479. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? He is risen. Jesus is walking. Jason is walking. I am walking in the beautiful sunlight today in downtown Manhattan. It's glaring out there. People are gobbling bagels and drinking iced coffee like it's fucking mid-July. Actually, Chris, I don't want to cut you off, but they have risen. Continue. I'm sorry. They have risen. I mean, I would never post a white male Jesus on my timeline. I've had to have some tough discussions with my parents about their kind of... Classic use of white Jesus in our home. Facetune Jesus. Jesus' abs can be there, but he needs to be a little more fluid and a little more less white. We'll try that out next year, Christopher. It's Easter Sunday. Jason was up early hiding eggs for the neighbors, I'm sure. Unlike me, he doesn't put $100 bills in his. He's too cheap. He puts kind of like off-brand candy is what I would guess. Yeah, I was talking to a friend of the show, Mikey, earlier this morning saying, hey, man, I couldn't. I cannot get a wink of sleep every Easter. And he said, tell me about it. I was up early, middle of the night, rooting through my parents' closet. And he did find some of the eggs that they were planning on leaving for him today. The thing is, my dad keeps a five-pound bag of Minnie's Reese's Cups in the house year-round. So the only thing that changes during Easter is the pastel wrapping.

which does make it feel more festive, but they taste great like a classic Reese's. So just in case you were kind of worried. Close your eyes and it's a regular Reese's. Exactly. In this household, that's considered contraband, if you ask me. But I was thinking about this yesterday. When was the last time you celebrated Easter? Oh, I couldn't tell you. I mean, you know, if it was up to me, we'd celebrate no holidays because they're all kind of pointless. Of course. But Easter. Easter's ranking pretty high up there on the most pointless. I mean, I guess if people like... Has it been like 20 years since you've... technically celebrated easter something like that i've probably i've probably had some sort of meal that was under the guise of easter celebration but i wasn't thinking of it that way you know what i mean i was i was thinking of it merely as a meal on a sunday sure um whereas some others might have been thinking of it as a he has risen celebration yeah it doesn't it doesn't count i mean obviously you're not celebrating for religious reasons but it has to be something more um i guess more ceremonial than just the simple act of eating on a sunday that happens to fall on easter sunday i mean i think that depends on how much candy is being kind of you know spread out for dessert i think that's really what so when i when i think easter i'm thinking ham i'm thinking eggs i'm thinking white people shit And you're thinking you got candy on the brain. I got Reese's. I got Hershey's Kisses. I got all the classics in the pastel wrapping. And then, you know, if you're really fat, you hide that wrapping under your bed. You know what I mean? And then kind of take care of it. Hopefully your mom doesn't find it. You know, then you kind of take care of it at a later date. Take care of it, you say. Yeah, you just kind of make it go away. You know what I mean? Tony Soprano voice. This was like how you did with your soft batch cookies in high school as well, I'm assuming? The soft batches, I mean, I would eat those so quickly that sometimes I think some plastic would go down too. So there wasn't kind of as much. Damn, just like Bean. He knows not what he's doing. I thought that was more sustainable to kind of eat the packaging than it was to put it in a landfill. So that's something that I'm kind of approaching. Yeah, it doesn't count.

you're technically being a human recycling bin. Yeah, exactly. I consider myself to be a blue trash can. And your mom should not have called you that all through your childhood. I feel like that has really been damaging on your overall psyche. It didn't do a lot. It's starting to kind of peel through the cracks. No, as I get older, the facade is crumbling. I've had, though, after church this morning, I've had a tough Easter because I was... When you say church this morning, which dog pound class are you talking about? That was the Equinox Woodway treadmill. mill is where i worshipped uh this morning um and it was it was a nice service the pastor had some some great things to say kind of you know not not you know not not crazy you know stuff but just kind of classic easter stuff that we know and love keep it light keep it light because we have to get to we have to get to you know golden corral for lunch um so so i'm on you know i'm on the daily mail this morning doing my usual stuff bro i was on there a couple days ago The amount of pop-up ads is beyond insane. It's almost fun. Yeah. You know I don't use ad blockers because that's for narcs, and thanks to NordVPN. So I clicked off all the targeted ads for me, all the LaMere boots and fucking Marnie sunglasses. Two great drag names for you, by the way. Go on. I'm Marnie sunglasses? No, I like Marnie boots. Make some noise for Marnie boots. That does roll off the tug. So there was a post about Ariana and Sheena from Vanderpump Rules, and they were the paid celebrity guests with Modson at Emo Night last night. Paid celebrity guests to attend Emo Night. They were on the stage rocking out to some of the classics, and Modson was also there. They were wearing some, like... vp vanderpump rules emo night merch and they were getting the crowd to chant like fuck tom you know or whatever and so this led me this led me to the emo night uh instagram page which i i didn't you know i've never looked at before and i didn't realize that this party had been fully its franchise now yeah like they're showing it's it's in tacoma washington it's in you know whatever so i'm looking at it well it's huge it's huge and while watching this i see three different cities playing

lincoln park in the at emo night and i think to myself this is kind of a raging machine situation for me because this is garbage radio like new metal that now is being classified as emo and i don't know how this trend keeps happening and especially with a band like this that was like so deeply uncool and i just think people are getting confused with like sad suburban losers and emo and that the ethos they're not the same they are not the same um i think to me it really boils down to an age range scenario because the people who are going to emo night weren't even alive when our version of emo was being made you know this is all people who were born like after the year 2000 but the responsibility is on the host or excuse me on the on the creator who i assume I assume this creator is someone who, I'm not saying he's digging in the crates for the rights of spring seven inch, you know, but I would at least like to think the buck stops with taking back Sunday or whatever. I have a lot of thoughts on this as a white person who has been a professional club promoter for years. Okay, so you don't care. First of all, we don't give a shit as long as we sell tickets. Well, that is a little bit of the synopsis going on. There's some through lines with that. The first call-out that caught my eye, you mentioned a paid club appearance by Maud's son, who is like, he makes like fake music, right? Fake music guy? He feels, yeah, I mean, he feels like a... It's like mall pop, like Avril Lavigne shit, right? Yeah, well, he did date Avril Lavigne until she left him for the show, Tyga. Yes, so like fake music guy, and then you have people from a reality show. These are all white people, right? Of course, but... Okay. Quickly on Mods... Go ahead, go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. No, no, no. Mods on light skin? Is that what you're going to say? Yellow bone? What's going on? No, no, no. Mods skin is...

is whiter than my untanned calf muscle mod skin is no i i guess what i'm saying is mod son though is at least those guys like much like machine gun kelly they're they're kind of forefather are all birthed from the the and come from the blink 182 school right which i i feel like is still more closer yeah that makes more sense than just a random reality star who's like grew up listening to kelly clarkson but Basically, my question in asking if they're white is this means that white people are getting paid for club walkthroughs for the first time in our professional existence. And that... is a watershed moment. I guess the death of the club. From a club promoter standpoint, Avalon in Hollywood last night was absolutely fucking cracking because Sheena and Ariana got 15 each to wear a baggy hoodie and jump up and down to Lincoln Park. I mean, look, that is a new... It's unprecedented. It's unprecedented. Because it's usually a rapper, an athlete. Those are the people who are getting paid for a walkthrough. You're right. That's a good point. So we're breaking down walls. today voice we're bringing down walls so but the but the main the main thing going on i believe with with lincoln park is the degradation of a club like emo night has been going on for many many years now at this point and anytime a club night starts it's with the purest intentions you're very particular about the music you're very particular about the vibe of course and then as it as it exists for years and years upon years the crowd The original core crowd and demographic stops going. They grow up. They get over it. The little sisters and the little brothers go. And then the music, the audience, and everything slowly gets worse and worse with every passing year. To the point where it just become a bridge and tunnel kind of hot topic type of scenario. And the money gets better and you can't say no. You can't say no to the money. I understand that. I think also I could see an issue where if you've got to do this once a month and you're playing music for four hours or whatever, there's only so much music that's actually good that would fall under the true umbrella. So I do understand the need to branch out.

is a like card carrying member of a full other genre. Yes. So it feels pretty clearly, it feels pretty clearly not emo. It feels pretty clearly radio new metal to me. Like there's not, it's not in a gray area is my point. So it seems like a, it seems like a statement. And then I, I made a comment about this on Twitter and I was attacked by a few blue check journalists saying that this field, this felt cruel because the singer committed suicide. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Their music being bad and not being emo has nothing to do with someone committing suicide. That's obviously. a separate sad issue. Yeah, you could still be Miss John Rudd and suicidal. I'm not wishing death upon a guy because his music is bad, or I'm not celebrating his suicide. I'm just saying the music sucks. And it's not emo. And that's just a fact. I don't know. I don't I don't know what to tell you. Like, it's I don't understand how those things can be so convoluted from someone who is seemingly like intelligent. I just don't understand how that's like that's not mean. It's not mean to say something is bad. Well, you you don't think it's mean and I don't think it's mean. And you and I are able to sort of separate those two things. But a lot of people nowadays, more so than before, become very uncomfortable when you speak. of somebody who has been in a traumatizing situation. Suicide, obviously, being high up on the list in terms of trauma, but people are not able to process, you know, any level of... criticism or dark humor but it's like imagine imagine me thinking this band sucks so i'm happy a guy committed suicide like think about that thought process like that's just fucking crazy obviously all yeah we hate a lot of things we don't we don't want that person to die what are you talking about like how do you get to that point like how do you go from it just it makes it's so baffling to me that that's the way people think But, I mean, you know, I stand my ground, and I'm proud, and I'm not afraid, and I'm not going to back down from taking the controversial sand. These sound like Lickin' Park lyrics, by the way. The rap rock, new metal. I'm not afraid. I'm not going to back down. Who's the DJ in Linkin Park? It's somebody really famous, right? Is it Mike Shinoda? Is he the DJ? I think the DJ was an Asian guy. I forgot who it was. No, you're right. I guess I thought it was maybe someone from the DJ community that had gotten recruited because it was easy bread to do a couple scratches. It's just a bunch of dudes from the Valley who have lowered civics and integras. I found out because we were arguing about this. What I was trying to explain...

to you guys in the group chat is that I think also emo to us and a lot of these genres are, are, are like part of a scene and these kinds of bands like played at like a bar three times and then got a record deal. You know what I mean? And then we're on like a major label. They weren't part of like anything really, you know, it was like a, suburban angst garage band like high school friends that play 10 shows they've never toured they never put out like an independent maybe they put out one independent record you know what i mean they were not beasting in the underground so you so this is an issue of contention for you because they did not sort of cut their teeth in a scene so therefore you But you can make emo music without being a part of a scene. It is technically possible. Of course you can, but you know what I'm saying. To me, that's part of what makes a genre real, or at least it used to before it was just all on the internet. To you, it does. But that is all gone now. That's been fucked up for years now. But in my defense, Linkin Park is from that era. Like, Linkin Park is a band that would have been around when that mattered. You know, that was there. They were in the late 90s, early 2000s. They're not, you know, they're not Olivia Rodrigo. Yeah, they're not. But there's, I mean, in the style of Olivia Rodrigo, their first concert was at a Best Buy location. Not at, like, not at Chain Reaction or CBGB, you know. But that doesn't technically mean that you're not an emo band. And obviously people... Another situation in terms of them playing music at an emo night and being an old head in the back saying, what the fuck, this ain't emo music. All it takes is one song. I mean, I've seen it a zillion times over my entire life of cool indie hipster parties and then someone gets drunk and plays Since You've Been Gone or a Taylor Swift song or whatever these sort of guilty pleasure, emotional sing-along pop songs are. And once you have, you know, it could be. Yeah, that's true. And it's also, like, wouldn't it be so random if we, like, DJed, let the bodies hit the floor, and then that would be, like, a really random thing to do, and what if we all, like, freaked out? That's, like, the energy that happens, and it's so, like, emo night, it's just, like, nerdy music night. It's, like, nerdy people music night. It's the same thing as, like, the Shrek rave, where it's just, like, here are all the people who have been rejected from the club life.

you know the classist societal hierarchy no fat people allowed no ugly people allowed no fucking dorky music allowed and this is their fight song their protests to that and they've taken it back but instead of being able to do it in a cool club with sexy horny people doing coke it's like you know they rent out a venue and just you know a house of blues in orlando And they're just like, yeah, just let these fucking autistic people run around and do whatever the fuck they got to do. I don't know. I'm still making money at the door. That's the bottom line. But also those people deserve to have fun and party and go crazy. Oh, I'm not. I could relate to that as, you know, somebody who would go to like a club night in high school where you're just going to be random and run around with your friends and be crazy and like express yourself while you're still learning. It's sad when those people are 37 is the problem. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not even hating on the. the night itself i'm hating on people defending lincoln park that's the problem yeah playing it playing it is like if you like this garbage that's on you chief but being like no this is important music that like it defies genre is is just insane it's just insane and i told you it's like We're getting down to the point where I've heard this about corn, and that is really troubling. Because to me, Raging as the Machine is bad, but I get why people like that. And you start looking at it, and then it's Limp Bizkit. Then it's Lincoln Park. Then it's corn. And I'm like, are you guys serious? You did live through this, right? You know what this was like. But that's the thing. They weren't alive when we were living through this. When I was living through it, the people that listened to corn... And Lincoln Park were the people that would call me a fag in the parking lot. Exactly. While I was listening to UO music. Let me tell you what's happening. I'll tell you right now. Elliot Smith and Chester Bennington aren't making music in heaven. I'll tell you that right now. I'll tell you that right now. That's all I can say about this. Elliot Smith is in heaven telling Chester you can't sit with us. Yeah, he's saying, bro, nah, bro, uh-uh. No, no, we didn't have any DJs on any Kill Rock Stars releases. I would talk to your BetterHelp therapist as to why this is affecting you. I just think it's just insane that people, like, I guess when you lived through something and it was just so deeply corny and that was kind of understood among all your peers. This is just you. This is just classic.

Old head, I feel like I'm taking crazy pill shit. And you have to let go and let Jesus take over and just know that this was happening to us with our cooler, older generation when we were, you know, 21-year-old idiots. We just didn't have social media to look like idiots on in a public forum. It's more that I'm more of an activist trying to save a younger generation from pitfalls. Of liking garbage 90s like nu metal. And I think that's a service that I'm uniquely able to provide, Jason. It is. That's why we have this platform. Which is why your brand of activism, you should be a little more sympathetic to the struggles of Zack de la Rocha. Rage Against the Machine. You guys are on the front lines trying. Yeah, Zach DeLaRocca's... But unfortunately, I'm here to tell you, you're fighting a battle that you're never going to win. Oh, of course. I mean, and Zach DeLaRocca's struggles of not being able to start his third Range Rover this morning, you know, to go to Air One, I'm sure are troubling. Range Rovers are like Rimowa luggage. They look great. They cost an arm and a leg. And they're always in the shop. You know what I mean? They're always in the shop. There was a viral article this week, Jason. I don't know if you saw this on Bustle.com. Is therapy speak making us selfish? Boundaries are important. I want to talk about this and I want to talk about how to go to bed at 930 and be a mysterious bitch. Okay, listen to this quote. This is a real quote. I'm in a place where I'm trying to honor my needs and act in alignment with what feels right within my scope of life. And I'm afraid our friendship doesn't seem to fit in that framework. I can no longer hold. the emotional space you've wanted me to, and I think the support you need is beyond the scope of what I can offer. This is a friend sending this to another friend to basically break up with the friend. Okay. Well, my first call-out is this is not emotional or therapeutic speak. This is creative agency speak. They said...

Scope of work like 10 times. Scope of life. I agree. This is all industry. This is for people who are so, I mean, it's quite literally or ironically has nothing to do with emotions or therapy. The only people I know who talk like this in real life are people who are so void of emotion. They're just workaholic. yeah you know like tech industry people well that's what i saw some of the feed that that's what i saw some of the feedback being like this is not how any this is how this is founder speak yeah this is more found this is not birthed from like therapy or like self-help this is birth from the internet and like having jobs and this is how people talk to each other now and it's just like it feels so inhumane i guess is what people are saying like you can't talk to people about your like you can't talk to them like they're your your co-worker Imagine receiving something like that. I would immediately hate the person more than I could even fathom. Yeah, well, I guess what makes me sad is obviously if you or I were ever to receive a message like that, we would instantly assume this is some type of Onion-style satire. And it's like, LOL, bro, I needed that today. Honestly, I've been a little down. That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Anyway, do you want to grab lunch next week? The really sad part is people and potentially millions of people, millions of people who don't have enough problems in their life, who are not facing any real struggle or strife in their world, are sending these messages to each other in earnest and receiving them. in earnest yes oh 100 this is i mean i guess yeah i guess you're right this is how this is how one ai chat gpt breaks up with another ai chat gpt it just it just seems insane to be i don't know this is like the i don't know this is also to me seems like a an evolution like part of the like venmo someone for a three dollar and 43 cent coffee vibe of like every everything like some things just don't need to exist in relationships whether those are friendships or romantic like we gotta just we gotta make things cooler like we just gotta be cooler we gotta be better than this we just we just gotta be better dude like you can't don't don't make your friend pay you back for fucking dinner and don't send a message that says you're holding space like what does that mean

The only time I ever held space is when I fucking stand in a parking spot so someone can go around the block and get in it. Like, I don't know. What the fuck does that mean? The only motherfuckers that should hold space are an orange cone. Orange traffic cone is the only people holding space in my life. Like, these words just don't mean anything. It just doesn't mean anything. And it's just like, what do you, like... just don't talk to someone anymore or to go tell them to fuck off i don't think it needs to be this like i just don't know if it needs to be this serious so what what was the what was the headline of the article is is is therapeutic is therapy is is therapy speak making us selfish making us selfish So what do you think the correlation between what we just talked about? Occasionally, the emphasis on protecting one's individual needs can overlook the fact that someone else is on the other side of that boundary setting. What is a boundary setting? It's all crazy. It's all crazy. When you put the rebar down before you fucking lay a cinder block wall? Trying to reschedule events would be met with, quote, the plan has changed. We are going to do alternative activity. I'm setting a boundary. So let's say, Jason, that we have dinner plans. God damn it. And we're like, Jason's like, hey, bro, we're going to Jimmy John's at 630. It's a hot table. Tough time. I'll see you there. And I say to you, Jason, the plan is changing. We are going to Subway. I am setting boundaries. That's literally what this is. I'm not setting boundaries. I'm changing the boundary setting. I'm changing the boundary setting. Exactly. I'm changing the boundary setting. This is another one that I loved. You made me feel unsafe and unloved. Your demeanor was a little off, and this has been building for a while, and you made me feel really left out. This is among friends. This is among friends. Have you ever spoken to it? How do you care this much? Have you ever talked to a friend like that? This is if you typed in...

to ai write me a lincoln park song it's all related imagine you coming to me and saying chris last night you made a joke that made me feel unloved and unsafe and we need to address this and discuss it instead of just being instead of being like you're a bitch bro like that's like i don't know what like you know what that does that makes the sentence you bro you really hurt my feelings last night that sounds like a normal mature thing to say yeah compared to whatever the keeping space and unsafe and you hurt it's just like bro like friendships are should not be that complicated that's the other thing and i know that we we think men are dumb and we are uh that there's no arguing that but like i just don't know i've never been in friendships like that like i've never been in a friendship where i would receive a message like that and that makes me feel really good about myself well i think we should feel good about ourselves because i think we do have sort of the privilege not to sound stupid like that but of being sort of the last generation where we don't have to value friendship so strongly as Gen Z and younger because I feel like it really is hard to find a real normal human friend to have in real life that you're so built up about them and they become so just priceless and indispensable that you have to, you coddle it and you hug it until it dies. It's like something that you have to, you so much finally when you finally meet your gamer friend in real life and you can't believe how cool they are and then you just kind of like yeah you you smother them until they die by whereas you and i it's like if if any of our good friends sent a message saying we should we're not i'm not going to be friends with you anymore we wouldn't lose a wink of sleep no we we have so many friends and we take them for granted obviously but i think many people nowadays don't and then You have to talk to them as if they are your employer that you are fucking on the dental plan with or something. No, I mean, that's that's true. I mean, that's true. It's just it's just really it's just really crazy. Like people are just people really the bottom line with everything. And I can take this advice as well with my Lincoln Park stuff is to get a life.

We all got to get a life. Expecting other people to care about you at all will always disappoint you. That's the thing. No one owes you shit. No one owes you boundaries. They don't give a fuck. Really, no one owes you anything. We've decided that everyone, including corporations and friends, owe us everything all the time, and that's why we got it fucked up. writing a message like this what it removes i mean obviously removing any human element or emotion or any you know person-to-person connection what it's removing is the excitement of a friendship gone wrong or the drama just the simple excitement yeah yeah true that's a good point that's the ups and downs of a relationship like a part of that a part of a relationship working the point of it is It can be exciting when things are going wrong, and it's like, it needs to be that way, or else you won't really do it anymore. And if you're just resorting to a boilerplate message to do all of your communications, then... These Gen Z, they got this shit saved as a shortcut in their iPhone, and they just kind of hit the shortcut and blast it off to let people know. And at that moment, what you're doing is... quietly quitting a relationship or a friendship that was never there to begin with. It was never a real friendship if that's the way you're ending it. I just think that the blowback on this kind of stuff is starting to happen. Go pay some bills. I do think the kind of this being acceptable and everyone saying shit like this to people and not being able to be like, what the fuck are you talking about, bozo? I think we're done. I think we're allowed to be like, dude, shut up. Like if you get a text like that and you're like, bro, are you serious? I think that's completely acceptable now. And I think lastly on that note, I think it is, even though it is damaging for humanity as a whole, it is good for us, you know, to speak selfishly because that's just making us appear more and more like our podcast specifically and the way we talk to each other is turning into, you know, a human case study.

that will be seen as museum-quality human relations in a few years. Nobody is going to talk like a human anymore, and we might be some of the only, I mean, obviously not just us. There's going to be billions of people who still do it, but who have a successful content stream of some sort advertised on social media. There's not going to be a lot of people who talk like humans, and we will be sort of preserved and studied by a... a rebel alliance of young people who want look at these two who yearn look at who yearn for human emotion and contact look at these two 40 year old guys who call each other pussy all the time this is normal this is what you guys gotta strive for well it's the same it's the same reason why people are re-watching entourage and girls and all these things because you know when it first came out it was like this is fucking the dumbest shit of all time it's true this is so stupid i hate it And now people are watching it because, like, yes, it is dumb, warts and all. There are a lot of bad things about it, just like any legacy TV show that we re-watch, you know. The Office is extremely racist, whatever it is, you know. Yes, it is all that stuff, but it's also human. It's like, I'm watching this, I'm listening to this because, warts and all, it is human. Entourage, nobody talks like that anymore. Nobody talks like girls anymore. Nobody talks like friends anymore. That's a big reason why we are yearning for this kind of legacy media. I think you're right. All that is to say, that is good for us. Hopefully, we get Friends-style syndication. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm looking for. Thank you. All that is to say, How Long Gone has signed with TBS. We're looking at a three-year deal up front. We're on every night from 5 to 8. TBS. Very funny. Speaking of girls, I was a little upset at the GQ Creativity Awards. Grace Wales Bonner was the only one who got an award from the female contingency? No, no, no, no. There was no... The Squid Game model actress got an award. Very charming speech, actually. But I'm still... She's a winner. I've texted Will about this, and he hasn't responded, but, you know, the fact that we weren't at Donald Glover's table... We meaning you and Alex, not me. Just to be clear, I was not there. Yeah, if...

It felt like a slight. You know what I mean? It felt a little like... I saw his coat and there was no room at the table for anyone else, right? Yeah, that's a good point. Mark Anthony Green had to sit on the floor because of his Valentino coat that was taking up two seats. It was like that girl at the Oscars with the big white headpiece. Yeah, exactly. You just know the old Jewish producer behind him is like, oh, son of a bitch. This sucks. But we were at an interesting power table that I would love to share with you. jason and it was um it was mario carbone whose lap was he sitting on alex myself and then uh rapper actor joey badass um who is a very friendly cat and was wearing a lot of heavy jewelry and was able to use his iPhone with sunglasses on almost the entire time. So it was, you know, and... He was sitting at table 48 at this bitch. This is how star-studded this event was. I love it. I mean, it was interesting. I mean, I think that, like, we were right next to where the awards were presented, so I got a great view of all of the winners. Did the other table mates get... plus ones or were was was joey and mario solo dolo joey was solo uh there was a couple other guys this guy izzy who's like a manager a music guy who's been around for a long time i'd met a few times and uh he was there with his wife and then some other some other older white guy who was clearly connected emil came over to the table and knew both of them of course so i was just like okay these guys are these guys are rich and probably associated with some rappers we're here to buy up some masters anyone have masters for sale Exactly. You guys got masters for sale. But yeah, it was a little... But then the biggest trend of the night... It was really fun. It was a great party. Glorilla did perform. You love Glorilla. She opened with I'm Drunk As Shit, Y'all, before the song kicked in. I'm sure Timmy Apple was loving this one. Tim Apple's holding it fucking down at the center table with Zach Barron, who we've had on the show, who wrote the big story with him, and then Ryan McGinley, et cetera. So you didn't sit at that table, just to be clear? Yeah, I was not. They know not to let me near any of the important people. They know exactly what we're going to do, and we're going to talk about it on this show, and that's the problem. Yeah, the only person, Ryan McGinley will be like, oh, we know him. Ryan McGinley.

So I noticed the next day, I'm like, you know, on Instagram, because basically there's the ceremony, there's like the award ceremony dinner, and there's like an after party where A-Side's DJing and Glorilla is performing, and that, they open that up a little wider. You know, so it's a lot of, I'm seeing a lot of. Tier one and tier two. Dime square types, some like, you know, some Sam Hine friends, et cetera. And I'm noticing the next day that Tim Apple was happy to take a selfie with a lot of very cool downtown gays. Tim Apple is having the time of his fucking life. Tim Apple, he's wearing a tuxedo. He gets to give a speech. He gets an award. Everybody fucking loves him. He's probably a little gone off the champagne. And his handlers are making sure everything is going to stay on the track. Was the security pretty chill or was it a little beefy? I feel like there was one security guard you could see and then maybe a couple that you couldn't. If I'm Joey Badass Plus One, I'm taking Tim's chain and I'm out. I'm running your air tags, bro. I saw a lot of selfies with Tim Apple the next day with a lot of very good-looking downtown guests. I was just like, damn, this is so cool that this guy who's running the biggest corporation in the world is having the time of his life. The fact that I got to witness Tim Apple watch Glorilla perform is just beyond my wildest dreams. I just picture him clapping like a grandma watching their granddaughter's recital with the iPad filming it the whole time. It was so good. It was really a sight to behold. But Sam was also wearing this insane Gucci tuxedo that I was very, very impressed by. And, uh, he did tell me it was from their Hollywood collection. So he felt like he had to, he had to choose that. Um, but yeah, it was fun. It was fun. It's a creativity award in New York city. We got to pull out the Hollywood collection, but it was at this crazy, it was at this crazy building, the financial district, um, that a guy I actually know, I bought the guy who owns Palm Heights, the hotel in Grand Cayman. So they kind of like, it was just like, you go up, you, you take the, the, the elevators were presented by Delta. Um, so I kind of felt comfortable there. Um,

And the Delta elevator up to the 28th floor. So you had this amazing view, and they just kind of put down carpet, but the rest of the space was raw. And it was just really fun to be in like a – do some – anytime you can go somewhere you've never been before for a party, you know, is like always a plus to making it fun. You were transported. I was transported thanks to our friends at State Farm and Delta. I did – speaking of female musicians, I had an odd – I had an odd dream that I wanted to unpack with you. Oh, no. Come on. Come on. No. I had a Lana Del Rey sex dream. That was one of the most vivid dreams of my entire life. I'm sorry. What? What? I'm just shocked. What happened? It was so realistic. I mean, basically, I was courted by her and her team. She, so hold on, so Lon Del Rey and her team court, like she sent her manager over to kind of test. She was like a driver, driver kind of thing. Like, hey, get in. Okay. Going back to the crib. But I went back to the crib, which was like in Newport Beach, but it was a shithole, like one bedroom studio apartment. Her mom lived there and she was doing a flight simulator video game the whole time. She was like beasting. She's like a really good gamer. The mom was in the room while it went down. Slept over, great breakfast spread, a lot of pastries. You can kind of see why Lana's been pecking on the pounds lately. And then much like the gays collecting Tim Apple selfie, I was sort of tagged and bagged like a white rhino being shot by Donald Trump's son. She made me drop trow, and then she took a picture of my penis before I left. It was like part of the NDA situation. It was like an Epstein-style blackmail. This is one of the most twisted things you've ever told me. I know, which is why I broke my don't talk about a dream you had policy on the show, ideally in life. Did you wake up and feel good, bad, confused? Was it so realistic that you thought, like, damn, I smashed?

Anytime you have sex with a celebrity for the story, it's a whirlwind of emotions. You're excited that it happened, but you obviously feel used shortly after, and a lot of our female and gay listeners can relate to that, I'm sure. Okay, so, okay, and I just want to be clear. It's bittersweet. Like a grapefruit salad. Did you look normal? Like in your mind's eye, did you look more Lana-pilled or did you look like regular? No, no, no. It was just me. It was just me walking around, regular old TT. Okay. I'm disappointed, confused, and also happy for you because I think that you're Lana. Do you think this changes the way you think about Lana in your conscious state? Yeah, it's ruined it. Because it's a combination of listening to our album too much mixed with taking a break from smoking weed for the last week, which makes your dreams really kind of turbocharged and hyper real and frequent. Of course. But yeah, it's really kind of like every time she pops up on my Spotify, I'm like, oh no. Yeah. But also like, oh no. You know what I mean? One night in Newport. Yeah, the only thing I remember is I had to leave sneaking out and I had to hop a fence into the parking lot and the drivers were all gathered there and they gave me a little like, we'll see you next time, bro. That reminds me of a classic story that the friend will go unnamed where he, it was a similar situation. He broke something on the way out and it was like a problem. It was like an issue that I believe... Like a vase? Like you broke the Seth Rogen bubbler? I don't think it was super expensive, but I think he had to pay for it. And it was a little bit one of those things like, are you kidding? This is a blip. This is like a rounding error. Why would you do this to me? But I believe he had to pay. I believe he or she had to pay. So it was like the rich version of...

charging your girlfriend four dollars and 32 cents for the coffee on venmo exactly exactly it was like oh you knocked over my diptyque and i was like well you have 380 million dollars yeah like you can probably you can you can probably cover this you were just inside me you you can probably cover this all right so you're so this dream and and you're listening so you're over lana after all these years no like i said it's bittersweet bittersweet it's bad it's both I'm cock-shy and cock-hard all at the same time. This is really a development. I just don't, I really, as I continue to try, because I saw Andrews in LA a couple weeks ago, and he made me model one of the Mel's drive-in Lawn Del Rey hats for him, and I... I liked the hat, and I liked the signature style on the side, like her handwriting. It was very cool. You said, yeah, I'll throw that on. Yeah, I'll throw it on. But I just can't get into that. I just really can't get into the record, man. I've really tried. I think after my, we'll call it an episode, I'm starting to understand because she has such the strong fandom, and it's almost like a witch-like usurping of a person's psyche. You know what I mean? latch onto it in a way that is arguably unhealthy. They build their life around it, their aesthetic around it, their choices and decisions in life based around this fictional character that sort of has them wrapped around their finger. And I kind of am starting to see the dark side of it. I mean, this is, yeah, I mean, no, it absolutely can get dark. I mean, look at Taylor Swift. That's even darker. That's even darker. What is the tweet that you sent me about? Let me find that. Oh, the onion thing? About everybody respect her and give her a lot of good vibes right now because she has likely had to keep her breakup private for the last weeks. We need to clap extra hard at the shows to show her that we care about her. Yeah, that's what she needs. That's what she needs. I mean, I don't think that the... I mean, the investment in Taylor Swift is really...

it shocks me kind of every day even though i i understand it and it's just kind of like classic superstardom i just think that the the way like she was dating some no name i mean not no name but like some british actor you know for five years and no one really i don't know it's i didn't know who he was i didn't even know she was in a relationship yeah i don't know but i guess i don't know what he's been in but he's one of those guys who's like pretty famous but i don't know what he's been in but i think his relationship with taylor swift kind of is the defining characteristic in his life, probably. But now, I think she might just go back to Karlie Kloss and finally live her lesbian dream. Hey, man, if you're going to pick a clam to smack... I mean, we'll see. This is a big time for her. I'm excited. She can rewrite her whole narrative now because this is going to be a new journey. There'll be a new album. There'll be a breakup song about Joe. There'll be a new chick. And you'll be able to tell which song is the breakup song because it'll be called Joe. If I know Taylor Swift. Well, you know that Joe's gotten a couple of writings. It'll be Joe parentheses the breakup song. Well, you know Joe's got... That's the one about the breakup. That's so funny. I think Joe's gotten some writing credits on past Taylor projects because he's low-key sick with the pen. No, no, no. I feel like she did that as a gift. That's like the Taylor Swift version of getting your wife earrings when you cheat on her. She's like... I'll give you writing credits on song 12. When she sells the catalog again, he'll probably get a nice little party. I got my master's refinanced. Got a great APR on it, yeah. I'm locked in at 3.9 on my master, on my back catalog. I'm refinancing my back catalog. It's very cool. It's very cool. Take it out. Got a couple of wave runners. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I got a couple C-do's for the lake. How is your...

How are you feeling? Are you back to 100%? Are you off the disabled list? I'm not 100% back, but I'm feeling pretty darn close. I'm probably saying I'm 80 right now. I still have some sinus infection congestion kind of deep down inside, but taking a break from smoking and drinking and having a bunch of broth and juices. Eating clean and healthy is really helping out. I probably have a couple more days left of mucus removal. I saw some Instagram posts that didn't look super clean and healthy. I was eating probiotic Korean food. Probiotic Korean food. You act like you're eating a bowl of kimchi in the backyard while you sun yourself. It was some fried shit. The only meats I've been eating have been boiled. Okay, that's good, I guess. If that does anything for you. I've had a lot of vegetables, a lot of beef. None of this does anything for you. None of this does anything for me, Chief. Clearly it doesn't. Clearly it doesn't. Okay, so you've been kind of taking care of TJ's temple, and you're feeling better. Because we got a lot of stuff coming up, and I'm going to need you kind of at 100%. I can't have you firing. That's why. That's why I'm Kali sober. That's why I'm Kali sober right now. I'm basically eating as if I attended Kanye West's Donda school for young men. Okay. I'm basically just, if I don't eat my yummy sushi. If I don't eat my yummy sushi, I have to eat a pair of Yeezys just to keep sustained. Jason, in protest of Yeezy, Jason has been kind of boiling his shoes and kind of cutting them into small bites, child style. It's more performance art. Just in case the sashimi isn't fresh enough for him, he'd rather go rubber. Did Chris Burden do that? Yeah, exactly. It's performance art. It's performance art. That motherfucker definitely ate a shoe. Yeah, dude. He shot himself. What more can you do? And I'm coming. I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself because I was a little worried about you. Once I saw... I was too. After we recorded last Sunday, we were chatting a little and then I was heading back to my neck of the woods and you started leaking. And you had to go fucking Daniel Arnold mode and pull your...

bitch-ass camera and take a picture of me having a nosebleed. This is going to look so good on a gilded hoodie. That's going to be developed soon. I will be sharing it. I'm going to license this image to idea books. The amount of blood that came out of your nose in a very short... You're a known bitch, so I thought you were kind of exaggerating. I have to say, and I wanted this to be on the record, you weren't exaggerating, and the amount of blood you were losing was staggering. And I left concerned because you were there alone. And I was like, what if TJ dies? I'm going to have to find a new co-host. And that's kind of where my head went. And I was like, damn, this is worse than I thought. And I'm just glad that you're feeling better because I'm not all joking aside. I was like, oh, damn, this motherfucker really is leaking. He was being a bitch and being funny about it. So I didn't take it as seriously as I should have. So I just want to apologize on the record for making a joke out of your health issues. I appreciate it. No problemo. I obviously knew I was going to get the last laugh. And in terms of there's no laughter whatsoever, I got the last guilt or the last shame. This is a good exercise for you. It's giving better help to show a vulnerable, apologetic side of you so you're not always known as Chris, the bad, evil guy. TJ is the nice sweetie pie. We love him so much. It's sort of rewriting that narrative and good on you. I think we need more nice Chris vibes in the world. And just to sort of nail down that point and really drive it home, I will do a peek behind the curtain on what the real TJ is in terms of my line of thinking where you said, you know, I was worried about Jason's health. You know, I would hate for something for him to happen to him and I would have to get a new podcast co-host. Whereas when right when you said that, I thought if Chris dies in my mind, I'm like, finally, I don't have to split the money anymore.

I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming. And I know that you're dying for the day that I finally pass away and you can go Bill Burr solo mode. And look, maybe that will... You guys see the Blackhawks game last night? We got pummeled. You shouldn't have started. When you start doing your weekly hockey podcast solo for The Ringer, look, I hope I'm dead because no one needs to hear that. No one needs to hear that. But no, I'm glad that you're feeling better. I can hear it in your voice. The weather in LA is perking up, so it's all kind of coalescing for you. Yeah, I went to the gym a couple days ago. I hit the sauna. I'm finally getting a nice good night's sleep. But yeah, it was a perfect storm of ailments that really smacked me, Linkin Park style, right between the eyes. Had me laid up, but I am feeling really good, and it really, unfortunately, did sort of turn me into... the cali sober them jeans so don't worry you'll be back midweek having a a steak somewhere with a martini i don't see you i don't see you making these big life i'll be having a steak with an edible okay that's it okay i see a steak with a steak with an edible bitters and soda and a 10 milligrams please wow well that's that's really a diet um all right how long gone Thank you guys for listening. Happy Easter. Happy Easter. He is risen. And, yeah, get your tickets, Philadelphia, Chicago, Atlanta, London, and more soon. And also, we're going to be in Beverly Hills on the 4th. So just wait on it. There will be some more data around that very soon when our friends. Is that event open to the public? I hope not, but we'll find out. Okay. We will see you next week. We've got some good guys. We've got a hot guest, new record, getting rave reviews all over the map. Honestly, people are gushing about this record. And, of course, I really like it, but I'm happy to see how well received it's been. I've got to see who this person is. Let me check my cow. Okay, yes, yes, okay, yes.

we got a little music we got a little culinary and this is exciting it's a classic it's a classic 50 50 week on how long gone one for chris one for jason that's how god intended all right well i am going to put on a lana del rey song as the intro or as the outro great music for this episode and then i'm gonna go pleasure myself to it have a great week you guys we love you later mate With the suitcase in my hand I had to leave Knew they wouldn't understand When you know you know When you know you know It's time, it's time to