372. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. Alright, what the fuck is up? Chris Black coming to you live and direct from Hell's Waiting Room, New York City. New York. New York. Them Jeans is joining me from beautiful Glendale, California, I'm guessing. Beautiful Glendale, California. I got to take an Uber, I mean a Lyft yesterday, and I met an Armenian Lyft driver who let me know that his family is in the Armenian mafia. He's looking for a place to stay in town right now. He's having a tough time kind of getting a co-signer on a lease right now. I mean, the real estate market is tough. I was under the impression, though, Jason, that you're in the mafia. money is not really an issue and if it is you know where to get it or you know how to strong arm someone into giving them i know so do you think maybe he was lying to you because it says it doesn't seem that feasible so his family does a company that's called securities printing where they make uh like they like print government documents and stuff like that you know like passports and tax forms and things like that you mean print them um it's like a government contract them illegally no no legally legally oh oh oh oh i thought i thought you were saying they're selling these like i can get a passport for anywhere no it was more like there's more of like the vibe is like the armenian mafia is sort of like

has government contracts, which is not really, you know, that's the thing that happens in mafias all over the world. So why would he be explaining this to you? He felt at home with them jeans in the back of his A8. He did have McDonald's back there. I didn't, I was too afraid to ask him for it. I just don't understand why this guy with this level of power is driving you to a restaurant. I have an answer for you because he wants to, that's the family business. And he came to America to make. his way on his own. He wants to be independently wealthy. He no longer wants to live off of his family money. He's not a Nepo baby. He kept using that phrase, and I was like, wow, you've heard that. He's not a Nepo baby. Can you say Nepo baby in an Armenian accent, please? That'll be on the Patreon. Oh, God, it's so funny. It was commendable, and he's like, I don't want to make it. you know i don't want to make it in this world from daddy's money i want to get it out out the hummus mud myself and i said kudos to you brother i say the opposite of that you're stupid and driving lyft is not that sucks you know like i like i understand what you're saying but how old do you think this guy was because it because also who paid for the a8 bro i have so many questions I have so many questions. I don't get it. I don't get any of it. Because he's like, I'm looking for a one-bedroom apartment or a back house in Glendale. I'm like, bro, you're driving a $120,000 car. This all seems fishy to me, and this is why I don't talk to these liars when they're driving me. I don't. I don't care about your family. I don't care about your supposed mafia connections in a different country. Like, just get me from point A to point B and we'll see about giving you those five stars. Chris said that don't impress me much. I'm fucking, I'm Shania to this shit. You know, we were supposed to have a guest today, but we got Hollywooded. We got Hollywooded. And we're happy to be Hollywooded because then you guys get what you really want one-on-one, even though the guest was.

a good guest but um he's gonna have to suck both of our dicks now nothing nothing else to be done about it i mean this is how it goes sometimes but you know when you when you cancel after the start time i i do have to say i get a little upset it's not my favorite and i respect rescheduling i expect you know things come up etc but also like you know i know we're lowly podcasters in the scheme of things jason but when do you think we'll get some goddamn respect i think once we can like make or break people's careers i mean we get respect now it's just from people who aren't very famous you know like if if you're a band that has 11 000 followers on instagram and you're you know like we could change your career a little bit like we could make a pretty big impact and you know until we're on some type of rogan level where we could change a guest's life By them appearing on here, we're not really going to get jack shit. It's just like I'm sitting here in this apartment. I rushed back to do this podcast with you. In the rain. In the rain. I'm soaking wet. And then I'm looking at Drake and Ibiza. You guys thought we were gay baiting. I'm looking at Brad Pitt in a skirt. I'm seeing all these thoughts on vacation. There's so much going on. But I had kind of directed my thoughts. I go into interview mode, Jason. You know what I'm talking about. You have to in this business. In this business, you got to go interview mode. And now I'm back in chatting with TJ mode. And it's discombobulating for someone of my kind of mental stature. As smart as I am, unfortunately, I'm not super nimble. So, you know, I have to really redirect my mind. Chris, I wouldn't say that in public with all of our VC listeners. No, I know. They might be turned off by that. You're right. I'm sorry. Look, I want to work with you guys. BlackRock's been sniffing around, but... The kind of word around the hill is that we're not super nimble, and that could come around to bite us in the ass when it's acquisition time. No, that's a good point. I don't want to kind of lower it. And all the BlackRock homies listening, I'm nimble enough for the both of us. All right, guys, come fuck with the boys. Jason walks backwards on the treadmill just for this reason.

Yeah, and I'm thinking about getting back into microdosing, so there's a lot to chat about, guys. Jesus Christ. You know what we didn't talk about, Jason, which this gives us a great opportunity, is the breakup of Desus and Mira. Yeah, and if you're listening to this podcast right now for the first time because you have a void to fill, welcome. I was talking to our friend Jimmy Jolliff, and I was like, yo, what's up? Desus and Miro, you hear the news kind of thing, because he used to live in New York, and he's a member of the hip-hop community as well. And he's like, yeah, I know those guys, but I never listen to the podcast. I don't really like chummy chat shows between two guys very much. I was like, oh, that's good. I gotta remember that. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded.

Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated, but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer. And quality European linen pants and shirts. upgrade that look starting at just $34 you know if you get a nice linen suit a little t-shirt underneath it some chill shoes you're looking good but you're staying cool the inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties so elevate that summer wardrobe go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns even on a nice holiday now available in canada

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. No, I mean, I think that it's, I think that. I mean, there's a lot of theories being thrown around the internet. I got a theory. My theory is Desus is smashing Anna Kendrick and he's gone Hollywood. What? Is that real? Yeah, that's real. So you didn't say Anna Kendrick because she was the least likely person to be with Desus? No, this is because I think Desus is a known lover of white chicks. And I think that Anna Kendrick, I think according to my... Well, that's white, white. Look, if you're going to do it, do it. You know what I mean? But according to my... According to my sources, they're in the same quote-unquote friend circle. So this isn't that out of the question, according to my sources. I want to know what this Venn diagram is looking like where Anna Kendrick and Deezus Nice are swimming in the same... circle what is that jason you you know all about hollywood bro you're from there you know how murky those waters get you know eight maybe they have the same agent yeah yeah it's probably a manager thing we met i met at uh at irving's backyard or whatever yeah when i get invited and a kendrick is hanging out with desus nice a lot is the gawker story see see who who would hang out with anna kendrick a lot unless there's sex involved because it ain't like i mean She seems like a thespian to me. Well, I know that Deezus wants to get into Hollywood. He probably wants to be an actor. Now he's in, literally. You know what I'm saying? And then it says perhaps the Yoko rumors are true. So if Anna Kendrick broke up Deezus and Miro, and if Drake had that parlay bet, That fucking long shot. That would get his dad out of debt. That's why Drake's in Ibiza. He's celebrating his win. That's why he's in Ibiza. He didn't need to perform with black coffee. That was just a shield. Yeah, he put a four billion to one bet that Anna Kendrick will be the one who breaks up Desus and Miro. Not just Showtime, but their podcast as well. She will deprive the community of the quote unquote art. And everyone said, yeah.

Drake, I'll take that bet all day long. And then Drake got to work. Drake got to work. But let me say this just to kind of put the How Long Gone listeners at ease. You know what I mean? No matter how much Jason hates me for wanting to go Hollywood, we would never leave money like that on the table because we are focused on the goal. That's right. That's obviously providing incredible entertainment three times a week, but it's also about making money to feed our families. And I think that that's something – I think that that's what I'm worried about, though, because Miro, my favorite of the two, of course. I like them both. He's got four children. Yes, yes. You know what I mean? Stakes are a little different for him. Stakes are different, and I don't know how much money you can make from Twitch streaming, but I don't know if it's the same as Showtime. If he was playing Call of Duty, then yeah, but I don't know. A lot of people seem to think, though, that there's like a lot of – monetary success available for both of them in like sports casting etc etc for sure which i think is is is very possible but i i wonder i i wonder i don't know it's it's very interesting because it's really like a rags to riches kind of we met on twitter story and it for for it to end like end like this is pretty unfortunate honestly i listen to the podcast religiously it's fucking hilarious and the show on vice was fucking hilarious too i mean it was really good a lot of people will consider when bodega boys the podcast was in full swing that is about as good as it gets for a comedy podcast you know totally for this style i mean honestly it's it's you know similar obviously in style to ours to an extent um and i i agree i mean i agree i think it's it's really funny you know again i don't i don't know man i just i don't know enough about like sports and what their ambitions are to be able to say like is this going to work or not but i hope it does because like they're funny my theory is that they should not have ever signed to showtime and i know that it was good for them and i know that they gave a lot of people in their friendship group jobs that they might have you know careers for forever yeah tash p and all those bros that part was cool but

When you have something that's so grassroots and special like that, the entertainment biz, they see the dollar signs and they sink their claws into it, and it just pulls people apart. It happens so much, and they could have stayed podcasting forever, and it would just get bigger and bigger, and it would just get one guy to sell ads or one person to sell ads, and they're doing live shows. It would be good money. Yeah, but the problem is the show is really good on Vice. That's the thing. There was proof of concept that it worked. That's the thing. It's like they actually made that jump, and it worked, unlike the cursed fucking Bill Simmons show. They took it from podcast to TV, and it was really successful. Obviously, Vice was cursed, but it was a better home for it, I think. Yeah, because they weren't meddling. They were letting them. They're like, you guys. You guys have the sauce. We're just going to give you a budget to keep doing it. But I also think, I mean, I wonder if Showtime was actually meddling or if things just didn't go well, you know, for a myriad of reasons. Like, that's possible. I think it's easy to blame a network because, like, that's what celebrities do, you know? Like, listening to Andrew Schultz talk about how he was paid to do a special and then he got notes back and didn't want to do them, so he's taken it to YouTube. Do you believe that? I don't know. I kind of do believe it. I mean, he makes a good case for it, and I really think that YouTube is unfortunately just it now. It's just proven to be it. No, I think that's true to an extent. It depends on how old you are is the thing. Yeah, true. I can't imagine paying $15 to watch a comedy special and then getting a link and clicking on it to watch it. That's just so many steps. We're used to turning something on and it just being there. It's not about the money necessarily. It's about the extra steps and it's like, oh, I don't want to watch it on my laptop. Let me open it on my TV. It's a pain in the ass. It's not a seamless experience the way that other things can be. Yeah, but I mean there is pay-per-view and those are things that you have to – there's extra steps and people have the YouTube app on their TV and cable. You know that you can watch porn on the computer. You don't have to –

You don't have to pay for it like pay-per-view like that. Yeah, and I can watch comedy for free on YouTube, but if you want to see the hot people having sex, you're going to have to pay a little bit for premium content. Good point. Obviously, Andrew Schultz or Deezus and Miro, they don't have fan bases so large that they're going to be doing Logan Paul numbers or pay-per-view fights or something like that. But on the scale, if they own everything soup to nuts, they're able to... make a lot of fucking money if they bet on themselves and pay off. You know, they spend 50 grand to shoot it and produce it. No, for sure. You can make a lot of money. My thing is that it reminds me of when Charlie XCX told us that, like, I want to be with a major label because I don't want to deal with that shit. And that is exactly my response to that. Yeah. Do I want to deal? Do I want to hire the entire team to shoot and edit and produce and then cut it up? And it's just it's great. It's a lot of work. I guess if you have the infrastructure, of course, why not? But if Showtime or Netflix or Hulu comes to you and says, we'll do that for you, and you'll make a little bit less money, I'm going to take a little bit less money in that situation. Yeah, but I think sometimes it might be a lot less money, number one. And then number two... They don't give you any numbers. You don't get to keep any of the data or whatever. So if you've built your little pirate ship and you have your email list and your subscribers and your network and blah, blah, blah, Netflix does not give you any of that shit. And they're just kind of like, yeah, the show did good. How many people watched it? They just don't tell you. And YouTube, everyone sees it. It's all there. No, of course. I understand the power of YouTube and think it's very real. I just think that it's like, what? you have to do to get that going is a lot of work true you have to have money to pay like you can't just do that yeah i guess on another on another scale that comedian stavros who was on come town he did a special at the lodge room where we did our live show and he probably spent you know five thousand dollars to film it it's an hour special he had a couple friends with some cameras you know it's already lit it's pretty easy like it looks fine enough and

He'll put it on YouTube, and it probably has two or three million views. And our same logic of we want as many people to hear our podcast as possible, and then it'll work its way out. Good point. He was kind of doing that. He's giving it all away for free. He's five grand out of pocket. It's worth it. And this has the potential to change his whole career. As long as you're like, all right, I got my hour. It's sick. That's true. Everyone's going to hear it. There's no paywall. It's so easy. could open their phone and watch it, and he's booking worldwide tours for a year after that and making a million bucks. That's different to me. That's different to me because you're not trying to monetize the special. You're saying to yourself, I'm investing in this because I know it will pay off in these other ways. That makes a lot of sense. That to me is reasonable. I just don't like the steps required to watch something. In that way, I don't want to go to Andrew Schultz's Shopify or whatever to pay. I don't know. It seems bad, like a customer experience, but if you're a dorky fan of him, you don't give a shit. You just want to support him. Absolutely. That's kind of what I'm forgetting. Yeah, and then if you've become deplatformed like Louis C.K. where nobody will touch him, It was a smart business move on his part where he has to do a lot more back-end work. Yeah, but he didn't have a choice. He didn't have a choice, but he did something interesting where once his name was sort of sullied and he became persona non grata in the business, the value of his content went way down. His specials, his TV show, all that stuff. So he bought back all of his rights for his specials and TV shows. Probably for pennies on the dollar because no one's going to, you know, FX is going to air Louie anymore because they'll get letters and shit. So he bought it all back, puts it all on his website and sells it. And I'm sure not very many people are watching it, but, you know, several thousands of dollars a month. Oh, for sure.

No, it's also passive income. I mean, once you recoup on whatever you had to spend to buy it back, I mean, bands have done that for years. They buy back the rights to the record, they put it out independently, and they make more money, especially if they have a resurgence. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think that... I mean, I'm sure those guys will land on their feet. I hope so. I wonder how bad it actually is or how much it's just like ego shit and if they will regret this no matter what they go on to do. Because I do think it's difficult, of course, but I just wonder. I need the real tea is my point. Do you think that we're ever going to get the real tea? Yeah. It can be Anna Kendrick. That's too insane. No, I think it could be Anna Kendrick. And I also think that we will get the tea because I think they both. we'll talk sideways about each other because that's who they are as people. Like they talk, that's what they do. Like they talk shit for a living. Like I think it would be almost disingenuous unless it was something like weirdly serious. You know what I mean? If it was just like, fuck this motherfucker, he was slacking off or fuck, you know what I mean? We'll hear about that. If it's like, yo, sorry, a kid had cancer, I wasn't showing up, we're not going to hear about that. That's where I'm drawing the line in the sand. I think if it's what we think it is, we'll hear about it. That's my point. Selfishly, as a podcast of two bros talking shit. to each other all day i'm glad that their show has been canceled because it's one less uh one less dragon to slay on our road to joe rogan stardom chris no that's right and once once we get the ringer kind of out of here all together and then we take you know we take care of gladwell because he's a little bit of a pest you know what i mean gladwell is a pest we can knock all these guys out no problem on our way to the top i don't think it's that yeah i'm ready to interview mark poland about mushrooms and shit i'm ready to get this shit popping there's only so many subjects left you know what i mean i feel like we have to retire the psychedelics as medicine conversation there's no more new information like either you you do that and you believe it or you don't believe it and you don't do it i can't believe it still is getting like

full Netflix series and multiple stories in reputable publications. It's trickling down. Well, I mean, we're cool, and then now regular people are starting to discover it, and it's a scary thing for most people, so everyone's kind of dipping their toe in the jacuzzi and feeling it out. Sure. And you're probably resistant and hesitant to it because it'll be perfect for you, and you'll uncover those stones of the mind. I'm not even like... against it. I just think it's not interesting to talk about anymore. That's all. If it works for you, it works for you just like anything else. Don't talk about it. Be about it. What's there to say about it besides it really works for me? You think a scientist? I don't know. You know what I mean? People are not going to be convinced by scientists. I think you either want to do something like that. I think you're either the kind of person that does that or the kind of person that doesn't do that. I don't think there's a lot of... being swayed one way by reading something in the new york time i don't know i disagree i think if the right person tells you you can definitely convince them and it's i feel like i'm due for a little mushroom trip myself actually oh great uh i need to break on through what do you what do you but you want to just get a couple caps and head down to the desert see what goes on see who's playing pappy and harriet's next weekend are you saying like no you want to start micro no no i want to neither I need to macro dose. I need to do a proper God's dose. I need to do the full eighth to the face. Where do you plan to do this, though? Because I feel like everybody that does mushrooms, meaning you and your loser friends, they all really... It's like it's got to be the right environment, man. Like you're doing ayahuasca. You don't want to do it in an apartment in Gowanus. You need to do it in Santa Fe with a shaman. Yeah, the set and the setting. The set and the setting is – So what's your plan? Are you going to put rocks in a circle in your backyard and just kind of lay down? Are you planning – Oh. Okay. What? I think first of all, you have to be in nature. And second of all, you have to be in the right mindset to have –

Either you have to be in a healthy, positive mental state, or you have to be maybe down bad in a place that's not the best, but be legitimately open to discomfort as a means to getting to the other side. I was open to some discomfort this morning when the trainer at Barry's said, put that incline on 10. And I opened myself right up to that discomfort, Jason. So I'm no slouch when it comes to discomfort, okay? Yeah, okay, good. Now we're talking about mental discomfort, not physical, though, is the issue here, Chris. I podcast with you. You know how much I podcast with you? It's constant mental discomfort. You're welcome. Check the invoices in the mail, bitch. It's a game of chess. So mushrooms, just to be clear. They've been co-opted by startup weed culture, right? So you can get a cool package that feels like you're buying them from Kith. Yeah, but they're still technically not legal legal here. You're allowed to possess them, but you're not allowed to sell them or buy them. Basically, they're just saying we don't really give a shit unless we catch you moving. Moving pounds or something. Moving. Moving stinky pounds. So you know where to cop an eighth for your dome piece. I know where to cop an eighth for my dome piece. We were talking about the crazy drug dealer menus, you know? Yeah, the menu guys. I came across a new one recently, and it's becoming a very interesting. Hold on. You're telling me that drug dealing has become a cool industry, Jason? Breaking news. How long gone exclusive? Cool is not the word for it, actually. The way you were talking about the sort of millennial branding of hard drugs like mushrooms kind of takes the fun and coolness out of it. I'm starting to see that now with like real actual drug drugs and people are... So you're saying I can get an eight ball that looks like it was, you know,

packaged like brightland olive oil is what you're saying like i can like no i'm saying that some of these drug dealers will actually have the brightland olive oil as well like they're becoming a little bit of like a like a digital well i mean that's an exaggeration but one like so let's say you'll have like we have three different ketamines or cocaines whatever and it'll show you like here's where it was sourced you know it's from this farm yeah it's grass-fed pasture raised it's like it's like when i hit sweet green i need to know where exactly arugula is from it's listed on the board yes exactly exactly so and you're like oh this ketamine's from sonoma okay bomb oh my god did we have a good summer so there's that that's the first peg of it that is so fucking torch the second peg of it which is good just good business workings which is like hey we're already selling illegal drugs very um risky in terms of my like criminal record so if we're already if we've already cracked the eggs and made a mess and we're in the omelets going why not double down so They're also selling natural wines. Oh, my God. Okay, so you're telling me. Is white bitch party packs is what's happening. So you're saying I can get a fair trade organic non-GMO cocaine sourced directly from Bolivia with a picture of the family who picked the leaves with two bottles of a nice fizzy cold summer red? Jason, that's what you're saying? Well, so basically the deal is we're like. We'll deliver your drugs to you as long as you live in Mount Washington or whatever. Of course. We'll come straight to you. $300, $400 minimum delivery or else we're not going to do it kind of thing. So let's say I'm at 270 on my ketamine and kush order, and I need to bump it up over there. Let me get a couple bottles of glue glue. Okay. Because I'm going to want a chuggable chilled red anyway while we're chain-smoking cigarettes in my loft. Okay. So it's like – And it's just smart. So it's like, oh, we got popped for selling wine on Signal. And it's like, well –

I also do bundles of heroin, so I think we're fine with selling a little Pinot Grish. Okay, so it's just like anything else. There's a barrier of entry. Papa John says one medium cheese and enough. Let's throw in the cinnamon swirl sticks and maybe some dipping sauces as well, and then we can get that right over to you in 30 minutes or less. Yes, because before your days of drug dealing and drug purchasing, It was like, hey, the minimum is $500 for me or else I'm not going to come over to the house. And then that means you're like, oh, well, I only wanted to buy $300 worth of cocaine. So instead, I will buy $500 worth of cocaine. That was the only option out. That's right. That's called that smart business. That is smart business. But now they're diversifying. I mean, I guess it is not that smart to sell wine. It takes up a lot of space. You got breakage. You got spoilage. You got to keep it out of the light. You know what I mean? I mean, it's really funny because that is so deeply uncool and like against everything that drugs are about. But this is what these nerds that have money demand. Like this is they're just feeding a demand from these nerds who are used to getting everything delivered to them by, you know, DoorDash or caviar. And they're saying, we'll do that, too. If you want your ketamine, we can also bring you, you know, all the accoutrement. I just I mean, to me, it's convenience. It's like when you're an Erewhon and you're walking, you got all your groceries, you got your your lasagna and you got your buffalo cauliflower and you're ready to check out and you're going through the the S shaped. snake-winding checkout line, and you're like, oh, do I need this charcoal-activated gum? Do I need this cacao chocolate bar? And you just start grabbing little things like, ooh, that's convenient. I need that. I needed to pick up this whatever, and it's just there. I respect that, and I do think this is good business, but I hate it. It does take away from the pure drug use, drug dealing.

If you've never gone down from your apartment at midnight already drunk and gotten in a car where the cocaine comes out from behind a hidden stereo, then you ain't doing it right. We're just going to do a couple laps around the block. Yeah, if you don't do a couple laps around the Lower East Side block and come out $200 lighter but your pocket's got a little something in it, if you know what I'm saying. I don't know if I want the experience that you're talking about. Even though it's definitely better. Does that make sense? I know it's better. Yeah, of course. If I want to go get shamed by some wine dork, then let me do that in peace. Don't sully my drug use with that. I don't know. Also, can you trust your Coke dealer to recommend a truly crisp dry white? I don't know. Well, a crisp dry white in powder form, maybe. Yes, exactly. But I'm saying, I don't know. certified sommelier uh that's also a certified ketamine sommelier that this combo is not going to work for someone of your stature jason that's what i okay well i'll let you know when i get the signal message that they just hired somebody from domain to do their their their wine program so we're we're they send out a press release on signal about their announcement of onboarding a new sommelier to help with the wine side of the business and just a picture of a a woman wearing like a A dorkable apron who also has an Uzi strap to her because she's actually moving real weight. That's cool. That's a good idea. I'm sure you can make more money. I don't know if you get paid that much to work in these wine stores. I think all you get is the snobbery that comes with it. Yeah. I'm sure Helen's is not offering competitive wages. That's why I had to get into the dark game. You do get 50% off at John and Vinny's. We don't let you sit with the customers, but we do give you a nice discount. Yeah, at both places you get a little free flower, but the flower at John and Vinny's is all purpose. Yeah, exactly. The flower at my shit, bro, it's got purple in it. My shit, crazy.

You don't want to lay my flour down on the counter before you start beating the dough. You know what I'm saying? It's a little different. My gelato is a little different than what they got over at John and Vinny's. They got pistachio. Yeah, that chocolate's cute, but my shit hitting a little harder. I do think we should talk about this series of posts that Drake made today from Ibiza. Yeah, let's do a deep dive here. The main one that I'm seeing, well, obviously, there's the thought photo of his cool sculpted abs, which looked great. Well, let's go. We'll do chronologically. First image of this gay little carousel. So, yeah, it's him, side profile. It was just cropped up a little bit more. He would appear that he was being serviced penally in this image. He's making a little bit of an O face. Penally service, Jason? You can just say getting top. It's okay. Penally service. You're right. I'm being pedantic here for no reason. Okay, so he has his fake abs. He's got the inside-out nipple. Which is a flag for me. I'm calling that out first and foremost. What do you think about that, Chris? I need to look at this. I'm bringing it up. I don't really know what you mean. Enhance. This is one of the weirdest things you've ever said to me on this podcast, and we've done hundreds of hours. Well, sometimes it can be a little cold, maybe out of the pool, and you'll have a little bit of a reverse in any nipple. You know about any nipple. I'm personally not comfortable talking about Drake's nipples with you right now. Well, we're here, bitch. Our guest canceled, so we're talking about Drake's nipples. This is what people really want. I mean, I think that his – with Drake, it's the face he makes. The face he's making is saying this phrase, ooh, puppy, no. That's Drake's – this is his go-to picture face. Like this is his number one picture face. So it's like I'm so familiar with it that I can't unsee it, but shockingly every time it hits me hard. So he's doing – so it's kind of like, you know, the Mary-Kate and Ashley.

duck face, the classic. If Mary-Kate and Ashley were Dominican, this is kind of what it would be. Maria and Katia Olsen from the block. Mary-Kate from the block is doing her patented duck face, and this has a little bit of a duck. With platanos vibe. But then on the next slide, he goes hard body, of course. He's blowing that Zaza in a red cowboy shirt with a nice... Oh, I'm talking about the carousel, Chris. I'm sorry. Run that back, Turbo. Run that back. Okay, the next one is a classic blurry thought photo at the beach. Nothing to see here. He's using a window as a reflective mirror, and he's kind of sunning himself and taking a little selfie and kind of... As to drop his grinder pin kind of vibe. This is for all the thick ones, you know what I'm saying? Okay. And then the next photo. Maybe he's showing some soul as well. That's S-O-L-E. Yeah, he's letting these freaks know that he's down for foot play as well. Then on the next slide, it's an up-close picture of his wrist that is just absolutely drowning, Jason, in these perfect, brilliant cut diamonds. This is a tennis bracelet that your chick couldn't even get in the same room with. You know what I mean? Yeah, if it's one thing Drake knows, it's clarity, isn't it? That's right. That's right. He's a lot of different kinds of queens, and a clarity queen is one of them. Number one clarity queen. The next picture he's wearing looks to be... Next picture, you look like Blue Ivy. He does look like... He's doing a Blue Ivy face. He's doing a Blue Ivy face. Mom, Dad, you're so fucking lame. Why are we at the Knicks game? But he's got a bandana that looks to be of maybe a Versace style tied around his head backwards with another giant diamond tennis chain. It's an Auntie Missoni scarf kind of vibe. Do you think that he tied this Tupac style bandana himself or he had a ting do it for him? A ting, for sure. Bro, you cannot. You're a virgin if you tie that yourself.

Well, you know, it is Drake. You can't do that. You can never be too sure with Drake. Next photo, it's a little blurry, you know, just like what Gen Z likes, like not really labored over cool photo. He's being real. He's being real with this one. He's being real. There's a white man in the foreground that's obviously there accidentally. It looks to be television's Ed O'Neill from Married with Children and Modern Family. It does look like Ed O'Neill. But also he's wearing a shirt that appears to be kind of a... Top Man XL collection. It's an abstract cheetah print. I'm sure it's a Drees or something, right? That shirt costs more than everything you've ever spent at the RealReal, but it does look like Zara. It does definitely look like Zara. How much could that shirt, what is it, $8.95? Come on. That could be a stack. It could be a stack. I know those pants are getting early 50, so do the math. Nothing to the boy. The next photo is, yeah, that's my OG, Oliver. And a young Drake, Degrassi Day, is wearing a Ransom zip-up sweatshirt for all my Canadians. They know what the fuck's going on with that. Oh, I didn't know what Ransom was. Yeah, it's some OG stuff. You don't worry about that. Shout-out to Oliver. I know you're listening. Shout-out to Oliver. And Oliver... They both look very young here, but Oliver looks younger than Drake. Yeah, Oliver looks kind of like a high school photo from Aphex Twin kind of vibe. The final slide seems to be a TikTok video. TikTok video of a young British London rapper who's wearing a Ford beanie. I don't know why he posted this. I'm trying to figure out. I think he just likes this kid's flow and he likes how innocent his rhymes are because he's not really saying anything. He's not speaking like a killer. He's just having a cute, fun rap, you know, for the love of the game. I also think that Drake knows that he can... And I don't just mean this with thick women, but he can change someone's life with one post. Like, if he thinks this is funny and Drake puts this in a slideshow, this guy's life has truly just changed. Yes, this kid is taking a meeting. Yeah, this kid is going to get a record deal, and Drake might jump on the damn remix. You never know. I just really want to know about the abs. Well, first of all, with this kid, what I was thinking when I was watching this was...

I think the reason why everyone thinks London or British rappers are so cool is because whatever they're doing, whoever they are, whatever, male, female, non-binary, black, white, whatever it is, they all just sound British. Everyone sounds like you're from London, whereas female rappers, white rappers... Asian rappers, Latino rappers, black rappers in America, they all have a very specific style of speaking and a sound. And there's things that others won't say and others will say. But with British rap, it's just all like, hey, we're all British and we're all just rapping. It has like a nice kind of inclusive feel to it. that maybe America was a bad idea after all is what I'm getting at. I see, I see. So you're saying to me that listening to British rap, which for the most part is unlistenable, makes you rethink... You don't listen to British rap, bro. I just like it, man. It's just nice. I like it. I think it's cool, but I don't think it's good. I like it, and I think it's cool, but I don't want to listen to it. That seems odd because you are such an Anglophile, and we love the way the spoken British word sounds, and when you put it to rap and you have this kind of Victorian sing-songy flow and cadence to it, I think it pairs so well with hip-hop. And rapping. I think the beats are my problem. English people invented speaking English. I'm saying, you know, like, why not? Damn, bro, that's crazy. Yeah, that's on period. You know, why muck it up with an accent from Vallejo as much as I love E40? I just, I have tried over the years many times to listen to the coolest British rap, and I'm just, it just doesn't ever work for me. Not even Mike Skinner? No, that's the, actually, it's funny. Mike Skinner's the only one that worked for me, but I think it's because his beats were weird yeah it was like different than it was different i think that's why he broke through but like someone like stormzy i'm like i can't listen to this dave is pretty good yeah well i like and i guess another part of of british rap that i do like is when they are doing weird different unique stuff like how mike skinner does or many other rappers but where it's not just like hey this is going to be skepta on a metro booming beat it does it just sounds like everything else i want to hear some weird

Shit, I want to hear some funky UK flavor that one can only get on BBC 6 or 7. You do love flavor. That's something about you. It's necessary as it pertains to my rhyme scheme. I'm sure. What kind of beats were you making when you were in the lab? Lo-fi house to finger bang to. So you're telling me that DJ Them Jeans of... the hip hop genre, you never, I made, I made some, I made some rap beats, but it never, it never had the right to it. You know, sometimes I think about it. Sometimes I think about, I, even though it's, it's kind of ironic that I use Ableton now more, more than I ever did when I was making music and DJing and all that stuff. So now I kind of wonder what it would be like to like actually use it to make a song. Maybe I would be hitting it with fresh eyes and ears. So you're saying that you could have a late, kind of late period. I'm saying like my musical career, my DJ life, none of it makes sense at all, and it keeps getting more nonsensical as the years tick by. There's no reason why I should be thriving as a DJ at my age. After I've retired, don't DJ anymore, and I make more money DJing than I did 10 years ago. None of it makes sense. So I'm like, why not just make music? I'll probably just make a song that goes well because our podcast is popping. Anything is on the table now. So you're saying it is my time to make music. You know, some of us. Okay. All right. All right. So you're saying you're more well-versed, no pun intended, than I am. I get it. I don't have as many songwriting credits as Steve Lacey, but I have more than you is what I'm saying. That's true. No, you do. The remix game is famous. That brings up an interesting question because my 40th birthday is around the corner, and as we work out the ins and outs of the activation, do you think I need a DJ? Do you think I need a Smiths cover band? Do you think I need a playlist? What do you think keeps the energy high to celebrate being this much closer to death? I think my idea of getting a Smiths cover band...

is going to be the best idea. I think pairing, you know, I think they're called the sweet and tender hooligans. They do a great job at covering Morrissey and Smith songs. I've seen them play before. I'm sure we can get them, I can get them talked down, you know, get a really shameful rate. I can get shameful rate. I can put, so I'm, you're, I can put you in, you're in charge of booking. You're fine with that. I'm fine with that. I can, I can make those calls. No problemo. And I like the idea of juxtaposing a Smiths cover band that might used to be playing in, you know, like a Long Beach dive bar for five bucks at the door kind of energy or, you know, a Zebulon after party. You know, more of these kind of piss-scented venues. and taking them out of the slums and then plopping them nicely into maybe they're playing the pool at high mat gym. Yes, exactly. Maybe we're shutting down horses and they're loading in their gear through the front door on Sunset. Honey, we made it. I like this. The coach and horses. Morrissey was there all the time. Serendipitous. It is a full circle moment, but I'm just worried that maybe the space that we choose might not be able to accommodate a full band. Oh, no. And location for me is first because obviously that's baseline stuff. Well, when you hire them jeans to produce your event, one thing is guaranteed. We'll make it work. Okay, good to know. I was kind of shopping around for other event coordinators and producers, but I think you just sold me on your services. Excuse me? Well, I thought you only wanted to handle the talent booking. I didn't know you kind of wanted to do a tip-to-tail service. 360. Well, I mean, I make more money that way, so it would be nice if you just kind of let me handle it all. Okay, okay. And we can just do one invoice and keep it clean for Uncle Sam, you know? That's true. I do like that. But this is something I've really been thinking about because it's around the damn corner. No, it needs to happen. I think we need more than just a Morrissey cover band, though. I think we'll need...

Yeah, we'll just get a couple bros to DJ, you know, Tim and Twin Coleman or whoever. Get a couple kids. Yeah, but Twin, I don't even know what kind of music these guys play. These young guys, they're into all the dumb shit you like. Okay, well. I don't want to hear electronic music at my birthday. Isn't the genre of music that's played at my birthday my choice, or is it not anymore? My birthday, my choice. It depends on where you want to have your birthday at and how much money you want to spend. It can be, but then it's also more work for you because then you have to build a playlist for them. Have you produced a celebrity birthday party before? Yes, I have. Okay, what kind of talent are we looking at? The celebrity was Nikki Hilton. Famous sister of Paris Hilton, of course. We know who Nikki Hilton is. Okay, and where was this celebrity birthday party taking place? This was at Cinespace where I was doing my club night. So you're saying that Nikki Hilton wanted to slum it and do this party at Cinespace and not at Hyde or maybe Truesdale. Exactly. It was like a theme night for her and her rich friends. Like we're going to TGI Friday's for a random dinner? Yeah, this isn't random. No, I think probably DJ AM was probably DJ. Okay, okay. And I think she definitely showed up at 1.45 before the 2 a.m. closing for her party. But I do remember royally fucking up her birthday. What did you do? Did the do-say not arrive in time? This is pre-do-say, Chris. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So the Henny Coladas were not flowing then? I'm sure Nikki Hilton doesn't even drink alcohol, you know? She did then. She did then. Yeah, maybe. Well, here's how I fucked it up royally. I had to receive the birthday cake earlier in the day. Okay. Just quickly, gluten-free, vegan, I mean, chocolate, vanilla. I don't think so. Big, small. It was pretty big. Multi-layer? We'll get to it in a second. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so excited. I received the cake.

Okay. And then I go and I put it in the walk-in. That's a phrase from FX is the bear. It's a large refrigeration unit. Pop the cake in the walk-in. That's standard restaurant biz activity. You know, this is maybe about two or three in the afternoon. And then birthday candle time arrives. You know, it's whatever. One in the morning. They bring the cake out. And the cake was an ice cream cake that had now melted into a puddle of birthday wishes. So what do you think? Were there too many Cinespace employees hitting the pipe in the walk-in and they were leaving the door open? How did this happen? It should have been put in the freezer and not the refrigerator. So it's all my fault. And I definitely blamed it on a busboy or somebody. I always thought the walk-in got... colder than a fridge but not as cold as a freezer i think they're no a walk-in is usually just a refrigerator it's just a refrigerator okay and then they'll oftentimes be a separate walk-in freezer if the restaurant's big enough of course all of my restaurants have no freezers did you get any negative feedback on this or did you kind of skate on the crime no she was pissed she was pissed as hell and i was drunk by the time that happened and i blamed it on somebody else who did you have to deal with her or one of her people i just ran i don't like Because it was in a crazy, booming club. So it was just mayhem and chaos. And she didn't really care that much. She's not going to eat the cake anyway. I was going to say, I'm sure the cake was free. I'm also sure she didn't pay for it. It was free. She didn't pay for it, and nobody ate it. So it could have been worse. Big Mama's 39th birthday where everyone was really kind of licking their chops ready to have a slice of ice cream cake. Don't call me Big Mama because I am thinking about maybe doing like a... Kind of like a recreation of my full body in Magnolia. Oh, yeah. Okay. So we need to get venue. We need to get entertainment. And we need to get food. Hopefully the venue has food. I don't want any food. We need to get save the dates sent out. Okay. No food. No food. Just alcohol. Open bar. Covered by Dunstaff Projects, of course. Okay. So parties start, what? Doors at 9? Doors at 9. Most likely, depending on venue, it's going to be a Sunday or Monday night, industry night style event. Because... Step your money up. The places... Well, I can't, Jason.

I love the honest response to that. Bro, you need to step your money up. I can't. I can't. Not for this. It's too wasteful already. The bill is already looking higher than I wanted it to be. You know, Jason, if I'm not going to treat myself, who will? Well, we know it's not going to be me. So, yeah, I guess. That's right. I'll do a little GoFundMe. After that dinner at Mother Wolf, I don't think you're ever going to put your credit card down again. You're experiencing PTSD. All I'm saying is I was the first person to raise an eyebrow at that price. I was ridiculed for being cheap. And then I ended up being the most chill person about it, most at peace about all of it than anyone else. Well, I think you're the most chill and at peace person in that group. So I think that kind of naturally is going to happen. But I do think that – I think we need to start talking about – we need to offline this, but the dessert portion of it obviously is crucial. So no food, but you do want to have dessert. That's right. Well, there has to be a cake, and I've talked to Phoebe. I think she's on tour. She can't kind of pop out of it. and do like a song. We're set back yet again with kind of the performance angle of things. Are you married to your birthday? Like, can it be in June or like April or something like that? Just the way it's working out with my schedule and my routing. So I know your birthday is technically in September, but we're looking at kind of a May. uh 2023 kind of that's the best that's the best for us kind of push and then look at it in 2023 and just see how that is see how everything's shaping up because we look we we really want to do it like we want to do it but it's just it's just a timing thing for us it's a timing thing for us i guess when you have like a bachelor or bachelorette party you're not supposed to do any of the planning that's all hands off but with your birthday i think you're supposed to do some planning but you're not supposed to like when the when the bill comes for the dinner you know oh no no put your no you're not paying chris you know of course everybody pretends like they want to pay for you when really they've just been beaten into submission by society and their judgmental eyes and i but in this case i have to pay yeah because your your male friends are not going to be like yo

Chris's birthday, everyone chip in $1,800. It would be cool if I had friends that fucking actually did do that, like real people. You know what I mean? If I had real nightlife friends, if I was hanging out with H. Wood Group, I wouldn't have this problem. Well, and shout-outs to H. Wood Group. We love you guys. Wes loves you guys, too. Do you think maybe we could contact H. Wood Group and see what Delilah is looking like? I mean, do you have any deep – would we need to get Wes involved, or is there something you could kind of handle as TJ? If you're open to some of their – Nevada-based properties? Yeah, I think we can get that conversation started. Otherwise, I don't know if I see it happening. So, Chris, when I say off the strip, actually it's in a city named Henderson. And honestly, it's nice. It's kind of just like a regular bar, but they did kind of snap it up for the real estate aspect of it. A lot of people think that H&H Wood stands for Holly, but it is Henderson. They've pivoted. Again, tax stuff. It's just so easy in Nevada. Like the Montana plates. On the Maybach, same kind of vibe. Okay, so I can't do an H. Wood group place. So I'm kind of left. Okay, so venue is going to be kind of up to me. Unless one of your parlay bits hits or something like that. Yeah, I don't really see it happening to you for this year. Okay, okay. For this fiscal quarter. For this fiscal year. All right, so I can continue to look outward. And I would, of course, as your friend and business partner in here, I would love to cover the bill. But, yeah, I mean, kind of. My Bitcoin really did take a hit in Q2, especially after Elon sold off. So right now it's – I'd like to be a little bit wetter in terms of liquidity. Of course. I know that you're a guy that likes to stay wet, but unfortunately these are big decisions that have to be made because we're counting down and it's going to be a high-pressure situation for me actually because just like the lymphatic drainage, the facials, kind of like the step and repeat, there's a lot of elements here that are kind of –

get me to get sorted hunter abrams who usually does vogue he's kind of agreed to do it uh loose loose stuff but i really like the work he did actually at the mu mu party we weren't invited to so i'm kind of like he's i'm a he's a first hold for us um but he said that he kind of wants he he doesn't like the step and repeat thing but i told him unfortunately the sponsors are not going to budge on that you don't like the step and repeat your hold has been released yeah your hold your bye I can't wait until there's a photographer reality show. That needs to happen. We've been released. I'm a second hold, but I don't know. I mean, it's the shoots tomorrow, so they've got to let me know. I mean, I'm about to have my dessert course, and I haven't got a call sheet yet, and I just think it's weird that you expect me to maybe have to go to Magic Mountain tomorrow. And I don't have the Tesla charge. I was looking at the weather, and you're saying you want to do the outdoor stuff at 2, and you didn't. Okay, Dark Sky is saying it's going to be raining. So we need to kind of think about this and maybe flip it around. Somebody needs to call Milk because this isn't going to work. Not Dark Sky. How long gone? Thank you for listening. This is basically a special at this point. You should be happy. We will be back soon. And we are going to be making some announcements. later this month, Jason. What kind of announcements, Chris? You don't want to tell, do you? I don't necessarily want to get into that, but it is, of course, something that leans into our kind of bi-coastal lifestyle. It's going to be a concert reveal? Yeah, a concert reveal. Yeah, I'm not announcing my tour dates. I'm doing a concert reveal. That's really good. It's just me hitting a pinata and Ticketmaster fees fall out. Okay, I can't beat that. Can't beat Ticketmaster fees falling out? You can't. All right, how long gone? Thank you guys for listening as always. We love you, and we'll be back next week with more incredible content for you to digest. Hell yeah, I can't wait to do this one-on-one episode again for 48 hours.