404. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Hello, God is here. What's up, guys? I'm Jason. That's Chris Black. I'm in L.A. and he's, I don't know where. America's Heartland or whatever. Shout out to all the Arsenal fans. Shout out to all the Man City fans up early with us this morning. No, I'm coming to you not from America's Heartland, but from America's number one tax shelter, the home of President Sleepy Joe Biden. Beautiful Wilmington, Delaware, a place that I've never been before, but many of our favorite American corporations, banks, investment opportunities. And the DuPont family have chose to reside here because of its tax status. Okay. And that's why Biden was born there. He knew. He had the presence of mind. Yeah. He's like, we need food, water, and shelter. Exactly. The only kind of shelter I'm looking for is a tax one at this stage. But Delaware, I have to say, never been here before. Tiny little state, isn't it? Absolutely beautiful, honestly. It's the Audi TT of states. It is. We're staying in a beautiful, tiny 15-room hotel called the Fairville Inn over here. Love that AI-generated hotel name. It's like, well, no, because if you drive five minutes either way, you're in a different state. So, like, you're in Delaware, then you're in Pennsylvania, then you're in damn New Jersey. I could not imagine that. Yeah. The next closest state from my house.

We'll take a fortnight. No, I know. So it's been an interesting – it was, of course, a journey to get here. I had to fly into the disgusting Philadelphia airport, one of the worst airports in America. And we had another rental car snafu, much like the original. So basically what I've learned, and I'm sure the listeners will agree, especially the ones that are on the east coast of the United States, that traveling on the weekends during football season is something that maybe you shouldn't do. Yesterday on the flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia, I would say more than half of the flight was wearing Eagles merchandise. And at one point, a large lesbian woman boarded the plane. And her and her partner, as they were boarding, were yelling loudly about how Philadelphia was going to win and making fun of the people dressed in the opponent's merchandise. Like loud enough where people thought it was funny and engaging with each other and talking about specific players. And obviously that's my personal hell. So it had the energy of a tailgate party, rival schools battling out together. But this is just Sunday, people trying to fly to their house. And now it's turned into sort of like a jail-like scenario. My blood was boiling. Luckily, I was able to let it go. And then, of course, people in front of us were talking the entire flight about the Auburn game as well. And the woman who was, you know, too excited, I would say, she was basically jumping up and down in her seat at every play. um which is kind of hard it was just it's been a tough like like the way like when you put uh the eye the ipad in front of your two-year-old and then you get to watch the show that they want that's kind of the happy dance that they do a series of grunts and things like that yeah yeah a lot of upper body movement where the lower body is secured to this the delta seat with the seat belt yeah yeah Just like baby in the little stroller. Yeah, exactly. He's having a good time, but don't worry, he won't go anywhere. He's not going to fall over. He's going to be fine. Okay, so I think we have maybe invented your next career path, Chris, and I think necessity is the mother of invention, and mother I've just invented.

Travel and flights, airlines, all that stuff. I liked it more two years ago, but yeah, I like it. Right, so you've noticed that maybe the airline industry needs a change. I don't want to use the word disruption. I don't like the D word, but I might have to throw it out. I mean, it feels like they are ripe for that. Okay, so we need to maybe re-democratize flight. Flight has turned into... It's too Republican. It's gone too red. So we need to create a liberal and gay-friendly airline, and you're just the person to do it. This is not a bad idea. Somebody who is a fake liberal and a fake gay person. Exactly. This is so perfect for you. I mean, basically, there's no sports. So when you go to the club, and it's like no jerseys, no team stuff, no flip-flops, no tank tops. There's no beer. I would say collared shirts for men, mandatory. Okay. No flip-flops, no athletic gear, no hats, no going to the bathroom with socks on. If you use a device of any kind without headphones, you're removed from the plane, even if we're in flight. So you kind of just have to jump. We'll give you a parachute, but it's on you. If you get caught using the JBL or the Beats pill. Here's your parachute. We wish you the best of luck over New Jersey. But also the entertainment. The entertainment is where we come alive. It's Sex and the City. Only. It's Crazy Rich Asians available in every language. What if it's just a Sex and the City channel where you can kind of... Everything is available every season, every movie, even the DVD extras. Yeah, you want to do Sudoku? It's all Sex and the City themed. Yes, exactly. Yes. Yeah. Wordle is hosted by Jonathan from Queer Eye. This is a good idea. So I think that like not a gay airline, but just an airline. It's an airline for civilized people. Yes. But it does lean a little gay. Yeah. And I think the beverage selection could be a little higher end. Of course, there could be.

You know, let's bring it back to the old days of flying where people got dressed up, where maybe you could get a martini in first class, shaking in a proper glass. I would like my coffee to be at least fourth wave or better. I don't want any more of this Starbucks Keurig crap, you know, kind of polluting my gullet. And oddly enough, nothing gayer than a John and Vinny's sugar cookie. That's true. But we are going to have to remove that. Unfortunately, yeah. Now that I think of it. All the snacks must be low-calorie, organic, of course, locally sourced. And I think that a partnership with maybe like a high-end but small local grocer could kind of help that, you know, get us a better deal. And then also the flight attendants and pilots all have to be New York 8s or above. New York 8s, of course, Tom Brown does the outfitting for our flight attendants. No question. Yeah, no question. And I think because I don't want to discriminate. to any other people. If you're a sports fan who's straight and none of this sounds good to you, you can still buy a ticket and come on the plane. You just have to abide by the rules. Yeah, of course. When you try these red bottoms on, you might like how they feel, sir. And if you do try to board the plane with an Arizona Cardinals t-shirt on, you will be tackled and kind of removed by the ATF the way that an unruly passenger would be. Because the rules are clearly stated on the website, obviously, in the terms and conditions. If you kind of read the fine print, it's very clear. who can board and who can't, and I just want to make that abundantly. We won't ask you to leave. You will be lefted. The same way that Epstein was suicided, you will be lefted. We're still working on some of that branding. Delta has done a pretty good job with their apothecary program, and it's fine. It's better than you expect, but I think we could work, much like a high-end hotel, we could work with a partner. get an exclusive kind of Chris Black Airlines scent program. Because obviously, this is an international airline, Jason, and the kind of amenity kit you receive when you're flying first class, an overnight long haul transatlantic, would have to be only the finest products. Actually, my last flight, when I came back from Italy, we had the Ferragamo Fairtrade leather.

Leather sack with the Marvis toothpaste inside is a nice touch. We need Marvis. But we have to do better. Well, the toothbrush is going to be plastic, non-biodegradable, first and foremost. That's another thing about this era. It is kind of... financially insensitive but it's also not participating in this kind of sustainability trend at chris air sustainability is not at the forefront of our priorities no i mean we're going to recycle and shit but i'm not going to give you bad product just because it's sustainable that's all i'm saying you know i'm not going to sacrifice quality you're not you're not going to prioritize no if it gets in the way of quality the plate is going to be fine china and it is going to be you know it's not going to be bamboo That's what I'm saying. The other thing on Chris' error, absolutely no hot food to serve no matter how long the flight is because the smell is so atrocious and offensive to the noses of all these fine, high-paying customers. So we're going to outlaw all hot food. No hot foods. Is there a coach or is it all? You know, like when you go to a restaurant, everything on the menu is special, honey. No, you know I love a class system, Jason. You love a class system, okay. No, no, I think it'll just be a class. But I would prefer none of that middle ground that we're suffering with now where you're paying a premium for a middling experience. We're going first class coach, no in between, no comfort plus. We're going to have comfort or plus, not both. Yes, yes, yes, exactly. Because I think the Comfort Plus tier, which has been developed for basically exactly you and I, upper middle class people who want first class all the time, but know that it's irresponsible to spend that kind of money. It's the Volkswagen Passat of seats. Yeah, it's fake luxury. How is it? It's fine. It's fine. Exactly. Chris Ayer is going to outlaw faux luxury. We're giving you only the hard, real shit. Uncut. And I think that because of that, removing the Comfort Plus, removing the business, It's either a five-gallon bucket or a pod. That's all we're going to give you. And I think we get to pass on that savings to both parties in our class system. No, 100%. Everyone wins. I would also like to discuss kind of the bathroom arrangement. Oh, okay. The arrangement. And I hate to do this, but it's going to be urinals only. This is Larry David style. Yeah. You can't give a man an opportunity.

to do business of that sort on the plane. And the only way to do that, but that does obviously complicate things for our female passengers, and that's something we're going to kind of figure out with the board before we launch. I think Larry had it figured out where it's the urinals. If a person who identifies as a squat pisser wants to use it, there's sort of like some guardrails that come down like when you're riding. you know, a ride at Six Flags or Great America or whatever. It comes down, gives you something to grab onto as you sort of straddle that urinal Bill Murray style. You know what I mean? Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture. repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Yeah, yeah, I do know what you mean. That's a good fix. I think all in all, this is coming together. And I also kind of want to get back to like the, you know, back in the day when you would fly Virgin to London, you know, upper class at Virgin had like a proper bar with stools you could sit in. We're going to reintroduce that, and there's going to be kind of a Tom Cruise-style bartender. Oh, cocktail. So the Virgin America or the Virgin Atlantic, the bar was maybe giving a little too much Austin Powers. Very too much. Which is cute for 2003, but we need to move on from that. We're moving on. And we need to get into more of a mixology. Back when Mixology was just what pairs well with cocaine. Yeah, exactly. And not like I've been pickling my rosemary all winter, and I want to try it out in this old fashion. Also, if you read the fine print, all drugs are legal on Chris Air, and because... Because we're kind of – look, if you can get them on, we're going to let you do them. That's kind of our rule. If you can get – you know, because if you're in the air, you know, if you're in the air, anything goes. So my thought is, you know, if you can get them through security, that's on you. But once you're on Chris' air, I want you to be yourself. You know, if you guys need to have sex in the bathroom, that's fine. Need to do some coke, that's fine. I want you to be yourself. I identify as a fentanyl addict. All right, do you, player? I don't want you to smoke necessarily, but vaping is fine. Edibles, of course, are acceptable. And cocaine, heroin, pills, those are quiet drugs. My constituents did not expect you to say vaping was fine. This is a new regime. I like this. I'm ready to take this business plan to the top. And I think Richard Branson's on his island kind of letting Virgin flail. And I think there is kind of a place for a smaller... We love JSX. I can't wait to take it to San Francisco. I love that idea, but we need something bigger. We need something for the mass. Much like this podcast, we're for a large audience. I want to be competing with Delta and American and United and some of these big dogs because I think that there is kind of a hole in the marketplace. I think we've once again, at How Long Gone, identified a gaping hole in the marketplace, and Chris Ayer is ready to take flight.

That gate. Yeah, so we don't want to discriminate and alienate lesser thans. All we want to do is show them an example of how it could be. Exactly. With just a few little tweaks, we could all be doing better. Be better. No, I think this is necessary and nice, and I think this could be not only a money-making venture for us, but I also think a kind of a statement politically, Jason. And we're living in a divisive society. These rednecks, they don't have a tough time telling us to fuck off. So I'm telling them to fuck off by creating something nicer that they can't afford, but they also don't want to afford. And that's kind of the beauty of this whole thing. We're going to have our Evian mist in first class. Oh, yeah. And they're going to be, what's in that? It's just water. It's just water. And they're like, that's dumb. And you're like. But you want it, don't you? And they're like, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, them jeans, I want it back. Exactly. And, of course, all music on the flights, pre and post, is curated by DJ Them Jeans. And I will say that if... weight will allow it we could have a piano player in first class kind of like all these hot hot bars in new york you know what i mean we could just add a piano player kind of playing some standards up there before boarding maybe you can wheel it off before we take off oh yeah i don't know how that works yeah for for our for our crisp black blue eye flights uh anything that leaves wheels up pre 6 a.m I bet you that piano player is just playing a nice whisper quiet version of Coldplay's Yellow. You know, it's going to be, and I think that's what we're going to do actually as well. This is another great idea is that the Blue Eye flights, which Jason has kindly branded for me, the Chris Black Blue Eye is a pre-6 a.m. wheels up. We're going to make those cheap like Red Eyes. Red Eyes are going to be double the price of the Blue Eye. It's the carrot dangling. You know, you want a nice affordable flight as an entrepreneur, but you aren't allowed to board your Blue Eye. Unless you can prove that you have done a workout that day. Yeah, exactly. Unfortunately, you will have to have an Apple Watch to kind of do that, and that's kind of something I'm trying to work through with the marketing team. But also no seatbelts on this plane because we all know that's fake.

We all know that thing. If this plane is crashing, that little bitch seatbelt is not going to save anybody's life. So let's just forget it. Let's just forget it. When they dug up the rubble over at the Pentagon on Flight 93, what do you think they found? A bunch of people. They didn't find shit. They didn't find shit. And if you think that you're going to sit in the exit row and get a speech, you're not. We're going to just let you sit there. I don't give a shit. I ain't going to tell you. You don't have to verbally confirm anything to me. I don't give two shits what you can do or can't do. Do you know how to open a door? All right, you're hired. Let's do it. Because, look, no one cares about their fellow passengers. Let's make it very clear. Airlines are the final frontier. It's a battle royale of selfishness. Everyone is out for themselves. They want to get to the place they're going as fast as possible with the least amount of resistance as possible. And if the plane's going down, I'm calling my loved one or trying to have intercourse. I am not trying to save a life. of the guy in the fucking Cardinals jersey next to me. That's my whole point. This has given me an idea. Speaking of the Cardinals, and we started Chris Ayer as a way to sort of move away from the sports types, but I think it would be a nice little twist on that where we create a sports-style penalty box for people. If you have violated any of our terms of service, you will be placed in sort of a clear... silent lucite cage, kind of Dahmer style, Silence of the Lambs kind of vibe where the entire plane can, on the channel, on the TV section, you can get a feed of it, you can ask him questions, you can hit a button and it throws him a treat like the little doggy things. That's a good idea. So if you've wet yourself or something like that because you had too many bloodies or whatever or too many hashtag day beers at Terminal 4, You're in the tank and you're being publicly berated. It's like a digital tar and feathering, if you will. Yeah, this is a great idea because I think also even just taking away the entertainment is such a low blow to people. If I put a Lucite cage over your seat and your TV... We're taking away screen time? Bro, if you take away screen... When it comes to screen time, children and adults are the same.

Look, we've all seen the guy board a plane with nothing. The guy that sits down, he's got nothing. He's got no headphones, no bag. He might not even have a phone, honestly. And he just sits and stares at the seat in front of him. And this is usually a guy that's traveling for some sort of construction work or something. He might read the back of the barf bag. The thought of bringing any type of entertainment. You know, a book, a magazine, let alone a TV or computer or any work to never cross his mind. Just more than happy to sit there in pure silence. It gives a serial killer energy, of course, but I think it might be someone. They are a threat to the vibe. Yeah, but they also feel elevated. They also feel like, wow, I don't need your little bullshit. I don't need your badge shows. OK, if you're one of those people that comes on with nothing, then the same way where we have to verify that you've done a workout that day in order to get a discount on the blue eye flight. You have to verify somehow that you are some type of, like, Wim Hof or, like, weird. You know, like, there's a reason why you're being so zen and calm and quiet. If you can hold your breath on the entire flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco, you know what? I'll give you the ticket for free. And that's a guarantee. That's a guarantee. That's a guarantee. And I don't want you to die trying, but there are people that practice this stuff. You know what I mean? So they're going to know if they can do it. I'm doing Vegas to Albuquerque. Chums accepted. Let's give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen? Chris Ayer coming 2025. But you had a big day in Beverly Hills yesterday, which I just need to hear about just to whet my whistle as I return to L.A. I'm missing the glamour. And by glamour, I mean. guys on scooters stealing your purse but let's hear what you saw yeah i mean within five minutes my automar had been took in at lunch and that was tough i just read about it on the news but i didn't think it could ever happen to me but yeah it will happen to you no we went we went over to go browse some some wedding bands over at

Cartier and... So who's... Oh, so 21 Pilots, I know is number one for you guys, but is there other... I'm sorry, Imagine Dragons is N.A., but we're looking at some other options. Yeah, I gotta say the experience between Cartier and Tiffany, Cartier was much better. I mean, Tiffany has turned into streetwear, unfortunately. So that is part of the issue. Yeah, the vibe was weird. Tiffany, like the only person that was sort of like a normal human being was... security guard who is in charge of making sure. The security guards in Beverly Hills are more on alert than the ones working at Homeboy Industries downtown or whatever. The vibe is kind of tense over there on a weekend. Every single store has serious security. Shopping is hell now. It's just like there's security, there's lines. We went to a watch store that did Pateks and Rolexes. The display cases were just all empty. Yeah. Like if you want something, you have to like. get it from the back. Like, we wouldn't fucking put a watch out. Are you crazy? It's like travel. It's just like, is this worth it anymore? I mean, like, obviously there's great store experiences, but all those stores, all the designer stores, like even at the mall in Atlanta, it's like, they just make people wait in line. And when you walk in, like I went into Prada, I walk into Prada and they assign me like a salesperson who follows me around while I'm browsing. Like, bro, leave me the fuck alone. Like, I'm just, like, what is it? Like, do I, I mean, I guess they have to do that with everyone because anybody could be a thief. But it's so you're, your experience wasn't great, but did you at least get to have a bite, you know, and check out the neighborhood? Yeah. Luckily, luckily right next door to Cartier, I guess right around the corner was, was the air one location, which was sort of, I mean, we've been to air one a zillion times, multiple locations across the Southland. I mean, I knew I was in Beverly Hills, but it felt different. Once you walk inside of air one, like it felt. confusing to the mind to be inside of a supermarket while on rodeo drive if that makes any sense like it felt yeah yeah like purgatory in a good way like heaven purgatory like if there was a cross between heaven and beverly hills not to steal something from our cocteau twins but it almost felt like there were no price tags listed like there was an illusion in my mind that there were no price tags on the shelves because because i like that

It would be ridiculous to do it. It's like if you put a price tag. When you go to a restaurant and you get a toothpick when you leave, it would be like if that came at a cost. But the cost was so nominal, we won't even bother listing it. It almost felt like I could just fill my cart with whatever I want and walk out the door, and a nice person wearing a Drew hoodie will say goodbye. Is it the same? Shout out to Drew House and the whole clan over there. Crowd-wise, is it... It's a similar demographic, but, you know, it comes with that special brand of Beverly Hills douche that you can't get anywhere else. Just like, you know, a guy who has, you know, $3,700 in his bank account, but he's wearing a McLaren of Beverly Hills hat on an Acer laptop, you know? That is special. He'll be wearing the Balenciaga green shoes from, like... five years ago, and he's still kind of keeping them clean vibe. How would you rate the hot bar compared to the other locations? The food tasted better in the hot bar, I will say that. But there were a few curveballs going on that were odd, like one of the items was just a fully dressed hot dog. So you have the hot bar. You're saying, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, bro. So you go and here's our cold items. Your salads with kale and barley and avocado and your Asian chicken salad and, you know, all of those ones. Sesame noodles. That's my section. And then you go to the hot bar. Here's our keto pork crumbles, mac and cheeses, you know, eggplant, parm, whatever. And then they had just in between like the orange chicken and the whatever, grilled something was just fully dressed hot dogs covered in grilled onions, cheese, ketchup, mustard. Sitting on a bed of vertically cut jalapenos lengthwise and then shredded lettuce underneath it. Bro, what the hell? This hot dog has essentially been sitting here maybe four hours. Okay, I don't know much about it. I don't know who would ever buy a hot dog.

from beverly hills well look i i don't i don't know anything about hot dogs obviously and i i don't like them i think you can kind of do the math on what a hot dog is and does though no of course of course but but i'm saying my hot dog knowledge is is not on your level but when i'm talking about hot dogs i thought part of the idea of the hot dog is that there's a lot of arguments around what is allowed to be on them, condiment-wise. For the real heads in Chicago versus XYZ, whatever. Exactly. And everyone is very particular about how they like their wiener dressed. That's what I'm saying. With or without, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, that was a big factor that I took into account with this situation as well. What if you want one of those dogs, but you're allergic to onions? Tough. Tough titties. This would never happen at Costco where they just hand you a rolled up piece of foil and you're on your own. But that seems like the issue is that something like a hot dog and its accoutrement should not be available at a place like Erwan because they clearly don't know how to do it. Yeah, it's like getting carne asada tacos at the... Kentucky Derby. It's just like, let's just not do this, guys. What else? Was there other offending items, or was that the only thing that jumped out at you? That was the biggest jump out. I mean, they had full cheeseburgers as well, just kind of sitting out, which I think I may have seen at Erewhon before. But, I mean, the main things I noticed was... The outdoor dining vibe there was much better than any other Erewhon, for sure. Because it was sort of, it was like an indoor-outdoor, like enclosed area. It wasn't just like right on the sidewalk. There was like some dividers going on. So you had some separation from the street. But you still had a, but it was still on Rodeo Drive. So you get to. You're alfresco dining on Rodeo Drive for pennies on the dollar compared to a normal meal. Was there kind of a special area to hang your Astroworld hoodie, or is that something that you had to kind of hold on to while you ate? Was there like a coat closet? I was looking around for one. There was a few teams around who had some J.W. Anderson dog kickers on, and they were looking around for the 100-slash-bape.

coat check and i think they were confused as well maybe because it was a weekend the guy was off or something this sounds because i haven't been to that location yet and i'm worried jason that even though i'm only going to spend a few short days back in the motherland i'm going to od on all my favorites because I'm so excited to hit Shintaro, to hit Erwan. I need this stuff to see Hunter. I feel like a little kid going into Toys R Us, and my parents said, pick out whatever you want. So you're going to see just how many spicy tuna crispy rices one person can consume. Yeah, I'm going to be pushing myself to the damn limit, and I just can't wait. Like I said, as I come to you from a quaint bed and breakfast in Delaware, Hat in hand. We don't have a car, so luckily I went and I played tennis this morning with Noah Johnson. It was really fun, actually. It was a beautiful fall. He has a car here because he lives upstate and has a car. Him and his wife were like, yeah, we'll give you a ride back to the hotel. I had to humbly ask him. to stop at a gas station so I could get water because I'm stranded in the deep Delaware woods with no automobile. And it's just, you know that doesn't sit well with me. So basically what I'm saying to you is getting back to the X5 and a valet park at Erwan is truly going to feel, I hope, like Oxycontin. That's what I'm hoping for. Closest thing, too. So, yeah, I mean, you know, you've been edging your charmed life. You know, you sort of seem like you're living on that. wilderness show alone where it's just you and a gopro strapped to your head and you're trying to figure out where to buy water in delaware just so you can you know survive through the through the night i mean you poor son of a bitch and this sucks because you're at a you're at a who's who fashion wedding but still you're finding a way to to rough it chris black style that's what we demand from you the wedding is a who i have to say the guest list is i mean it's something else and last night was in a barn a beautiful barn uh and it was uh a lot of people went a little more um you know it said like casual you know light cowboy theme you know casual light cowboy theme i'm sure demna killed it and i was like okay but then caitlin phillips showed up in full

like denim regal looking great jake gallagher had a denim shirt on with his his uh tom brown suit you know other people were kind of and i i just had a you know tom brown suit okay shirt and tie i just had a shirt shirt and tie on you know and i was feeling a little bit like country chris should have kind of stayed engaged i didn't know he was going to be needed again so it sounds like there were a more this was giving a little more denim tuxedo than than actual cowboy i mean i guess we are in delaware after all and yeah but it was But it was in a barn that was attached to a beautiful... Yeah, but where's the barn? The barn's not in Arkansas. No, that's true. That's true. But yeah, Rachel looked amazing. But yeah, there was a pulled pork, I think, was the highlight of the meal that had been in a giant smoker outside. So I think that also led to kind of the theme. You know what I mean? But the wedding's today on Sunday. So it's like I'm... Which I kind of like. I think that's pretty normal-ish, right? I feel like most weddings, it's like you get there on Friday, you do your thing, Saturday is the wedding, Sunday you have like a hungover brunch, and then you leave. Lol. If you guys saw me last night on the dance floor, you didn't. But yeah, I can give a full fashion report on the next episode, but Hari is here. She was wearing some not released Bathsheba, of course. with a beautiful, had like a tie thing on it. Sam McInnes is here. He was looking Connecticut prep as always. It's honestly been a great look fest. Willa Bennett was wearing a tie and she did say that she wanted to confront me about hating women. And I said, I don't hate women. We just wanted to ask you questions about the fucking union, and you didn't like that, so fuck off. But I did say, I did tell her that we're going to give her two years, and then she's going to return for a battle royale with me and TJ, and she agreed to those terms, which is exciting. Oh, great. I mean, as long as she's not working for a corporate overlord at that time and has to keep her tongue tied. She had a lot of questions about my relationship with her dad, you know, and, like, how I know him.

I gave her those answers, and I think she was just kind of like, oh, you're just a lot older than I thought you were. It was kind of the vibe I was getting. And I was like, yeah, that's right. Rude. Yeah, that's kind of true. The reason I know your dad is that I'm just a lot older than you thought I was. So a lot of ground was covered last night in that beautiful barn. And then there was a nice finisher, s'mores. Do it yourself. That's the only time I like putting a marshmallow in my mouth. Normally, I don't love a marshmallow. I don't either. Obviously, he's a vegan. I think that's horse bones, right? Yeah, there's gelatin in there, and those were probably captured, seized from those hooves in a very uncivilized manner. Of course. So I'm prepping. So today I played tennis. Now I'm podcasting, and then it's basically like I've got to put on my old Drake suit. Then you're going to be on your little suit and tie shit? Yeah, I'm going to be on my little suit and tie shit back out there on the Grizzly while Jason has another beautiful day in California with no responsibilities. I will be editing this episode all day. Yeah, but I feel like... While you check out some Lukes. I'll be editing this podcast all day while you do some hashtag 35mming, and then, you know. Maybe having a glass of tea later. I have the hashtag 120 with me as well. I'm deciding because the wedding's at four, so it'll be daylight still. I'm wondering if I should bring out the 120 and really stunt on these hoes, but it doesn't really fit in my pocket. No, it doesn't. Which is unfortunate. So you're not forced to do some activities today? You're just going to have a TJ afternoon and then edit this podcast? Oh, no. I'll be doing some activities that I don't want to do. Don't worry. Don't worry, Chris. It's a day that ends in a Y. All we do is activities we don't want to do. Don't fucking worry about that. There'll be some chores and errands to be run that don't really involve me. But these are the things that we do for love. Sure, sure, sure. Well...

It's nice to have a driver, though, you know. I'm the driver. I'm the driver. I'm saying it's nice to be driven is kind of my point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That does sound nice. I mean, I hate being driven. I can't do it unless a badass is driving. Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, that's a good point. I didn't even think about that. You usually like to take the wheel, a real man-in-control type beat. I'm a control freak. In the bedroom, in the driver's seat, what moves you? Hashtag Virgo. It's a Virgo thing. Y'all wouldn't get it. Yeah. God damn it. The Virgo thing. Y'all broke hose. Wouldn't get it. Yeah. So, oh, also really quick before I forget. For our live shows, we're going to be doing some giveaways from our friends over at Soft Services. We will have our buffing bar that we love so much, I believe, in a pumpkin spice flavor, which should be out in a few days. It's not out yet. Heads ain't got these yet. But if you come to one of our shows, any one of our shows, L.A. and New York, We'll have a very cool little gift bag with some products from them. So that's just a little added bonus value for you guys for free. I'm getting ready for these motherfucking shows, Jason. I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm ready to touch the stage. I'm excited. I'm excited to do these shows. I'm excited to work the cobwebs out on my new hour. I'm glad that our first show is at the Troubadour. It was crazy because I was driving past the Troubadour yesterday. uh after i was leaving bh and i was like oh yeah we're gonna have our name i mean hopefully we're gonna have our name on the classic troubadour marquee sign which is you know it's a legendary thing yeah it is legendary you know what else is legendary is these venues trying to get out of giving you water you know what i mean what the fuck we're getting emails from these guys like we can give you a hundred bucks or and you can bring your own water you know and i'm just like dude are we i know touring's bad for people but like

The idea of showing up at a venue and having to bring your own water, which obviously I prefer because they're going to get the shitty brand anyway. I get it. Yeah, we could use their water, but we would have to buy it from them and it would be Awkwafina or whatever. I mean, at a certain point, it's like, guys, what are we doing? We're not asking for fucking... Am I playing a show at your venue or am I getting on a Southwest flight? Yeah, do you also want me to do this for free and you guys just kind of keep all the money? Is that the vibe? Oh, you guys wanted to park your car? They're definitely going to try to charge us for parking 100%. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's $10 each for parking. Yeah, no. Oh, it's not a bus. It's just a car. No, I mean, I guess this is what we're at. I mean, all I hear about all day is how no one can go on tour. So I guess this is where we're at, like the reality of it. I mean, I saw somebody cancel a tour. Somebody sent me this, a DM, and it was like an artist I'd never heard of, and they were canceling their tour. the spirits have told me i needed a break for a while and that time has come i have to cancel my north america you know what i mean it's like you can't you gotta lie you gotta lie i would rather i would rather you do the cry baby like i can't make any money thing or i'm dying of covid before i want you to say that like The nature told me it was time for me to kind of take it easy. My shaman, I did an ayahuasca ceremony this weekend, and the spirits came to me and said, let's get Pulsar on the horn. Call CAA, because this thing ain't... Call it off. Call Alan over at WME. We're going to have to redo this thing. I was reading something. So there's this trend I'm noticing. I feel like I saw somebody write about it, but I can't remember who, where there's like... A lot of these newsletters that are quite popular that people even pay for now post these links that are like three weeks old. And it's like that's not really what – like the whole point of information is for it to be consumed quickly kind of to me. Like this stuff is like – a lot of it is trend-based. Like I need to see it the day it comes out or the day after. If you show it to me three weeks later, I've either already seen it and I'm like, why the fuck would you send me this? Or I'm like, this is old news, whatever.

One of those newsletters I was reading this morning, the guy was basically saying that we should be embracing Halloween more than ever because it's a holiday that's celebrated outdoors where you wear masks. And that is what we should be doing right now because we're going to be seeing a COVID surge this fall for the holidays. So I think he's implying that basically don't go home for Thanksgiving because you have relatives that are older. Don't go home for Christmas. Just celebrate Halloween as an adult with a mask on outdoors while you get candy. The same type of person who would write something like this is also the same type of person who is desperately trying to find any way or reason to justify being an adult trick-or-treater is what it feels like to me. That has to be. Because it's not like Halloween in general. He's only talking specifically about the act of trick-or-treating. When I DJ at the Soho house Halloween party, COVID will be spread. Yes. Like some, uh, Meredith dairy. It's a delicious goat's cheese. Um, no, it sounds like this is just a pussy who wants to trick or treat. No, I mean, I think so. I just am like, this is such a strange, like, like I'm getting like trending. I look at my trending topics on Twitter and it's the same. It's like, Oh no. Oh, specialists are saying we're going to see a surge. It's winter. We're all going inside again. And it's like, What do we, yeah, bro, like whatever, dude. That doesn't, nothing, like whatever, truly whatever. Like that's, yes, we understand the facts of life. We understand that when winter comes, people get the flu. That's kind of what happens. But the thought of encouraging adults. to participate in Halloween because it's a safe holiday. We all know that Halloween is one of the lowest ranking holidays. It goes Christmas, Thanksgiving, I would say July 4th above Halloween. Once you hit puberty, Halloween should pretty much mean nothing to you. Once you prioritize getting some dick or vagina over candy. Well, I don't know if I'm there yet, but I know what you mean. When you stop dreaming about almond joys and you start dreaming about some cool tits, that's when Halloween's done.

But I just think that it's just like the idea of Halloween as a thing to participate in because it's safe is so deeply uncool that I couldn't believe that that was like a line of thinking. I mean, going outside of the box, I applaud the... I applaud the imagination, I will say. Yeah, no, it does take a lot of imagination, like a childlike wonder, much like Halloween. But I don't know if anybody's going to subscribe to this or not, but the fear-mongering has started again, so maybe adults are going to put on their little sexy masks. and kind of hit the streets. Who knows? I guess, what's a popular mask? I mean, people don't even wear masks for Halloween anymore. That's what I thought. The last time I got terribly sick was from wearing a mask during Halloween. And I bet it was, was it an N95? I didn't want to ask, but it seems like it might have been. It was far from an N95. It was like, you know, like when you go to Party City and you get one of those rubber masks with eye holes and a mouth hole, you know, all you do is just... sweat like a bastard in there and i literally at the last time i wore one of those masks i got sick i could feel myself getting a cold over the course of 15 minutes i was like well i'm sick now That's it. I mean, it's a terrible holiday, and we need to get rid of it. And anything that encourages it is bad, is my thing. And there's a new Rob Zombie movie, I guess, that's very scary. I keep seeing some things about it as well. And if you see that and you're over the age of 21, that's also some priorities that need to be rethought, I believe. Look, if Dragula comes on the radio, I won't turn the dial, but we don't need to make it a lifestyle guy. Okay, good to know. Oh, I mean... I don't even think – I didn't think kids were allowed to trick-or-treat anymore because it's like they might get shot or fentanyl in their Skittles. Yeah, I think most trick-or-treating is definitely being frowned upon. I think our nation's leaders would like it more, and it would be a better idea if they just kind of did that at the mall. Yeah, yeah. Any place, any safe Caruso property, it's just better to do that. And now trick-or-treating happens at like 3.15 p.m.

If I ever had a kid, I wouldn't want them to go outside. Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, that's the problem. You're definitely a helicopter parent waiting to happen. Definitely. You're part of the problem as always, Jason. But I make it look good. But I do think Halloween, it feels like I've seen, because this guy says this too, but I sell it too, the amount of decorations through the roof. More decorations I've ever seen on houses in my entire adult life. You know, since we're all, like, nobody does anything anymore and nobody goes out and socializes and nobody goes to, like, a Halloween party because everyone is either Netflix-pilled or afraid of getting COVID or... You just forgot to socialize and go out anymore. You just dump all of your expendable income into buying giant skeletons at Home Depot and decorating your lawn. I can't wait to spend a cool 150 on a fucking three-story minion that I can blow up that's wearing a fucking jack-o'-lantern costume. I just don't. I mean, I guess kids like that. I guess if you're a parent, you have to do that. Well, that's the problem is none of it is for kids anymore. All the houses in my neighborhood, it's all adults doing it for adults. And it's all like competitive. I'm 45 years old, but I'm still like really into Nightmare Before Christmas. And that's kind of like what I got holding on to, you know, like how we hold on to hardcore music still. Like they do that with cartoon from kids. We all we all choose. trash to hang on to i would rather hang on to hardcore obviously we deem that cooler but i guess halloween to some is cooler the only thing that we do for fun it's like hey what do you guys want to do today like let's go to store and buy a soul thing let's go to store And that's another thing I want to point out. If you plan to wear a costume to How Long Gone Live on October 28th, you will be refused entry. And there are no refunds at the door. So just go ahead and take that into consideration now when you're planning. Don't say we didn't warn you. Planning your outfit. If you think you're going to be slick and come in as, you know, fucking a skeleton or, you know, Ira Glass or whatever, you will be turned away. Ira Glass. Unfortunately, I will probably be dressed like Ira Glass. Last night I was talking to my fiance.

And she was asking, she asked me like, Hey, like how does, how does someone or why does somebody get shadow banned on Instagram? And I was like, Oh, that's like, I mean, I kind of know, but, and, and I was, and then I was thinking about like, you know, as our lives become more and more involved on social media, you know, is what, what exactly would be the difference between shadow banning someone and shadow canceling somebody. in real life i don't understand shadow banning and or have we been shadow canceled ever i don't i mean no i think i think it just means like if you don't like something you stop participating in it i think shadow banning the idea i think the idea or the the way people think about it is that a giant corporate overlord has decided that your content is either not performing or doesn't fall into their you know categorization or you've been reported or whatever that's what i think that actually like If you're Kanye West and you've posted too many things that are offensive, they'll probably shadow ban you first so the less people see it and then eventually just get rid of you completely because it's too much. But you're close, so we're just going to partially do it and give you a little warning slap on the wrist. But the thing is you don't know if you're shadow. They don't tell you that. Sure. You start seeing a steep decline in interaction. Which kind of has psychological implications. Could that end up being more damaging to you? You know, we're not going to say anything, but you just start noticing things. You get paranoid. You get in your head. It might drive you insane, you know, depending on how many followers you have. Yeah, 100%. But, I mean, I think it's like, look, you either get on Reels or you don't, bro. And if you don't get on Reels, we're putting you in jail. That's what they said. And they walked it back since then. But I think that there were some casualties in the Reels War of 2022. I'm so glad I haven't done it. Wait, maybe I probably have done a Reel. God damn it. You've done a Reel. You didn't watch Kanye on Drink Champs, did you? But I did see a little highlight. It's so lit that Drink Champs has to have a disclaimer now. The primary purpose of Drink Champs podcast is to provide a platform for creatives to express their personal views or opinions without restriction or censorship. That's what it says? Yeah, that's what it says. They even got Drink Champs. They even got Drink Champs. He says all of his wild, dumb shit, but the only...

It's actually getting bad, but the only cool thing is that he did say that Drake had sex with Chris Jenner, which is something that I've been trying to believe for years. And even though Kanye is maybe not the best source right now, I'm going to choose to believe him and then continue to ignore him moving forward because I don't agree with him, nor do I care about his music. Gotta believe. Gotta believe. I did want to pull that little nice tidbit out because I thought that was a fun thing to learn about. Obviously, you wanted to believe that. Obviously, everybody wants to believe that. because Drake really has that type of energy of a guy who wants to have sex with a 68-year-old woman. He's also said things like, you know, I see Kris Jenner, I beep twice and I wave. You know, he's alluding to the fact that we are neighbors and I could get over there very easily on a late night tip. He is alluding to a late night tip. What did Kanye say? Because he deleted a thing that said like, you know, Drake is like a real, like a true warrior at battle. He's having sex with your baby mama's mama? Yeah, so that's what he said, and then they ask him about it, and they're like, what did you mean by that? And he just goes, come on, bro, you know what I meant by that. And, like, smiles. But I want to know more about this Tremendez merch, because he's named Tremaine Tremendez, but he's worn two different hand-drawn Tremendez shirts. in the last couple days and it's just like bro are you that means that he has a staff member and he's like hey come up with some tremaine cartoons and draw them on t-shirts so i can wear them in public that is so there's some 23 year old guy who went to parsons or risd and his job is like hey you got hey bro do you have tyler do you have crayons all right let's get a couple of gildans i'm gonna put you to work he's like yay So I'm not going to be working at Balenciaga? No, no, no, no. We need you to draw. So do you think in five years somebody's going to be working at Nike and get a portfolio and there's going to be tremendous crayon drawings in the portfolio from his time at Yeezy Enterprises? Like when you post on your LinkedIn that you did a really good Instagram caption that one time? Yeah, I saw that on LinkedIn. Somebody's like...

I wrote this caption that received this much engagement. I'm like, damn, that's crazy. I mean, I guess if that's your job, you should be proud of it, and I'm sure that would help you get a new job. It just seemed insane to read to me. I would love to be Kanye's assistant on Sunday. You're with the family, and you're like, hey, I hate to ping you on a weekend, Kanye. I know you're involved in a bitter custody struggle with someone named Northie. I wanted to triple check the spelling on Tremendez. Is that with an O-U-Z? Or are you doing an A-E? I don't even know. If it comes out, if a third Tremendez shirt makes an appearance in the press, I'm calling that they'll be for sale soon. Tremaine, a friend of the show. Kanye, not a friend of the show. Just something about naming somebody Tremendez. Just the word Tremendez. as a derogatory word it's so powerful it's so it's so fucking funny it's so funny but it's also like what is the like what is the is the beat like what must be going on behind the scenes i know what's going on behind the scenes a bunch of people are doing some weird shit in order to make even more money no no of course i agree with that but i'm saying like The idea of me not liking someone so much, I'm like, hey, Jason, open Photoshop. We're making some merch. And me being like famous enough to know that if I wear this, millions of people will see it. And I'm going to, I mean, I don't know if it's ruining. I think Tremaine's doing pretty well for himself. I'm sure it's annoying more than anything else, but I don't think it's causing, causing actual harm to his wallet. You know what I mean? Tremaine's doing just fine. The way that people will follow Kanye West into the fire is something like I've never seen before. Like the shit that he's saying now is, is truly like no one who agrees with this. Like this is just too, I mean, people that agree with it are like, actually people that are are problematic like who who truly hates jews and thinks slavery was a choice and and thought that george floyd was on fentanyl like it's so insane that but there are thousands hundreds of thousands hundreds of thousands of fucking definitely white boys that follow will follow him into the fire and it's just like what do we

Like, how did this guy who makes music become your savior is truly baffling to me. I can kind of understand a little bit of how it gets there because the parts about Kanye that I've always liked, which are, like, he wants to sort of watch the world burn. He has some anarchist tendencies inside of him, and he has a lot of power, and he does interesting, different, sometimes funny, sometimes terrible things with that power. It's been entertaining to watch somebody operate in their own lane in a world where nobody else does that. I don't feel like he's an actual individual who's trying to help the world. I think that he is probably an evil person at this point now, but it was fun to watch until two weeks ago. But I like Van Morrison. I'm a big Van Morrison guy. Van Morrison is gone off the deep end. What if I was just like, no, no, no. van morrison said covet isn't real i'm standing with van on this you would be like you're fucking insane dude because because van morrison doesn't make like streetwear so it's like not as relevant it's all it's like so insane i mean obviously his fan base is older or whatever but like the idea that there are people that will like defend this and like follow him wherever he goes is like a real testament to the dark power of celebrity in the world that we live in today well i don't think i think the amount of people that are willing to follow him Wherever he goes has greatly reduced in the last few weeks and is only going downhill. I don't know if he's ever going to really have a redemption moment. Like, you know, when he was saying, like, oh, I'm going to run for president. Like, I don't even think he managed to get enough votes to get on the ballot or whatever, just like for God or something like that. I don't really see a situation where he actually runs for president and wins in our lifetime unless the world becomes such an evil, dark place. But I was talking about this this morning with Noah. It's like this is – I mean, because we're in Pennsylvania, and it's like Dr. Oz is running for Senate. In Georgia, you've got Herschel Walker who is running for Senate. He literally is a –

a Heisman Trophy winning college football player. He didn't even really play in the pros. Like, he didn't have some big career. He's running for, you know what I mean? It's like, so this is, we're moving in that direction where that is who is going. I would have rather had OJ. Who's going to lead this country, you know what I mean? Bro, Idiocracy, that movie, was actually like a documentary, if you ask me. What I'm hoping for and holding out for, which is a very small chance of actually happening, is that Kanye is doing, An Andy Kaufman-esque performance art. You wish. On a grand scale, the likes of which we have never seen in my entire life. That's what I'm hoping for and holding out for. He's doing a bottle of Hennessy and a couple bumps is what he's doing. But that is what Andy Kaufman was also doing, but he was doing something different with the energy that that creates. All right. Well, look, how long gone? Another blessed podcast in the can coming to you live from Delaware. Congratulations to Rachel and Lloyd. I can't wait to celebrate you tonight. Congratulations to DJ Them Jeans for getting all of his chores done this weekend. We will see you at the Troubadour. I do it all by myself. There's still a few tickets left for the show with John Early at the Lodge Room in Highland Park after party with our man Fred at Burger Lords with music by DJ Them Jeans, as well as some past. Hors d'oeuvres. Vegan, of course. And also, shout out to Lo-Fi Aperitifs. Let's go. We're going to have some canned spritzes. Complimentary as well at the Burger Lords thing. Probably just one. Make sure we buy some affordable bottles as well. Come out and smoke some cigs with us. I think that's it. We're back with some guests. more hijinks uh and um yeah i think we got we got chapo back on the pod now yeah chapo chapo's coming on as as planned and we have we have another guest let me just look quickly at the calendar jason i just want to see i'm not going to give anything away but i just like to know just to see just to know okay oh yeah a musician we're both quite into uh that i believe you might even know on tuesday uh but yeah that's look that's it

How long gone? Lots of news, lots of merch, lots of shows, lots of podcasts. This is what we do. In and out every week. Pause. Jason, I'll talk to you soon. Thank you for doing this podcast. It means a lot. You got it, brother. Have a great wedding. Send over some looks, please. Thank you. I need a mirror selfie. Okay.