369. - Ruby McCollister

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? I'm ready when you're ready. Chris Black, Jason Stewart coming to you live and direct from beautiful Los Angeles. Jason. How the hell are you, man? I gotta say I'm feeling great. I don't know what it is, but my body's feeling good. I think, I don't know, like my body and brain connection is very interesting. I love when those two things are cooking at the same damn time. Has that ever happened to you before? Oh, hell no, bro. Are you kidding me? No. Absolutely not. Have you tried edibles? Edibles can help you really, like, find your bones, you know? find your bones that doesn't sound necessarily positive even though i'm sure you meant it that way okay but you know my trainer just he's like your your body is like a jenga tower as sturdy and solid as possible nothing uh-huh hanging off the sides or whatever That's when you're really cooking. Well, I mean, I'm okay. Well, that's something to look forward to. I can't wait to meet your trainer one day. Why are you saying it as if you're implying that he may or may not exist? No, no, no. I think he exists. Once I can afford to fill up my tank and kind of make it to Glendale, I'm sure he'll accept my partial Venmo. Chris, if I can afford to go to West Hollywood three nights a week, you can afford to go to Glendale one day a week. I'll try. I'll try. But this new Boeing 747 American Express.

card isn't accepted at all gas stations so i don't know what i'm supposed to that's true that's true that's tough yeah it's not it's not debit only you know what i mean but i wanted to talk about a little bit of breaking news there's a fire in glendale i'm assuming that's what it's about yeah no uh that's not that's not it there's there's something that happened yesterday that's kind of set i can't smell smoke it's set the world ablaze No pun intended. This has nothing to do with the fire that's very close to my house. This has nothing to do with the fire close to your house, but it looks like a friend of the show, Khloe Kardashian, is expecting a second child with known quote-unquote love rat. Love rat? That's what the Daily Mail calls Tristan Thompson and others like him. I've never heard that phrase. So that is like somebody who... Just won't ever let their host go? No, I believe it's any NBA player, basically. I was getting too philosophical. You were getting way too... He's just a ratty motherfucker at the end of the day is what it is. It's a compliment to the bottle rat phenomenon. I feel like it's a similar... Got it, got it. It's a similar... So she's decided to have a second child via surrogate. So that means that he didn't get to hit, but she's still going to have his child so that... so that their other child has a sibling that is biologically theirs. And also, Chloe has worked so hard to get her snatched a little away. Exactly. She's snatched. This is literally Chloe's season. She's looked good before, but this is peak, right? Nothing like this, Jason. Nothing like this. I mean, her and Kim both are looking exceptional because I believe they had their bottoms deflated. In some way, I'm not sure. I'm not sure kind of what the process is. It's similar to a Reebok pump. They seem to have had their Air Maxes popped. They're looking snatched. I believe Alex explained to me that they're doing multiple workouts today. One, of course, is Pilates to lengthen and tighten, and then one is a strength training exercise. But I would love to have...

I would love to have Chloe on the podcast to kind of talk about her workout regimen. Yeah, and it's also, you know, when you're dating one of these love rats, you know, one of these quote-unquote ain't shit people, this is sort of, this is a little bit of a punishment because he's probably used this line of persuasion before in order, you know, like we all know that he's just like, trying to find the bottom of the pussy hole he's just a squirrel trying to get a nut with her and she's like well i think we should make another baby and he's like hell yeah that means sex i'm gonna get the fucking that's what i'm into i love to fuck that's what i'm into and then she's like well you're on you're on pussy probation you're gonna have a kid you're gonna have child support you're gonna have college tuition you're gonna have you gotta go pick her up from soccer practice all that shit and then on top of that You ain't hitting. You ain't hitting. We withholding. And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd like you to sit there with your dick in your hand and think about what you've done. No, I mean, I think that luckily for him, any bills, like, he probably doesn't really have to cover. You know what I mean? She's probably kind of got that. It's the principle. Obviously, the Kardashians have the money, but so does he. And, you know, if we're going to make this love work, it's got to be. You know what I mean? No, I agree. I agree. That's what I think. They went half on a baby, and they should also go half on the $50,000 a year private preschool in Calabasas. I couldn't agree more. That's right. And I wish them the best. I also, you know, as a person who doesn't follow basketball, I'm under the impression that Tristan Thompson is kind of like a middling player. He's had good years, he's had bad years, but he's liked because he's a sweet Canadian guy. Well, not quite as liked anymore now that he's America's scumbag. I disagree. I think there's plenty of white women that like him a lot. Yeah, but they're toxic. They're toxic. Get them out of here. They're at every club in every NBA city across this beautiful country. Can't wait for the NBA to be back. After getting a taste of the vibes in Vegas last week during Summer League, I can't wait to be sitting courtside at the Clippers game this season, Jason. Oh, you're a Clippers guy now. I didn't know that. No, I'm not. Obviously, no. I just know that I can't afford it. I thought it was Hawks on this side, bro. First of all, no. Hawks. The problem is the Hawks courts.

The Hawks' courtside is too pricey because all the rappers. You have to bump Quavo's mom out of the way to even get a seat. It can't be cheaper than seeing a courtside game down at the Crypt. Bro, no, no. That's the number one. Lakers is number one, but I'm saying Atlanta, I think, is probably surprisingly expensive. Yeah, Atlanta is probably number two, and then the Clippers are back there. No, it's probably New York, L.A. Atlanta. No, New York, LA, Miami, Atlanta is my guess. Do you think we'll ever be invited courtside, Chris? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. We'll be invited courtside. I will have to wear a Cash App t-shirt underneath the blazer, but it will be worth it. Yeah, I mean, we will be sitting advertisements, and then I could be paid an extra $25,[redacted address] so that the cameras kind of rush over to us. If you hit the Cash App for $25,000, I will wet myself live on television. Well, Chris, I wanted to say congrats on the resurgence and rebirth of your strategist column at Ask Chris Black. Thank you, Jason. Thank you. How does it feel to be back? with that pen to the pad. You know what I mean? Honestly, it feels great. I love dispensing advice that is loosely out of my price range as well as everyone who reads it. No way. Come on, bro. No, no. I'm kidding. But no, it's great to be back and it's going to be monthly now, which is a little more... With our hectic work and podcast schedules, it's nice to pair it back to monthly so I can spend a little more time with the reader inquiries. Chris's bandwidth is loco. You guys got that? Honestly, Honestly, it's loco. You know, when I say thanks to the team, I just mean my ten fingers. Oh, shit. Because there ain't really anybody else. It's just me. You wasn't with me. Besides Jason. Jason's the only person with me. At the top, it's just us. Speaking of, I'm very excited tonight, Jason, because we're kind of having what I've been referring to as a toxic masculinity roundtable. And this is different than my barbershop talk locker room convo. Yeah, exactly. This locker room luckily features...

beautiful hand-pulled pastas uh over there at hearing you say the word hand-pulled pastas sounds so wrong i don't know why like it's no problem those are all words that are real things that exist on planet earth but it feels all of gardening when you say it for some reason well i like to bring everything down to my level you know that so we're hitting we're hitting of course a how long gone favorite Mother Wolf. Mother! With Danzig's Mother Wolf with a murderer's row of fellas tonight. And I'm just, I'm worried for my safety, to be honest with you. You think some type of kerfuffle or fisticuffs might break out in the valet and we're going to catch a little something in the net? Well, no, I mean, you know I talk kind of spicy to Uncle Pauly about his, you know, Cappadonna and Nas or whatever else he listens to, so I just don't want it. Oh, the Cappadonna was... pesto it's so good i just i don't season i don't want i don't want uncle paulie to have too many full-bodied cabernets and then and then kind of catch me with the elbow and the ribs you know when i'm making fun of a you god solo album you know what i mean i just don't i'm not ready for that and hopefully you're there to defend me we know that i'm not gonna defend you i'm i'm gonna be like yeah the grave diggers were underrated paulie Yeah, so Davide and Pia are back from their 14-week Italian vacation, and I'm sure he needs more pasta. Do you think when Davide gets back from Europe, he goes to Sweetgreen like a normal person? Do you think it's straight back to the spaghetti limone? No, I think now that he lives in California, it's sort of been worked out of his DNA. The unlearning has happened, and he comes back and he's like, Babe, I just want Taco Bell. I just want to eat local street tacos, you know? Okay, so he's craving a local street taco as much as TJ. As soon as the Delta plane lands, I get all of my Rimova trunks. I go straight to Flamingo Estates. I get me a great box and some sunny tahini. It's just...

Okay. And start dipping purple carrots. Okay. So he's desperate. And watermelon radishes. And, oh, I'm back. Because now once they're back in the arms of their staff, he actually has time to eat. You know what I mean? Instead of – he doesn't have to be a full – Back in the arms of their staff. He doesn't have to be a full-time dad anymore. He's able to take a break, eat some vegetables, go for a swim. It's beautiful to get a little break. And I think that's what – So Davide is coming too. I didn't know that. That's right. It's a five-top, the rare five-top. Oh, the rare five-top. Al, the proprietor of Gigi's, of course, Streetwear Deli's own, Uncle Pauly, DJ Them Jeans, Davide, and little old me. Well, we have to have one gay there. This is a zaddy's row is what this is. I'm scared, and I hope that Funky is there himself to kind of see this happening to show us the respect we deserve and send out that weird free bread at the beginning. weird free bread you know uh they're like this bread is my family's culture you know it is could you not send this like weird bread it's like weird it's like i don't know it's like so weird bread shouldn't have olives like that's weird it's like so weird that you would do that uh but yeah all right so we're going to dinner tonight and then actually jason you're gonna i've decided you're gonna join me for a show afterwards at the palladium So just FYI, they go on at 9, 10. We'll have plenty of time to see Coin. We talked about Coin. And I want to check them out because they're one of those bands that's... quite big but i just know the drummer as a friend he's a kobe friend i've never seen him perform you know what i mean so it's like if you're if you're charting on the billboard you know alternative radio i need to check that out they're from nashville i just looked them up that's right yeah yeah that's right okay that's exciting well we have a guest we do have a guest today i have i had a fun story but i guess i don't i don't really need to say it but um let's let's get into it we got ruby mccallister An actress and comedian based in the Big Apple, beautiful New York City. She had a cult web series called, I believe, Zay Zay. But she's also been on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Zay Zay? I got eight says Zay Zay right now. Bang my life. It's half gelato.

Oh, God. She was on Curb Your Enthusiasm. She even has a role in Queen Dosh's The Scary of 61st. But she has a one-woman show right now that I believe she's doing in New York later this month. But she's going to tell us all about it, I'm sure. Oh, that's exciting. I know. I know. We'll get into it with her. It's a one-person show, Chris? No, I think it's a one-woman. But we'll make sure we ask that question as soon as... her beautiful red locks grace our zoom screen better not be one of those adam and steve shows oh i know you gave me free tickets but i saw what this was i cannot make it not in the eyes of god will i do that all right let's give uh let's give mccallister azumi lots to cover i think it's going to be a fun ride This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional.

as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Don't worry, Jason. Let's work your story into the regular podcast. It's more of a 10-second anecdote. I was leaving the gym yesterday, riding my bike, didn't have my wallet, went to Ralph's to buy. a sandwich roll a sesame seeded grinder roll had no money it's like it's like 50 cents or something had no money so i just stole it i just walked out holding a a loose piece of bread okay and i was like i just stole bread like i'm i just stole bread from a supermarket but it worked but it was it was okay there was no they didn't tap no no not a single person suspected or okay or anything but i i felt like this it's just like a weird thing where I'll go to Whole Foods, and I'll buy $100 worth of groceries, and I'll steal $30 worth of groceries while I'm doing it. You know what I mean? Of course, of course. But going to Ralph's and just literally stealing a 39-cent roll and walking out, I'm wracked with guilt. And then the song, Temple of the Dog, Hunger Strike, is in my head. No, no, bro. I don't mind stealing bread. From the mouths of decadence. Ruby, I'm going hungry. I'm going hungry. Yo, what's up? Are you in a fashion closet right now? I'm in a fashion closet right now. Can you believe? I actually teased your beautiful red locks as part of your appearance on this show. We haven't had a spicy red head on maybe ever. Those are looking teased. Maybe ever, yeah. All right, Ruby, thank you for joining us here on How Long Gone. Oh, my God, thank you. You look like you're coming to us from a room at Condé Nast. Is this your personal closet or is this Vogue? I don't know what's going on here. It's so interesting. I'm actually the editor of Vogue. That is crazy because they were looking for a replacement. I thought they were going to go with a POC. Chris, on the episode description, remind me to write that in on the episode description. We'll get more clicks. It was just announced. No problem.

I'm actually in the back of my friend's store. Are you doing a trunk sale right now during this podcast? I'm doing a trunk sale. Do you want to give a shout-out to your friend's store? Yeah. This is a shout-out to James Valoria. Oh, okay. I'm familiar with James' work. He has great stuff. Absolutely. So, wait. Tell me where you guys are. We're stuck on Spotify. We can't get out. Oh, really? No, we're both in L.A. But Chris, you look like you're in a prison. That's the vibe. That's because my life, Ruby, unfortunately, I'm locked in a content prison forced to produce to earn the shekels to afford my West Hollywood lifestyle. Okay. He's in the prison they call West Hollywood. Much like yourself, Ruby, in a closet. Confined. Don't make a gay joke right now, Jason. And this dove wants to fly. Don't make a gay joke. I'll show off my bookshelf. Okay, there's life in this. There we go. There's life. Look at the exposed beams, okay? Chris, you had books this whole time? I feel like our podcast was snowed in sometimes when I see this background. Absolutely, Jason. But you look like you're in a newly renovated... studio at like the paramount lot you look like you're in a really important place i'm in the writer's room right now this is kind of an executive writer yeah totally it's when you got when you kids are done with your little notes come in here and i'll tell you what to do for sure for sure it's just it's just an office it's nothing crazy it's cool you got you got nice light you don't look like you're in a prison as much yeah it's called glendale baby Oh, yeah, Glendale. It's like this every day. I think Chris is having technical difficulties right now. He's... Oh, God. What if he just took his pants off? So Chris just doxed himself and said that he lived in West Hollywood. Honestly, unbelievable. Does he talk about it?

Every single day of his life. He's doxing himself every single second of his life. It manages to accidentally come up almost every episode. Yeah, Ruby. But we both kind of dox ourselves. Like, I'm a little bit of a Glendale. You're a Glendale girl. On my sleeve. Like, I'm a Burbank sympathizer. For sure. I, too, am a Burbank sympathizer. For sure. Oh, really? We were just talking about that on the last episode. Sorry, guys. My AirPods picked up by accident because I didn't put them back into the case after running. because it was so exhausted. Totally. I mean, nobody talks about that, like the chaos of Bluetooth technology. Nobody's talking about that. Actually, I got bit by that snake yesterday. I was in the sauna, which obviously has great Bluetooth. 100%. I couldn't connect to my ambient shooting playlist. That'll throw off your meditation, Jason, if you don't. Ruby, there's certain frequencies that I need to kind of calm down, and you got that. I get it. I couldn't connect to my sauna's Bluetooth. I'm texting my chick. she's a, she's like on set working. She responds two hours later. Like it might be the iPad. Wow. Wow. Well, I recently, what's been going on with me is I, uh, I'm on the street outside of my apartment and my, my phone and I'm listening to a shameful podcast. You know what I'm, I'm, I'm listening to like, I'm going to say a Malcolm Gladwell podcast. Oh no. Come on. Come on. That's where I'm at in July. I'm listening to a Malcolm Gladwell, and I'm like, have my headphones and think, you know, I'm just going to go about my day. No, actually, from outside my building, my phone connects to the fucking speaker in my house, and I hear it on the street. Oh, no, you're saying the Beats pill overpowered the AirPods and sucked Malcolm from your cold, dead hands. Oh, but see, this is the tea about me. And also, I'm going to say like new Norp City at large because I'm a new New York. Okay. Famously, I'm in New York. Is that it's actually cool not to have AirPods. No, I know this. I know that. Well, we've gone from the trends that I've seen. It went from regular AirPods to then hot chicks only using what you're using. But now. Yes. The AirPod Max.

the airpod max has usurped the wired it girl what are you talking about oh you mean the bluetooth headphones the apple headphones that are like five hundred dollars and they're over here and you just wear them around your neck as an accessory kind of but i actually think Huh, that's interesting. I haven't really been seeing those. What girls are you seeing with these? Well, it's mostly, I guess it's mostly online, but I see it IRL sometimes as well. I've been seeing a lot of people wearing them. It's not just girls. Okay. I don't, I don't, you know, fellas. But none of the, the point is none of these people look like audiophiles where like, I'm a sound person. Like I need like $500 high performance headphones. It's just a. signal their wealth what what do you do though you put little cute stickers on them i have i have like a like a starface zit sticker on one of them things like that you know to keep it young to keep it fresh susan alexander dolphin dangle 100 you want to sort of project out yes you still get acne yes you still do impulse purchase Sparkly buys. Yeah, I got it. I got it. It's hormonal. But I guarantee your parents bought you the headphones as maybe a birthday gift. Right. It's giving birthday gifts. You can afford a zit sticker, but you can't afford. Do not say sticker with an A, Chris. Come on. That's marketing working on me, Jason. I apologize, but I see what I see and I just merely repeat it on this podcast. Ruby, have you ever used a zit sticker? Like a Starface style zit sticker? I'm dead in my own grave addicted to zit sticker. If you say it one more time, it sounds like a dubstep DJ at this point in my mind. I'm obsessed. I'm like crying. The zit sticker. Zit sticker. They don't actually work, right? I think they do. No, they do. That's the whole thing. That's why they've taken over the market. I believe it started as one of the classic Korean skincare things, and then... And then white women figure it out and want to make it cute. And then that really works. Right. You know what I mean? Because Koreans can't make skincare cute. Come on, bro. Yeah. They invented that shit. I'm saying the ones that Koreans made just look like circles to me, but maybe I'm just ain't seeing it right. You know what I mean? I don't know, bro. Well, it is the hubris of the white woman to be like, I could do some decorating around here. I could juj up your little startup. Yeah.

cute what you did with noodles but let me take it take this off your hand yeah exactly exactly i see brands and i say to myself i could fix her i can fix her i just want to know how many complex chemicals and astringents and cleansers and things Do they put on the adhesive side of this three millimeter? No, bro. I mean, I think it's truly like a I think it's what's in there. I'm honestly think it's like a revolutionary product. I'm not even trying. I'm not even being dramatic. Like, I think it's a big deal. Like, I think it's a big deal. Chris, the angel investor at Starface over here. No, no, I'm not an angel investor in anything. I mean, you know, that's just that's not I'm sorry. I don't I don't like to get it on the ground floor. I like to wait for things to explode. Let's go. You know, and then kind of you are an angel investor in. straight guys living in West Hollywood, right? That is true. I did get on the ground floor there. I see some of them at my gym, but when I look at them in the eyes... I can tell they've had sex with a man. You know what I mean? I know that they are with women or married to women, but I can tell the face they make. They've had a gay summer. They've had a gay summer. They've given it the college try. Yeah, and I don't blame them. They're actors. Like, what else do you do? Totally, they're actors. You know what I mean? You have a lot of free time. All right, Ruby, over under on an amount of months until Chris inevitably dips his toe in the jacuzzi. I'm not talking about penetration. Full pen, I'm not talking about, but just a little, just a little story. I don't, I honestly do believe for Chris, it's going to be like 60. Oh, I come around age 60. Yeah. I think it's the twilight years gay moment. You know what I mean? It's how rich is he though? Cause that's really what I'm. No, I think it's younger. Okay. So I'm rich. I'm rich. Yeah. He's 25, like a Calvin Klein vibe where I look like a moving corpse and my twink boyfriend is kind of pushing me around a little bit. Weekend at Bernie's style. He's pushing you in the Dior stroller. I mean, you're 60. You're not going to be like Jerry. I mean, like, 60 is the new 40, bro. The way that I treat my body, the way that I destroy my temple, you never know. I mean, it could be. That is a good point. But you're drinking a huge jug of water over there, Chris.

that's because i that's because i punish myself physically uh in a in a fitness realm okay it could cause it could cause joint issues later in life and then my twink will have to push me in the dior stroller right 100 100 so i i actually think the twink the twink dynamic actually might be more of a traveling a traveling companion dynamic i really think it's like we're in a jumble you know I think he's very active, and I think you're really inspired by how active he is. Oh, I see. So it's not even necessarily sexual. It's kind of about what else he brings to the table. 100%. And that's what I'm saying. He's bringing so much to the table that eventually it slips into sexual. Oh. You know what I mean? It's so good. It's so inspiring. He's so inspiring. Chase keeps me young. Chase keeps me young, and sometimes he jacks me off. Sometimes he pulls my dick out and I don't stop him. He keeps me so young. Maybe Chase just likes to watch. We don't know. I don't know what Chase is into. I don't want to assume, but when he got on the zip line in Costa Rica, I felt alive. When I saw his body hurl through the jungle, that's when I knew. I think that is sort of your vibe, honestly. Aerodynamic twinks is his vibe. Okay, I'll let Alex know that she's got 40 more years, and then I'm going to kind of move into dudes. Just prepare. Depending on the fella, Chris, we can be open with it. You know what I mean? Oh, I'm sure the fellas are always down for that, especially if you're pretending to be. Ruby, what are your thoughts on open relationships? I'm obsessed with them. The title of it is really – it's a semantical issue. So if you were to rebrand, what would you kind of go with? Okay. We're looking at the agency side here. We're looking to kind of hire somebody to rebrand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're looking for somebody to rebrand. No pressure. We can come back to this later in the episode if something hits you. It's not what we want. It's what America wants. Oh, yeah. This is how you would brand the open relationship. It's not an open relationship. It's called a, oh, whoa, this is going to –

You guys, I'm also from originally Los Angeles, so I'm art. So your edible is kicking in. Yes, exactly. My organic, I'm there. The LA vibes have fully now gone into my soul. It's called a present relationship. Oh. Ruby just did that. Horrifying. How horrifying is that? The participants are so present with each other. That's good. That's nice. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. I think we could sell that. I think we could sell that internally to the team. It's called the present relationship. How abjectly horrendous is that? I've been using being present in a toxic way in my relationship for a number of years now. I was like, babe, we don't need to talk about the past. That's where depression lives. And she's like, you haven't done this for our thing that's in one month. I'm like... Anxiety lives in the future. What are you doing? Like, this is so weird. I need you to kind of help me, Jason, with like a glossary of some of these terms so that I can start to kind of just learn them and kind of have them at the ready. If they're like, I don't want to be in an open relationship with you because you will eventually fall in love with the other third person and then leave me and I'm going to be like, babe, this is the present. We don't know that's going to happen yet. For now. It's just four titties for now. The present also sounds like a Netflix show that's doing okay. I don't know what the plot is. I don't know what's happening, but it's doing okay. It's number six. There'll be a season 1.5. It's number six in the U.S., so it's not bad. It might be huge in the U.K. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's definitely huge in the U.S. I didn't know you were from L.A. Where are you from? Okay, I'm going to literally blow your freaking mind right now. guess yeah no no guess no please oh i'm a bel-air or beverly hills which one okay i'm gonna say uh-huh you said bel-air beverly so bel-air beverly hills rising okay beverly hills moon yeah i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go laurel canyon calabasas moon look look um actually i'm gonna lay it to you up and down i

I am from Kings Road between Beverly Hills. Yes, yes, yes. Beverly Boulevard, rather, and La Cienega. It's Beverly, La Cienega, Melrose. Kings Road. We're going to say West Hollywood. Wow. So, okay, yeah, I mean, you're right down the street. And on the walkable part of it. In the walkable, in the flatlands of West Hollywood. Your aunt is basically Jones on 3rd. Jones on 3rd, Kings Road Cafe. Ever heard of it? Beverly Hills Juice Club? Ever heard of it? I've heard of all of these things. There's only one that's good, but we can get into that. I don't, you know. I just choked. Call the ambulance. Beverly Hills Juice still has employees wearing masks and they won't let you come in to have a carrot juice. So I'm off that. I ain't doing that 90s carrot juice shit with three masks on and you only take cards. Good luck, chief. Kings Road Cafe is just a place where you take the girl that you just had sex with that you don't want to hang out with, but you're going to buy her like chilequiles and get through it. I've told Jason that Jones on third. Perfect. I've told Jason before the Kings Road has a. supercharged cold brew that really will get your stomach upset but get your mind rocking. I was sort of a pre-cold brew sort of customer. I was sort of before that stuff. So back when Clinton was in office, you were over there. Maybe. I don't want to date myself, but maybe. You're definitely 15 years younger than us, but I appreciate that you think we believe that cold brew didn't exist. Cold brew didn't exist. So avocados were not on the menu? Avocados weren't really being picked. abstract nut that would fall down. There were a large nut on the tree. Nobody had the presence of mind to pick one and crack it open. Exactly. Kingsford Cafe is also like, I was re-watching Entourage with my boyfriend recently. Heavily featured. The best show of all time, but also Toast was heavily featured on the hills too, and we're not going there either. That's true, but Toast, but the question is, again, I'm in New York, I'm sort of...

I'm blind now to the culture. I forget it. I forget it. But why aren't we going to toast? As sort of like a fun, sort of camping. I mean, honestly, if you're getting eggs, if I'm getting a three eggs scrambled and wheat toast, I can kind of go anywhere for that. And I just don't want to be surrounded by Persian families being mean to their kids. You know what I'm saying? Oh, is it Persian family? Persian families. It's on Sunset, is it not? You live in New York now, Ruby. Some shit has changed. Okay, sorry. You should text some of your Crossroads classmates and see where they're eating these days. You know what I mean? Well, you know what, you guys? I hear your aggression right now and I respect it. And I respect that. But Kingsword Cafe, I think you guys really should bring it back. I will say – I've told Jason this, too. They have a crazy homemade veggie burger that's quite good, which is an unexpected twist. But the clientele feels a little too – what do they call it in the business behind the camera? Below the line? You know what I mean? I'm not trying to have a veggie burger next to the grips. It's a lot of TikTokers who don't get featured on the Explore page. You know what I mean? Exactly. I see. I see. I want to be with the producers. That's where I'm at. Like, West Hollywood is actually created for the people below the line, like, historically in Los Angeles. Like, it was the flatlands. It was for the extras, the girls with the broken legs that needed to, you know what I mean? It was sort of that vibe anyway, and I'm not trying to blow up your spot. The broken legs because it's easier to get around on a flat land. Okay, got it, got it. Yeah. And, um, so I do respect, you should, you should sort of put respect on the, the name. I love, I love, I love West Hollywood. I love West Hollywood and I would never disparage it. The blue collar working man stronghold of La Cienega and Beverly. Yes, yes, yes. It's just, we have to remember that. And then we're, we're, if we're acting through a cafe and we go, Ooh, this below the line, what does that mean about me as a podcaster? I, you remember that.

Where do you think, Jason, do you think... That's on period. That's on period. Do you think there's a place where podcasters do hang out? Where do you think the most... Where would they go? What is the location that feels... In, like, my imagination. Yeah, yeah, because I... Like, if podcasters were to swarm together into one... Well, like the way myself and my other celebrity friends hit Craig's, for example. Shut up. You know what I mean? I'm addicted. What would be, like the way, Jason, during COVID, we went to Boa Steakhouse to see the TikTokers, and they were all there. Like, what is our place? Okay, all the podcasters, they are at the unemployment line. They're at the welfare office. No, no, no. I think they are at, and again, this is sort of a Clinton era throwback, but I think they're at the Pacific Design Center. what they're in those cool crazy buildings and one's green and one's blue that's true no that's true i one of them triangle one of them circle yeah it's one circle it's one it's one weird shape it's one triangle but guys they don't serve food or drink there really so that kind of i mean there isn't Earth Cafe right there. Okay, you guys, can we talk about Earth Cafe for one freaking second? How bad do you miss LA, by the way? I am freaking out. I'm obviously having a mental breakdown in front of you guys. The Earth Cafe, the Rachel Zoe project, obviously, every single episode of that show has her having a huge iced tea with, not with lemon, but the The trick is it's not lemon. Lemon. It's a full lemon. They didn't open the lemon. They put a full-blown lemon inside of it. Just dropped it in? Dropped it in. An unmolested perfect sphere. Unmolested perfect sphere. Thank God for you, Jason, for saying that. Does that mean the essence is just...

coming off of it into the drink? It's more of a design project. It's more of a design project. It's genius because that whole lemon, it's just taking up real estate in there. That expensive Earth Cafe iced tea is going to fill in. It's going to take weeks, name months, for any of that to steep and permeate. Exactly. And every episode, it's just she's at the Earth Cafe with a full lemon. And you go, that was a simpler time. And we forget that. And you're telling me, oh, I'm begging every time I'm back in Telet. I go, we're going to the Earth Cafe. I need a break. I need some relaxation. I need some R&R. I need some artichoke hearts from a can with some spring mix salad. You know, I need that. And everyone's like, oh, Earth Cafe. What are you like? It's like, what do you need? It's like, we need, they use pine nuts. Do you understand what I'm saying? You have a muffin that's flavored cappuccino. It's like, what are we thinking that we're, that's what, that's beauty. I agree. Yeah, it's the classic, it's the neoclassic hippie stuff, which is what I love about LA, where it's like, it's actually old school health food. Yes, yes, yes. It's not like, it's not this, this. endless innovation into this into the suicidal fundamental classics the tried and true yeah nothing nothing says healthy like pancakes you know what i mean the pancakes are made out of teft and ancient grain no they're buckwheat they're buckwheat but i'm delicious and great for you yeah i run that's on my running route so i see the crowd pretty often and it's it's mostly cops And guys that are so old, it's shocking. And tourists. Those are the only three types of people. They must give a big discount to the LAPD. But don't you feel like right now is actually such an opportune moment in cultural history when we're so exhausted. Am I wrong? I'm just projecting on you. We're so exhausted culturally at the moment. Yeah. Right. I'm glad that you said that. You're right. You're right. No, you're right.

I think we're taking the masks off. We're lifting the veil a little bit here and saying we're exhausted culturally. Why wouldn't we go back to Earth Cafe and just have a cheesecake that says low fat? You know what I mean? Low fat is what we need. Low fat as a term is what we need. It's like we need to explore these dimensions. Like, fuck vegan, fuck gluten-free. Where's the low-fat? Where's low-fat? Back when low-fat was good enough. Exactly, and we left it at that. We went... And now, after that, it's like we have to clean up our litter and stuff like that? All these new rules that have happened since then that I'm not really into. I love how clean up your litter is apparently like I... a concept from 2005 to you jace is the kind of guy that kind of eats the taco bell in the car while he's still drunk and just kind of throws the trash you know out the window old school not my problem when i'm in la strangely i will say that my instinct to litter goes a thousand high i go i just want to i love throwing full cups of liquid out Out of the window? It's classic. Invigorating. Well, because in New York, there's the accountability. You've got thousands of people watching you at all times. 100%. Especially if you're hot. It's 2,000, 5,000. With this freaking red hair. Are you kidding me? Yeah, you're in trouble. Yeah, I can't get away with anything. Yeah, with that red hair. So you borrow your dad's Escalade while he's out with the fellas, and you just kind of toss iced teas out the window down Sunset? I break full car windows, because I'm tossing an Earth-Castity iced tea full. hard lemon yeah it's like a baseball basically it's like a baseball it's a baseball it becomes a baseball at that point yeah what you're doing is not a misdemeanor it's a felony i don't i maybe shouldn't admit this on the podcast but i think that luckily i think the statute of limitations has we've reached it but so you're a bit of a little devil aren't you yeah in high school i used to we used to drive you would drive really fast at night and you would throw stuff out the window preferably eggs

and they would hit the other car's windshield on coming, and then your hope is that they obviously swerve around and possibly wreck because they're so startled. By the egg. You know what I mean? The look on Ruby's face. Where was this? What location was this? This is in the south. This is outside of Atlanta. Not a lot happening. Not South Pasadena, sweetheart. He's talking about Georgia. Not South Pasadena. This ain't where you're from. My parents are regular working class folks. They didn't know Rob Reiner or whatever. You know what I mean? So it's a little different over here. I mean, I'm going to defend my parents in saying that My father actually, my father? Don't even talk about my father, Chris. You know what I mean? The only club that Chris's parents belong to is Costco. That's right. The bar is low. My mom, no, they don't even go to Costco, bro. It's BJ's. You know that. Show some respect. It's BJ's, Jason. No, my dad, the reason I'm from the flatlands of West Hollywood is that my father ran. Brave admittance. My father ran the theater that is now the Largo. Oh. It was called the Cornet. Yeah, of course. And I'm just going to, that sounds fancier than it is. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm just saying, like, that's vaudeville. That's vaudeville. I'm just saying I grew up in a vaudeville theater. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, well, yeah, but John Mayer doesn't play my vaudeville theater. I'll tell you that right now. No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. No, no, you're saying. In LA, theater is so foreign compared to New York. Exactly. There's no such thing as just a Broadway show or a theater show. It was vanity projects of out-of-work soap opera stars and the puppetry of the penis and stuff. Classic. That was the caliber.

And then it turned into John Mayer's recording afterwards. But that wasn't my heyday. Okay, cool. I get it. You drove a Prius and threw your tea out the window. It's fine. Exactly. I drove a freaking Prius. That's fine. I had a Razor scooter, actually. That was actually my vehicle of choice. But that's okay. You lived right around the corner from the theater. So it was nice. It's scooterable. It's scooty. It's scooty. Yeah. So you grew up. You're a theater brat. I'm a theater brat. You were crawling around in all black. You know what I mean? Expressing myself. You were messing with the tape on the floor where people were supposed to stand. Yes, 100%. I said, hey, what if your mark is here tonight? And then everyone went, what? That threw off the whole production. How did you end up being, from what I can tell so far, interesting and cool because theater is deeply uncool. I would love for you to explain what your route was. How did you throw gas on this little fire? That's a really interesting question. The theater is embarrassing. Not only that, it's... It's an assault on your, talk about, I mean, Chris is over here doing 50 miles a day on the little machine or whatever. And he's running around the Earth Cafe a thousand goddamn times a day. You understand that the theater is actually an assault to your physical body if you're watching it. And if you're in like a bad, if you're in a bad play, if you're witnessing a bad play, it's actually so assaulting. to you that you like can throw up and stuff like it's like so intense you can get like vertigo exactly so i haven't seen a lot of bad plays because i haven't seen a lot of plays in general doesn't really interest me if if you know it doesn't really tickle my fancy but i do i was i was explaining don't super love your life's work and passion but it does

It does require an incredible amount of skill and, for lack of a better term, gonads. You know what I mean? Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Absolutely, absolutely. Get up there and drop your nuts on the mark and let it rock. You got big grass balls, Ruby. That's what we're saying. I think I witnessed so many upsetting things. being raised in this theater, that that's what made me cool. Do you know what I mean? I was so traumatized into believing in it blind faith. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Like I, and I think that's, I mean, cool is relative. I'm like a loud, short, redheaded, you know, demon, but I, but I, um, there's only so far you can, your kind can go. Yeah, exactly. Totally. So you were able to learn from the mistakes of all these people right in front of you at an early age. So you had maybe, two decades worth of mistakes to learn in two years. I was raised in the, I was like raised in like a Lynchian hell mouth. So I think it's not like, it's not sure. It's not that I like learned. Oh, I'm learning from their mistakes. It's just like, it was like a surrender to the comic, not comedy. Whoa. I'm going to kill myself. No, in terms of like, you just surrendered to the camp. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Of course. That's what I mean. Okay. You know what I mean? Then you're like, Oh my God, I'm a, obsessed with the fact if i can't beat him join him do you have like a cool do you have like a cool is like david schwimmer your godfather or anything or is it just yeah no now you're like rap she's not david schwimmer's me it's like rap well i just know that he's a big i was thinking of big theater guys you know what i mean so i just kind of wanted to see yeah well dave's dave dave's great dave's dave's great um yeah dave's great absolutely uh i've seen more musicals actually because that really which one He's more of a WeHo guy. Yeah, that's more my speed. The last musical I saw was Elvis. It was really good. Do not get me started on Elvis. Do not. It's not a musical, Chris. Yeah, Ruby, does a film have to have a certain amount of full songs to become categorized as a musical? Is there...

You know it when you see it, like pornography? You know when you see it, but I do think Elvis is not categorized as a musical, to be honest. It's a three-hour long meandering biopic with music is what I would review it. I haven't seen it, of course. Yeah, it's the longest music video ever made. I think that's what it is. Even more than November, right? Jason, you liked it. Ruby, did you like it? I'm, I'm drop dead obsessed with it. I think it's going to heal the planet. Okay. Okay. Well, that's, I think it's gonna, I think it's gonna rock us. Now it's like, Oh, she is a redheaded demon. Now you're sort of seeing it. Do you like, do you, are you Austin? Are you Butler pilled? That's an interesting one because I was the night I saw it. And then you. And then it wears off because then you remind yourself that he played Elvis. Do you know what I mean? Then you start watching clips of Elvis and you're like, man, Elvis. I mean, Elvis is hotter by like 500 million degrees than Austin. Do you know what I mean? Right, right. What are you going to do? Like Elvis is a rare. Beauty. No, we're never going to touch that sun that is Elvis. No, exactly. But Elvis' rare beauty window was like five to eight years. No, I think he's like hot. when he's doing the first Vegas show, don't you think? When he's doing Suspicious Minds? I haven't seen any of this. I just know that he looked like shit for at least 30 years. Some people might disagree with that on the comeback show. You think he, you think, Jason, do you think on the comeback, this is an Elvis podcast now, do you think Elvis got less hot, Jason? Are we talking about real Elvis or are we talking about Austin Butler Elvis? Hmm. Come on, sugar. Answer the goddamn question. I would go to Costa Rica with Austin Butler and watch him zipline. I just want to put that out there. So, Ruby, do you have a thing for when a guy sort of becomes like a 43-year-old kind of fat, like pilled out?

super, you know, like, brings a gun to the bathroom with him type of behavior? Do you think in terms of when, like, a guy, what do you mean by a guy transforms? Like, a guy puts on a fat suit and, like, and sort of is, like, behind the fat suit? No, like, the power that, like, a straight, rich man, you know, later in life has, like, you're clearly not, like, attractive in any physical way anymore. but you were exuding this, like, sexual power that I'm just, I just can't. You can still swag out. Like a Gandolfini type of character. 100%. You know what I mean? And I think everybody would be remiss to argue that. I mean, that's just, you know, the sky is blue. Do you know what I mean? These are inarguable truths. I agree with you, but I would like to know what the root of it is. I mean, if somebody was like, ew, no, they're asexual. No. Do you know what I mean? They haven't had a cold, hard look in the mirror with themselves. Yeah, they haven't felt they're not asexual. It's the same way how I've been wanting to have sex with Khloe Kardashian for a while. Same kind of vibe? Yeah. Looks are the only thing that matter. I don't care about talent. Who gives a shit? Chloe is the James Gandolfini of the family. No, it's not about talent. It's about sweaty. I ain't letting James Gandolfini get his sweaty belly on my back. That ain't happening. Like, I'm all set. Like, I don't care how good his TV show is. Chris, you don't get it. You don't get it. This has nothing to do with IMDb. Yeah, we're not talking about talent. We're not actually talking about talent. But what I think, Chris, is what you're sensing is that James Gandolfini, because like... true real life james gambolfini was an acting nerd yeah yeah i think you're sensing that that is behind the tony soprano and i think you actually are sort of averse to theater on all levels you know about what ruby you might be giving chris a little too much credit with the 5d chest that you just uh no that's not true

What I'm saying is like, what about like Marlon Brando, like fat Marlon Brando? Do you know what I mean? The guy fucks. Like obviously the guy is hot and fuck. He's got a 19 year old on his lap, a different one every night. Marlon Brando. I just, I think I'm a Sopranos. hater like i just don't 100 i don't care and i think it's annoying whereas marlon brando is like a legend it's like a little different swag level no but don't you think like marlon but marlon brando is a legend because he fucked good point you know what i mean good point good point and that's also why we're like oh legend status whereas like james gandolfini does he james gandolfini fuck i don't know does tony soprano fuck yes but you chris can see the actor behind character, which I think is very interesting. I'm looking too deep instead of just letting James hit. Or maybe you're literally a repressed actor and you're obsessed with the craft. He's definitely repressed in some ways. Shut the fuck up, Jason. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I don't have any interest in acting. I don't really know many actors, but people say they're so awful. But the ones I know seem pretty cool to me. I played tennis with an actor the other day, and he was just hot and nice and pretty good at the game. And you like hot and nice. Yeah, exactly. What more do we want out of people than hot and nice, maybe an additional funny layer? But if they can do it. If you're hot enough, you don't have to do that. Really? No, hell no. If you're hot enough, you're just a vessel. You don't have to. Like, we have to be funny because that's all we got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I can't. I had to develop this because I had nothing else to give the world. Because we're so ugly. That's right. I don't want to kind of force this on the world because that could cause problems. Speaking about make cars wrecking, that's why I can't walk in West Hollywood. Speaking of forcing things upon the world, let's talk about your one-person show. Oh, my God. Yeah, exactly. We got a time for a cute 20 on this. I'd like to know more. I'd like to know everything about it. What's it called? I'm doing my one-person show at this place called Joe's Pub. Yeah, Joe's Pub. You're just a famous venue slut is what I've understood. I'm a venue slut. I'm a venue whore. In fact, I also wanted to talk on the pod.

One of an amazing theater burnt down only yesterday in Los Angeles. What's it called? I didn't even hear about this. It was called the Hollywood Theater. Wow. And it burnt down to the ground. So I want to know why out of all the 45 minutes we've been talking on this comedy podcast that you're laughing the most. When you're reporting the information that a local theater burned down to the ground. Again, red-headed, short, leprechaun demon. You're a nasty little demon witch. You know that? I'm a nasty little leprechaun demon. Is this theater, RIP, no longer with us. Is this they-them theater? Was this competition maybe growing up for your dad's theater so you have some deep-seated hatred? I'm starting to suspect a little foul play. Exactly. That's kind of where we're getting. Those McCallisters, they got a little. They got that leprechaun touch. They can't stop burning, you know? Sparks flying off our fingers. Yeah. No, but listen. Okay. So I have this one woman. I'm going to say it. It's called a one freaking woman show. Thank you. Thank you. Because Jason was trying to be like. Don't say that. It's a one-person show. I'm like, no, bitch. She said one woman. Yeah. I was simply, I was trying to present the option that it might be called a one-person show. I wasn't trying to force my politics onto you, Chris, and I do apologize. Thank you. And I apologize, too. But it's a one-woman show. It's called Tragedy, and it's about, partially about me growing up in the theater, but it's also about me being, like, really, really, really, really obsessed with, like... dead actresses basically like i and being like obsessed with it i'm obsessed with dead presidents you know what i'm saying and uh me being obsessed with like that because i was like raised in this theater and it was like sort of traumatic in a weird way and then i got like obsessed with like Oh, people die in this crazy city called Los Angeles. You know, it's like about like. So who are some of your favorite dead actresses? Yeah. Top five dead or alive actresses. Dead or alive? No, I'm kidding. Just dead. No, I'm kidding. Just dead. Top three dead actresses. And then we're going to do top three prescription pills for recreational use only. Oh, good. Oh, my God. Wow. This is an ugly. Oh, God.

For listeners at home, she just went cross-eyed with pure ecstasy. I went cross-eyed with ecstasy on that question. Okay, my top favorite, obviously number one, which I do talk about in the show, is obviously you can't get beyond Marilyn Monroe. You have to go number one. Put your M's up. Put your M's up. You have to do that. She's the go. She's the go. Not only that, gay men in West Hollywood press, Throw your M's up. I love that. So you're saying gay, gay, you're telling me, you're trying to tell me right now that gay men like Marilyn Monroe. That's what you're trying to tell me right now. I'm glad I'm sitting down. That's fucking crazy, bro. Hold on. Wait a second. What I'm saying is that she was considered like not an amazing life changing actress until the gays were like, she's actually a. she's one of the best actresses of all time, which she is. Okay. Do you know what I mean? She's not just the... She had to be embraced. She's not just the big-titty blonde that sang to John F. Kennedy. She is a true artist who leaves her craft on that dirty floor. So it's like when Ratajkowski wrote the book. Exactly. And everyone's like, oh. 100%. And she goes, okay. The girl, the girl can write. The girl holds a pen. Yes. And so, yeah, Marilyn Monroe is number one. Then, like, number two is obviously also... Okay, I'm going to mix it up. Number two, Peg Entwistle. I've heard of her. I've heard of her. You have? He's lying. He's lying. I only know. I've heard the name. I don't know anything about it. He's Googling. I'm trying to Google other famous dead actors. All right, so what is Entwistle famous for? She was just like this woman who was like an actress, theater in New York in the 20s, but then moved to L.A., tried to make it big on the big screen and didn't work. killed herself off the H of the Hollywood sign, jumped off. Oh, okay, cool. You know what I mean? And she's like, oh, gee. Like, she's like, she's also throw your M's up the goat. You know what I mean? Yeah, I like that. Suicide off the Hollywood sign, great way to go. That's legendary shit. That's a good way to kind of stick it to the biz, you know? Yeah, and that's what she was, she was sticking it to the biz, 100%. And, like, her, like, I think, like, her...

Her death note was like, middle fingers up. It was like, fuck you, William Morris. Totally. In her suicide note, she actually wrote... I was going to riff on how she invented reggae, but that got too heavy. Bag and whistle, RIP, honestly, go. three um britney murphy addy murphy no britney murphy addy murphy britney murphy yes who's number three obviously judy garland because she's pills.com and gorgeous.com and you know what i mean like she's just the best okay no this is a pretty good this is the kind of list i was looking for from you because i learned about a new actress and then i'm kind of considering revisiting the catalog of two other famous dead actresses, thanks to your suggestion. So I appreciate that. And then the last one. You only get three, so I don't know what the last one is. What the fuck? Are you kidding? Oh, you want a bonus? You didn't ask for a fucking bonus. We'll let you have one more. Okay, one more. We'll let you get one more. Chris, let her get one more. Come on, Chris. Okay. Thanks. She's not an actress, but I also talk about her in my show. Her name, she's a California native, SoCal native. And her name is Karen Carpenter. Yeah. Okay. That's right. I'm familiar with her catalog, but I didn't. Yeah. And she's, she's from Downey, California. She's from like right outside of. downtown jason loves downy he's dated a few chicks from there seriously no that's a joke that's unbelievable downy downy hive rise like i'm obsessed with downy like no one is throwing their d's up right now okay i know i know a couple foos gone wild from downy yeah Yeah, you get it. Well, now that we've moved through the actress portion, let's get into the pill portion, top three dead or alive. Top three dead or alive. Pharmaceutical pills to be used recreationally. We're not talking pressed pills. We're not talking anything like that. Because I know you're an ecstasy chick, but we've got to leave that off this list. Okay, hold on.

Um, I need to like look up the names of some of these ones. Oh shit. You're telling me you don't have the pills memorized. That's crazy, dude. No, I'm saying that she's so advanced with pills that these are ones that y'all like heads ain't got these. Like these are, these are words that are like in Latin. They have 14 letters. I want to know the, the, I'm trying to find the synthesized amphetamine that I'm. We all gotta get our hands on. They gave all the kids in the studio system this amphetamine pill that's like... Mamma mia. You're saying that these big studios, the devils over at Warner Brothers or whatever, were giving child actors amphetamines to perform their job, is what you're saying. And these specific brand of amphetamines were nummy? They were nummy nummy, absolutely. And people were freaking obsessed with them. Okay, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Were you snorting them or just swallowing them like a normal person? No, you were swallowing them. But that's like how Judy Garland got hooked on pills was that she was contracted on MGM. At the MGM, it was like called like the MGM Kitty Corral or whatever. You know what I mean? And Veronica Lake, not Veronica Lake, Lana Turner was in her class at MGM school. And Mickey Rooney was too. And they were all fucking pill popper pill, pilly, pilly. And that was back when they had cool nicknames for all the pills. They didn't just say like, Oh, can I have an Adderall? There'd be like, Oh, Like cool names. Yeah, they're called the Zingys. Yeah, the Razzle Dazzles. Yeah, give me my Razzle Dazzles, please. I cannot make it through this scene without my Razzle Dazzles. You guys know that. Yeah, exactly. Stop the cameras. Well, you know what, you guys? This is so boring, but it's literally just called... Ben's dream, which is like sort of what it is now. No, it's okay. I'm so sorry. Okay. Well, what about other pills? That's the only pill that you have become addicted to cripplingly. No, no, no, no, no. Then there's the other one. Um, because the other, because this is like what killed all these gals for the listeners out there. I know that you got some of the listeners out there are also on this, on this regime of you're, you're going up, up, up to the sky.

and then you need something to calm you down at night. A tale as old as time. A tale as old as time. A tale as old as time. Sometimes your heart gets confused when you do that and can lead to death. Yeah, sometimes I'll have too much cold brew. The dew of the morning, the cold brew is in me too much and I have to then take a CBD gummy. Is that what you guys are talking about? Yeah, that's the pussy version. And she's kind of talking about the way you actually die, but you feel really cool before. So eight ball at night, Zanny to sleep, repeat until you die. So it's like a classic amphetamine barbiturate. Like we're going amphetamine barbiturate, but technically like. a xanax is not a barbiturate right no i like it's a benzo it's a benzo it's a benzo but i like i like i like that you went throwback instead of kind of a classic oxy or maybe fentanyl or whatever i mean like obviously then there's like the dream of the quaalude obviously that we like all have but that canada still has or something like i feel like there's like a conspiracy that like canada has the last look look sweetheart sweetheart i've done more canada research than anybody you know and i would have found the damn lewds and i i would have found the damn lewds they ain't got them yeah chris is like where's my where's the emails where's the where's the lewds yeah every time we cross the border okay this is what it was called this is insane what this is called honestly i don't want to say it it's gonna like make me throw up it's called tune and all Tune and all. It's like tuning all. It's called like tuning all. I didn't like the way that came out of your mouth either. No, I don't like that either. It's tune all. Tune and all. Tween all or something. It's tween and all. Tween and all. So what does tune and all make you feel like? Do you know? Apparently it's a season. Hi, bitch. So it's like they would get on. Benzedrine, they would go tween and all to go to sleep. I see. It sounds like you're just saying Tylenol. You know that? Yeah, doesn't that sound like I made this up? It does. It does a little bit sound like you made it up. Okay, how do you say this? It's T-U-I-N-A-L. T-U-I-N-A-L. T-U-I-N-A-L. This seems like they were shitting on it. They were like, oh, you got Tylenol? I got some others. Tweet. Tween-O-L? Tween-O-L. No, no, she's saying it. Tween. She's saying it right.

I think you're saying it's just not an interesting word. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not called like box of Rosca or whatever. You know what I mean? It's not, it's not. That's actually Jason's reggae album. So I'm glad you brought that up. I looked up how to pronounce it on YouTube. It's, it's two and all. So it's, it's the Benzedrine two and all night and day combo, which is beautiful day to night. Day to night. Much like my favorite LBD, I can take it day to night. Not Kid Cudi. We don't talk about him on this podcast. For sure. Won't. Absolutely. Sorry. You're going to get yourself kicked off this damn podcast acting like that. So, Ruby, where can our listeners go find information to watch your fucked up little show? My fucked up little show is going to be at Joe's Pub on August 19th. Honestly, the best. time to see it play for sure i'm gonna be in italy but that's yeah no absolutely um absolutely totally don't worry about it and um you said august 19th is that is that like 100 like confirm that date or is there any wiggle room on where you can move it at joe's pub it's locked and loaded the 19th but then i'm gonna have a longer run of the show in new york and then touring it to fellas la Okay, so go ahead and put us in touch with whoever you work with over at the Creative Artist Agency, and we'll get some tickets through them. Okay, yeah, yeah. We'll set up an after party at Tenants of the Trees or something, and it'll be a nice little event. So, yeah, if I throw the after party at Tenants of the Trees, I can anticipate you guys there, right? I can watch you guys in there, right? Jason will DJ as long as you cover his valet and get him a bottle of 818. At Tenants exclusive. Yeah, he's not doing, he ain't doing. one of your little house parties or some broke boy shit, you know? That's where I get into trouble. Right, right, right. Okay, okay. Absolutely, and I'll absolutely tell my team that, you guys. do tell your team that please absolutely tell me it was an absolute pleasure and um yeah if you if you're in new york get tickets joe's pub august 19th to see to see ruby's show and if you live in other places she claims that she's quote-unquote taking it on the road yeah so we'll kind of we'll look out for that yeah we're gonna look out for that we'll just we'll just keep our eyes peeled on pole star thank you so much you guys this was so fun