301. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. Big TJ, it's 7 a.m. in Los Angeles. Jason, the gentler, Jason. Jason, the gentrifier coming to you live from White People Coachella, a.k.a. Art Week in Mexico City. How does it feel to be ruining indigenous cultures? Okay. There's a lot up top for me to chew on. Off rip. Let me just take one more bite of my Four Seasons granola. Cuatro sesons. Take this away. Take this away from me, babe. Babe, I can't have another bite. No, no. First of all, I like that you called it white people's Coachella, as if somehow Coachella is less white than Mexico, the country. No, no, I'm talking about the colonizers that you go down there with. I'm not talking about... I just don't know why everyone I know is down there, but no one's there to look at art, and I'm sure the art is mid. I'm sure the art is mid as hell. It's actually pronounced meed, but yeah. Art, I mean, it's like, of course, the art is already going to be bad at any art fair, whatever it is, you know? That's not true. At Freeze LA this week, sponsored by our friends at Matches.com, I'm going to see some great modern art. I don't think that's the same. The nightclub you were at last night. Freeze ain't giving me a check. Freeze ain't giving me a check. Neither is the city of Mexico. These are my people, okay, Chris? Oh, I understand. So I'm just saying, like,

Not for the real, real ones, but the Art Basel, the ones that are just kind of like an excuse to go put on your Louboutins. You're going to Basel, Switzerland to see the real. That's what you're doing. Well, that's where it came from. You know, Basel is not a town in Florida, honey. It's in the Swiss Alps, and they are pumping out art over there. It's really good compared to the art here. Over here in CDMX, if you want to check out the art, they'll do this thing where they take a skull, but it's colorful. Because the skull is very symbolic for my people. Mi familia, mi sangre. I do have one of those tattooed on my arm, unfortunately. But what are you going to do? Maybe I love Mexico more than I thought. Who doesn't have one of those fucking skulls? I mean, but literally, in the hotel I'm in, that's the real art gallery. All the stuff is for sale, obviously. Of course. No one's going to buy it, but it's like... These, like, marble sculptures of, like, Kazdol and Cookie Monster or, like, a Star Wars trooper helmet that, like, a team of abuelas, that's a grandma, did some, like, intricate Mayan beadwork on. Sounds beautiful. For what I assume took months. And, you know, it's for sale in the lobby here for... You know, 11 trillion pesos. I think you should drop some of your hard-earned pesos on some... local art for for your office i think that could be nice and inspiring because those those those cause dolls are kind of you know they're big but they're unsightly so it'd be nice if you replace them with something a little more now that i'm a little longer in the tooth maybe it's time to step up to a more mature cause sculpture is what you're saying exactly and i think nothing says more mature than cookie monster so i think maybe i think maybe the the switch the level up from cause doll uh a cause companion to a

a beaded cookie monster. I mean, what's cool for you? I mean, I don't know why my brain is in this mode this morning of like, I see that and instantly I'll be like, it just makes me upset. Like, obviously you see like a cause sculpture in a hotel lobby that's hand chiseled out of marble and, you know, like fully unauthorized artistic recreation. And all I do is think of like, man, somebody like devoted. weeks and weeks if not months and months into this where it's like a cookie monster or fucking star wars helmet and it's just like this is what you're doing with your life man that will don't do it that person is probably making more money than both of us so that's the that's the saddest part is that alec alec monopoly has two bentleys and flies private there's a mr brainwash wing in in my hotel lobby as well Never forget the goat brainwashed to him. How many times have you turned up with Brainwash? Never. Never? No, no. It's beef. It's a civil war. It's a civil war between me and Brainwash. It's me, Kanye, you, Dan-O, and then it's against Brainwash. Obey. I was tapping in with Graffiti Legend Two-Tone yesterday. I did Powerful Truth Angels, but he was saying, He was saying that I was a toy and that my hand style was whack. And I said, where I come from, that'll get you killed. Saying that kind of shit to me. And then he showed me his broken, his spray fingers all fucked up. And he told me this whole, he made up this, it was really funny. He made up this entire story about how graffiti artists get together on the lunar eclipse and see how long they can tag. He's like, yeah, I broke my finger because I held it down for 14 hours doing throw-ups. Consistently. Okay, so that's a pretty good improvised scenario. And unfortunately, for a second, I believed it, and then he was like, no, bro, it's just jiu-jitsu. You really are a toy. You really are a fucking toy. I know. I'd be it. I would like to say that.

I think the tell for me on that is that they all gather on the lunar eclipse, because those are two of my favorite writers, lunar and eclipse. Those guys are fucking lit, dude. Those guys get crazy. Okay, so today is Super Bowl Sunday. What do you have planned? I already have my plan sorted out here in CDMX Art Week. Well, I mean, I feel like it's a little bit disrespectful for a great American like you to be in a different country during one of our biggest holidays. This is July 4th. This is like when Biden goes to Camp David when things start getting a little spicy over in the Ukraine. Yeah, exactly. You can't hide from America, Jason. This is Trump on the golf course when he's got kids in cages. I can't wait for all of the great content I'm going to see today where advertising agencies debate the best $100 million corporate commercial. Nerds say like, oh my God, sports ball. And then people like me just try to enjoy the game and trash the halftime show because it's the dustiest thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm sorry to all my West Coast brethren, but this is cooked. Okay, so Super Bowl, the halftime show is going to be... It's curated by the doctor, Dr. Dre, right? Yeah, Dr. Dre. He's got ties to rapper Eminem, and we know Eminem's in killer Cali right now because he tapped in with our familiar Uncle Pauly doing some mom spaghetti pop-up. Shout-out to the sub-god getting a check off of fucking Eminem. I'd love to see that. I'd love to see that. Well, he opened 3rd Street. Uncle Pauly's 3rd Street is open. I think it's finally time to break my... my hoagie cherry hoagie cherry when you get when you get back we're going for some submarines jason yo when i'm hung over and i'm been traveling in a foreign country the first thing i want to do is wrap my lips around a nice submarine you're gonna have so much challenging food for your palate down there you need to come home for a warm american hug and nothing says hug like

You wrapping your lips around a sub. Yeah, and you better not give me some huet la coche submarine, okay? Don't trick me, because I don't want a cactus submarine. You need a turkey and cheese, bro. You can't handle all that cactus. I need avocado and provolone. That's all I need, brother. Okay, that's a great sandwich. But what are you doing? Okay, so we walked into the hotel yesterday. They said that there was supply chain issues. The room that we have is not ready yet. So they parked us in the beautiful lobby kind of patio outdoor area. I hope they blessed you with a small credit for food and beverage while you waited. We got a complimentary bebida. It's on the house, on the casa. That's on casa. This one's on the casa, Mr. Stewart. And I said, I think I'm going to like CDMX Art Week. And so far, so good. But we were jokingly asking, you know, like the bellhop who was kind of showing us to the area, like, so what do you... Where you can get Coke. He can tell you. That was a joke. Hey, it's so crazy. Do you know where to get Coke? Just a random question off top, and you could totally say no. It's so random. Do you have any white powder? I could snort. And it would be great if it was, I don't know, like coconut flavor, just something different. We're on vacation. I don't know. What do you guys eat here? Passion fruit. So we were jokingly like, all right, so where's the Super Bowl party out here tomorrow? LOL. It's not America. It's not America. It's rich South American socialites smoking cigars. They don't even know what football Americano is. So we kind of said that jokingly, and then we were like, wait, do you know what the Super Bowl is? Backpedaled really quickly, and he's like, Oh, yeah. We're going to be watching the game here. It's going to be on these two TVs. We got hot dogs, hamburgers. Come on down, dude. Of course, bro. That's the service that you demand. So that's what I'm going to be doing today. I've never watched the Super Bowl in a foreign country. Somebody pinched me. I'm dreaming. You're going to be getting twisted on mezcal margaritas. Spicy, skinny mezcal-ritas. And there's going to be so many refills on your bowl of chips. It could break the hotel chain. Speaking of that.

We ran the numbers and we're going to have to ask you to leave. TJ, there's no way you could afford all these chips that you just ate. Speaking of that, when we were in the lobby, you know when you're in a foreign country and you sit down for a little... A little mid-afternoon drink and they bring a little thing, you know, there's like some nuts or some little... That's my favorite part of life is being at a beautiful hotel in Milano, having a aperitivo. Yeah, get the aperitivo flowing. You know, we got olives. We got maybe a little bit of cheese. Who knows? Depends on how spicy you are. Kettle chips that they've taken out of the package and put in a nice, you know, ceramic dish. Every table in the patio got a bowl of those aperitivos except us. And I had to ask them. They blessed us with a pistachio, and I was like, oh, pistachio? And he's like, see, pistachio. Well, it's a very expensive nut, so that's nice. Yeah, right. I thought they might go macadamia if they were feeling very spendy. No, no, no, that's crazy. That's crazy, bro. What are you going to do? It's not the five seasons. What are you going to do for the Super Bowl? Nothing, bro. What the fuck do you mean? Do you think I'm the kind of guy? The only thing I would do for the Super Bowl is something that you organize for me. So if you're out of town, I talked to Fred yesterday. You're left to fend on yourself. I talked to a friend of the show, Fred, yesterday. We're going to get the Burger Lords delivery, though. I'm going to get those classic Valentine's Day tofu nuggets. Okay, so you're being a little bit of a bad girl today, too. I mean, yeah, as soon as I get off this 7 a.m. podcast, I'm going to go to the gym for an hour and a half. But, yeah, I'm being a bad girl. I'm sure you haven't even thought about seeing the inside of a gym. Have you vacation, TJ? No, I don't really need to go to the gym anymore now that I'm – this is where I'm doing – it's rest day. For the next four days? I thought it was because you accidentally drank some water out of the tap when you were hungover, and now you've been on the toilet all morning. You're losing weight as we speak. Yeah, I went to go brush my teeth, and I used straight out of the tap instead of filling it up with my bottle of water, and wouldn't you know it. So you were saying earlier this morning that you hit the club last night? Yeah, I went to the art club.

artista club it was called departamento you heard of it no i don't care about cdmx i don't get it really no i don't i don't i don't want a cricket taco i don't i'm good like i'm good but no tell me more about the club so we well before the club we went to a restaurant called m e m And we had a little bit of an omakase situation. Yeah, there's an N in New York. They stole it. Anyway, continue. Is there really? Like letter E, letter M? Yeah, bro. It's a classic West Village. It's like a thing. It's been there forever. It's an Olsen Twins favorite. Is it also a fusion of local Oaxacan flavors with the undertones of Japanese cuisine? No, it's not. It's a beautiful restaurant. I'll take you there. It's really nice. You would like it. Please take me there. And it was pretty good. It was kind of like... Little like white people fussy food. Sounds like you didn't love it as usual. No, but everything I ate was pretty damn good. And luckily I was worried that they were going to give me some like raw mussels or oysters or something like that. And then I would get, it would be loco in me a stomach. I was hoping you would complain about the price. So can you do that for me? No, I mean, no, we, we, we had, we all had the omakase. wherever it's like nine or ten courses you know there's like three i'm already i'm already asleep nine courses get a life these chefs are just jerking off at this point hey i didn't know get a life i thought i thought mexico you could get a salt of the earth meal just a classic you can you know but instead you're having some fussy white people shit where some guy with tweezers and a fucking monocle is placing a rind on top of your seafood. Get out of here, bro. How many pesos did this set you back? Well, we had the omakase, and then there was also a shitload of drinks. I probably had five beers, five mezcals. Wow. I probably spent like 200 bucks. All things considered, everything is cheaper in Mexico compared to America. You did know that. I've heard that, but did they accept the Apple card there, or is that not legal tender?

You know it is not legal tender. And just like the Lyft app, when you try to pay for something with an Apple card in Mexico, it says, sorry, that service isn't available in your area. Yeah, okay. So you had to actually pay. You had to pay with cold, hard pesos. I use crypto. So after you pay for your obnoxious omakase with crypto, you're feeling. Yeah, the cactus. Dashi is slowly cleansing my palate. Cactus Dashi. That was the first thing I ate was a cactus Dashi. It was a bomb. Get the fuck out of here. Give me a Go Macro and a fucking bottle of water like a man. Get out of here. We had a lot of Huitlacoche, which there was a little emphasis on the Huitlacoche. It was all good. The only... The only downsides are when a nice local foreign restaurant tries to make American food. So are you saying the raw hot dog didn't hit like the way you thought it would? No, like here's some local tiny corn that we have a smoked butter with. All the Mexican shit, it was smacking. It was really, really good. But then they're like, here's our A5 Wagyu with truffles. And you're like, okay. Whatever. This could be anywhere. Save this for Bobby Flay, Chief. We're good. But yeah, then we went to a club. It's called Departamento. Yeah, that's the name of a local streetwear boutique as well. Do we call that streetwear? I guess it kind of is. Well, no. I mean, people think Raph Simmons is a little better than streetwear. I guess I would tend to agree. It's a couple clicks up, but yeah, you're not wrong. It's a fashion store in the back of Maru. A fashion store. It's no Bodhi is what you're saying. We can talk about that. What a beautiful space. Anyway, so you're saying you're twisted. TJ is twisted. What time are you hitting the club, and can you get in? Did you have to pay the bouncer, or did you come with enough chicks? I came with enough two chicks, one gay, and one guy who's straighter than I am. So how does that work? How do you think, as a former door guy, is a gay guy just a neutral, or do you consider him a chick when you're letting people into the club? Because I would say...

I would say that's a plus. I mean, it's better than a straight guy. Oh, absolutely. I mean, gay people are essential to the club ecosystem. It is, you know, they're the best at clubbing. So you need them there. So are you saying that Decatur Dan can't club with the best? Not really. Not really. He's more like if you want to shoot Kodak Black, he's your guy. But if you want to, like, have an unforgettable night of dancing where you lose yourself, that's not going to be who I call him. So you're saying when Robin comes on at Departmento, Dan doesn't take his shirt off and lose his shit? Well, it depends on what Robin song. If it's Dancing on My Own, which is a known big girl anthem, then he might have his peepers set on the dance floor looking for something that'll look like Julia Fox from the front and the back. He slips the DJ at 20 and says, put on the big girl anthem, and he knows exactly what to do. Put on the big girl anthem. I need to see some Fashion Nova holding on for dear motherfucking life. Damn, I heard Lizzo was in town for Art Week. Oh, come on, Chris. Come on, come on. Come on, Chris. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She thought it said Tart Week. It was because the bakery scene is really huge here in CDMX. And, I mean, that I'm not joking about. The bakery game is lit here. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs.

handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So what did, so what, what kind of music are they? Are they playing American hip hop or? No, no, no, no. They're playing. They're playing trance-like, euphoric dance music. I don't care about any of this. Did you do any coke? I did not do any coke. Did anybody in your party do any coke? No, but if coke was there, we would all have done it, for sure. So you're saying you're in Mexico, you're at a club, they're playing some sort of awful techno, and you can't get drunk? It actually wasn't bad. It wasn't great music, but it wasn't bad. I mean, if I really wanted to, I'm never like...

searching like a like a truffle dog for coke like if it's there i'll do it but i'm not going to like make phone calls and wait around in the corner and go to the back you know like i don't care that much i'm not addicted thank god but uh i did hear i was telling a friend um friend of the show andy was was saying like oh the last time i went to departamento we were there and he like named off a couple friends of his and he was like yeah he um he got kicked out by security in a sting operation that involved cocaine dealing. I guess they would set up fake drug deal scenarios. Oh, come on. I mean, I guess it's a problem. But I haven't even got to the setup yet, which should have been a flag as to not take part in this sting operation. The Coke was, number one, the Coke was grape-flavored. And so flavored Coke is never great. And then number two, the drug dealer in question was a 10-year-old. So don't buy grape-flavored cocaine from 10-year-olds. I tell you what, you must have had a full bottle of mezcal to yourself to think that's going to end well. That is insane. But I just want to know, I mean, because you've bought Coke before, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah, once or twice. A couple times, a couple times. So you imagine, you know, a little 10-year-old shithead comes up to you and he's like, you know, looking for a little snow, looking for a little snow. I'm like, yeah, what do you got, little man? He's like, you know, I got grape. And you're like, all right, all right, bet. And then at some point, it's not uncommon to ask the drug dealer, you know, well, how is it? You know, is it good stuff? And then are we supposed to assume that this 10-year-old has sampled the product? And he's like, oh, it's pretty good. You know, I was sprung out a little bit. You know, you won't have too much trouble getting to sleep. It's pretty good stuff. I had some better stuff last month, but, you know, the supply chain. I think maybe, I mean, I can see a 10-year-old, you know, in the back room of Departmento with a kilo, and he pulls out his pocket knife, you know, cuts the bag open. Pulls the purple kilo out, pulls the Leatherman out. He just does a little nummy on his, you know, and then sips his Capri Sun, and he's like, this is pretty good. This is pretty good stuff. His Capri Sun? He washes it down.

What is this bullshit? He washes it down with a little fruit punch. He's back out onto the club floor to make some money. How late were you out? I would say maybe two. It wasn't a super late night. We woke up at five to go to the airport. Had a whole day. I'm sure you have a full day of activities planned. Sightseeing, bakery visits. a walking taco tour. You're going to look at some quote-unquote art. I'm going to pull up to the corn museum. I signed me and the wife up for a mezcal. Make your own mezcal. Tasting class at the hotel later. That should be fun. Get a little gas in the tank. Doesn't the Super Bowl start at, like, 4 o'clock, like the coverage? I feel like it's an all-day event on TV. Oh, yeah. Because kickoff is at, like, 6. So I feel like there's at least an hour. I think the game's at 5.30. Is it at nighttime now? Usually it would be, like, around 4 or 3 or 4. No, it's not. It's always at night, bro. You're wrong. Well, no, because you're an East Coast motherfucker. Well, it depends on where the game is. Oh, shit. Shit, damn, there's a lot of things to consider here. But either way, you know, it'll be around, you know, 5 p.m., something like that. I'm looking it up right now. But, yeah, I mean, the pregame, you know, I'm sure Miley Cyrus is doing it. No, you're right, you're right, 3.30. Suck me from the bat, Chris. You don't know football, you fucking pussy. Damn, this is crazy. These fucking teams, I don't know anything about this, but the Rams have five losses and the Bengals have seven losses. Both of these teams suck. How are you going to have seven losses and still be in the Super Bowl? 13-7 ain't that great of a record. Hey, man, just like a lot of things in the world right now. You don't have to be great. You just have to be the best out of a bunch of shit. That's a good point. Thank you for listening to How Long Gone. So what are you going to do? So, yeah, well, I mean, after we record this podcast, I'm going to furiously edit this episode while being super hungover and up until the point when I go to Contra Mar.

For a working brunch. That's like a Mexican meal in between lunch and breakfast. Okay, yeah. So you're going to have some scrambled eggs, but there's going to be salsa on top? There's going to be salsa scramble. Yeah, you know, pumpkin seed pancake. But now this is the coolest restaurant in CDMX. It's over the hill. I thought it was over the hill. It's definitely over the hill, but, you know, like a lot of places, it's just, you know. It's just where you go. It's been Instagram to death. It's a tourist trap, but there's also cool hotties there every time you go, and the food is good, and it's like a fun place to drink and turn up kind of thing. So I'm going there. I mean, the tuna tostadas, they really are delicious and addictive. So you're going to get drunk again. I'm going to get drunk again. Well, I'm not going to get super drunk at Contramar. Because I will most likely have to come back home and finish working feverishly editing before kickoff time. So I'm really kind of running and gunning against the clock today. No days off for TJ. And then, you know, I'll probably collapse around 9 p.m. I mean, I collapse around 9 p.m. every day like a real one. Damn, damn. But that sounds like a – so when do you come back from this hellscape? I come back Wednesday. Damn, bro. You're there for – I would say that's 48 hours too long. No, I'm here for four nights. That's a long time for a pointless vacation. There's no beach. There's no – I mean, I don't even know. I guess you just – I guess when you party, it doesn't matter where you are. For me, it's just – i don't know i was trying to talk to to bay about this yesterday of like what i like to get out of a trip like this and mexico is a place that i would rather live in than visit and because it's just like here's a regular city like we're just a normal city doing normal city stuff it's not like and now we're gonna go to the playa and now we're here for the big you know it's just a regular thing and that's what i like but For me, I just like being around a different culture of people. Oh, here we go. Okay. All right, bro. Is this all the... No, only because Americans are just shitty. Okay, relax. Don't... You think you can come on this podcast and be anti-patriotic to my face? That's not going to fly cheating. I'm not. I mean, look, I'm a true blue American. If you're making any money from the tourism board of Mexico and I'm not getting cut in on it, you need to tell me now on the record so people can hear it. I'm just saying American... You know, because we complain...

a lot about how the service that's true industry has been destroyed because of covid and everyone uses it as an excuse for shitty service that's arguably a bad take but to to further make our point like i will go like when you when you go to the lax starbucks and you wait in line with 85 people everyone's pissed off and there's just some like fucking bitchy ass person with a hand tattoo is like what do you want Wow, that was pointed. They just yell words. Like, when we were leaving LAX, there was a LaMille. Yeah. Oh, wow. You were going from the broke terminal. Okay, continue. The broke terminal with the Dior store and the Pret. You fucking bitch. The Pret. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know. I've tried to get LaMille at that terminal before, and the line is so long that it's just like, there's no point. It's crazy. I know. I know. So, like, we went to the LaMille. We went in line. We got... We got a coffee, and she got a milk tea. She's on her Asian swag. She's on her Asian swag. So we pay for it. We wait in the little area, and they call. Instead of just saying, like, Jason, coffee and tea is ready, she just yells the word Hong Kong because that's the name of the Asian-flavored milk tea. So it's like, you know, 7 in the morning in a fucking... international airport terminal, and this bitch is just like, Hong Kong! Just screaming the word Hong Kong, and we're looking at her like, is that... For me? Is that how you say our coffee's ready? But then, as soon as I touch down in Mexico City, I go to just like a dumbass Starbucks kiosk in the hotel. I walk in, the guy who's stocking the shelf, the manager, the person who's washing the dishes, everyone stops what they're doing and says, hola, bienvenidas. They all say hi with a real actual smile and not like a... Welcome to Chili's. And then they ask for what your name is, which I guess they do at every Starbucks, not just international. But they don't just mindlessly write it down and just put the cup on the thing. So she wrote my name down. She remembered my name. As I grab my drinks and I'm walking around, she's like, have a good day, Jason. I'm like, see, this is just, I'm happy to give this person a tip. I like that that means something to you. I could give a shit.

Well, I like having human connections with people. I could give a shit. If I'm paying you for a service, look, I know you don't want to be here. I don't want to be here either. I just want to get what I want and get the fuck out of here. At a place like that, I mean, at a real restaurant, it's different. Of course, of course. Yeah, I know. I mean, the fact that you're going to Starbucks by choice twice in a 24-hour period is concerning, but we can save that for another time. I just needed a little hit. So you went to Starbucks to try a local cafe con leche? Si, cappuccino. But it was just like everyone is like very helpful. And like when I'm at the restaurant, I'm like, oh, where's the donde está el baño? And in America, they're like, oh, they just point at a corner of the building. And every time I ask where something is here, they're like, right this way. And they direct you and show you. And things aren't going easier here in Mexico than America. But everyone still has a good attitude and is like a normal human being. Do better, America. Come on. No, look. So I'm spoiled out here. I get what you're saying. I just think that – I just can't care about that because this is – I mean, the world – everybody hates each other, and no one hates people more – no one hates customers more than people in the service industry. Like, that's just what it is. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's an understood line in the sand. It's like, I hate you. You hate me. We're only here for the exchange of goods and money. That's the way it works in your fucked up world, Chris, but not mine. No, you think it doesn't work like that. I have gang everywhere. Yeah, I mean, I have gang places, but I'm talking about, you're talking about going into regular ass places. Like, I'm talking, if you're going to a Starbucks or Albertsons, it's a war. It's a war. Why is it a war? I'm so nice to so many people at my local grocers. You're nice to them, but they hate you, bro. Trust me. They hate you. No, no, no. What about the ones that say hi to me?

with unsolicited hi to jason because they see you every day and they're so bored and they don't want to kill themselves they have to do something so they just say hi to me they say what up big man out of sheer boredom i don't think so chris they see your dumb ass in there at the middle of the day they're like this guy doesn't work he's probably rich he's he fucking he makes these little jokes to me they hate you trust me they hate you and they're nice to you because it's easier to be nice than to to have malice Okay, Morrissey lyrics. No, but I'm telling you, it's a war. We're at war every day. No! I mean, that's the beauty of how long gone is you're at war every day, and I'm just a fucking... I'm a string bean floating around, man. I'm having a good time, man. It's all good. In the words of poet laureate Jacob Bannon, this time it's war. And that's every time I leave the house. You can't see my armor because it's under my district vision, but it's there. Well, I think that's the reason, even though I'm older than you and much unhealthier, I will definitely outlive you. Because when it's a war going on... It takes a toll. The earth is scorched, Chris. It's taking its toll. Every day, I'm inching closer and closer to death, and that's not just the nature of it. Well, I don't think you can say that about most people, but you, you're fast-tracked. I'm jogging towards death, where most people are crawling. Yeah, that's what it is. Jogging towards death. No, I mean, it's fine. I'm just telling you that I'm glad you're making friends. Okay, well, how about, okay, there's a guy at my Glendale Whole Foods. Okay, I know multiple people at the Glendale Whole Foods. For longer than 10 years. You don't know them, Jason. You say what's up to a person because you see them. You don't know them. I talk to these people more than my mother. That's a problem. At a certain point, if the bitch move up to Glendale, I talk to my mom more. Unfortunately, I'm at Whole Foods three days a week and I ain't driving down to Mama Crib three days a week.

That's just how it is, bro. That's just how it is. There's a Jamaican stand at the Atwater Farmers Market. They make the beef patties, the vegetarian patties. You probably had them before. Yeah, I've been there. I'm familiar. That's an Adrian Ho favorite. So, you know, the nicest people are so good. Oxtail plantains get you a plate. I mean, eating that for lunch is insane, but, yeah, I know people do it. Yeah, non-whites do that. So there's a woman who does that, but she also has worked at the Whole Foods forever. Like, her and I have a relationship. So, like, when I see her, she'll be like, oh, hey, like, you know, do this, blah, blah, blah. You got to come here. Like, we're, like, we're gang. And then there's another guy who's just been working there forever, and I just said hi to him a bunch. But I found out he used to live in the apartments behind my old house in Atwater. Remember? In that little cul-de-sac. He's like, dude, one time, I never told you this, but one time I was driving home, and I saw you riding your bike. home from del taco at like two in the morning and so this is a thing that happened and i remember it happening and it was one of those moments where like oh man like it was just middle of the night and nobody there's i was just all by myself and i thought that nobody had seen it but this guy from whole food saw it where i was riding my bike home from del taco you know like surely blacked out or you know whatever from a night of drinking or going out and i was like i can't drive i'm i'm just gonna cruise over yeah yeah that that's what stopped you from driving yeah i'm sure i'm sure and then i was riding i was crossing los filas boulevard with my sack of goodies of bean and cheese and the bottom of the bag empties out and all the food just fall falls and lands all over the asphalt in the middle of the street and i just look at it and i'm like well that's it and i just kept riding i just left that's the only that's the only thing to do that's that you can't and he was like and he described the whole scene happening he's like yeah i saw that shit he's like it wasn't even funny bro like i felt i felt bad for you like it was one of the saddest things i've ever seen that's really funny but but just to be clear you still don't know that guy

He saw something stupid happen to you, but you don't know each other. Gunned in my head, and someone's like, what's this guy's first name? I'd be like... start spraying spray him like kodak spray him like kodak because i don't even know the first letter of his name bro speaking of cut i'm i'm look la is hot i see why you got it out of town because you're a pussy that's what's going on you weren't no i'm on notice i saw ice t's tweet and i'm like bro i'm out i met the i met the nice guy the other night you know what i mean luckily i left early i said what's up to bieber said happy birthday and i kind of left but Damn, bro. I mean, Kodak got got, but luckily he's okay. Did you see the Ice-T tweet? I sent you the Ice-T tweet. You said, okay, the whole Kodak thing, is it just bad timing? Because, you know, he tweeted it on the same day pretty much, right? I don't think it's bad timing. I think it's blessed timing. But I'm saying is the timing lining up with the fact that Ice-T is definitely a gang boss who has called a hit out on him? Because I thought... I thought Ice-T was just law and order for the last 25 years. He hung up his gangbanging hat decades ago. What do you think? No, no. I think Ice-T is still deeply connected to the streets. Super Bowl weekend, not a threat, just a warning. Young rappers coming to LA for the Super Bowl weekend. LA has over 50,000 active, in all caps, gang members. Make sure you play it safe. You got to play it safe. I want to know who's reading that and is like, damn. Is iced tea threatening me? Again, I think you saw it, and you booked a ticket to CDMX. It was getting too spicy. I mean, dude, I was at Sunset Tower for lunch on Friday, and leaving the hotel in the car almost hit three Bengals fans who were going across the street to the barstool sports activation at Saddle Ranch. There was a barstool activation at Saddle Ranch? Yeah, I mean, they had a giant barstool. tent to put up so they're doing pizza taste testing they're burning across and all kinds of stuff over there yeah it's it's just they set up they call it little boston actually and they just kind of like they just kind of recreate the boston vibe in the parking lot of saddle ranch it's pretty cool so there'll be a bunch of kind of cater waiter guys wearing some

some Timberland boots with the laces open, and some well-worn Carhartt pants. Exactly. Just passing around Whataburger sliders. Take one of these fucking burgers, you fucking queer. They don't have Whataburger in Boston. Only Dunkin' Donuts and Sweetgreen. Oh, sorry, not Whataburger. Wallburger. Wallburger, yeah. I had Austin on the mind. I understand. All these places are great, so I get how you could get them confused. I would never go to Wallburger. I would sooner give my money to Scientology. Than Wahlburgers. I bet Wahlburger is surprising. I bet Wahlburger is better than Shake Shack. Well, it doesn't take much to be better than Shake Shack, but I would still choose Shake Shack over Wahlburger. I hate the Wahlbergs more than anything. I think it's so whack that no one actually goes there, but I feel like it's probably better than we think it is. Yeah, maybe we, I guess we should go, because there's one right on the Sunset Strip, right? Is there a Wahlburger, is there a veggie Wahlburger? Yeah, it's called the fucking Quinoa Queer Burger. Yeah, I was about to say, they named it, they like named it something mean. Yeah, it's like a very direct, like it kind of like makes fun of Asians in a weird way. It had nothing to do with that. Can I get a pussy burger with the works, please? They make you order it by name. You can't call it a veggie burger. Three bitch burgers gluten free all day. We're doing that all day, dude. Dude, do you want a pussy burger or not? Or not? There's a fountain drink machine, but instead of Coke and Sprite and Dr. Pepper, it's just Oreo shakes. That's the only thing that comes out of the machine. There's six Oreo shakes and one Dunkin' cold brew at the end. We did a deal with Dunkin'. Oh, man, that's so sick. Okay, well, that's our next eating adventure. How long gone? Eating research. Wahlburgers. We're going to go hit Wahlburgers on the Sunset Strip. I think it might be... West Hollywood, actually. No, I think it is. I think it's actually... I think, funnily enough, it's even towards... Like on Santa Monica. Yeah, I think it's in the gay neighborhood, which is even better. What irony, because you know that they hate gay people over at Wahlburgers Industries. They definitely... Who hates the gays more? Chick-fil-A, Wahlburgers, or what's the other one that'd be hating? Wahlburgers. Gay people? No, Wahlburgers hates everybody except people from Massachusetts, is my guess. Why is it always fast food that...

has to be all bad, you know? Yeah, I mean, luckily I don't eat fast food because I'm a normal person that respects myself. I boycott that shit, too. Yeah, you really boycott it. Get that shit out of here. No, you don't. You order it and you eat it in a Tesla like a disgusting pig. I just squirted the ketchup packets right on Elon's dashboard. You're in the Tesla, hands all greased up, you know what I mean? Tesla has the steering wheel is heated now. Did you know that? It was an upgrade, software update. 2.0. Bing! That's a common thing in a car, but congratulations. But you're taking a single... Are you one of those people that takes a single fry and then has the ketchup and you kind of just squirt the line on the fry exactly? No, no, no. When you're in the whip? No, no, no, no. I'll find a little ketchup receptacle. to put the ketchup in to create a dipping reservoir. I really love you, but there's some things about you. This is one of the worst qualities that you have, is eating in the car. It's one of your worst qualities. I hate it. I do not like eating in the car whatsoever. But some food, it dies on the line. We've gone over this, Chris. Then don't eat it. Then don't eat that food. French fries, burgers. tacos all that stuff eating or eating a restaurant what are you are you a covid pussy eating a restaurant in and out the whole point is you go you hit the drive through it's like a whole thing and then you get your you you eat it in your car in the parking lot it just it just tastes better it's disgusting it's disgusting no it didn't go but you have to because the french fries are gonna go soggy no fries for you though maybe maybe maybe you go maybe you go fry less order i know that's painful i know that's i know that feels crazy but it's just like when we go eat Sushi, you know, it's disrespectful to the chef to not eat it instantly right in your hand from Master Kazunori. I understand. Because that nori is going to die in line, too. I don't do the squirt of the ketchup on the fry, but I usually, it's like an OCD thing, I will usually eat all the fries first before digging into my hamburguesa.

I know, I mean, look, I don't want to talk about sports anymore, but have you seen this USA curling guy that looks like he's a bartender that was wearing Nike SB dunk lows to do curling? I saw a photo of it, yes. Just one of the many Olympic controversies going on. He was wearing P-rods. to like a custom p-rod to curl curling people have to do like have like special paddings on the bottom of their soles for walking on the ice or they just hit that shit wrong i think you're supposed to wear i think most people wear um ice skates maybe maybe but i mean this guy i'm looking at this guy right now this guy literally looks like Oh, my God. I can't believe what this guy looks like. We can't call this an athlete. Olympic athletes can't look like that. You can't look like you just put a 12-pack of PBR down in the back of your truck before you hit the ice. It's crazy. That's why the Olympics really are beyond wash. They need a rebrand, and I'm willing to make a deck about it. Have you ever known a person who curls? And I'm not talking about dumbbells. No, it's a fake. Have you ever seen a curling place? You've ever known anybody in your entire life who's ever curled. No, and I have deep connections to Canada, and I still don't know. And you have deep connections to Canada. So my question is, why does anybody care? Nobody even knows what it is. And it's like, I'm going to slide this rock on ice. And everyone's like, yes. Because this is what people do. They're like, isn't it so interesting? It's so interesting that they're doing this. It's so cool. It's like, you know, I looked at the history of curling. It's actually really interesting. It's like, is it, bro? It looks like fucking cornhole on ice to me. Like I'm all set. It would have been a more popular sport if it was good. And it's not. So it's not. Good point. I watched the ski jumping, though, last night. That's the one at the nuclear power plant? Yeah, I mean, the whole thing. I mean, doing it in – I mean, watching these people in, like, double masks win awards, it's just crazy. The whole thing is crazy. Like, this is your – you work your whole life towards this, and you're staying in, like, a –

bomb shelter hilton in beijing where they give you staying in a in a wuhan wet market they give you three boiled potatoes every day under your door it's just so crazy it's like just don't do it we don't need it that just don't do it well you know it's it all comes back to the money that's but i think we're like this is the the cracking point of the olympics i think the olympics after this year it can't go on doing this this same old song and dance anymore something's got to give or else we're gonna like We're going to do like the Canadian trucker boycott of the Olympics. We're just going to, I'm going to set up, there's going to be a miles and miles of fixed gear bicycles lined up and nobody can light the Olympic torch because we're blocking it. That's a great idea. Apparently this curling guy that wore the P rods is a, he's, I'm just checking him out. Check him out. His profile says 2018 Olympic gold and then curler human. coffee roaster, mustache dude, watchman. He probably listened to this goddamn podcast. He's on the Hodinkee Discord. He's on the Hodinkee Discord looking for a deal on a Twitter. I can't with this guy. I just can't believe guys like this are so good at something. It's amazing. It's amazing. But God bless him. Yeah, God bless him, I guess. I don't have a gold medal. I don't have a gold medal. I mean, that's the beauty of him choosing curling as his life's passion and Olympic sport dream. Because according to his bio, he's got lots of free time. because he's not working out to become an athlete, to do his own beer making and coffee roasting and mustache trimming. Don't worry, Jason. Don't worry. He's also into golf, of course. Don't worry. He also spends a lot of time on the links. I'm an epic golfer. I'm a beer dad. I'm a coffee-aholic. Can I say that? I'm addicted to the stuff. I'm addicted to the bean. And I just love rocking. And Bailey Jane has my heart ring emoji. I have a trans rescue dog. Who rescued who? I don't know. I don't know why we think this guy is Southern. He can't be because it's curling. He must be from Wisconsin or Minnesota or something. Not a ton of curling on the Appalachian Trail, Chris? Not that I'm aware of. The Chattahoochee curling team? There could be a large curling community in the Atlanta area that I'm not familiar with. But he has so much free time to do all these other things, which is great because if you're actually doing a real sports sport,

Even when you're watching fucking Netflix's cheer, it's like, oh, these people devote their entire lives so much to sacrifice just to win this thing that doesn't get you any money. If you win the Olympics, you pay money. You have to buy the medal. You'll end up getting some sponsorships, though. I mean, I turned down the Wheaties box, but other people say yes. If 1,000 people win gold medals... I bet you less than 10 of them are going to make money. No, that's probably true. But these people who are doing these real things like figure skating or whatever it is, like you work so hard and then it's like, all right, my body is never going to be in better shape than it is right now. The Olympics are here. I've qualified. And now this is the moment of my entire life. I'm going to go to this nuclear power plant in Beijing, China. and ski on fake snow because it's not snowing at all and it's the winter olympics and i'm gonna like fall and slip on some ice and my life's over now that's it my entire life and career and dreams are over your life's not over and now i'm gonna go work at ikea no he's gonna have his own roastery and i think that that like this is the kind of people that move into the coffee space i'm not talking about him i'm talking about the people who are really doing olympic sports and like struggling no they'll end up being they'll end up being a coach or something if he if he doesn't if this curling guy doesn't get a gold medal he's gonna be like whatevs i'm gonna go have a hazy ipa and like play the bass for a while like he's fine and he's not gonna be like snot sounds like you this literally sound this sounds like yeah man fuck it you'll toss back an 808 and slap the bass it's not it's nothing for you to have a big afternoon i'm just seeing this i'm seeing this great I love the internet. It continues to give. But Dan Ozzy, the guy who wrote the emo book, he tweeted, very surprised to learn that Emo Girl, the song written by a 31-year-old rapper doing a pop-punk cosplay and a millionaire's kid, isn't very good. So, okay, he's making fun of the song.

Then a guy named Daniel Christ responds, gatekeeping much? It's not great, but to call it bad is just wrong. So many pop punk and emo songs are the exact same, but y'all just like gatekeeping MGK because it's not the old stuff, which will make the genre die because it can't move forward with today's generation of teens. This is where we're at in the world. You can't write about this subject and then speak that eloquently about something. It's like somebody who's like... 45 and who has like a very good take about american girl dolls it's like bro yeah no it's too far it's like bro you can't be you can't be into it this much can you imagine can you imagine i just i can't like saying something bad isn't is bad is not gatekeeping people need to understand well you must take that specifically personally well i just think Because gatekeeping is one of the best things that we have. So if we can hold on to that, if we can keep the gates up as long as possible. Yeah, if this guy wrote a book about this stuff, I'm pretty sure he's earned his spot. Yeah, exactly. He has a key to the gate. He literally has a key to the gate. No, I would agree, but I just found that. I just think these, like, I saw somebody today that has a highlight in their Instagram bio of their boundaries that you're supposed to look at before you message them. No, no. Yeah. Do you have it pulled out? No. I'm like, what, what? Like, is that really a thing we're doing now? I just don't. It's lost on me. At a certain point, it's lost on me. Was there a certain point when people would put their pronouns in the bios or in the email? I mean, obviously, the first time we saw people doing that, most people were like, LOL. But then it's been going on for a number of years now, a few years, where it's pretty normal. and now you kind of understand why it's there. Well, I mean, it makes sense when it's like, I got to email this person, and it would be nice to know how to address them correctly. Yeah, of course. It doesn't happen very often, but, like, it is valuable, and it is...

It's helpful to see that. It's very valuable to see a guy named Brian with a mustache let me know what his pronouns are. I agree. Because I had no idea. I couldn't tell at all. Assuming, assuming. No, no. I mean, of course. I understand why that. But it is helpful. But now, the reason why I'm asking is that at a certain point, five years from now, it's going to be... weird to not put your boundaries in your Twitter bio. Yeah, maybe that's true. Back in my day, we had to find out someone's boundaries the hard way. We had to actually talk to them. It's crazy. Your boundaries being listed in your Twitter bio, that's like bowling with bumpers. Yeah, it's going to go down the middle every time, but it's going to get old after a while. We need to learn some of these boundaries the hard way. It puts hair in your chest. Yeah, that's what I need more of. Oh, Jesus Christ. I can't believe I just podcasted at 7 a.m. on a Sunday. That's the most on-brand thing you could ever do. No, no, I liked it, but when you hit me yesterday, we were like, how early can you do it? For some reason, I thought Mexico was only an hour ahead, not two. Well, you know, it's a big place. It actually spans all the time zones that America contains. Well, I work as the boss, and I did give you this time off. So I wanted to make sure you were able to enjoy it as much as possible. Oh, that's so awesome of you, man. And thanks for letting me take a long weekend for Super Bowl Sunday. I know it's like, don't even bother calling in sick. We know why you're not going to be here on Monday. You missed the Bodhi party. You missed the Don Julio, Mark Ronson, Genghis Cohen party. I just don't even know how you could leave. How were those? I didn't know that you went to those. I got the invite to the Bodhi thing. The Bodhi thing, that's the nicest store I've ever been in. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It was an amazing store. It was a good party. All the heads were there. Now that we've had Leon Bridges on the pod, I got...

I think I get 5% off. Oh, that's good. 5% off any $1,400 shirt. That's great. Well, that adds up, though, when you're buying a full new wardrobe. That's true. We didn't make it to the Mark Ronson Don Julio activation. I am going to a Prada activation at Genghis Cohen when I touch back down in Los Angeles. I don't understand. Are those guys just like anybody can do anything here if you pay us? Well, I don't know why Genghis Cohen, Chinese Jewish hybrid restaurant from the 80s has suddenly become Hollywood. I mean, it goes back to you don't have to be the best. You just have to be better than all the other shit. And I think that's like, hey, we're a restaurant. We have food. We're like centrally located. We have a sound system and we're easy to work with. No, bro. This is like the Don Julio thing. They like. They did an entire, like, giant build-out outside. Yeah, they're spending money over there. I mean, good for them. Yeah, no, it's just interesting because I'm like, what? I mean, the place is, like, cool on the inside, but it's just, like, I don't, I think it's the location. And there's a parking lot. I think it's because it's, like, people, I mean, at least me personally, are yearning for, like, can we just do something at a regular place? Can we not, like, go to? the nice guy or delilah or you know like an h wood group activation place every single time smells smells like broken just go to a normal place where it's not like you know you don't have to deal with all that bullshit for some of us jason for some of us one oak is a normal place and that's the problem that's the can i not have to like sit next to a clipper and his prostitute Can I just go to a normal place? I want to get patted down at the door by a security guard that's mean, dap up a couple guys that are dressed bad, and go sit next to some b-ball players and their sex workers. I don't see a problem with that. That sounds like a good Friday night. And then just start wolfing down some chicken tendies. Yeah, bro. No, I don't eat at Delilah if it's a turn-up night. You know that. I eat first. I eat first, Ray J.

They keep the Bentley truck up front at Wahlburgers before I hit Delilah. Smash before dinner, and then dinner before Delilah is what your program is. You want to show up with enough gas in the tank to make you go all night, but not so it weighs you down on the dance floor. I can't be weighed down on the dance floor. That's why I keep it light at Wahlburgers. I keep it light at Wahlburgers, and I keep it up front. Like I said, it's just in and out, and no pun intended. All right, Chris. Well, it's time to go. Yeah, Jason, can you send us off with some of your Espanol? Claro. Claro que sí. Jason, have fun on your little vacation. Thank you. And tell all those cool artists I said hello. To all of our bookie listeners, we hope you had a great parlay on yesterday's game. To all our friends that bet on sports, you're either going to take me out to dinner or call me to borrow money.