Mattie Healy to a Travis Kelsey. I mean, that's a pipeline. What's the problem with Mattie Healy again? What did he do that everyone hates him? I don't know. He went on a podcast and I guess did some voices. No, no. That were not good. He told a story also about watching a type of pornography that could be considered demeaning. To people. Okay. I'm not going to kink shame. I'm not going to kink shame. I'm not either. But people also do like him. They've been selling out arenas for a full year, so it's fine. He's just kind of a trickster, you know what I mean? He likes raising a ruckus. He's mischievous. Causing a trouble. He's quite mischievous. Take him or leave him, you know? But the difference... But he's also hot. Yeah, he's hot. The range of Taylor Swift is I mean, it's unprecedented because she's like, you know, Taylor Swift ain't that fun to be around.

Maddie Healy is quite fun to be around. I can't speak for Travis Kelsey. One of the best videos I've ever seen is a girl doing an impression of Swifties in doggy style. It is so fucking funny. Which is then, in effect, Taylor Swift doing doggy style? There's no back arching. It's kind of like this. It's so fucking funny. That's really funny. Like you're putting a sweater on a dog, not having sex. Were you a Swiftie before this? relationship you strike me as as someone who could be a swifty um i like her music she's great but i know i wouldn't say i'm a swifty but i am a i am a taylor swift fan okay well thank you for making that clear because i it is a difference it is a difference yes i think it is a little bit of a difference is there someone in her category of of pop queens that you prefer i mean i love dua She's fun, right? You guys can finish this up, right? Chris, for some reason, is not into Dua Lipa, a universally adored person by everyone. Dua Lipa is fine. Lana Del Rey is fine. It's all fine. She did kind of the Taylor Swift move, too. She upgraded her man. Yeah, she's dating a hot, normal actor. British guy. It's so great when hot people find each other. Because it doesn't ever... I don't think he's that hot, but... I mean, he's pretty hot. I mean, in the scheme of things. Can I pitch you guys something? A theory. And I want to see what you guys think. If a really hot guy is dating a woman who is not as hot as him, is there something wrong with that guy? Like, something really wrong with that guy? No, it means that he sees her for who she is and he loves her for what's inside. It means there's something really right with that guy. Yeah, exactly. He's a keeper. Okay. Or she has a real kind of gorilla grip pussy or something like that. Or she's rich. Let's not forget the third option. Okay. Because you always see it the other way around. You always see it a hot.

a girl and then a not as hot guy but when it's reversed i always i'm like huh it's it is twisted and it you see it more often than than you would think i i would say i see that pretty often is it because guys are more of a visual medium biologically like you're going against your biology in a way that's what it's like well women have trained men to be different and we've unlearned some of those qualities and now we're equally attracted to the mental we're just toxic in different ways now we've kind of moved it around yeah is this what you want is this what you fucking want i really i i no i was sure 100 that at least chris would be like yeah there's something wrong with that guy no i i think it is i think well that's a big question and we're not going to really at some point in my life i i may have said that but i am also mature and enlightened and i understand that you know people love for many reasons right that being said you're both married to incredibly beautiful women so you do have that thank you yeah but but but no nothing you know like women love nothing more than a married guy so imagine married guy who's really hot who's married to a a lesser attractive person conventionally attractive we can say that just adds so much more it makes you even more fuckable because you're like oh like right so you married so that you could pull more exactly yeah exactly that's kind of what i'm getting at yeah okay well you know i i think i want to date like a real hottie i think i'm ready for that that would be fun i i you know you strike me as someone who would end up with like a twink that is So hurtful. You know what? The Twinks, though. The Twinks, though. It's always those guys. Could you explain? This is a visual podcast. So what I did just now. When you said it's always those guys. Here's what I did. I moved one hand to the left and one to the right, and I sort of gave an estimate of the size of an appendage. That's what I did.

And the hands were far apart. I'm not saying this is bad. I'm just saying you strike me as someone who would be into a pretty boy. Oh, okay. Like a model? Because I don't think I could do that. I don't know. I mean, maybe not an actual model, but someone who... could model if they wanted to you know what i mean i know but those guys are the weirdest guys alive well yeah for sure but that doesn't mean there's i'm sure they have redeeming qualities as well maybe maybe i'll do that um i guess we'll see but no well do they need to have a do they need to have a job are you willing to provide um a hundred percent they need to have a job and i need but more than that they need like a real uh self-esteem uh like they need to have agency like that is more important i don't give a shit about money i just care that they like aren't going to try to literally ruin your life because you're more successful than them that's that's because that can happen yes okay all right well you're you're shooting for the stars and i wish you the best of luck yes do you feel like you have good radar about telling the difference between those types of people like this person is trying to okay that A horrific blind spot when it comes to men. And that is the sweet spot of being a man, is you have that, like, if you're a toxic man, I've been there before, you have this gift of being able to do that. Sniff it out. Yeah, yeah, goddammit. It's kind of the only card that we have up our sleeve. Wait, so you're saying that when a man's about to play me, you know, fuck me over, he knows. He went for me on purpose because of that. No, no, no. Not went for you on purpose, but it's sort of like... She's attractive. She's cute. We get along well enough. We'll do a couple dates. And then you're sort of pot committed, not to use another gambling word, but you're sort of like, I've come this far. I should at least have sex with this person, you know, as a bit of a bon voyage or something like that. Or like maybe the sex will be so good that we, in light, you know, our relationship becomes more feasible or something like that. But at the very least, come this far. I wonder if that's ever happened. I should at least have sex.

like changing the way like uh positively changing the way a man has thought about a woman i don't know if that's ever happened it's always kind of this way yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so so it's done and you're like so that happened um you'll be leaving now yeah that okay i'm sure you've been taken out on some extravagant dates you know in your time and it was kind of like damn this guy really be spending some cash what i wonder what he takes let me put it this way um like the funny guys like me so like any sort of funny guy oh no not not funny not funny guys okay so you're you're a chuckle fucker or you're trying to i am not let's get some drinks at zebulon kind of vibe i'm actually doing i'm actually doing a show tomorrow at this laundromat in silver lake if you want to come by it'll be pretty funny well's fine well's fine i have an embarrassing story when i was 20 I went on a date. No, I was 21. I went on a date with a well-known comedian who later then got slammed for going for underage girls. Oh, my God. You went on a date with Chris D'Elia? And you know where he took me? You like guys that wear Jordans? His show. Sick. Sick. Legend. See, that's cool. And then this is the worst part. He left. He does his set. So we have a drink before. He does his set. flies off stage and he's like hey um my dog's sick i have to leave and he left me in the middle of the club at the store and then and then his like friend came up to me and he was like where'd chris go and i was like oh he like check out his dog or something's dog sick he's like he doesn't have a dog no i mean look I think that we now know that he was probably lining up several options at all times. Like I need another reason to hate Chris D'Elia, right? He went to go have sex with somebody else, and that's okay. That's okay with me. That's rude. I dodged a bullet. It's okay. You dodged a bullet. He was wearing some skinny jeans and some Yeezys, and his G-Wagon was just idling out front waiting for you. I know. And you dodged a bullet. I hate to admit that I totally fell for that kind of thing. I don't fall for it anymore, but I really was a really good target. You said you were, what, 21? Yeah. You should feel no shame about that at all. You should feel no shame about that at all. Also, he's rich and famous. It's pretty alluring, especially for 21. Right, right. Okay. I did my job.

I couldn't get past his hair, personally. But I feel like I've seen from other people I know who are single in the dating world that there are a lot of male comedians on Raya and the dating apps. They're out here trying to use their comedic... power and their following to be able to have sex with people that they don't deserve to have sex with. Yeah, they don't have anything else. It's not known for being a hot community. It's known for being funny. The ugliest comedian you know will have sex with the hottest girl on earth. It's really crazy. There's power and laughter. It's true. You met Carolyn on Instagram, right, Jason? Yeah, well, we ended up realizing that we have mutual friends. uh a good amount of them but how what was the did you like slide in what was the technique she she slid into mine wow oh here we go she asked i didn't i didn't pay her to ask that question she said in tears okay just send me your venmo again she said she slid into mine i i replied to or she replied to a photo i took uh in our fire emoji Classic. It was across the street. You're like wifey. Boom. I'm about to wipe this shit. It was across the street from Proof Bakery in Atwater Village. There's like a Zumba class. And it was right when the Fenty slides came out. The big furry Fenty slides. Okay. Many moons ago. If I ever want to remember when I met my wife, it'll be when Fenty Slides came out. Right. And they had kind of like floor-to-ceiling blinds, like vertical blinds, because the walls were windows. So when they'd have the Zumba class, they closed the blinds so people can't see these people Zumba-ing. And I was walking by, and there was like two inches of exposed Zumba room in between the floor and the... in the blinds and i just saw a woman wearing a fenty slide and i took a photo of it had this very nice kind of dappled golden hour lighting on it it was like this poetic oh my god photo of a fenty slide and she like responded to it and then uh we got to talk in and then i invited her over to my house for a date which i learned later was kind of a bit of a kind of a crazy creepy move a little bit of a snub perhaps yeah a snub yeah

Because if that's happening to me, and again, I've fallen for it before. What if you're a food fluencer, though? You're not. What if you're known to be sick with the blade? I mean, yeah, I mean, I guess it's better if you're a known... fan of cookery than if you're just like, you want to come eat Domino's. I learned that now. I don't think Pierce is inviting girls over to cook at home. Pierce has taken him out on a date, probably. I don't know about that. I think that if you have those skills, it's hard not to exercise them. You come over to the house, the wine's chilled. Oh, I just put a couple of mise en place together. Don't mind me. I'm just going to finish off my reduction kind of thing. 45 minutes later, it's in the bag. What did you cook? I did a pork tenderloin. For her. Something light. It was a little over. It is actually quite light. I don't know why I hate that so much. I hate it, too. It was the wrong choice. I mean, obviously, I'm fine. And now I make dinner for her like five days a week now. But is pork tenderloin hard to make? Yes. Kind of, yeah. Even the best stumble over pork tender. I don't know much about the pork sector, but it seems like something that could be challenging. Pork sector. You're not eating meat these days, Chris? I haven't eaten meat in 20 years. Okay. So I don't know much about pork. That's why I don't know much about pork. But, yeah, I just don't really have any interest because it's been so long. I don't really think about it. You know what I mean? Yeah. stark contrast between you and jason like jason is at war with his body and you are in harmony with it i mean well now i am in harmony with it to an extent but i think that also that i just don't there's part of me that would love to just eat a steak because it's good for me you know like protein wise sure but i just can't get i just can't mentally i'm just like it's so far from something I've done in so long that I don't, I don't think about it. So what are you eating for dinner? What's like a standard dinner for you? Um, well, I only eat out. So, um, really? Yeah. Yeah. No cooking. Okay. But you order it. Yes. Occasionally. But I like to go out. Where are you going to dinner tonight? Uh, tonight I have to go to, I have to go to this thing at St. Ambrose. That's like a, like a, a friend is, it's like a part, it's like a brand thing. So.

Love it. Love it. But I was just in Copenhagen for Fashion Week. I had to go to all these dinners and like big dinners. And I just, every time I would leave hungry. Because there's not, it's like there's food, but it's like. It's passarounds. I love passarounds. Not even, not even passarounds. It's more like, it's more like, look at that pile of something. It's edible. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, we created this, this fear out of cheese or whatever. And it's like. It's because we need something to take a photo of. More than we need to eat it. Yeah. Yeah. More than we need to eat. Tonight at St. Ambrose, I feel like will be a real meal. Right. So I'm looking forward to it because I eat there fairly often, even though all the food people in my life hate that restaurant. But yeah, I haven't heard good things. It's great. It's a great restaurant, especially at lunch. Soho location lunch is a nice room. All right. You know what I love that I went to the other night? I like servos. Oh, no way. You don't say. That's crazy. Did you get a martini there? I did get a martini. I got like... six martinis did someone local take you to servos or did you or did you stumble on that yourself i went with friend of the pod learns her video oh wow okay wow big so boom big link up i would love to see you two chopping it up that's a that's a real duo i mean yeah yeah she's she's so fantastic she's like the funniest person on earth so funny so funny i agree she's great but um but she's a local she's a local to servos i'm assuming you guys had the bill comped The two of you there, right? I can't even remember who paid. That's like where I'm at. Like with the sort of haziness of my nights right now. You're like, I don't even know, bro. We could have walked out. I don't check the receipt. I don't check the receipt. So did you, so you like serve us because of the delicious vittles or because of the scene? I like the vittles. And okay, sue me. I like. the scene all right look i don't like the scene too i just wish they showered what is the general consensus on dime square now is it so uncool like i don't know it's not even it's just like a neighborhood it's like a fake neighborhood it's it's it's like you have to go there like i live a 10 minute walk five minute walk i go okay you gotta go yeah i don't i think it's like whenever i go there i think it's less of this is uncool now and more of just like this is not

it doesn't even exist anymore. Well, no, I mean, it's just a place that has restaurants and stuff. It's not like a destination. At one point, it was a place that people would just sort of magnetically find themselves just standing around on the street and the sidewalks. It was like... No, it's still like that. It's still like that if the weather's nice. Because they were able to, you know, Ledeve opened and they did the French seating and people lost their fucking minds and then they blocked off... They blocked off the street. You can't drive cars at night, so people are outside. And outside. It's just like a million Cooper wades. There are several Cooper lookalikes out there in Times Square. But I don't – I guess I go fairly often. I mean I just don't – I guess Nine Orchard, I don't know. I like Nine Orchard. I think it's worth the money. Yeah, it's nice. I mean, I just can't imagine spending that money to stay in that neighborhood when I could spend that money to stay where you are, which is nicer. I love this hotel. And I was trying to think about, like, what is the good hotel in L.A.? Is it Chateau? Is that the one? Is that the equivalent? There's only one, unfortunately. Tower? Oh, it's in the Tower. Yeah, Sunset Tower. But the room in the Sunset Tower sucks. What's that one hotel that all the little freaks go to? petite hermitage oh that's a freak i've stayed there before and they dress like the vibe is like aladdin yes it's so weird and the rooms are so weird and haunted it's just it's but the rooms are the rooms are bigger and nicer than they need to be yeah in my experience but the vibe is very very weird it feels swingery not not the movie the act yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the swiggers come in. The extramarital way. It just feels – it's a weird – I've only said that a couple times and I was always like, this place is – twisted it's very this hermitage is too petite yeah it's too petite it really is too petite no it's absolutely freaky but um i like yeah i like the barry and obviously i like the ludlow but the ceilings are so low there i feel like i'm in a coffin when i'm sleeping i like the ludlow because it has a nice rocker vibe you know and that that seems right up your street just to have the marshall cabinet speakers hold on i thought you thought i was into twinks and now i'm into rockers i was joking about both of those things uh i think i think you're probably into

kind of whatever if the mood strikes you yeah no type across the board there absolutely so are you are you looking for us you're looking for a sense of humor yourself is what i'm gathering i want funny and tall okay funny and tall funny and tall thank god that every woman in the world is just like so do you know cooper because he's right there i mean there's a dear friend of mine i love cooper oh okay you guys know Yeah, we know Cooper very well. We were talking to him earlier today. Amazing. In our group chat. We know Cooper. Yeah, we talk about the bear season three and stuff like that. Yeah, I didn't watch season two. I hit season one and it was obviously amazing. You don't watch a lot of TV? We're a movie gal. Is that your eventual goal is to be in movies? Yeah, but it's not going well. I'm like, am I? ugly and untalented like according but you but you found you found this lane that's obviously serving you quite well but do you think it's is it possible that you're you're typecast as yourself too much i was worrying about that the other day i was like great jason yeah are people like worried to hire me because they think i'll make fun of their bad writing and they're like unoriginal you know tropes Like I'm reading this script. Yeah, right. But no, I'm a writer, so I'm working on a book of essays right now. Sorry. Is this a book of essays that someone has already paid you for, or is this something you were wanting? Okay. And I'm a bit behind. I sold it to Little Brown a few months ago, and now I have to kind of do it or else I'm getting sued. How far along are you, and when is the first draft due? The first draft is due in like eight months. Okay. So it's okay. Like, we're good. I'm about less than halfway. Okay. That's fine. Out of all the essays, what is the one that you feel like is going to be the real home run slam dunker? It's going to be excerpted in the new Jolka. Well, okay. I had a situation where I...

um sold the essay to like a publication one of the essays and to be like you know my cereal or whatever the one that comes out that proves that i can write um and that one happened to be about me like sleeping with somebody who was much younger than me and the kind of like embarrassing things that i was doing to like get this guy to think that i'm cool just because i'm eight years older than him um and like how sad it was but it's it's they're funny essays you should be i had a feeling was this was this person a minor um no of course not she said she said she said you know you thought chris delia was bad welcome to my welcome to my world i didn't know if this was a made i mean i'm saying you're very young and you said eight years so younger than you and i'm starting to do the mental math here so he was so i guess it was seven years he was 20 and i was 27. And I thought that was creepy. I mean, you don't even look like you're 27 now is all I'm saying. Really? I feel like I've shaved 10 years off my life on this trip. Like I'm feeling, I'm feeling crusty a bit around the eyes here. Sure. Well, you could, you could try to like a shower and stuff like that. It usually makes me feel better. Yeah. Then you got to wash the hair and that's the whole thing. I know the hair. Oh, the hair. Women hate, women, women hate showering. It's one of the worst things about them. I haven't a say about that. It's crazy. I shower twice a day almost no matter what. You know who hates showering, and she said it in her book as well, Emrata. Well, that's fine. To each their own. So why do you guys hate showering? Well, I mean, but you love a long Sunday night. 45-minute long shower session. Jason, we call that the everything shower. That's right. You don't like an everything shower either. The only reason I'm doing an everything shower is because I'm going out on a date or something, and that man might touch my shins. That's the only reason. We got to be moisturized if the shins come out. Right. I'm not doing that. I don't love that. I just don't like the steps, things that have a lot of steps. It's one of the reasons why I don't like skiing.

I know, you're right. I can't go to sleep dirty. It feels wrong to me to climb into bed after being in the streets all day. Dirty is subjective, I guess. No, it's not. It's pretty... Alright, well, I think it's time for you to go get a nice little bacon, egg, and cheesy. Get an electrolyte. Pedialyte. Right, I should do, yeah. Coconut water. It's just a classic Gatorade. Just a classic Gatorade's all I need. What's your Gatorade flavor? What flavor? Yeah. Yellow. Okay, you go pissy when it comes to the Gatorade. I love yellow. Blue's great, too. No, no, no, no. Blue's not part of the original starting five, so I don't acknowledge it. I like blue. I love blue. blue raspberry anything because that doesn't exist in nature like it's just a fully manufactured yeah it's chemicals i get so excited by that color every time i see it uh so i'll go for maybe a blue blue powerade real nice color um all right delaney thank you for joining us people can follow you on all the platforms twitter tiktok instagram not on twitter oh interesting choice i thought you were a writer okay so tiktok instagram keep your eyes peeled for the the essay novel next year thanks Thank you. Yes, you guys are so cool. Thank you for having me. I'll see you. I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, yeah, I will. Okay, fantastic. Have a fun fashion week, bitches. Bye.