734. - Mel Ottenberg

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Check, check. Jason, what's up? I'm looking out at the Toronto skyline. Lots of condos under construction. How are you feeling on Christmas Eve? Christmas time is here, Chris. I feel good. Just got back last night. Vic picked me up from the airport or picked us up. No traffic. Everyone is back home and wherever the fuck they came from. So, you know, got home from the airport in like half an hour. It was sick as hell. That is nice. The benefits of Christmas. Yesterday, and I almost texted you about this because I was so destroyed, but I... I had a massage yesterday from a place called Happy New Feet. Happy New Feet? Happy New Feet, like an Asian massage place in Yorkville here in Toronto. And it hit Pickle Rick levels. And I wasn't ready for that. And then it followed that up with cupping. And I truly look like I've been tortured. Like I couldn't... I'm fucked up, bro. I'm hurting right now. You look like somebody... Just drug your lifeless body around a bunch of rocks and dirt, all bruised and battered. It's kind of hot. Okay, a couple questions up top. Of all the rub-and-tug shacks and shanties across the great northern plains of Ontario, why did we land on a place called, what is it called again? Happy New Feet. Well, the name is good and cool. Were you looking for...

foot work specifically no i'm you know i'm not into foot stuff i was looking i was looking i was basically just looking for something walkable so you're like all right i'm not from around here i'm definitely not into foot stuff let's go to a place with foot in the name no they it's it was the closest place to the hotel and it also had like several good reviews so i was like fuck it how bad could it be okay and then it yeah i'm absolutely i mean this woman went absolutely fucking crazy well could you I mean, I know that there's not a direct A-B comp, but what would you call this masseuse's version of what a humdinger would be? Her signature swing, you know? Something that got those toes curling. Yeah, there was a... Whatever she did that made you bloom in the sense of Troye Sivan. There was a lot of trigger point work where there were places on my, kind of the side of my shin as well as my hand that today... are feeling a little black and blue from too much elbow. Did you get her name? Your sandwich artist's name? Anna. Anna. The way you said that is kind of like the first time you've ever said that name or word before. Anna. All right, here goes nothing. Yeah, Anna. Anna. pray for me pray for me but then okay so i get i get this massage i get this massage and this cupping and then i you know i leave it's dark it's snowing like i'm i stumble back to the hotel and then i'm going to have dinner with drew at at how long gone favorite bucca which is like next to the to the restaurant but the excuse me next to the hotel but the weather so the four seasons the weather's so bad that drew's the drew's like i'm running a little late the train blah blah i'm like all right no sweat and in that 15 minutes or whatever that i was waiting I thought it was over. I really thought it was over. I was sitting in this busy restaurant, and I couldn't focus. I was just staring into the abyss. I couldn't focus on anything. I could barely drink my water. And then once Drew got there, I was able to revive myself, have some table-side Branzino, and then I came back to life. But it was touch and go for that 15. I thought it was over. Okay, so when you say, I thought it was over, you mean death?

You mean your life? Yeah, of course. Yeah, my life. Yeah, obviously. Okay, I just wanted to quadruple check because usually once I get a massage, you know, maybe I'm like, oh, man, I feel like I'm two inches taller. I'm a little sore, but kind of sore in a good way. Make sure you drink a lot of water. And you're over here saying like, all right, I want TJ to have all my T-shirt collection. I guess Alex can get my jeans. So what exactly happened? How did you almost die from Anna? I don't know what, I just think that the, I just wasn't ready for it. And then I couldn't, my body was still processing, but I had plans. You know what I mean? And my body was like, I know I'm supposed to be up. I'm supposed to be giving your brain some juice to converse with your friend. You're supposed to be ordering garlic knots, like all this important stuff. And all I could do was kind of concentrate on the fact that my neck looked like a grapefruit from fucking cups. And I just don't. So in your internal dialogue, all of your neural transmissions were fading. All you could think of was, like Joe Biden style, table side Branzino. If I have that, then I'll be okay. And I know that you're a notorious water drinker, so that wasn't the issue. No. I mean, maybe, to me, it has the energy of like when you're watching a movie and somebody's in the hospital. And they had just recovered from some crazy surgery. And they're like, well, I guess I'm all good, doc. We're going to head out. And the doc's like, oh, no, no. You're going to stay here for at least a couple days so we can monitor you. Yeah. And then, you know, smash cut. You're pulling the IV out of your wrist. And then you're running down the hallway with your little ass and titties hanging out of the gown. And then you run straight to an Italian fine dining restaurant to have a business lunch. Speaking of asses out. That was something else I'd never experienced. She put multiple cups on my cheeks. So the fun doesn't stop at my back. It continues down into my flat. I know that you're no twig-like twink like me, but you're not necessarily built like Lizzo as well. How many cups are we talking on these cheeks? Well, there's just like – I got out of the shower this morning. I was like, there was just a –

Obviously, the upper, lower back butt region is normal. People hold a lot of stress there. Coincidentally, I literally cupped that area of me less than a half an hour ago in the sauna. But the middle, just the middle of each cheek has a big red circle. And I mean, maybe she was trying to go Rudolph mode. for christmas does it look like two eyes like two pupils we could do google we could do cookie monster style googly eyes if we had to if we had to but it's just it's all it's also because when i get was lindsey bakes involved in this at all yeah yeah so we In New York, when I get cupped, it's like the guy puts the cups on, he leaves me for 10 minutes, he comes back, he takes them off. This is like a 30-minute process of her getting them off me. These are the real ones that you light on fire. Pulling them off, putting them in new places. So there's a lot of coverage because of the method. America's number one 5G network. Well, yeah, I think that's the difference between a good cupper and a bad cupper, or a good masseuse or a bad masseuse, where it's like... I'm going to go through the motions. I have my game book. First we saw here, and then we were here, and then here, and then here. And then you just go through them. Regardless of what's going on, and a real artiste like Pickle Rick or Anna, they know that there's a demon inside of your body, and it's not just as easy as like, oh, the demon is there. Put the cup there, and then in 10 minutes, patient cured. No, no, no. The demon sees the cup coming. It squiggles. Now it's in the inside of your thigh. Now it's on your shoulder. Now it's on your lower back. Now it's on the left titty. You it's moving target. It's just like dealing with somebody who's exhibiting addict behavior. You can't just be like, hey, man, you got to stop doing heroin. They're like, you're right. I will. You kind of have to like check on them tomorrow and then tomorrow and then tomorrow. That's that's a great example. Well, I'm glad that you're feeling better now. Sort of. How are your vitals? I mean, sort of. I don't really do. I had to take a nap. I mean, I don't know, dude. Hopefully tomorrow, because tomorrow my dreams are being realized, Jason, Christmas Day in a hotel. This is something I've been trying to do since I was a young man. So I need to be full strength to order room service and use the gym and live life normally, even though most people...

are eating ham and watching football on Netflix. So you're like, you know what I want to do? I want somebody to make me, instead of hanging out with their family today. Whip me up a little French omelet. Light chives. Light chives. Maybe some spinach on the inside. I'm not going to get crazy. But what says Christmas more than a $50 omelet just delivered right to your door? I mean, doesn't that sound good to you? Not much. Doesn't that sound good? So you're not going to spend all day in the hotel room, are you? No, no, no, no. But Equinox is actually open. I checked today. Equinox is open from 8 to 2 tomorrow. Yeah, I think Carolyn said her hot yoga class is open. open tomorrow too we're chipping away we're chipping away holidays are getting more and more meaningless and it that is a good thing and we need to just continue on businesses should be open we should patronize those businesses we should give back to our communities and stop pretending that it's a day to sit around and not look at your phone when that's all you're going to do yeah yeah there's i think i've seen a little bit of a ride i mean there's there are some holiday trends that i'm seeing one of them being Uh, people are putting Christmas lights on their cars now, uh, which is a weird thing that just only started happening this year. Affixing it haphazardly with some duct tape or whatever. It looks like shit. Looks cool at night though. But the other trend is like people kind of talking about like school at night though. Well, I guess I'm gonna get on a plane and fly to, you know, wherever my parents live in upstate somewhere. And then we're all going to watch TV together and then go home. And that's kind of all it is. There's no more activities. There's no more like we're going to the thingy and then the dance and then the caroling and then this. No, definitely not. It's all just like if you've got to sing a carol, just kind of get it over with. I'm going to walk and talk. Let's walk and talk. And then I really got to get home and watch TV. Unless the carolers are on TikTok, ain't nobody seeing that. That's the thing. Ain't nobody. That's that's the real. That's the real. You guys sound so awesome. Do you have a tick tock so I could watch it for real? Yeah, it's really like, though, it is. It is that that is it's people all sitting around together looking at their phones, which is what our normal lives are. So why do we pretend that it's special? Because unfortunately, Santa's Santa's not real. And Christmas is a capitalist holiday.

You know that. It's the same exact way that I think that Valentine's Day is every day. Do you know what I mean? It's the same kind of logic. I totally feel that. How does it feel to be back? Are you recovered? Do you still smell like pignon or have you showered? I have showered, but Carolyn is in the other room right now Googling pignon incense because she just can't shake that pine feeling. But it feels good. You know, we got back last night. You can get the little bricks. Got to get the what? They come in like these little bricks. Pinon bricks. And they're tiny. Hey, babe, you got to get the bricks. And then you get a little, the incense holder is a little house. And the smoke comes out of the chimney. That's nice. That's nice, right? See, that's what Christmas is all about. That's going to bring joy and fun. It costs you 11 bucks all day. It really is. Yeah, here they are right here. incencio de santa fe pinon natural wood incense bricks 40 count okay drop that on the strategist brother let me click through okay sorry it's amazon.ca but you'll be able to figure it out yeah what was i gonna say um yeah i mean i feel good to be back on stolen land sea level yeah yeah well yeah i mean as as somebody who is one quarter native american I did know, like Carolyn was asking me, like, did you feel like a connection with the land kind of thing? And I didn't. But I felt a little connection, like I felt more of a connection with the land when I was in Spain, Biarritz, you know, that area. I was like, oh, the way the trees and the hills and the light is like, it's evoking, you know, deep emotions with inside of my DNA and my bone marrow and shit. But this is more of just like, well there's like a shitty restaurant kind of thing and there's some cool rocks and it's beautiful but more so the people i had a more of a connection with where i was like oh all of you people are like a little kooky a little kind of curious a little too chatty these are my folks these are my people okay so they're a little gangly their bodies look not perfect not perfect but they are they have good hearts

Oh, I don't like that. You don't know when to stop. I guess this is what it must feel. This is like when I went into Bucky's for the first time and kind of reconnected with my people. I was like, damn, I wondered where these people were, and I finally feel comfortable. I look around, and I see it's like a mirror. You know what I mean? It's reflecting back. They were changing the nacho cheese bag behind the counter this whole time waiting for you. Exactly. I love how I said these are people with good hearts, and then you're like, I don't like that. No, I don't like good heart. That's no good. They're lying. They're lying. I mean, Santa Fe has a little bit of an upmarket kind of Anchorage feel where everyone seems like they might be escaping something. You know what I'm saying? It's like I'm rich, but I did something bad to get here. Yeah, yeah. And I do like that. At the very least, I'm evading taxes. Yeah, and that's white collar. And then that's kind of the baseline where it starts from there. Did I run a kid over with my car and kind of get off a little easy? Look, I knew the judge. Have I been run out of my town? Look, I knew the judge. I don't know what you want me to say. My uncle's friend. We grew up together. Look. I didn't think that the car was going to light on fire after I hit it. Who's to say? Who's supposed to know? But it's Christmas, and yeah, I'm happy to be in it. It snowed yesterday, so it was like a real winter wonderland type beat. But I was able to go to the local Kith Emporium, and it took every inch of my being not to purchase the Kith Sesame Street pillow. for you and your loved ones to put in your house. And I didn't really have room for it in my carry-on, or I maybe would have purchased the prank gift. And it would have been embarrassing, but also empowering. Yeah, that sounds very similar to when I almost rented a Cybertruck in Santa Fe. And glad I chose not to. You're glad that you didn't, now that you look back. I'm very glad, yeah.

That idea three months ago was a lot different than it is now. But I was able to, and I know there was a cliffhanger, I was able to finally drive the electric G-Wagon. Did your dick go inside your body as soon as you started it? No, no, no, no. I mean, I'm not a G-Wagon junkie, but it was fun to drive in a G-Wagon where it actually has acceleration. If you've never driven a G-Wagon, why do you think it doesn't have acceleration? Just because electric cars accelerate faster in general? Just the design of it, the weight of it. It's just not a car that's meant to... Acceleration is not paramount with that car. They're not slow, but it's a big, giant, heavy car. Flat windshield, no ergonomics. you know it's it's going to tip over on the curves if you go too fast it's not it's not a driver's car it's a car that you you stunt in or unless you're like going off-roading or something but none of that changes if it's electric it just goes faster so it's riskier yeah the shape is not different shape is not different looks the exact same it's just like an electric motor has so much more torque and acceleration power than a standard yeah yeah a standard combustion engine but i'm saying that seems if it If what you're describing is true, that makes it seem a lot more expensive and a lot more dangerous, which I guess is why people would want it. Me likey. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the original G-Wagon with an engine in it, combustion engine in it, a beautiful, fine car, but. Beautiful is not the word I would use. It just goes so fast. So is it the greatest day of your life? It was the greatest day of Carolyn's life. I didn't really care that much. I'm more into the big body bends like we discussed last episode. But with her, she was in the G-Wagon. And it wasn't so much like, oh, I like this car. It was like, finally, my car has been delivered to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, sweetheart, we have to give this back in 10 minutes. So get all your ya-ya's out because we got to return this to the hotel. And she's like, this is not a car. This is it. An extension of my body created by the Mercedes-Benz Motor Corporation. This is an extension of my personality and my physical being. Thanks to our German friends at Mercedes-Benz. To quote a friend of the show, this is when soul meets body in a very kind of... She went death cab mode in the Jew wagon? Yeah, it was...

The G-Wagon, ironically, not a death cap. Great safety ratings. But yeah, it was... Moving forward, over-under, not a betting man, over-under, what do you think our guest's likelihood of showing up on this podcast is? What are we looking like? Oh, I texted you. He's running 10 minutes late. Oh, okay. Well, he said that he got lost in the village, and I assume he means the Greenwich Village of Manhattan, not... Santa's village. But I could be wrong. I mean, he's Jewish. Well, he could be at his parents' house. That's true. That's true. The village is probably a nice neighborhood in Palm Beach. That's true. I'm sure there's got to be one called that somewhere. Yeah, we're going to get into that. What else was I going to say? Thank you for sending me all this pignon. No problem. I just wanted to make sure you had it because it's a nice, cheap way to make the house smell good. But this happened to me the first time I went to Santa Fe. The exact same thing happened to me. I went home and I ordered... Pinion Incense immediately. That was the first thing I did when I got off the plane. Really? Yeah, I love it. It faded over time, but... There was just something about it, and I was like, I love this. And it obviously doesn't really feel the same in an East Village apartment as it does in kind of the open west with the stars shining. The American Southwest? Rustle me up some of that pinion. It gets close. It gets pretty close. So I want to know why you love the enchanting, intoxicating smell of the pinion incense, but you're not captivated by a pine. tree inside of your house because the you don't have to clean up the incense bro that just goes it burns and then you dump it in the trash it all boils down to the cleanup the cleanup of a christmas tree is ungodly it's it's disgusting it's terrible i don't care how nice your dyson is it sucks and i don't i don't wish it on my enemy i really don't i really don't I would spend $175,000. Don't wish it on your enemy. Just wish it on your wife. She'll dust it up. Yeah, right. I would spend $175,000 to bury the Christmas tree. That's what I'm saying. That's how far I would take it. Interesting. This is interesting because I'm very into, and I've talked about it before, throwing a book away when I'm done reading it. And you're saying, when we're done with the Christmas tree, let's bury it. And there's a very big difference between.

planting a tree and burying a tree isn't there well it's symbolic and that you know i'm kind of a big thinker it means more you know you're you're burying the year that you had you're starting a new who knows what will sprout there oh who knows what will sprout there i don't i who's to say there's there's a lot i mean there's a lot i sorry i don't mean to bust your third eye open on christmas eve but i have to go get a kleenex i'm sorry This is not the time to have a standing desk because my knees are getting shaky. I also finished a program I've been watching yesterday called Ultimatum on Netflix. It's a reality show where... This does not sound good. Oh, it's good. Where couples go into it and one person is giving the other a marriage ultimatum and then they all break up and date another person in the group. And they have trial marriages where they live together with this person they've known for 24 hours. And I tell you what, this is exactly how TV should be. It's as good as it gets. What kind of stuff happens? Well, the best part, they talk about their emotions too much. That's the problem with all these shows is they just talk about themselves, which after eight episodes, you're kind of like, I got enough. Because there are obviously people with their Instagram influencers that lift weights. It's not like they're deep thinkers. You know what I mean? But there's a guy on this one, his name is Nick, and he's an artist. And I was like, all right, chief. So I went to check out his art. It's bad, of course. He actually I looked at I looked at the sales and he's actually selling work for like twenty, thirty, forty thousand dollars. And then I went to his Instagram and he's building with people that you look up to like Mr. Brainwash. And I was just I was stunned with kind of the I thought he was full of shit and it's still all really bad. But he was actually relatively successful where everyone else is like. a social media marketing person, right? Or a fitness influencer. He actually, he actually has money coming in. Yeah, it is a, it is a bullshit artist. It's not real art, but he has transactions are happening. He is making money. So that is good. Yeah. He has a nice Porsche. He wears, he wears a lot of see me. I don't know if it's, I can't tell if it's John Varvatos, Zara or St. Laurent. You know what I mean? Cause that's sort of tough to decipher. Netflix isn't, is it 4k?

Um, so it was, but yeah, it was, it was, it was very interesting to watch. I mean, he also lost his fucking mind and like embarrassed himself several times on hidden camera. Um, where, you know, when your girlfriend breaks up with you and you're on the couch screaming, why that's like, that's literally what he did. And I didn't think that actually happened in real life. I don't think it does happen in real life, but it does happen on, on reality television. When there's a guy who has an earpiece inside of you and he's like, if you don't start screaming, why right now? We're going to start shocking you. Well, no, but then I watched the reunion last night, the final boss before I went to dinner. He's sober. So I'm proud of him. I'm proud of him. He went and got help. He's sober now. He put down the Johnny Walker, and he's just going to make ugly graffiti-inspired art clean now, sober now, which is even crazier. Okay, so if it's anything like reality television that we've already seen and talked about before, he's on the right path, everything is looking good, and then in six months, he's going to cheat on his wife and then kind of start all over again? Yeah, well, his prospective wife, they didn't stay together. But he's got a new chick. He did say he has a new chick. He didn't reveal who she was or what she looked like, but I'm sure the internet can dig that up pretty easily. He's cheating on her right now. Only with the Krylon. He just texted me. Yeah, I've left you for Rust-Oleum. All right, well, let's introduce our holiday guest today, Chris. Okay, yeah, our holiday guest today is a friend of the show, the editor-in-chief of Interview Magazine, Mel Ottenberg, also a stylist. I'm sure you're familiar with all of his work. He did a live show with us a long time ago at Bowery Ballroom, but we've never had him on the actual podcast. Yeah, he was a guest at our very first New York live podcast. He just feels like he's already been on the show before, but he hasn't. I feel like he's been on twice. But, yeah, you know, editor-in-chief of Interview Magazine, the stylist of the stylists, you know, those famous photos of Rihanna bent over on a hotel balcony. Chill, bro. Damn. That's where I first learned about Mel Zork. Let's give him a jingle. All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince.

Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone.

It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together, a cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture. repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So... When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. I lost my headphones. I got locked out of my Apple ID and I got lost in my neighborhood. Like this is this is who you want to talk to today. I don't know why, but no, they're not skims. OK, OK. No, I'm not doing Beats headphones. That's for, like, 12-year-olds. Look, I agree, but you seem like the kind of guy who would never buy something like that, but you would have a lot of them show up to your house, and you might just throw a pair on. Yeah, I feel like you would be on the Skims influencer Kim K list, and then they would assign your headphones to whatever skin color or hair color. We've gone with a nice, beautiful gray here with both. Well, okay, so I, yes, I did get some Skims holiday presents. They were...

Wait, one of them I just opened. I can't remember what it was. The other was black silk skims pajamas. Headphones. No, no one is ever going to send me the headphones I want, which are silver Bose headphones. That's my look. Bose ain't sending me shit. That changes today. They're collaborating with... That changes today, Mel. If they're doing earbuds with Steve Lacey, they could send you a pair of headphones. You know what I mean? I got... Saint Laurent sent me earbuds, but like... Hold on. I don't know where they are. Saint Laurent. Anyway. Saint Laurent earbuds, meaning proprietary technology? Or do you think this is a collaboration with a headphone manufacturer? Yeah, it's not Apple earbuds. It's like something fancy. Wait, hold on. I actually know where the case is. I just don't know where the earbuds are. Let's hold on, boys. Let's look at the case. Melvin, could you fetch the Saint Laurent earbuds, please? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. What is this? What is this brand? Is it Master and Dynamic? B-O. Oh, I remember this brand. Look at that. Look at that. Bag and Olufsen. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, it's nice. But where are the little things? No fucking idea. Classic St. Laurent. What else is new? Yeah, I'm surprised they just have guitar picks in it. All right, so you got lost in your neighborhood. And I was saying, because you texted me saying I got lost in the village. And I said to Jason, I wonder if that means he was in Santa's Christmas village. Was he? He's in Tulum, surely. Where the great fire happened. Wasn't there like a great fire in like? Wait, didn't that happen in Manhattan? Anyway, we don't need to talk about fires and that happened because it's too dark, but right now. Okay. But, no, I got lost. No. First of all, I live in Greenwich Village, not the West Village. I'm not really getting lost in Greenwich Village. It's not happening. I got lost in the West Village. I was trying to watch the Santa Baby music video, and then I ended up on some long route that I could have done earlier, and I'm sorry that we're so late. It's okay. Shopping for my mom. I wanted to get my mom a Christmas present, and I went to this, like, fixed store, and I bought her a gift. What did you get your mom? She's not going to listen to this before she receives it. She's not. I got her, like, a really nice navy milk pitcher with red.

dots painted on it is very attractive okay you got your mom a milk pitcher is that because she drinks so much milk or are you saying this could be used for water it could be used for water i see i just think it's for like classy people that like good pottery and have everything would your mom be at a dinner party with a big jug and be like more milk more milk like that kind of i think well yeah i called my stepfather and i was like Two mugs or like a little pitcher? And he said, oh, little pitcher, of course. I'm like, boomers. That's why boomers are sick. He said, you dumbass, little pitcher, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The mugs were really good. I was like, mug, right? Two mugs? No, little pitcher. Little pitcher sounds like my grinder settings. Grinders going off, guys. I just want you to know, obviously, Christmas time, Grinders going off. Why is that? That's not obvious to me. Does Christmas get the humpers humping? Yeah, Christmas gets the humpers humping because everyone's off of work. and yeah i mean everyone wants to fuck all the time i was about to say i like that you act like being off work is a reason for gay guys to have sex more i don't think that i mean they're busy they are it is more it's a thing it's a thing where it's like as if they weren't as if As if they weren't fucking enough. As if you people weren't fucking enough. Exactly. Christmas really turns it out on the apps, I would say. But it's also not even like a hometown. Like New York City, I feel like it never stops. But if I was in suburban Atlanta, for example, it might not be quite as cracking. No, I think there's a little something of like... Andrew's nose. I don't really have anything to do but read a book. Or watch a TV show or do it. And I think people might choose the third. Sure, sure. If I can meet a guy behind the Hardee's off the highway, I don't see why not. I'm getting tired of this book anyway. Well, I made my cookies. Who do I suck? Exactly. I think that's the vibe. And now you know. Okay. Good to know. So you're staying in the city, obviously. But I said this to you earlier today.

This is kind of a rare occurrence where the first night of Hanukkah is also Christmas Eve, correct? Is that... Is tonight the first night of Hanukkah? It's been a while. I think... Yeah, I think tonight is the first night, or maybe tomorrow is. I think Christmas... And it's on Christmas Day. I think that's great. Peace on Earth. For real. Seriously. For reals this time? Finally, for reals. What did you think about the Santa Baby video? Because I... people are really responding to her outsider art with Nadia Lee Cohen, and I find it to be, I think Kim's giving jobs to several creators, and I appreciate that, even if her titties aren't out. I think it's great. I do too. I literally think it's fucking great. So you're the one. Listen, I'm a Kim Conver. I am really impressed by Kim, and I really admire Kim Kardashian. And when she did my favorite. she did the part of course kim kardashian would do santa baby it's such a good idea it's a good idea i listened to it today too outside of watching the video video's great come on the video's great it's like you know i love the video i don't know if the travis barker produced song needs to make it onto my spotify wrapped You know what I thought about it, Chris? It's the Santa baby we deserve. I think it's genius. I was texting Kim about it. I was like, Kim, not since Madonna in like 1987 has there been an iconic Santa baby. I'm sure Jessica Simpson did one in 2004. I don't fucking care. This one's iconic in its own fuck you nihilistic Kim Kardashian Tesla era like Cybertruck way. like it and i like it i like what nadia and charlie did and i think what kim does with nadia is great and i think i thought it was great and i was like wait i love this and she was like oh yeah i got the i i reached out to the family of the creator of santa baby they're still alive and they gave me their blessing to to do it i love that she's very like respectful

Of the creators and the art and the Santa baby we deserve in 2024. Now that she's in law school, she understands the kind of back channels you have to go through for this type of stuff. And hopefully there's a good deal split between the families. But what do you say to everyone saying that the video and Kim is sort of sucking the soul out of the spirit of the holidays? What would you say to those haters? Fuck off, guys. Come on. It looks great. I agree. Literally, fuck you, bitch. That's what she said. I also think that that is what that mother of four is saying with that video, and I think it's cute. Yeah, I don't like... Sorry, Chris. I don't like how everyone's always making fun of and talking shit of how she's been in law school for so long now. She's the busiest person in the world, mother of four. constantly working and doing that on top of it, of course, it's going to take longer than the average 22-year-old whose parents are paying for it. Sorry, go ahead, Chris. Yeah, you're right. But I also, the other thing I've seen about this video is people are like, it's interesting because it feels fully like an art project, like she's not trying to sell anything. It's not Skim's North Face skiing campaign. It's not, you know, it's literally just for vibes. Yeah. For holiday vibes. It's like a Fiona Apple video to me. Yeah. It's like a Fiona Apple music. Exactly. What's fun about it is it's Paul McCarthy. I thought David LaChapelle's Christina Aguilera dirty video because it's just like so many extras all done. I don't know who styled it, but great attention to detail with all the extras. It's giving budget. High budget, and I like that. It is giving high budget. That might look like Crack House, baby, but that ain't no Crack House. We built that Crack House on a soundstage. This cost money. I think this marks the time when we take, because the word quote-unquote budget used to mean something was low, poor, cheap.

And I think you've changed it. You've rewritten the meaning of the word to mean high budget, and I think that's cool. Really quick side note. I was cast to be in the Christina Aguilera dirty video, and then when I showed up on set and took my shirt off, they're like, you're good. You took your shirt off? They made me because they had to oil my body up, and I wasn't as – because all the guys in that video are so buff, you know? This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Hi Talk House Network listeners, it's your old friend Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, LaGrange, Georgia, Charleston,

South Carolina, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. This episode is brought to you by Prime. What if you had one more chance with the one that got away? Sam, you came home. based on the best-selling novel from Carly Fortune. Every year after follows childhood friends Sam and Percy as they reunite in the dreamy, nostalgic lakeside town of Berries Bay. Love can be hard to find. So if you're lucky enough to find that person, never let go. A second chance at first love. Every year after, streaming June 10th, only on Prime. Yeah, side hip huggers low for show. Shake a little something on the flow. I need that uh to get me all sweating until my clothes come off. It's so good. I need that uh. Wow, okay. So you, and I also like that you said you texted Kim about that. It's a nice little flex. What is, um, what's Rihanna doing this holiday season, by the way, just out of curiosity? I don't know. Okay. Do we love Rocky for her? What's going on? I ain't flexing here. I don't know. I did not. I got nothing for you. Alex was very upset because Mariah Carey canceled that show. A bunch of people got invited to see Mariah Carey play, and then she was sick, but then she was somehow the next day available to play, and that was where Rihanna was up front, kind of like, you know. Where Mariah signed the titties. I liked the signing the titties thing. It was beautiful. I agree. That's a throwback. That's a classic. A titty sign is a classic. She's a good one. She's smart. Do you think that Anderson Paak is dating Mariah Carey? There's rumors that Anderson Paak and Mariah Carey are in Aspen holding hands at a restaurant, and to this I say, cool. Okay, guys, who's Anderson Paak? It's like a name in my page six kind of Instagram.

But I don't know who he is. This is the first cool thing Anderson .Paak has ever done. He's one of those guys that's infinitely talented, but you don't want to hear anything that he does. And he's good looking. He has everything except songs. Oh, wow. He's a musician. Wait, hold on. I just need to look him up to see if I've ever seen a picture of him in my entire life. You've seen a picture. You've definitely seen it. He's pretty big, right, Jason? I mean, he's like pretty. He's pretty big. He spells his name with weird letters and periods and stuff. Oh. Oh, yeah. He's a very accomplished drummer. Great drummer. Okay. Whatever you can do with drumming. Oh, wow. He's also a DJ. He's taking money out of my family's mouth. Wow. And arms and hands and wallet. He probably has his own Converse that's really ugly. Converse? He's probably got his own fucking mezcal. Let's aim for the stars. He's got a sipping whiskey. I'm sure people make a lot of money getting a Converse. I'm sure Charlie's Converse deal is probably pretty good. You know what I mean? Yeah, every deal Charlie's going to do for the next two years is pretty good. Anderson Paak, I don't know if it's going to be quite the same. Is there a reason why you turned your camera off to look at photos of Anderson Paak here, Mel? How quickly can we finish? Hold on. I didn't turn it off. I'm back. I'm back. Wait, are you 6'9"? Jason, are you 6'9"? Confirm. Yeah. I went on a date with a 6'9 guy recently, and I thought of you. It's so exotic and hot, the tallness. The very tall. So which NBA player is in the closet? He's not an NBA player, but he is 6'9, and I was like, damn, Jason, 6'9 tall. Do I know this guy? I don't think so. I don't think it's like, we're not the new hot item, but. We went on a date and made out. And I just think it's, I think the very, I told them I'm with the very tall. I think it's hot. Yeah. So you're one of those rare guys and girls and people that's attracted to tall people. I'm starting to see there's a few of you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tall. By the way, I'm down for, I would say I'm down for like five, seven to seven foot.

It's a big strike zone, brother. It is a big strike zone. I'm six foot, so it makes sense for me in both directions. You're an equal opportunity. You're open to all offers. As long as they tickle your fancy, height's not going to hold you back. Height's not going to hold me back 5'7 and up, but I am with the very tall. The last guy that I dated was 6'5. Okay. Now, if we're taking you out on a date... Where do we go? What's the vibe of a date like this? The 6ix9ine guy is funny, has a good, funny kind of personality. So we decided to go to the Monster. The Monster is a gay piano bar near, it's on Christopher Street. And it's just actually weirdly the perfect spot to like. meet a man it's also you know blocking it up from my apartment so like it could go in that direction or it could be very um very respectable but also it's sort of amazing in a next level kind of way that it is a gay piano bar and i think that um a loser is not gonna be down with this place but someone could look at how it's genius i think Yeah, I mean, in my mind, all piano bars are gay, but you're saying this one is gayer. This one's specifically geared. They find some of Billy Joel's songs that are super duper gay. So is it like show tunes a little bit and stuff like that? Yeah, I've never heard a Billy Joel song there. I've definitely heard many show tunes, which I don't know at all. I've heard The Carpenters. Anyway, it's just something to look at. It's the spectator kind of thing. That sounds pretty fun. I have a little bit of a bone to pick with the gay community, and since you're here with us today, I feel like the amount of time that I spend with gay men, my invite stops at the bar. Is that to save me from myself? I don't think so. We could be at dinner, and they're like, we're going to go out, and then they're like, goodnight, Chris. When this apartment was a den of hard-partying sin, I think you would have fit in so well. It's just not like that anymore.

It's just like... Way to let them die. Yeah, like it's not that kind of apartment anymore. But I think you both would have fit in really well there. So I don't have any real answer except that you're invited to the parties I'm no longer throwing. Got it. Thank you. Thank you. What is New York's best gay bar? Because I feel like it's going to be something I'm unfamiliar with. Oh, fuck. I don't remember what it's called because like... 2024, I didn't... A, I was not in New York City at all in 2024. I don't remember what it's called. Okay, what's LA's best gay bar then? Animal or something. It's in Brooklyn, y'all. I don't go to Brooklyn that often, you know what I mean? No offense, Jason. No, Jason, you live in LA. I don't live in Brooklyn. No, do not put that on me. Do not put that on me. It's so far away. It's not New York. It's Brooklyn. Yeah, I just looked it up. It's a queer bar in Brooklyn called Animal. Apparently that's where it's at. Queer scares me. Queer scares me. Chris doesn't like queer stuff. He likes gay shit. That's it. You don't like them queers. I don't like them queers. We like gay guys. We like gay guys only. None of that queer stuff. Give me gay shit only. Only. Listen, I ain't got no clue because I haven't been to that queer bar. You know what I'm saying? But I hypothetically... I ain't ever been there. I would go to the queer bar. Fuck, I was pissed because there was like a gay... I don't know about gay. There was just some party I would have gone to. in Brooklyn on Saturday, but I didn't go. I ended up with some Manhattan fancy crowd. Oh, I went to... This was my gay bar on Saturday night. I went to La Tette Door, the new Daniel Bouloud restaurant. I mean, I've lost my edge, guys. I don't... How was it, though? Good? It was actually delicious, yeah. It was really good. It was just like... It was what I was missing from... hot new restaurants in New York in the last couple years was just like, it's very, very good food. Steak, vegetables, desserts, bread. I like it. I like the menu you just described. It's my kind of restaurant that's got appetizers, mains, desserts. There's a door to walk in. No, meaning it's not some complicated bullshit. I know what you mean. Everything's fussy.

teresi shit like that fucking place like i kept reading about new york magazine so i went and i was like what the fuck is this fucking restaurant david haspel and matthew schneier of new york magazine i think i complained to both of them being like what's this fucking restaurant that i kept reading about new york fucking magazine jason likes it i've only been i've only been for a party god it's bad Mel, I went for lunch, sat at the bar. Crazy. I got a couple things and a Coca-Cola, and I was out, and I had great food. Good service, but then I've heard horror stories from everyone else. What happened? What was, like, the worst offense? And come closer to the screen. Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Again, I'm sorry about the laptop and fucking up my Apple ID. You're good. You're good. Don't worry. I know you want to sit casting couch mode, but we're going to have, you know. Yeah, relax, Richard. Richard Kern's not on the call. Relax. No, no, no. Exactly. Relax. Okay, got it. He's right. My casting couch is so long. He's off. He's actually off camera. He's off camera. It's like when you're riding a train and it turns and you can see the train. Okay, go ahead. Okay. The first time I was going there, I was meeting a very beautiful and famous woman who stood me up and forgot. And I was like, I'm here. And she was like, oh my god. You're going to have to tell us who the beautiful famous woman is. Can you do it in Rihanna's voice? No, I'm not doing that. She's really beautiful. She has brown hair. She has a perfect body. And she's smart. Bella Hadid. And she stood me up at this motherfucking restaurant. No, it wasn't with Bella Hadid. And then she stood me up and I was like, are you on your way? And she's like, I totally forgot. And I was like, all right, I'm going to read. I think I had a copy of The New Yorker. Well, Ratajkowski is listening right now. So what would you want to say to her? No, it's fine. It's cool. Then, but then, and I'm not going to say who she is. I'm not kissing and telling about a flake like that. Well, it's an accident. We've all been there. We've all been there. My assistant forgets to put things in the calendar all the time. We've all been there. I can only show up places because someone helps me, like, put things in my calendar. I would be useless without that.

I, uh, I, I turned my phone off and I read the New Yorker, which I happened to have. And so I was like, okay, I'm going to just like focus on eating this food. And I thought it was bad. I don't like any restaurant that has a hip hop bend to it. And I know that it has like a biggie poster kind of vibe, which I can't really, I can't really get past that, but I'm sure the food, I'm going to wrap the specials to you. Yeah. Wait, are they playing hip hop music? They're like California. city of compton that's like very teresi vibe to me they're playing like mop and and like mob deep and and you know de la soul it's but that's all of your classics but why do we think it's only italian restaurants that do that like you don't hit nobu and they're playing tupac it's only italian restaurants that play hip-hop it's only young people restaurants often italian but you know italian people they They grasp on to hip-hop-style music, I think. But on the topic of food, Mel, what are the Ottenbergs eating for Hanukkah this year? Okay, tonight I'm going – tomorrow I'm having Christmas with my mom and stepfather. Shout-out to Richard and Jane. I don't know what we're cooking, but I'm bringing some pies from the farmer's market. And I don't know what we're cooking. I feel like what – A great Hanukkah classic is potato latkes. I love my mom's potato latkes. I feel like one must eat them with both applesauce and sour cream. And that's the real Hanukkah tradition. Are you guys familiar with potato latkes? Of course. Yeah, of course. I've actually, I used to eat them at Baz Bagel pretty often. That was where I've like really, because I didn't, obviously I didn't grow up with them. But it is a fried potato, which is easy for us Gentiles to wrap our head around. Yeah, it's shredded potato turned into like little pancakes and deep fried, super oily. And then you put the sour cream and applesauce on them. I think it's great that my people make extremely unhealthy food that will just ruin your your body silhouette. It tastes good.

I would say that of all the Jewish staples, the latke is the one where us Goyam are able – we've all had a hash brown from McDonald's, so it makes sense to us, versus the gefilte fish or something like that. I also love gefilte fish, but yes, it's – Can you explain to me what that is? Gefilte fish. It's like some weird congealed – oh, it's like an amoeba-shaped – matzo ball that's actually not a matzo ball it's fish with some sort of key colored gelatin layered on top of it i've never made it and i don't really know how to cook but that basically is what it is i think it's great brave i do i would say gefilte fish fits into the the girl dinner tinned fish girly type of world it's very good for you Great for the body silhouette, high in omega-3 fatty acids, just like mackerel and sardines and all the other foods that you were supposed to be eating, but don't taste great. No shade to your diet and your people. I like sardines. I don't know if I believe you that gefilte fish is good for you, but maybe. I don't know. It is. I feel like anything congealed doesn't feel super healthy, but it still could be. There's no way anyone that is not Jewish would like gefilte fish, nor should they. It's the cultural thing that you shouldn't have to be a part of. There's southern stuff like that too, like chitlins and shit. If you're from New York, you're not eating that. Pickled pig's feet? Yeah, no one's having that above the Mason Dixon. Well, Mel, I wanted to switch gears away from the kitchen and into the bedroom. You were posting a photo of the hot shooter on your Instagram burner account. I'm not going to get into it. say exactly what's going on, but I wanted to ask you about, it's a new kind of gay meme format where you'll take a photo that's appeared in the news or just the world that's a non-pornographic image, and then you'll put a website like SeanCody.com logo on this image, and then it suddenly becomes alive. And I would like you to explain.

yeah that uh that essence because it's something that i think is very funny but i don't know about okay so like basically what that yes you're right i do on my burner i mean i've probably posted 30 luigi posts on my burner i got sick i was over luigi but admittedly yesterday was a lot actually i went to lunch today and this couple was arguing about luigi and it was so fascinating like christmas eve and two gay guys arguing he murdered someone He's a hero. He murdered someone. He's a hero. I'm like, wow. This is incredible. Anyway, besides the point, we're talking about the memes. The only, the Sean Cody thing is like, it's like a clean cut, absolutely beautiful boy a la 2007, 8, 9. It's very specific. By the way, just for the gays out there, I do not, I'm not talking about current day Sean Cody. I would never. wastes my time or anyone's time talking about something as cheap as that. I'm talking about 15 years ago, Sean Cody, which was some of the great, that's like Falcon. Sounds like you're talking about wine. Also, if anyone knows the real Sean Cody, please tell him that my dream as the editor-in-chief of the interview magazine is to interview him because I really respect him and what he did for the culture. I just think it's fucking great. Not whatever loser owns it or is involved with Sean Cody now. Fuck you. But like, anyway. I love the old school shit, and what they're saying when you put a picture of Luigi on the Hawaiian mountaintop with the Sean Cody logo, that means you're a beautiful specimen of manhood, no tattoos, really clean-looking beauty. Also, there are Sean Mendes styled by Mel Anberg in Interview Sean Cody ones, which I deeply loved. and also was posting oh wait hold on there's another one that i posted i didn't post to sean cody though jason hold on i just want to i want to shout out to the other one it's not it's not a it's not a website that i personally am watching it sure men at play oh yeah men at play so there's another one where it's that amazing hunk that looks like the girth master that is like luigi's watcher in the

No, Nordstrom sweater. But wait, we didn't dress so Mel Ottenberg here. It's so, oh, God. We were talking about, I don't love the undershirt. Oh, yeah. With the button-up and the sweater. No, you're right. That I don't love. I don't love. Well, also, I hate a spread collar. It's so bad. The shirt is bad. sweater's not bad i did like the rumors that the sweater was marjella and people photoshopped the little four stitches on the back and also what's amazing about that in the meme culture of today with our melted brains is that even though i know it's not real when i look at that meme i still want to believe it it's an alternative truth you know my thoughts exactly he had a grailed he had a grailed account though with like rick owens boots like it's not that out of the question you know what i mean it's not that that's why i think it works so well he had a nebraska hoodie an outfit an outfit that i would like that i've been thinking about in my head which it's funny that we're on this luigi thing i'd love to wear like a not not spread collar white shirt with a crew neck I guess Navy sweater and khakis. Yeah. I want to try it again. I threw out all my khakis. I feel like when I put on khakis, it looks like you should call an Amber alert. I look, it's not like, I just look like a perv in a way that I'm not into. Um, but I want to try it again. And I, so, and I'm not inspired by Luigi. I just, I think khakis are interesting right now. What are you guys saying? I like your spirit because the way I like to look at fashion, because I'm so tall, most clothes don't fit me ever. So I like the difficulty of making a certain garment work because it's so much more rewarding when you can pull it off. So if somebody can pull off a pair of khakis and it looks sick, then... You've done something a lot more powerful than just like buying whatever was hot and trendy that year. Well, I think that I think khakis are one of the greatest men's staple ever. It's just more of an age thing. Like I, sorry, what I mean is in my 20s and 30s, I was doing, especially my 30s, I was doing khakis a lot. And that was just my thing. And then after a while, I was like, I'm too, oh, it would be like khakis and Converse. That was just the male look.

And after what, when you hit 40, you're like, oh, this Converse looked good before. Now it looks insane and not cool at all. I mean, are Converse deeply uncool now? No, I don't think so. I wear the 70s Chuck Taylor and like the off-white, but I did get made fun of for it. Okay. So that is, was always, no, but I love that as a shoe, it's such a sexy shoe. And when they first came out, I was like, yes, this is the best shoe. But then after 40, 41, I was like. Maybe not. They've been completely edited out. The khakis as well. I'm 48 years old. I look like a crazy perv in khakis, but I want to try. I'm going to buy a bunch of them on Mr. Porter and try them on. Okay, so we've got a navy sweater, khakis. Sorry, Chris. What are the shoes? What shoe do you wear with a khaki? I don't know, man. I have these. I have... Brown Church's loafers. They're really perfect. I was going to say loafer. I was going to say loafer is the only option, really. It's a brown loafer, and it's a perfect loafer. I need to wear them in the rain one more time. Suede or leather? They're leather. Suede's too fancy pants for me. I mean, my loafers are all leather as well, but I think that's the only shoe to really... I wear the Big Fit chinos occasionally, and those I will wear with a loafer. Love those pants. I got to try the... The big fit? The giant fit is what they're called. But I have them taken in because they fit great, but they're a little too big. So I have them taken in a little bit. They're the most comfortable pants ever. Can I have some more, please, Chris? Yeah, we can get you some more. They come in colors now. They have flavors. Beautiful. I wanted to talk the interview magazine holiday party. I got the invite this year. It was an honor, but I was not in town. What was going on there? I really enjoyed having a holiday party. Like, I wanted to have a holiday party because my team is awesome and did such a good job this year, and I wanted to have, like, just something chill, and we had it at... Temple Bar? Temple Bar, which, honestly, for me, I loved having a party there because that was, like, a place I went after work when I was, like, first job in New York as a cashier, and I would go there, like, every day to drink.

So I liked... Oh, shit. I went too far away. I liked having it there, and it was really chill. We played me and Julian, who works with me. We made a mix. It was Christmas music and 80s music, and everybody was there, and it was chill. And Addison Rae came, and so that brought some good glamour. And then... What I missed is that all the kids went insane and went to Singers, which I guess is in Dead Sky or Bushwick or something. And there were all these TikToks of them late at night with Addison Rae screaming Diet Pepsi. Obviously, I missed that part because I don't do that anymore. Did Addison Rae show up at Temple Bar solo or did she bring a friend? No, she brought Justin, her manager. I just knew that she was in town. Someone told me she was in town, so I just invited her and then she came. Addison Rae is cool. I've met her once at your party. I think she was very nice and cool. Do you think she's going to be the it girl of 2025 or do you think somebody else will top her? I think that Addison Rae had a really interesting 2024 that makes her really one of... The main things to watch in 2025. I'm watching. I gotta say, too, I just love The Dare. I was listening to The Dare on a dueling podcast, Nymphed Alumni. You can beep it out if you want. But he's just so cute. So I'm interested in what he does in 2025, too. I'm into him. I bet you are. I've always been into him. I think he seems cool. You can edit that out since I'm talking about some enemy. girly pod no that's that's not the enemy pod i've never listened to it but it's not the enemy will you tell me offline what the enemy pod is sure yeah i would love to do that yeah there's a few um but it's all in my head you know what i mean i don't know if they think about us at all um but that's i don't have any enemy pods because after this after this blake lively scandal i've been thinking about who i would spend 175k to bury and i i don't know i don't know if there's anybody that it's worth 175

i just don't know i bury him for free bro i give him the shovel that's what i'm saying rich like that guy we're not rich like that whatever his name is right no i don't know if he's that rich i think he just was is that crazy and was like i'm gonna spend 175 is not that much y'all the movie this movie that like i couldn't by the way if someone was gonna offer me 175 000 to name the movie right now i couldn't name it it's like it's like maps of our stars but like Or the room next door, right? There's, like, four. The end is the end. The end. It's something in. The end is near? No, it's more. It's stupider than that. It, like, makes less sense. The end is now. This is the end? No. Now, that's a New York Times article you want to read. I mean, like, I'm sorry for all the drama. It ends with us. Sorry. It ends with us. Got it. It's so good. I can't get enough. I think also the guy is not. Like, the fact that he thought. Ryan Reynolds is a very powerful, like a real Hollywood guy. Yeah. Like the thought of going up against Ryan Reynolds' wife is bizarre. Like that's ego shit. Like you think you can win? You can't win. But do you think that Justin guy is hot, Mel? I will say. Second question, is it hot that he dresses so poorly as well? Oh, my God. Thank you for just asking me questions that I want to be asked. So I was watching, I was looking at a thing with him today, and I'm like, he's kind of hot. His body is good, and wow, the Don Johnson outfit is so psychotic. In my mind, it's like a lilac suit with a mesh t-shirt and a hot body. No, he dresses like a guy that works at a hotel in Hawaii. Like that's kind of, it's crazy. But you know, you know, Mel, when you're in Europe and you see like a really hot guy and he's wearing the denim shorts that are tapered and rolled at the knee and you're like, why the fuck are you wearing it? But then it kind of turns you on. It's like that kind of vibe, right? 100%. Like, wow, look at this villain. He's hot. It's so crazy. I hope I'm not in trouble and he has to punish me.

Yeah, but I can't get enough because he got dropped by his agent. William Morris dropped him. It's like he's fucked. And also he has a podcast and his podcast host resigned from the podcast. Imagine resigning from a podcast is the most dramatic shit. Like, get a life, guys. Just don't do it anymore. Resigning? You're not the president. The person wanted everyone to know on that day at that time that they're not canceled or shunned by society and that actually, like, please give me a free pass. I did not do these terrible things to Blake Lively and get busted for them. I love it. I love him. I love her. I mean, Blake Lively is... one of the worst dressed, most boring people in Hollywood, but no one deserves this. I agree. No one deserves it. I don't know what, I don't know Blake Lively. What, excuse me. I don't know Blake Lively. One thing also to remember from this and other articles that have come out this week that I'm, are just never, never text again. Yeah. Never. By the way, it's not like I have nothing really to hide, but like also slash never text again. All the, all the text messages in that, in that. the Blake Lively thing are insane. Like, I want to bury her. Like, bro, come on. But also, if you're paying the publicist that much to do this job, the publicist should also be telling you to communicate over a secure line. That's part of the job. It's to be like, we're on signal or whatever. Oh, it's so crazy. Whoa, I really did a lot of screen grabbing of that. deeply intense article what do you we we've asked a couple people this and i think you might have some insight they the uh the remake of american psycho with luca and the and the casting who would you have cast as patrick bateman if you could well i think that first of all i love patrick bateman i love you don't say you don't say the real patrick bateman meaning i love american psycho i love brett easton ellis

So it's sort of... I don't know. When I saw who he cast, I was interested because I just... I really have a soft spot for Austin Butler. I really like him. Like, I really like Austin Butler a lot. And so... Great personality. Maybe because he's such a teddy bear guy that it'll be fun to see him covered in blood and shit. And being really nasty. All I know is I hope that movie is 20 times nastier than... The original. Yeah, like that would... That's what I would say if I was involved, meaning, like, that's a really evil, nasty book with a lot of really evil, nasty stuff in it that really, I think, could be fun to remake for right now in a really evil and nasty time in American society and a really just dark, unfeeling, sad world that we live in with all this, like, wealth inequality and stuff. I think it could be fab now that I'm thinking about it, but, like, let's see. More blood. Yeah, NC-17 version of it would be nice, now that we're all desensitized. It ain't going to be NC-17 if Austin Butler's in it. They want to make money. But hold on. I would rather... I'm more interested in a glamorama film than an American Psycho film. And actually, I have a casting idea for a glamorama. It would be that guy that looks like the... hot, bad director guy who's been canceled. I don't know his name. Tyler Manzarini? Is that the guy's name? He should play... Wait, guys, I'm serious. I don't know who that is. He's the guy that played in Red, White, and Royal Blue with Nicholas Galenstein, our future He-Man. Wait. Tyler... I said a lot of words. I don't know these. No, no, no. Nicholas Galancine is an actor that was in this movie called Red, White, and Royal Blue. Okay, I'm looking at him. I've never seen it, but I'm like, definitely the only gay that never saw this shit. But wait, the other guy in that is like this hard-bodied hot guy, and I think he should play... Taylor Perez? The lead... No, he looks too little. I don't know.

Let me look. Taylor Perez? I don't know this movie. I've never... Is this a gay movie? Yeah. It's a rom-com about... It's a gay rom-com. The first son of the United States and the British prince fall in love. Wow. That sounds good. Yeah, yeah. It's this... Wait. It's not showing me this guy's name. Please hold. You can edit out this bizarre silence when I'm just... And they're also... Just three days ago, they announced the sequel, Red, White, and Royal Blue 2. Taylor's... Zakar Perez needs to play... Zakar? The lead role in my... glamorama i'm announcing now on on the pod guys okay i'm looking at a photo of him wearing like a like a wife beater kind of henley shirt and i see it yeah it's working for me anyway i don't know if you've ever read glamorama but i love it and that should be a movie that should be a movie i don't know that should be a movie they should all be sorry that guy they should all be a movie but if it they no one wants to make stuff like that you know that they got to make dune five i don't even watch i didn't watch dune one and two i only accept David Lynch's Dune. Okay, have you seen the Bob Dylan movie? No, have you guys seen it? No, no, no. It comes out tomorrow. I'll go see it, even though I think it's going to be bad. I'm willing to put in the work. I'm 100% putting in the work for that movie to see it. Are you a Timmy lover? I'm a Timmy admirer. I'd be down to see it. I mean, like, again, I won't watch Dune 1 and 2 because I only like... Sure. You're loyal. I'm loyal. I just don't... You're Lynchian. And also, yes, I am Lynchian, B, I'm loyal, and C, I like sometimes just snuggling up by myself and watching Dune. So good. Really? It just looks so good. Come on. I've never seen Lynch's Dune. Oh, I like it so much. I've never seen any Dune. I don't even want to see a Dune at the beach. Lynch's Dune is a flop. I love it, though. I fuck with it. I think it's so good. Lynch's Dune, it's a chop. Yeah, it's a chop for most, but for me, it's a bop. Anyway, yes, I'm going to see. I'm 100% going to see.

baby girl tomorrow maybe with one of these grinder dates who knows it's definitely a grinder date kind of movie yeah it's a grinder date kind of movie i've seen i've seen nose for rock too that comes out tomorrow as well that's more of a sniffies date i'm not on sniffies so i don't really get i don't have this i don't have the clever answer to that okay sorry but uh actually no maybe it's too long to be a sniffy state isn't that about quickies i don't know That's just so much talking. Couldn't tell you. Who else is in the movie? Aaron Taylor Johnson is in it. Oh, the hot guy that's married to the older chick. Sam Taylor would. I look at her as a photographer. Yeah. First and foremost. Aaron Taylor Johnson, he's nice. I styled him once for Coen Cline. Emma Corrin and Bill Stark. my favorite they them oh yeah bill the other scars guard i love that yeah i didn't realize they're they're like scandinavian acting royalty like their dads and act like i didn't realize that they are scandinavian acting royalty um i was gonna ask on the on the subject of of actors where do you land on army hammer armand army hammer chop i mean like how bad do you want to fuck army scale of one to ten 10. Sure. I'll give the army hammer a 10. We could do it. We could do it raw. Yeah. I like sure. Sure. I'll give him a 10 turning into, we could do it raw. That, that is a, that is a, but by the way, it's a transformation, a journey, a metamorphosis. I haven't listened to, um, his podcast and I don't remember the details of what army did. In regards to cannibalism. He never ate any of these hoes. It's all fantasy. Yeah, yeah. I think it's all fantasy. So I was always like, wait, did Armie do anything wrong if he's, like, fantasizing? But I also don't remember. I don't know if he even clicked the link in the bio. Like, I don't know. So whoever you are, don't fucking come for me because I don't even know what I'm talking about. I just think he's hot and he's extremely damaged.

And it's never really going to happen again. He definitely ain't going to be on cover of Interview Magazine. But, like, would I fuck, like, the Winklevoss twin? Yeah. I like the tall. He's tall, right? I think Arnie's... I'm 6'4", and there's two of me. Yeah. A guy who rose? Get out of here, right? Come on. Yeah, that's not... You have no choice, really, at that point. Okay, then we're going to swing the pendulum into the opposite direction of Dick. You interviewed rapper Blade. a month or two ago where do you land on him i love blade i love blade i love running into blade i love looking at blade i like taking videos of blade apparently blade doesn't talk to very many people of the press or whatever so whenever i do a video of him everyone's like whoa blah blah blah like blade speaks and i'm like oh that's so great i didn't know i just like thought he was so cute and then and fun you're a blade whisperer I'm a Blade Whisperer, and I... He speaks mostly through his music. He speaks mostly through his music. He also speaks through, like, red metallic teeth, which I really like. Actually, that's one of my favorite things I saw this year was Blade's red metallic... grill his red grill i thought it was cute as hell okay is it but this is a grill this isn't permanent he could take it out i didn't ask yeah and i but i enjoyed the fantasy and i enjoyed the presentation and i was like oh like let me see and then he just like opened his mouth and like let me take all these videos of this i just think it's I just like anyone who's like, what's the ugliest thing that we could do, and I'll still pull it off? Let's do it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. That is admirable. I agree. But also, I like the music, and I like listening to the music, and I also like how fanatic many of the kids that I work with are about the music. So I say amen. Amen as well. all right chris are we good i think we're good thank you mel we really appreciate it oh my god it's so fun to talk to you guys you're the best but wait i want to know can i now go off the record well let's say goodbye really quick and then we can go off the record okay bye thank you mel happy holidays happy holidays to all our listeners howlonggone.com is the website interviewmagazine.com is the website follow mel on instagram for all his

videos with lily rose depp looking hot uh and we will uh we'll see you after christmas peace on earth peace all right all right off the record so now peace on earth or whatever you want to know who i fucking hate