351. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. Got some nice knee pain. Ran out of Advil today. Ran out of Advil. You should check out a service called GoPuff. This is not a sponsorship, but I really... GoPuff got me... Some Alka-Seltzer in 10 minutes. GoPuff sounds like a quinoa snack. It has a boom-chicka-pop energy to it. I mean, I don't know if it – So what is GoPuff? It's a cauliflower Cheez-Its? No, it's one of those classic weird delivery services that's killing small businesses. For the last-mile delivery? Honestly, though, it's so fast. It's, like, really impressive. I haven't reached that level of lazy – Laziness in my life just quite yet. It's not laziness, Jason. It's called using your time wisely. As a CEO, you should know that your time should not be spent trolling the aisles of CVS looking to heal yourself. Okay, I'm not rich enough to waste my money. It's not that much more money. It's negligible, the amount of money. Yeah, but Chris, you know one thing about me. It's not about the money. I'm a value slut. That's right. I'm sorry. We got size queens, we got race queens, and we got value queens, and that's me. I'm sorry. How Long Gone Pride Month continues. We were in the damn dead center of Pride District. I saw a guy fishing out on GHB on Santa Monica Boulevard as we were driving to dinner in a convertible getting hooted and hollered at by fellas. We were in the wet pink belly of the beast, and something was afoot because,

Last night, we went out to dinner at San Vicente Bungalows with a friend of the show, Brett Easton Ellis, for a Hollywood pop-in. And Chris, you know, usually will be like, all right, dinner's at 8, dinner's at 7. These people are going, that's it. But this day, last night, Chris said, my house at 7, and I'll drive. And I said, okay, I'd like a... I like a man who kind of takes control, initiative. That's right. Playing into your marine fantasy yet again. And so I'm like, all right, let's do it. I hop in my Lyft Lux, of course, because that's what happens now. Once you do it, you just can't stop. Yeah, Lyft Lux is your Delta One. I'm glad that you've made the jump, and I hope Lyft is showing you some love as well. Lyft is not showing me love, but... Even though – It's nice to pay $[redacted address] to West Hollywood and back. Well, look, bro. It could be – I mean, look, you're still – I don't know what – I mean, I know that Uber got low-key canceled, but I just can't participate in the Lyft brand, and I appreciate that you're willing to cross the line. and you don't care that it's aesthetically offensive. Well, in terms of the user experience on the application, or... The name, the spelling, the color scheme, everything about it. So she's fine with GoPuff, but we have a problem with Lyft. Well, GoPuff, GoPuff... It's still the same fucking Armenian guys in All Black, Mercedes and Lexai. They work for Uber, they work for Lyft, they do all the same shit. I know, Jason, but this is the beauty of the world we live in. We get to pick... one of these things based on our aesthetic choices and what we feel like represents us as a brand as well. I think you need to take a second look at Lyft because the original iteration of Lyft is burned into your set in they, them, ways skull. Where you still think everyone in a Lyft has a pink mustache Kia Soul convertible. Well, that's their fault. That's their fault. That's what they came out to the world. And I don't mean to bring that up during Pride Month, but they came out as a pink...

logo with a mustache on the dashboard, how could that not be burned in our brains? Well, I mean, remember the first Instagram logo? Look, not great. Atrocious. That's true. We're rocking with it. Why did we stick with them? I'll be honest, low-key, I'm rocking with Instagram. I use it on the daily. But I mean, you look at every startup company's first logo. And it's a fucking train wreck. I don't know why. I have no reason for this. I can't explain it. I'm pissed because you're not the only person who feels this way. I'm pissed. My G, they don't even give you a discount. Why are you going so hard in the paint? I'm going hard in the paint because it's an identical service to Uber. Don't start using Alto. If you start using Alto, your code is dimjeans for 20% off. I don't even know what that is. It's like another car service, but it's like... It's all the same cars, I think, or something. There's a little bit more of it. It's different, but not different. But I understand what you're saying. And this goes back to you being a contrarian, and you're going to wear Yeezys when other people can't. I get it. I get your whole swag. No, no, no. I mean, I was an Uber addict. When Uber came out, I was like, I have to like... I'm an Uber addict. I'm an Uber addict. I love Uber. But I mean, it was at the time when it came out where I was like, I have to go... like drive around all over town to go DJ. And every time I do that, I get blacked out drunk. And this is a literal godsend. I just hit a button on my phone and then a guy takes me there. It's wonderful. And then Lyft came out. The branding was bad, but it was much cheaper. The people that drove the service were nicer. No, I don't want them to be nicer, and I don't want them to be cheaper. So you lost me on that one, Chief. You don't want the person in charge of your life to be nice? No, I don't want them to be. I want them to act like we're not together. But there's one key thing that happened where Uber lost me forever. And I still, of course, use Uber when it's not available.

You know, Lyft isn't available in my region. There was a time when Uber was surging, pardon the pun, and it was so big, so popular. Everyone was using it, and they were hiring everyone. That's true. And there was no quality control of who was a driver. And, you know, on the dark side of things, you know, you're a girl being sexually harassed. On the light side of things, you're like, oh, this is – I was in an Uber one time. I remember when I stopped using it. Like it was me and Andre and his mom. So just like two normal dudes and like a woman in her 60s. Normal is generous. Sorry, we're anything but normal. Two original cats and a mother? Just three adults, one of them kind of an older woman. And this guy is driving so terribly, texting while he's driving. He gave me his cell phone number and said, yo, don't use the app. Just text me the next time you need a ride. I like that. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense. And he tried to sell us weed, which I guess is cool. But I'm like, they will hire anyone, and I don't want that. You're working against yourself right now. You would rather have a dad from Riverside pick you up in an F-150? and be like, I'm just doing this for some extra money. My kids are in college. I would rather have a guy try to sell me weed and text and drive. But if I could make my mind up, if it was completely up to me, I would want an initial greeting and then no more communication at all. Yes, I know that. I know that. And that's fine. I was talking all through the Lyft on the way home yesterday, though. I had a Korean homie. And we were getting into it about different soups and abalones and stuff like that. Is that because you were drunk, maybe? Yeah, I was drunk. Yeah, you got me. But I was, I mean, I only had two martinis. There was a little digestif. Yeah, there was a couple digestives, I feel like. Since they sent two over and I didn't drink mine, I'm assuming you did. I had one of the two. I had one of the two bonus digestives. Okay. You know, I don't want to be rude. No, of course.

But how much digestion can you do? You know what I mean? But now that I have to get the Lyft Lux every time, it's like they're just nice cars with chill drivers, and there's no... There's no weird dad in a Kia Soul, you know? Well, I'm happy to hear that you've graduated, and that's great to hear. I see all your new designer pants you're wearing and all your little accoutrements that just scream upgrade. I have no accoutrements. I'm loving every minute of that pinky ring. I'm sure that'll debut on the internet soon. It's just got a couple diamonds in it. Nothing crazy. The diamonds are on the inside, and they're just for me. Yeah, but it was a big night last night, and I'm feeling it too, Jason. I don't know what it is. It could be the Buffalo Cauliflower Hangover. Do you feel a little hungover, Chris? Well, I was getting a slow start, and then we're watching tennis, of course, because congrats to Rafa on his victory at the French Open. Vamos, Rafa. It's just a little tough. I'm usually up and out of the house at 7 a.m., but the tennis is on. I got home late. You know what I mean? Pop Pop's moving a little slower. Pop Pop's moving a little slower. But it's all worth it to have spirited conversation and watch two legends in my life get drunk. That's kind of what I do it for, TJ. It was fun. Once I did get back to the original part of the story, your agenda, I show up and your car is in the driveway. I'm like, oh, she's ready to go. And I start walking there and you go, no, no, no. We're taking the coop. So we go over to our little... The Mazda Miata. Our nice little Porsche. And I go to sit in and he says, no, no, no. The top goes up now. Move your smoothie. The top's going up. And then of all the ways, you know, we type in on the phone the directions how to get there. And Chris is like, oh, this is an interesting route. Oh, well, I guess we'll just take it. And, you know, blink my eyes, smash cut, and we are in front of Hamburger Marys and Rage, balls deep on the epicenter of Pride on Santa Monica with the top down, a couple of gay-baiting long otters crammed into a Porsche Boxster, and suddenly the vibe shifts greatly in terms of, I had just watched Hulu's Fire Island.

And I suddenly felt like Joel Kim Booster. I was saying, it was interesting. Honestly, I didn't even think about it. And then the route took us there. And then as we're pulling up, you're describing the movie to me and giving me the three funny scenes, none of which Bo and Yang were in, I'm assuming. And you kind of... And I feel like I got the gist of the movie. There's some great GHB jokes, which I'm going to repurpose, of course, because I think those are kind of a lost art. The Dominican power-bottom twink, he steals the show, of course. So it was kind of an interesting you talking about the new gay Hulu movie. We're in the epicenter of Pride Weekend. And then you take the right on San Vicente, and all the world quiets. And you're in the bowels of Hollywood. I feel like there's a word in Hawaiian. There's a thousand words in Hawaiian for what that feeling is. And it was a beautiful night. We were able to sit outside. But, yeah, I do think that there was a – I didn't – My favorite part is just we're on – we're just in the middle of Pride, and it's just – it's all messy as hell. You know, there are – Lots of different mesh backpacks and people eating weird lunches on top of mailboxes. But it was all good and positive and everything. And then we would be sitting at a red light in this car, and you have your sweater sort of effortlessly tied around your shoulders. And guys will walk by and be like, car looks fun hi i want to be in this car and then so i mean suddenly i felt like radikowski walking down bleaker i'm like all eyes on me tupac voice felt good i wanted to you know now that i think about it i think i subconsciously wanted to give you a nice little ego boost well i i think that that's a that's a cop-out chris what my my my line of questioning that i'm doing i'm i'm going johnny depp lawyer mode is that this was not subconscious at all but in fact

She meditated. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is this is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together, a cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world. is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up. faster especially for same-day tasks so book trusted home help today that is 15 off your first task using promo code how long with the task rabbit app or at taskrabbit.com you heard that you heard that right so you're saying that i i planned this whole thing for us to get a two-minute stop at a red light in front of rage during pride yeah i mean you're sober so you can't you the needle can't go in the arm but if i gotta go get a root canal and you you gotta put give me a little gas to go under so be it you know i'll take a hit okay i mean i'm not you're not you're not wrong you're not i can't have a foot long meatball sub but i'll have a wheat thin

Dipped in ketchup, you know? Dipped in ketchup. That sounds like the snack that your Uber driver in the F-150 would have in the front seat. Oh, shit. I got gum, cell phone chargers, wheat thins, ketchup, everything you need, boy. None of that natural shit either. Yeah, I got some hunts. Well, I'm glad that you're feeling bad as well. And I've got my gallon here. I was able to, of course, get a workout in. Fuck gallons, bro. So I'm able to hydrate and kind of hopefully help me through my hangover. I've got an early flight tomorrow. We've got a pool party this afternoon. It's just going to be – I'm already feeling dehydrated is what I'm saying. The only thing I've consumed today is coffee, which is obviously a natural diuretic. So whatever. I had inside of me, that devil's water is being expelled as we speak with every sip. I want to share something that I saw on Instagram this morning. A friend of mine, Hannah Tindall is her name. She lives in London. She posted a repost of a TikTok where Demna, a designer of Balenciaga, was carrying a bag of Lay's chips as an accessory. Okay. And I just wanted to say that I think that's very cool. Okay, I have three questions up top. Number one, how do you know that this bag of Lay's is an accessory and not intended to be consumed? Well, no, I mean, he was consuming them, but he was holding it open in the front row of the fashion show like a purse. Okay, second question, small bag of chips or full-size bag of chips? Full-size, and I believe it's a plain Lay's. Oh, it's worse than I thought. which I appreciate that, but he's holding him kind of under his arm like you would in the front, you know what I mean? So it's not like a full clutch, but it's sexy. It's not sexy. Demna eating chips is just not going to be sexy. I just love chips as an accessory. No, I'm with it. It's definitely an accessory because, I mean, eating a plain lay without any dip.

A cemento. Dips for regular potato chips, disgusting. That's true fat people stuff that doesn't even cross my mind. If I was going to have a chip. A ruffle? A ruffle with onion dip? Mamma mia. No, there's no way. Onion dip is too closely related to mayo. Even though I know it's different, it's the same. Solamente crema. And also, shout out real quick to our homies at Bitchin' Sauce. It's a vegan sauce and spread. When we had Phoebe Bridgers on the podcast last year, she gave them a shout out saying, I'm vegan, I love bitchin' sauce, it's the best, blah, blah, blah. And then bitchin' sauce heard about it and then mailed us a bunch of bitchin' sauce. And that was so cool. And then bitchin' sauce. sent me a follow-up message like that was us meaning you i've never seen a one free tub of sauce us was phoebe bridgers and i and it has nothing to do with you oh oh i'm sorry you and they're like hey we just it was so awesome when you mentioned bitch and sauce in the pod send that address and you know and we'll get some more over to you and phoebe and i said you know what here's my address i'll make sure she gets it And I'm not going to make sure she gets it. Phoebe's on the road, so she probably doesn't have much use for the sauce, you know? I'm not going to send Phoebe Bridgers a DM and ask her for her home address. You know, get in my car and drive to Highland Park. And not even for Phoebe Bridgers will I do that and drop off some, like, vegan sauce on her doorstep. That's just crazy. So I'm just going to keep it all for myself just to be. Safe and sound here in Glendale. But it looks like you sent a picture to the group chat, and it looked like the amount of sauce was enough to feed a family of 15. If you laid it out on your arm like money, it would cover both arms. I have 20 containers of sauce, more or less. Do they have 20 different flavors, or are they doubling up for TJ because they know he likes onion? I got a few. Just like when you're cracking a fresh...

Pack of Pokemons. You'll get some doubles in there, but most of it was OG shit. OG shit? Okay, what's the OG shit? More popular flavors, like... Fans of the Bitchin' Sauce will know about original, which is a legendary classic flavor. So you're telling me – hold on. So you're telling me that original is a classic flavor. That's the profile? That's what you're giving me? Much like Balenciaga Lay, don't sleep on original flavor, which I think if it's a vegan kind of hummus-y dip kind of thing, that flavor should be somewhere around. around like cashew meets nutritional yeast and and i mean that in the best way possible what i'm what i'm looking for jason and why i'm asking you these hard-hitting questions i i'm sorry i'm going fucking what do you want from me investigator mode when you're hung over but it just seems like these sauces are fake ass hummuses And that's what I'm not understanding. Obviously, it's not chickpea-based. Maybe it is, but I just don't understand. By them calling it sauce, it seems like they're almost misrepresenting. And I would say, and again, I don't want to overstep, but it seems like they could be kind of stealing from a different culture. Which culture would that be? Hummus culture. Hummus culture. Hummus Twitter is not pleased. Hummus Twitter is like, why would I buy this when I could get majestic hummus in a beautiful 90s style packaging? And I'm not, this is, bitchin' sauce tastes good. I'm just saying, what is the difference between these sauces and a flavored hummus? To a Lay's person. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, and I don't disagree with you, Chris. I think that, I think bitchin' sauce. And any type of vegan sauce. See, this is why we do the one-on-one pods on Sundays. People really want to hear just a couple of guys talking about the intricate differences between... I mean, look, dude. And I'm not using hyperbole whatsoever. I'm being dead motherfucking ass. I know that a lot of people like when we talk about ketchup as well as other sauces.

This one, because I think it's a fat content thing. When you have a hummus, it feels a little on the healthy side. And then this one, I think it's more oil-based, more fat-based. So when you're vegan and you need to have that kind of unctuous, umami, back of the throat, kind of schmacking kind of thing. All right, chill, chill, chill, chill. Back of the throat during pride, you're going too far. All right, bro, you got to relax. You got to relax. Damn, you call me the gay baiter, okay? We both bait. I'm a little more on the – I like to err on the side of welcome to the meat show, whereas you kind of err on the side of, you know, I guess the bottoms are here kind of energy when you enter the room. So you're telling me that the – hold on. So you're telling me that the – sorry to sidetrack us. You're telling me that the fat content of these bitchin' sauces is less than hummus. More. More. I think it's more. They're offering – the value proposition is more calories but more flavors. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. I mean, that's fine. I don't see a problem with that. I mean, the shit tastes good. That's all that matters. I would say it is not a sauce. It's more of a dip. I understand. And my question is all these dips – you have 20 dips. The only thing I really want to dip is a chip. You know what I'm saying? And unfortunately, that is also not going to be the most healthy option. So are you – Are you slicing your Persian cucumber spears to dip in this? Are you doing a full pita spread? What is your go-to dipper? It is definitely chip, like you just said. And then I always keep some baby carrots in the fridge. Of course. I'm glad to know that you're going to eat 20. cans of sauce uh in the next you know couple months that's going to be great for the waistline speaking of so there's a there's a i don't know if you've been following this this uh gwyneth paltrow courtney kardashian candle collaboration i actually have not there's a lot going on there's i i learned from the ion pack that there's a kanye square burger

Wow. There's a lot of stuff that I don't know why I guess I've been too busy working on myself that things are kind of falling through the cracks. Someone's got to plan this wedding. A friend of the show, Andrew, has kind of reposted Gwyneth Paltrow's story where she said, and I quote, our candles are not candles, they are provocations. And is provocation a real word? Vaginas are beautiful and full of power. They are nothing to be ashamed of, nor should they be violated in any way ever. Orgasms should be had by everyone equal measure. They are good for our health, our sleep, our moods, and our bodies. In the spirit of calling out another paradigm which keeps women out of their full power, we made this smells like my pushy candle. She says all this stuff and then ends with the way that we're doing this, the way that we're fulfilling this promise is with a candle called Smells like my pooshie. Because Kourtney Kardashian's wellness platform that has long been debated as a ripoff of Gwyneth's goop is called poosh, as I'm sure now. Okay, so the two decided to squash the beef. Squash the poosie beef. They said, you know what, we'll meet together at the Brentwood Country Mart. A camera crew in tow, of course. We'll kind of hash this out. And we'll make it seem like we're doing this for reasons other than money and optics. And it's working so far. So there's a scene on the Keeping Up with the Kardashians on Hulu. If you can stop watching your gay films. I cannot. Kardashians low-key fell off. Sorry. Episode one of this season, masterpiece. Everything else, unwatchable. I don't disagree with you. I know. This new Cronenberg is coming out, and it's kind of like. You know, kind of throw me for a loop as far as my favorites go. But so there is a scene where her, Courtney and Gwyneth get together and obviously fake decide to do this together. I feel like they're stealing. I feel like there was a time, you know, not that long ago, Jason, where you were discussing the idea of a milk incense. That's right. I believe that that would have also been kind of throwing the scent game on its head. You know? Yeah. Do you think the smell of milk is a...

is more appealing than the smell of the female orgasm? That's my question for you. Well, there's a big difference. Have you ever smelled female orgasm? Okay, and Chris has done it again. You got me over here like, wait, they can do that too? Take it from me, there's a big difference between the smell of a pushy and the smell of an orgasm and the smell of milk. Three scents I know all too well. I don't think that this – I mean, obviously, orgasms do not create a smell that can be recognized by a standard human nose. So do you think that Gwyneth and Courtney have – their noses have been broken and realigned so many times that they can smell differently? Is that possible? Like Manny Pacquiao? Yeah, exactly. Manny Pacquiao, he'd be smelling some shit that you don't even really know about. Oh, Manny? No, I think that – If you're going to make a candle that smells like pussy, it's like, what kind of pussy? You know what I mean? Pussy is a spectrum. Obviously, the candle and the incense, those are all smells. We've all been to some type of nasty Spencer Gifts type of store at the mall, and they'll definitely have pussy-scented incense. You know what I mean? Kind of a little bit of a run-down gift shop kind of thing. Probably seen Pussy Incense, right? Do you think I've ever been to a Spencer's Gifts, Jason? Come on now. Even as a young child. Oh, I'm kidding. I spit. I mean, they know me at Spencer's. They know you at Spencer's. They said, Chris wears an XL. Make sure you get all the corn and System of a Down tees off the wall for him when he wants it. I need one of those candy suckers that has a scorpion inside of it. They got Chris's box in the back. I need incense that smell like pussy, but not from an ugly chick. I'm talking about a fine-ass chick pussy. That's the incense that I like to purchase, and I vote with my dollars. Thank you. I vote with my dollar at Spencer's Gifts and every once in a while some other mall locations, but it does feel like I just don't know.

how many candles you're going to sell when the idea is that it's like a novelty. You know what I mean? For someone who's very sensitive, I need a smell that can be repeated often in my home that I'm drawn to, that makes me feel comfortable, that makes me feel good, that can transport me to another place. I don't know if buying a $75 candle is a novelty. Are they just big enough to sell anything? Is that the reality? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're definitely big enough to sell anything. And it's also one of those things where it's like, I've been hearing about this thing and I'm curious to try it. It's kind of like when fidget spinners first came out and you're like, I'm never going to get a fidget spinner. But if some kid has one or your little cousin has one or whatever, you're going to be like, let me give a little spin. This is not a joke. This is not a joke. But I recently found my red fidget spinner in the cushions of my couch. In New York City. No, really? Yeah, that's right. Right next to some kind of lost, unreal M&Ms. You know what I mean? You got some loosies? I had a few loosies. I didn't eat them. This isn't Coke. You drop in the carpet and snort up. Good for you. And I found it, and I have to say. Fidget spinning, even years removed, incredibly gratifying, a trend I wish would have stayed around. So you're still spinning after all. It's a shame that the spinner died, but the tech deck still pushes on. I agree with you completely. The fidget spinner is a more universal product and activity, whereas the tech deck leans a little darker, I would say. Yeah, and sometimes I will go through some old JPEGs on my computer, design ideas. from the past that may or may not have aged well and i remember i made a mock-up where i did a a late crusade cast iron fidget spinner and that's a great idea it was a great idea look the little the the thing in the middle that you put your your thumb on that little kind of plastic chunk you know that would sort of mimic the plastic lid of a ceramic

That's right. You know, it'd have a little more weight to it, a little more heft to it. So, you know, these little pencil neck dweebs probably can't handle. the torque and the G-forces, not to borrow a term from Maverick, but you use at your own risk. You and Brett last night gushing about Maverick was actually driving me to go to rage more than anything else. You went to rage after you dropped me off? Yeah, I was like, these guys are talking about manly stuff too much, and it's kind of... Well, I wasn't gushing over Top Gun. I was definitely... patronizing Brett a little bit just because he knows more about movies than I do, obviously. So I was happy to take a back seat. But, you know, we did agree that they were able to tie it all together very well with a nice bow at the end. And tears did come. But I think the interesting thing that we discussed and debated, I wouldn't say hotly. It was warmly. Well, if the contents of the movie... is what we need now or if Tom Cruise is truly the powerhouse that he once was. And I think the final conclusion was a little bit of both, a little from column A, a little from column B, which isn't my favorite outcome because I obviously want to be right and I want someone else to be wrong, but we had to kind of split the difference in this case. Yeah, and that's tough, and that will really derail a convo, won't it? You had to go to the bathroom. You were like, I got to go. I can't. I can't watch this. I'll be excusing myself once again. I just can't watch this happen. That reminds me of something that I was thinking about before. Somehow, whenever now, or I guess now, whenever people cry, they kind of need to find a way to share it with other people. I mean, obviously, there's the melodramatic crying selfie on Instagram kind of thing. Or like I'm going to do a TikTok where I talk about like things that make me sad and I'm going to cry. But also even just like me, like if I cry watching a movie on an airplane, why do I feel the need to tell people that I cried? Is it just like, please believe me that I'm a human with real emotions? It's kind of annoying. It reminds me of when you are like fighting with your life partner or your roommate and you like tell them that you did the dishes or you vacuumed and they're like,

Okay. Yeah, great, bitch. Good. That has nothing to do with what we're talking about. No, I see your point. I mean, I think that everybody – It's like I wasted a cry. Like I did a real human emotion. Nobody was there to see it, so I got to let people know. Yeah, it's a symptom. I was going to say it's a symptom of the oversharing culture that we live in, that we all participate in to some extent. Is it everything is content, even crying? I mean, like you see the videos of like – girls doing like tiktok dances while their grandma's on life support you know that shit like ngl ngl grandma really going through it might not might not make it through the night you you were a real one i mean there was i mean during covid there were like articles on on vogue.com about like bella hadid posting crying selfies you know what i mean right it's like right right right i don't know i mean i think it's i think it's basically like a vulnerability thing but i don't know how if you have the sense of mind to take a picture of it i'm not sure how vulnerable you're actually being yeah and if and if bella if bella does any selfie online 14 million people will follow suit no exactly i mean it's it's like everything else i think crying is a trend you know And just like I was making a Pokemon joke before, it's kind of like, oh, I need to add crying selfie to my collection or else I'm not a real influencer or I'm not a real social media creator. Well, I was finally able to actually bust chops on a trend yesterday. You chop busting? I posted a meme I found that is the kind of cooked photo of Kermit with his hand on the shoulder. Yes. And it says, I'm going to keep it real with you, chief. No one is subletting your room from June to August 2022. This tweet has gotten 82,000 likes. 82,000? 82,000. And I think it's funny, but to me, the real – what I really wanted to talk about was the –

Please buy my old shit on a street corner in Brooklyn IG story sale trend. Okay. That seems to peak in the warm weather. You know what I mean? And we've talked about this a little bit before. Well, we love a season change in terms of sales. Now the sun's coming out. All the hot chicks in your IG are going to be selling their junk on a corner. And 75% of them are rich and don't need the money. But I guess it's like a... Is it sustainable? I think that's another thing of everything is content, even getting rid of your old stuff. The tired and wired. The tired is garage sale. Here's my old workout gear and VHS movies. A neighbor of ours is having garage sale yesterday and today, and it's 5 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, all day long, talking to fucking... urchins on the street that walk by and nasty shit going on and that bitch is going to make two hundred and eleven dollars for for a week's worth of work what's the point so i don't i think the the instagram seller thing is just like it's just like here's another thing for content and here's another thing it's a fan meet up it's a fan meet and great it's a fan meet up it's the same the same thing is like hey guys A lot of you have been asking, what kind of makeup do I use? A lot of people have been asking. Can I see some numbers on that? A lot of you guys have been asking me, could you try on all of your sexy, slutty clothes and then do a turn? So I'm going to do all that. And then the ones that I don't like anymore, they're going to be $10 on Depop. And then you can come over and take a selfie with me unless you're ugly or fat. then um then you won't be allowed to i love i love this this john paul gotier vintage bustier is actually it's crazy but it's like too big so i'm gonna i'm gonna sell it here for a hundred yeah on depop for a hundred i accept venmo and cash out the guy at the store said that my ass was just too juicy

The guy at L Train Vintage said my ass is too juicy for these double knees, and I have to unload them now in my depop. I used to love wearing these in high school, but my pussy got too fat and perfect, so I actually have to get rid of them. And it pains me to see them leave, but this is actually gross. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Bro, you know what normal people do? They drop shit off at crossroads and never talk about it again. That's what normal people do. I make my $300 from shit I don't want and I never talk about it again because the point is to get it out of my house. The point is not to show you my old shit as an opportunity to get likes. Well, I think maybe the crux of this or distilling it down is, like you said, normal people do that because normal people, like, hey, I'm busy doing my job and my life and my career and whatever. I have to do a bunch of things today. I'm going to go put all the stuff in my car, take it to Crossroads, drop it off. If you give me $100 for this, great. If you donate it, great. Whatever. I don't care. I have to go back and get to work. Whereas everyone else is like, I don't have a job because I don't want to have a job. So I'm going to use Instagram and TikTok and social media. That is my job. No, that's true. So then when you don't have a job, everything you do is a job. So there's no separation. So it's just like, okay. I'm going to go to the dentist. That's a video. I'm going to take out the trash. LOL. Wouldn't it be so random if I took the trash out like this? I'm going to sell my old fucking shitty shoes. That's content. Does anyone want to sublet my bright room with a lot of plants in Ridgewood from June 6th through June 13th while I'm in Lisbon? That's the vibe. That's the vibe. It's crazy. Like somebody said yesterday, they're like... Bro, you're going on vacation for a week. Take the hit. If you're going on vacation for a week, you can't sublet your room. That's fucking crazy. My ferret does have rabies, so you do need to be certified. If you can take care of my snakes in Brooklyn Heights while I'm in Croatia for two days with my girlfriends, that would be great. I think something has come to a head because that's happening at the same time as...

New York Times stories about how when you can't afford to live in your house, you get other people to share the rent. And those are called roommates. So people are just like, I don't want to have a job. I don't want to have roommates. And then they're hitting a wall where they're like, I guess I have to have a job and roommates or else I have to move back home with my parents in Connecticut. Figure out life as a homeless person. Honestly, it's inspiring to watch. It's inspiring to watch everyone do every single thing except get a job. Working is satisfying. It makes you feel good. Not everybody is an artist. Not everybody is a DJ. Me included. If I sat at home and paid all day and had to sell... streetwear on depop i would be depressed yeah but there is there is definitely an odd trend of of people using instagram stories to swap their homes or you know supplement i mean i guess is that just like truly a sign of like a recession and poverty no no no no downturn where somebody is like i can't afford to not not leave my house for a week and not have somebody pay for it? I don't think it's about they can or can't take it. I think they think that now, because the precedent is set, it's an opportunity to not take a hit and put up a cute photo of your apartment. Oh. Like I have no intention of ever renting this apartment out to you ugly fatties. No, no, no. I just want you guys to see how cute my apartment is. I think some people would do that, but I think that also... there's there's like why not like i'll try everybody else does this so it must be okay you know what i mean like it must be okay it must be okay to act like this because i see all my friends doing it i mean it's just like it's any other trend so now everybody yeah everybody is reverse engineered airbnb one of the worst services to ever exist where you check into a house and it's got a fucking uh an ikea painting of paris above the above the fucking toilet and

the sheets feel like fucking sandpaper and the door lock doesn't work and one of the burners is out. It's like Airbnb is hell and hotels are making a comeback and unfortunately, you know, not everybody's on board. Yeah, I mean, I guess it is really just kind of, you know, Airbnb was created to disrupt that industry and Instagram stories are disrupting Airbnb because everyone wants, I mean, like as we, grow further and further away from each other and kind of separated and segregated as people, we want to be able to control who is going to come into our home. And on Airbnb, you get to see like a small avatar photo of somebody and they can send you a brief message of what their intentions are at your home. There's no one to actually vouch for you like on Instagram or like, oh, this is Steve's friend and he's chill. Tell John a little bit about yourself. But people want to have that control and like I really want to rent this out. It would be good. Water my plants, feed my dog, whatever. Let me throw this out there, Jason, just quickly. If you can't afford to go on vacation, and look, this might be crazy, maybe you just don't go. I'm putting it out there. Maybe it's not necessary. to go to Havar for a week with your friends. Maybe Cuba can wait until next year. Well, that's a lesson that you have to learn the hard way. It's very similar to if you can't afford those $1,800 boots or whatever, and you have to get... Four easy installment Klarna payments. Maybe you shouldn't get those boots right now. To be fair, Jason, Klarna just had a hefty amount of layoffs, so I think maybe people weren't kind of using that as much as maybe they should have. I'm too afraid to check my Klarna stock. I know you put most of your savings in once the Klarna ASAP Rocky ad campaign came out because you were kind of... We all thought, everyone on the Discord was like, this is it. I started specking out. I started spicking up my McLaren online and just kind of figuring out what the shipping times were. And then, boy, that was a tough Monday. All my friends I'd never met in real life that have avatars of cartoons told me that this was going to work. And all of a sudden, it's not working. What the fuck? You're telling me I'm going to have to get a job now? People just don't. People don't want to work. People want to make money in any way possible that doesn't require work. And that means...

Rensing out their house. That means, I mean, it's even like the, it's Turo. It's the same. It's all, it's all, that's all it is. That's everything. But it's the, it's the gig economy shit. It's the gig economy. People would rather do that than like do something that even they deem meaningful. You know what I mean? Because if I can do this for four hours a day and make enough money to. sit on my couch with the PS5 and order fucking Postmates, then I'm happy. If that's enough for somebody, that's great. I just think that the problem is that's now the popular thing to do. It reminds me of when I was 15 and I had a job, and I remember my manager being somebody who was like, oh, you're an older, wiser person, and you're going to like... Give me information about how the world works and you're going to help me. I'm going to learn things from you. There's no mentors who you want to learn from. You go on YouTube and you figure out how to scam and then that's your job now. There's no humans involved. Or you feel like you are smarter and more successful than your own manager in a lot of ways. And I feel like in a lot of times that's probably true. Oh, definitely. Definitely. I think it is. It is true. But I think people don't want to. Yeah, I think everyone thinks they're a genius, you know, because of because of the education they receive on Twitter. You know, me included. Obviously, I have a Ph.D. Everyone included. But I mean, I don't know. Like, of course, everyone thinks they know everything about the world and they don't. And they figure that out once they get older. But there seems to be an absence of like the respect for people. who, even if you think you're smarter than them, that they might be able to teach you something about the world and maybe take a minute to listen to them. I don't know if that happens anymore. No. But now I'm worried that this is sounding like old head talk too much. I mean, it is old head talk, but it's also true, probably. So that's the thing with old head talk. Sometimes it crosses over into real talk. Not always. Not always. Sometimes. Not in cases of like Run the Jewels or something like that. No. I saw somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Run the Jewels. One of the worst to ever do it out there. Catch them on the road. Catch them on the road this summer. I'm sure. I'm sure we have a lot of crossover. I wanted to talk about just quickly, Jason.

Somebody trying to clown me at Sweetgreen yesterday. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so you were at Sweetgreen on La Brea. Great location. I DJed the opening party for that Me and Haim DJ set, of course. Oh, wow. Jason and Esty back-to-back. Who played Kendrick first? Not I. So, yeah. Yesterday, about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I stopped in for a delicious Shroomami with a few substitutions, of course. I'm in line, and I had just gotten a massage. I had ran. I was a little out of it. I was looking at my phone, and a guy who looked like, you know, he had definitely been in a fraternity. He might have been wearing only New York, and he had like a big, you know, expensive watch on that I'm going to guess his parents bought. What's the over-under on him listening to this right now? Oh, he's definitely listening. He said to me, ironic seeing you here, and kept walking, and I just said to him like, what it's a saturday like i didn't even understand what he was saying and i i wanted it was pretty good like it's a pretty good joke so it was a little bit of a funny seeing you here of all yeah it was a pretty good joke but he kept moving in a way that made me think his ego was a little too big like he didn't stop to let it land he just he just threw it off and kept walking to use the restroom without buying anything okay that's epic which i it's weird because i also appreciate that You know what I mean? But I hate this person. So it's confusing. Well, as somebody who has done stuff like that before, usually in that situation, somebody is going to drop the bomb and then keep walking in like a I'm a cool badass kind of way. But it's pretty much just like rooted in insecurity and like I'm going to get out of here. And instead of like saying another thing that then ruins it, I'm going to. Get a clean hit in, get out, and you won't even know what happened. Yeah, I respect the approach. I think there was a familiarity that I didn't love. He didn't like that he felt comfortable enough to address you. Well, that's like what we talked about. Unsolicited. Yeah, that's what we were talking about. Like, what if I punched you in the face?

Like, I'm not going to do that because, like, I don't care. You know what I mean? It's pretty funny. Well, what do you mean what if I punch you in the face? Then Bryce would sue you? No, this is what I mean. We talked about somebody where the comfort level is so crazy now that people forget they can get duffed out. Like, people forget that, like, you can't just say whatever you want to anyone in real life. It's not the Internet. It's a different – the stakes can be different. I think nowadays, you know, like, people really don't – think they're going to get duffed out because they pretty much aren't going to get duffed out it's pretty rare that the duff happens so they're kind of right i've said this many times the duff should happen i know but what the problem is he could press charges it's a lawsuit like no it's a problem this The kind of people that will approach someone and say something to get deft out for are definitely the kind of people who will sue you when that happens. Yeah, of course, of course. There's a nice cross-section. But yeah, I think that there needs to be... What's the solution to this problem? Or is there one? Oh, there's not one. This will just continue. I mean, look, society is... We're falling like a plane whose engines failed. You know, so I think that the this is just part of the this is just losing your rooster. This is just part of the spiral, though. It is that people everybody thinks they could do whatever they want and there's no consequences because it's kind of true. Yeah, because it's true. It gets proven on every level like it gets proven every level like. Well, that's why we need to think outside the bun, Chris. You can't just I mean, you can punch people if you are. No, I would definitely like an unknown civilian. That's fine? As long as you get out of there quickly? I would do more of a tire slash. You know what I mean? Something a little more covert. Well, that's one of the G-Codes rules of the street. Don't fuck with a guy's car. I'm not from the street, so I don't have to play by those rules. That makes you no better than Bryce at Sweetgreen. I used to slid a lot of tires back in my day. If you get the spare, especially if somebody's a Jeep life type.

They got the big spare on the back, pop that shit too. Where's AAA at, player? You know what I mean? I hope you have AAA. Who fucking who now? No, all joking aside, it was pretty funny and a good burn, and I did enjoy my salad thanks to the cashew bucks from our friends at Sweetgreen. So who's laughing now, bitch? You know what I mean? I mean, was it even a burn? If I see Chris Black at Sweetgreen, I got to say something. Well, I have to say the smirk. led me to believe that he thought it was a burn. So therefore, it must be. I have to give it to him. You got smirked upon. Yeah, I got smirked upon. Something don't sit right with me getting smirked upon like that. Yeah, I have to give credit where credit's due because he kept moving. It was smart. I have to respect it, and I also have to want to duff. I contain multitudes. I guess you need to do some type of... Get the duff ghost out of you. I mean, obviously, you're not going to do a thing where you go to some Manhattan warehouse and smash fax machines. Fax machines with a sledgehammer. I'm about to bring my own supreme bat to break flat screen TVs. But we need to, you know, we need to figure something out. Maybe we just, I mean, obviously your squat game is really crazy, but maybe we just need to get more LBs up on there. I don't know. No, no, I feel fine about it. I just think that it is. You know, the hamster has to run on the wheel or else it's going to eat its young. And I just don't want you to eat your young. You got to have an outlet for this. For this animosity. For this duff juice, I call it. I guess eventually if I don't get into cycling. Cycling ain't going to cut it, sweetheart. No, that's what I'm saying. I guess boxing is the final frontier for me. Boxing, yeah. I mean, honestly, an Interpol style boxing. You know, hit the heavy bag. Not the breathing. But that did, when I said I'm about to break, that did remind me of one last topic. where we were talking on the group chat earlier in the week, and Edible was kicking in, and I was looking at somebody had posted some Kendrick Lamar lyrics on Instagram. A thing that we've all seen that's not uncommon to see. But people posting lyrics on Instagram, but also editorializing like, yo, this shit is crazy.

Like, absolute bars, mind-blown emoji. Right. When Bull said this, I was like this. So, yeah. So, like, somebody posted Kendrick lyrics. But, like, when you see Kendrick Lamar, a video, or you listen to a song, you're impressed by his ability to rap. You know? You're like, this is really good. It's like when you see Criss Angel Mind Freak. It's a whole spectacle of things going on. It's the outfit. It's the style. It's the lighting. It's the sound. You know? You get swept up. But when you take the Kendrick Lamar lyrics, you strip it all away and you're not even looking on like the genius or a lyrics dot com or anything like that. It's just somebody typed out Kendrick Lamar bars and then, you know, put them on on Instagram. Just an aerial font, you know, black and white text, just as simple as it gets. It made me realize why. we have a bit of an aversion to Kendrick Lamar. And it's not for any lack of talent. He's very talented. He's a very inspirational, positive person. I think it's good for him to exist in the rap world. Has a strong, positive message. But I can't really fuck with it because when I saw his lyrics written out like that, it's no different than the lyrics of Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park. It was basically a facsimile to a Linkin Park lyric. No, you're right. So grab any section of a Kendrick Lamar verse, type it out, and then read it or sing it even better in a Linkin Park voice, R.I.P. Chester, and it pretty much is a Linkin Park song. No, it's a really interesting theory, and I thought maybe it was some dumb T.J. Third Eye shit, but it's right. You ran it. I did the test. I did the test. It's actually – no, it's very clear, and I think that it's just like – if you want to think something is good because it aligns with your beliefs and the image you want to put out into the world, then you will. You know what I mean? Like Amin de Leon New Balances or something. No, but it's like – it's more with lyrics in particular because this is like you're saying. It looks like a third grader wrote it. It's like basic sentences. I got it pulled up. I care too much.

Why I want to share too much? I am in my head too much. I shut down too much. I ain't there too much. This time around, I trust myself. I please everybody else but myself. When all else fails, I was myself. That's not bars, guys. That's, like, almost nonsensical. If you scream it in a Linkin Park voice, that's a Linkin Park song. But it's also because of people being only interested in lyrics when they're told that the lyrics are good. Like, when an album is considered, like, serious and important, then you're going to post lyrics. When an album's just, like, good and it rocks, like, no one's posting Dua Lipa lyrics because they're shitty. But the music is good, and it's a fun song to listen to. But we're not going to write Dua Lipa lyrics on a scroll and pretend that they're important. I saw some tweet that said, Gay bars mixing out of levitating when DaBaby's verse comes on need to grow up. It is Pride Month, so I see their point. But are we ready to start playing DaBaby's verse again? I always hated DaBaby's verse on that song. I thought it ruined. That was one of the most record label forced things that backfired. Oh, yeah. No, Dua Lipa and DaBaby, they met at Bar Pity, and they just kind of hit it off. I know she's from London and he's from North Carolina, but they had a lot of similarities about their approach to music. And we wanted to get them in the studio together and just kind of see what happens. We're kindred souls at the end of the day. I'm sure there's some interview of Dua Lipa literally saying some dumb shit like that to sell the song, which is so good. Well, we both kind of met. We bonded over dogfighting, and we both have a lot of kind of red-nosed pits. And DJ Jarrell kind of put us in touch.

I've been homies with Jarrell for like a while. And we just really hit it off. Yeah, we just really hit it off. And I think that this should happen more often. You know what I mean? I think we should get out of our comfort zones a little more. I think it makes great music. DJ Jarrell hooked us up. Oh, shit. All right. Oh, shit. All right, well. Some good shit. How long gone? R.I.P. Trouble. R.I.P. Scoob. R.I.P. Trouble, man. I learned about Trouble from Decatur Dan, actually, because he shot a few videos back in the day. R.I.P. to Trouble. R.I.P. to Metro Boomin's mom. That's a fucking crazy story. I don't know if you saw that. No. Metro Boomin's mom got murdered last night by her boyfriend, who then killed himself. Oh, my God. I know. It's fucking crazy. So dark. Well. Every day we open the fucking explore page, and it's some shit we don't want to see, and that's why we bring you How Long Gone. Chris and I are completely devoid of empathy and emotion, so we're able to just keep delivering you this entertaining content so you can disassociate from the world as we continue to burn further. Make sure you buy a baby blue hat. Make sure to purchase the baby blue hat. Yeah, the merch is up. Merch is up. It's going to be sweet. We made a bunch of extra stuff because a lot of people were asking about the hats and everything, so we wanted to make sure that we had enough for everyone to get there, but we are getting close to selling out. Maybe by the time this episode goes up, it might be done. Obviously, we're going to be doing some more podcasting next week, of course, but Sunday, New York City, Tribeca Film Festival. How Long Gone with Eli Kessler at the Baby's All Right, just across the bridge there in a little hell we call Williamsburg. I'm wondering, since it's a matinee, do I wear a suit or do I have to do a different look? I think you could do more of a golf polo and khakis, you know what I mean? Kind of like an off-duty. Kind of what I would wear to church, you know what I mean? I'll pull out my Callaway, my backwards.

Callaway Samuel L. Jackson Kangol. If you pull up in the Titleist hat. If you pull up Big Dick Swinging with the Titleist hat on. So, yeah, How Long Gone, Tribeca Film Festival, June 12th, Sunday afternoon, 4 p.m. with Eli over at Baby's Alright. Tickets are available on the Tribeca website. Thank you to friend of the show, creative director Sam Jane, for the beautiful artwork. Thank you to our guest today that canceled... four seconds before the podcast we'll have him back on legendary guy that's okay you know when you're a legend you get a break but the legends keep knocking on the door we keep answering they keep rescheduling and that's kind of the game you think these guys reschedule on letterman jason i don't think so no and if this guest that canceled is in fact listening like they said they were this is just a little easter egg for you so when you do appear on here just bring it up please oh yeah You have an assignment. How long gone? Big Sunday. Jason, let's hit the pool, baby. I'll talk to you later. Thank you guys for listening. It's always a pleasure. We love you. We love you so much.