383. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Oh, great job, Jason. How long gone? We're fucking back in Glendale in the lab as God intended. We're sipping on mud. We're wearing shorts. This is how long gone is supposed to be recorded. We have to have shorts on and drinking coffee. That's it, really. That's really all it takes. Yeah, speaking of shorts, it's tough because I'm going to be attending a music festival today. That's right. You attended a music concert last night. That's right. You know, it's, what, 85, 90 degrees today? That's the problem. Sun's up, scorching. Sun's down. How do I get my Luke when it's so hot? I don't have a G-Unit tank body right now. I was thinking, I was actually thinking for you, because I know you like to flirt with kind of like outdoor clothing from time to time. What about just a classic zip-off cargo? Zip-off meaning you could turn them into shorts? That's right. So you go in shorts. You think I can just find those on a Sunday? You let Carolyn say, babe, can you put my half pants in your purse? And then you just kind of zip them on once the sun sets. We used to get those. My brother used to have those. They're called X-Pants. And he would get them from Structure, the store at the mall, which I guess is sort of the men's limited. But it's strange that I've thought about Structure a lot in their classic six-button polo. Oh, sure.

But how is that not made a – it must be fully out of business or something for it not to make a comeback. Structure gone. It seems like it's just as primed as any of these other brands. Yeah, that was like – I mean I guess like late 90s, early 2000s when like Brad Pitt was wearing Tom Ford and everything was shiny and weird. That was that prime spot where if you only had $30 for a shirt, structure is there for you. But how does a six-button polo work? It's too many buttons. That's how it works. So it's the same normal kind of quarter. Same placket, but just down to the titties instead of down to it. So it's like the Agnes B hottie sweater. Exactly. It's too many buttons. It didn't go all the way down. But yeah, the Agnes B hottie sweater, the beauty of that is you can go up and down. So you're literally just covering titty. Like you got breastplate exposed. You got stomach exposed. I was doing that. It's kind of like finding the titty singularity. When I was in Sicily, and you get to a point where you kind of ration out your clothing, and you can only bring so many shirts. I can't fit 14 large, tall shirts. You can't hand wash the J.Crew in those tiny sinks. It's tough. Well, I had an outdoor pool, but I don't know. Well, we don't. In Sicily, I don't know if that's salt water. The main pool was salt water, but my casita had its own small pool. Oh, a dipping station. It was a dipping station. Like your Raisin Cane's Nuggets. Like my Raisin Cane's Nuggets situation, but the dipping station, it was more of just like a place where different mosquitoes could breed and then different wasps could kind of slowly die. Okay. So it was more of a bug receptacle than a TJ Washington. Wherever all the bugs in the area can gather into my little backyard. It's nice to give people a place to gather. That's kind of like my neighborhood local as well. Yeah, and that's why we need to kind of support these small pools and small businesses for our local community. So you're saying in Sicily because it's so hot that you're – So basically I had all these clothing items, and we went to three different cities. Sorry, I'm still talking about this travel, but we had to talk to –

Bob Guccione Jr. and Smiley, those two guys are always back-to-back on our schedule, so we didn't really get fully a chance to unpack the trip. That's true. I have a lot to unpack today. I'll be quick about it, though, but you pack all these shirts and all these looks and blah, blah, blah, and you're trying to fit two weeks' worth of clothing items as a 6'9 person into one carry-on bag. It's not possible. I don't envy you, Jason. So, luckily it was 100 degrees every time. And when I say ever, I mean ever. So you're kind of just left to do your best to ration out the clothing items. But eventually, the last few days, it's going to get a little touch and go. And I kind of hit the point a week out, like halfway through. I'm just going to wear a white linen button-up shirt, nothing underneath it, every single day. That's it. I love this for you. And every person walking around in Sicily was wearing the same thing. Like every man my age and older was sort of wearing a white linen shirt, partially see-through, partially not. It doesn't matter if you're fat, tall, skinny, tan, white, whatever it was, you're all wearing it, and it's just what works. And eventually the buttons kind of go from maybe I'll do one extra button will get unbuttoned. Maybe one from south of the equator gets unbuttoned. And then eventually, if you're going to land on the singularity of one single button being button, is it in the dead center? Is it one up? I guess it depends on how saggy your titties are. It depends on how busty you are. I think for someone of your stature, it's going to have to be lower. Gravity hasn't treated me well. Gravity has not been great to you, but also you're coming from a higher place than most of us, so gravity is your enemy if you really think about it. But I think that's a good look. I just don't think that – I don't love when men show tummy personally. Oh, I don't show tummy. The only time you're going to see tummy in that look is if I'm, like, getting up out of a seat at the arancina or, you know, whatever. What about when you're zipping around on your Vespa?

You know I don't fit on a Vespa. Blowing open. I was so sad. I was very sad about Vespas when I was in Italy. I've been sad about Vespas my whole life. As a young teen, when we were all mods versus rockers, every one of my friends had a sick vintage Vespa, and they would work on it, and they had to drive to Downey to get a carburetor refueled or whatever. And I rode my friend's Vespa one time, which was like, all right, let me see what the biggest body one is. I want the 7 Series. I want the A8. I want the S500. And if I can't fit on that, then I can't fit on any Vespa. And I rode. I did one turn, and the handlebars hit my knee, so I wasn't able to complete the turn. And then I kind of drove into a bush somewhere in Costa Mesa. I've also driven one. Vespa in my life and it also almost ended in a wreck. Not because of my size, because of my inability to shift properly. I was also blacked out. I'm pretty sure I was on cocaine, which should have helped. Your look for tonight, it's tough because literally we dealt with this last night. The Killers at the beautiful bank. Honestly, the bank of California Stadium where the soccer team plays is nice as fuck. Bank with a C. That's right. It's really nice. We started our night at what I like to refer to as the West Elm Mexico City Pop-Up, which is a restaurant called Damien. Damien. That we've talked about a lot on this podcast. I don't know why the logo looks like a fucking Beats in Space. like DJ thing. Everything about it is so weird and bad, except the food. Well, I mean, obviously that's all subjective. It's kind of like a brutalist CB2. And then you're right about the logo. It's sort of like... A techno party in Brazil might use this logo or something like that. Yeah, but the food is fucking smacking. Okay, good. I mean, it's very rare when restaurants, aesthetics, and branding all match with the quality of the food. It's quite often one or the other. It feels very downtown LA, you know, to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the real issue I had...

Actually, no. Did you have any, like, cockroaches or crickets or anything like that? No, but the food was honestly really good. The only issue I had, and I do feel like TJ's saying this, is that, you know, walked out of there at $300, you know what I mean, for two people? I don't drink? Like, what are we doing here, guys? Like, what are we doing here? You sound like a cheap-ass blow. I thought West Elm was supposed to be affordable. What the hell, bro? Tim, don't max out this microphone. I'm sorry. These particle board tables are sending me, bro. I have to turn you down. You're redlining. I'm redlining. No, but it was honestly good, but I was just like. not in the mood for that vibe and then the service who was in the mood for that vibe i mean the service and food was so good and it's like all right this is great i don't want to ever come downtown again i don't want to fight the armenians and yeezys with fucking hermes bags for bestia parking you know what i mean so it's just a little bit of a struggle if a restaurant is gonna be good food bad branding That's totally fine. I prefer that as long as the branding is bad because you didn't try. If the branding is bad because you tried really, really so hard that it turned bad, that's when it gets annoying. I appreciate the brutalist vibe versus the millennial colorful vibe, which I feel like is still running rampant. How would an ironic Comic Sans menu fit into that for you? Would that be at number one or would that be too ironic for you? I hate that. Okay. Papyrus phone? It's going to come soon if it hasn't already. I mean... I mean, if I don't do it, I don't know who will. That's true. But we did make it to the Bank of California Stadium, which is... It's just... The whole night was like... Okay, so you ate $300 worth of... First of all, I want to talk about my parking. Cost yesterday alone. Because this is impressive. I was trying to spend more to get over a line. Papa Black is going to let it spread out. I was trying to break a personal record on spending. So we went to the Getty for the Cy Twombly show. Parking is $20. Which seems normal. Totally fine. The Getty is a beautiful property. We hit Damien. Valet is $10. You hit the tip for $5. That's $15. We hit the show. $35. We hit the show. $50.

Parking is $50. $50 and obviously an unverified lot, but I can't be bothered. So $50 would be – that would be some quote-unquote priority placement parking? Priority placement, but it's like a privately owned parking lot and a business owner is just making an extra five bands that night. Yes, yes, yes. But I was upset because when I get out of the car and I pay $50 and I'm like, this is worth every penny, baby. And they're like, yeah, go two blocks up. It's $80. I was like, God damn it. I wish I would have gone two blocks up. I could have gotten over $100 in one day in parking. Oh. So unfortunately, I did come in at $80. Okay. But there's always next year. You know what I mean? Jesus, bro. So $50 for parking, and it wasn't even that great of a spot. No, it was a great spot because it was close enough where you didn't get totally fucked traffic-wise. Okay. How much did you spend on alcohol as a sober person last night? None. I mean, for Damien, Damien, Damien had, I don't know what those spicy marks are looking. Probably 20 at least times. Beautiful glassware, too. Beautiful glassware. Beautiful glassware. So you spent more in parking than alcohol. I did spend more parking alcohol. But the tickets, thanks to our friends at Golden Voice, were free. Shout out to PJ. Shout out to PJ for the killer's tickets. It was a no comp sold out show, but somehow Chris Black slipped through the cracks. You didn't get a QR for the parking or anything? No, it was interesting. I didn't feel like hitting PG on a Saturday for the VIP parking was really tasteful of me. That felt bad. That's where you and I differ, but carry on. I know, I know. So we're walking into the show, and Alex is kind of like, who are these people? And I'm like, this is the ugliest crowd I've ever seen in my entire life. So this is the killers. headlining with Johnny Marr. Johnny Marr from the Smiths opening. Johnny Marr is the opener and he also comes out and plays a few with them. They did This Charming Man and it was great. So Johnny Marr solo. Which he sounded great and he does Smith songs. Which I also when I'm looking around he's doing fucking Hang the DJ. I'm like oh hell yeah. I'm looking around. Not one person knows the words except a 60 year old man. A 60 year old white man with like a pompadour. I'm like my G.

But the crowd is hideous, hideous people. But it's 20,000 of them. So it's like, you know, what are you going to do? But the best part for me, first of all, The Killers, best live band I've seen in years. It's so pro, it's like kind of mind-blowing. But I'm next to these two guys. Well-oiled machine. Well-oiled machine. I'm next to these two guys. You know, they're probably older than us, 45, 46. You know, big guys, Spanish-speaking, that feel like they might like. Manage a car dealership. They're making money. You know what I mean? They're doing pretty good. They got a couple kids, maybe ex-wife. They're doing pretty good. But I'm like, what are these guys? They're wearing Nike golf hats and polo. They're totally normal guys. Totally normal guys. They're not like bad bunnies, TM, lighting guys. These are the most regular guys you would run into at a 7-Eleven in Southern California. Okay. Bro. Killers, come on. These motherfuckers are losing their shit, know every word. And I'm like, these guys are sick. They've had four big beers each. I'm clocking them because the guy's got his kid on FaceTime. He's like loving it. They know every word. Some of the deeper cuts. Bro, this charming man comes on. These motherfuckers know all the words to this charming man. Now I'm like, all right, these are my guys. Okay, did at any point did these two fellas, when they weren't FaceTiming their children, Did it seem like they may have had a vibe going on where they're sort of they're never going to touch tips? Yeah, I thought about this. But the music of the killers sort of brings something playful out in them. See, what is interesting about this and something I'm thinking about as a bigger theory is I think that they're treating it like sports. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more.

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That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. I'm going to go get another tall boy, eight Oh five for 1950. You want one too, bro? Exactly. And there's a lot of like, like touchdown scoring vibes when their favorite songs come on. Okay, so up top. Up top, like around the back. You know what I'm saying? Like pat on the back. But it's all very masculine and positive and like happy. Okay, whereas the feminine version of this, No Shade, is the favorite song comes on, the iPad comes out, and then the Flash comes on, and we're now filming the concert. Interesting you bring that up, Jason. So in front of us, because we're in some sort of – that's the other thing. These guys –

probably didn't pay for their tickets. That's what I was trying to figure out because we were in a section that was all comp. You were in the industry section. We were in the industry section. So these two elderly people in front of us are there with their daughter who's wearing an ugly hat. The mom and daughter are wearing matching ugly hats. Okay. And the dad, and then there's a guy with them, and the dad just kind of starts talking to me. I'm like, God damn it. Come on, dude. He's like, I'm so proud of my son-in-law. I'm like, oh, yeah? Just that, that's what he says to me. No, no. It's out of context. Out of context. Non sequitur. Non sequitur. He said, yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm really, I'm really proud of mine. I'm like, oh, that's, that's good. You want a metal old timer? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? Keep it pushing. He's like, give me one second. He starts scrolling through his fucking Samsung, you know, getting carpal tunnel. How big was the font? Big. Looking for a picture. You can see this shit from Mars. He's looking for a picture and he shows me his phone. And it's like a cover of like a not modern drummer, like a lesser drumming focused publication. The number seven drummer magazine. Yes, exactly. In the Western Hemisphere. And the cover is Ronnie Vannucci from The Killers and his son-in-law who's sitting in front of me. And I'm like, oh, that's great. What is he? I'm like, I don't recognize this motherfucker. He's a drummer. So he's famous enough to be on the cover of a drumming magazine, but also he's a drummer, so you probably don't know who he is. He proceeds to tell me that his son-in-law used to be in bad religion, is now an Avenged Sevenfold. And I am stunned. How old is this guy looking? Older than us, but not that old. But he also, like, doesn't Avenged Sevenfold, don't they look like idiots? Yeah, well, I went to high school and middle school with them. Of course you did. And they were sort of like when we were all straight edge hardcore bros, we were like into Earth Crisis and whatever, Gorilla Biscuits and badass cool music. And they were like metal dudes that sort of transitioned into hardcore. So there's a lot of like sort of dorky hardcore metal-y bands like Hatebreed, for example, or something like that. I wouldn't go that far, but yeah, continue.

Dorkiest band of life. Sorry, guys. But those types of situations where it's a little medley or whatever, and they rode that line, and we never really looked at them with cool eyes. And then they became a band that sold out Dodger Stadium while 18 Visions and everyone else. 18 Visions, the haircut and color is 200 in Huntington, but he does a great blue. Great blue. If you want just the bangs. It's a brilliant Azul. It's a brilliant Azul. But this guy looks really normal. Clearly because he's like a hired, maybe not hired gun, but like after the fact edition. And they were like a year or two younger than I was. So they were kind of looked down in a lot of ways. But then they blew up. The drummer my brother and I were friends with when we were like five years old. Like my brother and the original drummer of Avenged Sevenfold were in kindergarten together and shit. We'd play together. Then they blew up, became a huge band, and then he killed himself. And then the guy who sat in front of you must have replaced him. The dark tales of Huntington Beach, bro. It's like this every day. I know. I know it is. There's a cloud over Huntington. You came up out of the mud, bitch. My mud is salty. But the killers, just one quick anecdote about the professionalism because it really impressed me. Is there some sort of... You love professionalism. I really do. Song three... It's better than the songs. Song three, these guys are in the motherfucking pocket. Like, it's absolutely going. People are losing their fucking minds. And Brandon Flowers stops. He's like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. He's like, we gotta get this guy out of here. And he's pointing at some guy in the crowd and he's like, this guy, this guy's on ass or something. Get this guy the fuck out of here. Like, totally breaks character and, like, does this thing. He's like... Then he literally stops for one second. He's like, verse one, boom, they kick back in. I don't even think there was a count off. I was like, this is fucking wild, man. There's 15 musicians on stage. It's like a full band. It makes you wonder either they're, I mean, it's a combination of they're just that type. Number two, he probably does this a lot. Or maybe it leads me to believe that he's like, see this guy here? He doesn't look a thing like Jesus. Let's get him out of here. I did not do that. That's good.

It's more of the sad reality that musicians are so scared in a post-Travis Scott society for anything to go wrong and for them to be pinned for it. Can you imagine what the Mormons would do if somebody died on Flowers Watch? He ain't making it to heaven, bro. Nobody dies on Flowers Watch. Exactly. He'll see to it. Exactly. That happened at Snail Mail. We heard a story about that happening at Pharrell's Festival. It's just like that's the thing now. We now have to pretend like we care about our fans. Exactly. It's like, oh, this dumbass came in here and overdosed, and that's my fucking problem? Like, okay, I guess that's where we're at. Yeah, it's tough to have that attitude at scale when you're playing the 100-person house show, and you see someone's kid sister get kicked in the face, and someone's like, oh, stop the show. We've got to help that person. But a soccer stadium, it's like, you're not my brothers. You're not my family anymore that I have to watch over. you're people that I don't even like. You're literally, you're literally people. I'd much rather spit in the eye. You bought a bootleg t-shirt outside. You didn't even buy my real merch. Like this is, I can't protect you anymore. I will take your money. Of course. Of course. Of course. But yeah, it was, it was an overall great experience and I'm very glad I went. So I'm going to be going to a concert event tonight in Pasadena. This ain't no picnic featuring the strokes. Someone referred to today as the geriatric millennial. Uh, festival, which I thought that's what you played. So I'm a little confused, but maybe there's just two versions now. Well, there's millennial and there's geriatric millennial. I think this one is more millennial. And the one that the, the indie sleeves revival one was more geriatric, like on the tail end of it. So Phoebe and the strokes, but there's like a zillion DJs and, you know, four Ted and floating points and all that shit. You're not hitting, you're not going early to hit the moon rocks and experience four Ted and 90 degree sun. I might. Yeah. And I think Carolyn wants to see Polachek, who plays around seven or so. You know what? I don't want to see Polachek at the fest. I think I'm all set. I mean, I like those songs quite a lot, but I'd want to see her at Webster Hall. I don't want to see her. I don't think it's going to work. But, I mean, I do. I appreciate it. I'll send her a DM. Maybe she has time to pull out.

No, no, no. I mean, she's getting paid. I'm happy for her. I don't think it's going to work. I know. But I'm glad that we're both experiencing live music. Unfortunately, I did have to experience mine sober, surrounded by uglies, and you're going to get to experience yours. These moon rocks have been burning a hole in my pocket for months now. You're going to experience yours on moon rocks around a different kind of uglies. So it's kind of nice for everybody. Yeah, so friends of the show, if I see you tonight somewhere near a floating points mosh pit, No, I didn't. You didn't see me. If you see TJ laying down just touching grass, you did not see TJ. That was not him. Yeah, I'm going to keep all my clothes on, I promise. But I want to debut my new Prada shorts that I got at the outlet for, say, at the feds. But then I wanted to pair it with a gray cashmere Prada sweater to do a gray on gray Prada on Prada. It's going to be 90 degrees. Jason was able to purchase some. long Pirelli Prada shorts at the outlet, which I, at the time, advocated for. Now that I'm kind of thinking about them again, I'm going to say it's a one-and-done wear situation, so choose wisely. I know. Do I just wear a sweater and say, fuck it? How breathable is the Prada cashmere? I bet it's fine, but I would maybe just wear something underneath it, maybe tie it around your shoulders. You know what I mean? Not to give you an advanced move here. I know it's a Sunday, but I believe in you. Is it a white tee underneath it, or is it a man repeller tank top? No, no, no. You're not wearing a... No beady? No beater. No beatail? No. I would say that it's not hot enough for that. I think I've sort of expelled the wife beater out of my system while I was on the trip. I hate to say it. We've talked about it many times in this program, but you were pulling it off. No one hates to give you credit more than me. Thank you for that. No problem. I'm sad that we are both going to concert events this weekend. Separate ones. But the biggest pain of all is that we're missing the real concert that we should have gone to, Chris Brown and Lil Baby. I don't care about Lil Baby, all of his songs.

sound fine and they're the same. I saw him live at Coachella. I was kind of impressed with his live set because it was a little more done than I thought it would be. It was pro. Very pro. I don't get it, dude. I was literally listening to the It's Lit Apple Music playlist yesterday and I was like, just because I like to check out new music from time to time. But I was literally like, bro, this guy's got no songs. He's great on features. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, like I said, when he was playing Coachella, I was watching him, like, it sounds good. Like, he's very talented. Yeah, it's all there. The cadence is nice. The stage, the lighting, all that stuff is there. But it doesn't have that. The streets love him. There's a lot of cum, but there's no sperm in it. You know what I mean? Okay, that's gross. I think that we should have gone. Like, we should have just bought tickets. Like, I should have bought us tickets and we should have gone because it would be funny. I know. And I could have got, we probably could have got tickets for that one for free easier. Yeah, I mean, they're probably $25. Like literally, or maybe 50 bucks. Like I guarantee you killer's tickets are more expensive. If you spend $99 on Fashion Nova, you get two free. But the Chris Brown meet and greet, I would have paid. a thousand out of my own pocket to get the flick of you and chris brown at the meet and greet when it's all fat white chicks and then tj at the end of the line okay so so chris brown charges roughly a thousand dollars for for an intimate meet and greet i believe so this has been like a thing that i've seen on on like academics and shade room and shit is that he was getting all this flack for it and he's like what like people are paying fuck y'all it is interesting because like the fan meet and greet With R&B leaning performers is so prevalent compared to hip hop leaning or rock and roll leaning. Like I've been to so many shows that had zero meet and greet element. But every time it's been like an R&B kind of flavor. And Erykah Badu and Ashanti. That's because it's music that is deeply sexual. So the deeply sexual part is like.

I need to get so close to you that I could smell your coochie or you could smell my coochie, as it were. I mean, yes, I think. And I'm going to give you Chris Brown $1,000. But Chris Brown also will just grab your ass and then you love that. Right, right, right. You love that even more. I want you to not only take a photo of me, pull a titty out, do kind of what you will. He's doing a lot of complaining online that he doesn't get the respect he deserves from the Academy. and shit but he sells out every show right it's like well bro you did you know you did you did clean the clock of america's princess yeah you're like a monster and it's like you always he's always got like don't name his albums no he's always got these like problems like i always he's always like somebody got arrested at his house or like this happened or that happened. He just, there's always something he just can't keep his nose clean. And I'm sure the records are boring as fuck. Like, because R and B is the most boring genre of music that exists. But, but yeah, that's your, you're never going to be recognized by the Academy quote unquote, which is just like the people who are like, you have to live, maintain a level of professionalism in order to earn the respect and trust to be moved up to the big leagues or whatever that is. And like, Like you said, there's always – every two weeks on TMZ is just like some guy was like passed out. Some guy overdosed in his pool. Something happens. There's just always something. A mysterious Lamborghini accident. Yeah, and I'm just like, bro, if you – I honestly think if you kept your nose clean, no pun intended because I'm sure he's snorting a little something. Yeah. He's the John McAfee of sexual urban dancing. If he stopped doing graffiti, that would get him pretty far too, based on what I've seen. There's no question he's a bad guy, but we forgive a lot of bad guys. There's the guy who tried to kill Ronald Reagan or something like that. Now he's out after 30 years and he's an emerging musician.

Or like OJ or Bill Cosby, any of these people who have like a massive permanent stain on their record. And they're like, hey, guys, I did my time. Like, let me chill. And it's like, no one's ever going to forgive you for beating up a woman, let alone the most beloved woman in the world. That's my whole thing with it. Like, you didn't say something fucked up. You know what I mean? Like, you like, it's clearly proven. And it's someone who is so beloved. But that's why Chris Brown is so fascinating to me because he did that, which is terrible. I'm a huge Rihanna fan, of course. And then he did a song with her. They've recorded multiple songs together after that happened. So in his dark, twisted, methed out brain, he's like, I don't see what the problem is. Well, I mean, I kind of, I think it's like just because the victim forgives you doesn't mean the world does. Exactly. It's just one of those things. But it's very, I'm sure that's like a mind fuck if you're him because it's like, i'm selling so many fucking records rihanna and i text or whatever we're all good like you know what's the thing but then it's also like fentanyl kind of is what he reminds me exactly but everyone's also like i don't need to fucking fuck the grammys i don't need grammys but then when you don't get one you just it's all stupid which one which game do you want to play i would rather play the money game which i think he might be winning yeah he's just fine he's doing just fine because it's like because chris brown He's invited to the cookout. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And stay at the cookout. I would rather be invited to the cookout than to the Grammys. What are you going to do with the Grammys? Also, it's like... If the heart and soul of the community is fucking with you. He might have hits, though. Those songs might be on the radio, for all I know. Like current Chris Brown songs? Yeah, but his album is like 38 songs. It's like... Bro, there's no way there's good. 14 of them are just different sounds of him doing flips and spins and stuff. It's like bed squeaks for six tracks. I'm like, I'm all set. He's just taking his victory lap. He's too talented is the problem. But we should have gone to the show. The bottom line is we should have gone. The reality is we should have done all three of these things back to back together. That's so cool, man. It would be like a sideways style wine tour. We just hop in and like, all right, guys.

Now we're going to go to see Chris Brown at the – where did he play? The forum or something? Probably Staples of the forum, yeah. He's over at Crypto. He's over at the Crypto. Crypto, yeah. He's like, yeah, that's cute. What do you got? You got a bank of – what is that, football soccer? Well, it's got a C on it. I'm C. I'm C. So I will have a hard time finding out my outfit tonight. But we'll see what happens. I'm going to, all of us are waiting with bated breath to see the kind of outfit pose. Hopefully you like tag. But then another part of it was like, so we're going to go see the strokes as like the main draw. I haven't seen them in 20 years probably. And I'm mainly going because my girlfriend is like, I want to see the strokes. And I don't want to, I don't like that energy, you know? I don't, it's weird because like I want to see the strokes, but not enough to go to two large concerts back to back. Yeah, but I would rather see them in this setting than opening for the curse, Red Hot Chili Peppers. I would do. You couldn't. There's nothing. You could helicopter me in and sit me on flea's shoulders, and I would leave. See, because you're saying I went to the Killers concert, and it was the ugliest-looking crowd that you've ever seen. Just imagine what that Chili Peppers crowd is looking like, though. I mean, the Killers crowd. It's got to be three, four X. I think people thought the Killers crowd would be a lot older than it was, and it wasn't super old. It wasn't like everybody's our age. There was young people there. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can you imagine a 20-year-old at a Red Hot Chili Peppers? There's no way. I mean, I guess there is. If they're selling that many tickets, there's got to be. I guess there is. They're able to suspend the disbelief of how bad the last 20 years of their music were or something like that? No, see, that's the thing. I was talking to this with a friend of the show, Twin Coleman. He's like, I think there's just different eras. And, like, a lot of people grew up with, like, them having those big hits, like the Beavis and Butthead movie song and shit. It's, like, not bad. You know, that's, like, better than most of their shit. Where it's, like, it was on the radio when you were a kid. The Codehead soundtrack. If it's on the radio when you're a kid, you hold, like, a different place for it in your heart, I think.

A scar tissue comes on, and you're like, okay, this song's actually pretty good. Kind of like that. I love the lyrics. But all that is to say, do I go dressed as Julian Casablanca? You need to go dressed as a stroke, I think. Because that was – I have the photos right here. Call Carolyn. Tell her to get a tailor over here. We've got to get these pants a lot tighter. I've heard Julian's going through it. We've all heard that. So what does that mean exactly? Well, I think he left his wife and child, and he's using substances, and he's not facing the crowd while performing. But he sounds really good. Okay. Apparently, they sound amazing. So he's lemon-headzing, kind of. He's lemon-headzing, but sounds good. But it sounds good. Yeah. It's what I've been told. But I'm sure it'll be good. It's also like, bro, they got hits. Yeah, they have hits. My thing with them is they're not. I haven't seen them in a long time either. They truly just stand there. Like, they don't move, and I think that's cool when you're 20. I don't know. Like, the part of the killers that's so good is that, like, he's putting on a fucking show. All of them are. Like, it's good. I'm sure the Rat Chili Peppers are, too. They're dancing all over the place, though. Too much. All right, what do we have on here? I have a little, I have some, a quick anecdote that I would like to talk about. Let's do it, brother. I went to, um... Kenny Beats house. Oh, really? That's right. With Mike and Dylan, they invited me over to listen to the album. Album listening party? His new album, Louie, is out on XL on the 31st. Did you hit the Seth Rogen gravity bong or anything? There was some weed smoking going on. But I just really, I hadn't done that in a while. Sat in the stew. Heard stories about the biz. How did it feel? It felt fucking great, to be honest. Okay. Did it have you jonesing for a key bump or anything? No, but it did have me kind of like, if you just want to push play, bro, give me something. You know what I mean? I'm just like, you've got all these beats and shit or whatever. Your name literally has beats in it, and you're not playing anything for me to spit over? That's kind of crazy, dude. I'm here. The microphone's here. Why are we wasting time?

You're playing me all this unreleased music that's by famous people, but you don't want... I don't, like... Well, I mean, at least you got the invite. I didn't even get an invite. And I know what all those little knobs and buttons do. But that's what makes it less fun. Fair. You know, I'm like a child. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, let's play music for this, like, you know... Not, like, Down Syndrome or something, but, like... Just see how the music moves that different kind of brain. He saw my body moving in ways that he didn't expect. But yeah, it also hadn't been in that environment where there's that excitement. The record's very cool. The whole story's really cool. The music is good. But just like I walk into this house, it's like a new nice house with the pool. It's got the gear everywhere. There's like six guys on laptops smoking weed with Rolexes on. It's like an episode of Dave. Exactly. It felt like stuff was getting done. oh really yeah it felt like which is odd for an environment filled with 100 it felt like these guys were good there's a guy drawing on an ipad and i'm like i look over i'm like damn this is good what the fuck is this guy doing he's like looks up for his ipad he's like what i'm like bro what what's your job here are you are you the fucking like court stenographer for kitty beats like you gotta you gotta like what's going on oh i'm i just like mainly run his iphone case um vertical But he actually did tell me one great story about trying to get samples cleared for the album. And he's like, yeah. Damn, Kenny wants to come on the pod again so fast. It's like this outsider musician that I found. And the record's out of print. And then we had to mail him the stuff. And then we went to go find him and blah, blah, blah. And he was like, it was down to the fucking wire. It was like, bro, you're going to have to change this shit today. Because it's not going to happen. And then he's like, he said that. He's like, bro, then we get the call, and this 90-year-old man's granddaughter is like, Kenny Beats, I love the cave. You've got to do it, granddad. No. And he's like, so my fucking YouTube show got the sample cleared, and we're good to go now. I'm like, that's so sick. That's a very good story. It's very good. It was very good. So I was happy to hear that. The other stories I heard, I'll tell you off mic. Okay. There was a dog walking accident that happened in front of my house. I feel like I've got to tell it.

It was such a crazy experience for me. I want you to tell it. I don't know if I'm going to be able to comment on it without sounding like a monster. Okay, that's fine. Because you want me to sound like a monster? No, I don't want you to sound like a monster, but I'm saying this is a safe space. It's just you and I. It's absolutely not. It's a safe space for you to feel feelings that you might normally think are not feelings that you should feel in public. Okay, well, I... Go ahead. You can go inside the sauna if you want to get really in the dome of truth. So we're walking our dogs a couple days ago in the morning, about 8 a.m. or so. We come back to the house. We're about to walk inside the door. And then across the street, there's a couple walking a dog. It's a big German Shepherd. And it kind of has, you know, when you see a dog that might have like a tactical vest, energy on it. couple and dog that you are familiar with in the neighborhood? I've seen them around before, yeah. We're not bros. I don't know their name. I don't know where their house is, but I've seen them around enough to be like, hey, what's up? Is it a Blue Lives Matter vibe? I don't think it was. I don't think it was a Blue Lives Matter vibe. It could be touching. Is it a Let's Go Brandon vibe? I don't know. I mean, after taking a look at the stickers on the Nalgene, Nothing was leaning red. Let's go through the stickers on the Nalgene. I really hope this person doesn't know who I am and is listening to this right now. Look, if you put stickers on your Nalgene, that's on you, Chief. You're telling the world. Yeah, exactly. All right. So stickers on the Nalgene. The first one. Let me see it. It's a pink bored ape. Okay, we've got a pink bored ape. And there's nothing really else identifiable except this middle finger. Oh, it's a video, not a picture. Oh. We're pressing play, guys. Burn Fat, Not Oil. NASA. Billionaire Boys Club. American Bicycle Company. This is twisted. A couple of them are logos of S&M Bikes, which is a BMX company from Orange County. So you're thinking this is just kind of a classic Southern Cali bro? I think it's just like a regular bro. I mean, the...

The burn fat, not oil. That leans Bernie. That leans a little Bernie. You know, the only real downside, I guess, is the pink bored ape. But everything else, it's like, hey, man, I'm into the Billionaire Boys Club and BMX. That's pretty cool. I like dogs, Billionaire Boys Club, and BMX, bro. They're nice people, just like good, normal, you know, great people, I'm sure. No shade to them whatsoever. but they're walking the dog, and the dog is one of those dogs that's very well-trained where the owners seem to have a military-style training with it where the dog will sit and heal right beside the master. Not the relationship you have with your dogs. Not the relationship I have with dogs. They can do all those tricks where they'll make the dog sit, and they'll run 100 yards away, and the dog will just sit there frozen, and then they'll yell something in German, and then the dog will just sprint to the owner and stop. Very well trained. So they're walking the dog with no leash. You see it around every once in a while. I just want to point out that that is illegal and rude to homeowners and other dog owners. It is currently illegal, I believe. And I'm not a big law-abiding guy, but when it comes to dogs. So it's like a Wednesday morning, and I live close to a school, great school district. And there's kids walking around with backpacks that are too big, minivans, Teslas, dropping them off all over the place. Traffic, the streets are abuzz with activity. And then the dog across the street sees our dogs and the tail starts wagging. And the owner's like, stay. And the dog stays. And then we're like, okay, see you later. And we start walking back up to the house. And then we hear some yelling, screaming. Human. Oh. Human fright being yelled out into the world. And we turn around and we basically just see like a minivan and this dog just like get into a collision. The dog immediately bolts, starts running like 70 miles an hour. Which means the dog is fine. Immediately you know he's fine.

Well, the dog is not going to die probably if it can run. It could be on pure adrenaline with a broken leg or whatever for all we know. That's fine. The thing was hauling ass out of there. You know how to break legs, Jason? Humans. Something to think about. So just that we're just like traumatized. And then it was just so weird. Like the woman driving the car pulled over and she was like asking us like, hey, that wasn't my fault, right? You saw that and was trying to like film us. With her phone secretly. To be like, that wasn't my fault, right? And I was like, look, bro, I'm not going to say anything on camera. Where were the owners? They were freaking out, and the guy ran to go find the dog. Did this fucking bored ape yacht club cry? He left. He left. He didn't want you to see him cry. Because he's a bitch. Well, he's not a bitch. If my dog got hit by a car, I would probably cry at some point. But at the time, I would keep a level head and fix it. Practical TJ. I wouldn't be hysterical. No, of course. So, I mean, the whole point of it is just don't walk your dog without a leash. Just don't own a dog. Just don't own a dog is the real one. You know the way to not suffer tragedy? Don't own a dog. Don't own a dog. If you never own a dog, when it dies, you won't have a problem. Well, sometimes we need the dog to teach us about tragedy. Some of us have had a – Bro, I've seen Clifford the movie. I didn't learn shit. But it was making me think of – I always have food on the brain, but it's like when you go to a restaurant and the server decides to memorize the order and not write it down. The writing it down is the leash, and no one's – Wow. Are you high, bro? No, I thought about this when I was not high at a different time. I thought about this at a different time. When you raw dog an entire eight tops order of drinks, apps, and mains, and you successfully pull it off without a single fuck up, everyone's like, okay. Yeah, it's not that impressive. Yeah, nobody's like, holy fuck, 200% tip. You fucking did it again, bro. That was sick.

It's just sort of to – it's for themselves to indulge their own whatever. The same way with the – I agree. When I see people walking the dog off leash, I'm like, who are you stunting for? Right. Because you think you're stunting. Yeah. You want to exert and show your power of control over the animal. Right. It's just like riding your bike with your motorcycle without a helmet or all these things where it's like, yes, it does look – cooler than not doing that like when you're riding a motorcycle with no helmet you look cooler but it's only by two percent but the chances of you dying are 200 higher much higher and when you have a dog with no leash you look cooler but it is two percent depending on what kind of leash you can afford now i'm not i'm not you know i'm saying if you walk a dog with no leash at all yeah no one's gonna pull over and start unzipping your pants and filleting you because you're the man yeah it's just They're just going to be like, oh, no. The reality is, yet again, another dog tale, another time for me to search looking for the upside of dog ownership. Cannot find it. The only thing I see is money, sadness, money and sadness. That's all I got. And piss. And piss. Yeah, it's disgusting. I watched three people outside my house today talking while they picked up shit. I'm like, do you guys think this is normal? This is fucked up. I never talk when I'm picking up my shit. That's nice. You don't want to make eye contact. I'm a gentleman. Just wear a leash. Dogs and owners, never do it. Unless you're in Joshua Tree. Hermes makes a leash. Burberry makes a leash. I'm sure Givenchy makes a leash. Yeah, man. Get a pop in. Let's see what we're looking at. We've got about 10 more minutes, Chris. What do you think about Sidney Sweeney's parents being Trumpers? Oh, yeah. You guys are shocked by that? I don't know if anyone's shocked by that. I think it'll be a good thing for her career, though. Sidney Sweeney is like the hottest girl at your Southern Republican high school. That's her whole vibe. I'm sure she's like a woke Hollywood, you know, like that's her vibe. Except that she married a failed 45-year-old restaurateur. But we've all...

That won't last. That won't last. She'll get snapped up by one of these Hollywood hotties. One of the Hollywood Chris's is going to hit. So she's basically, I think her value has increased. I didn't see the video, though, because from what I understand, though, it alluded to, but there wasn't concrete evidence. I think what I saw, because the only reason why I'm talking about it, because my Twitter explore page was just, that's all it was. I'm like, what the hell is going on here? And there was like a photo of her on her Instagram with like her and her brother at some like, country hoedown of some sorts. And they're like posing. They're doing a thumbs up. And then there's another photo where her brother is in them and she's not. And everyone in the family and around are wearing red MAGA hats. Oh, that's not great. Her photo, she may have been purely accidental or, you know. A coincidence that this happened, but her photo had no MAGA hats in the background. How are people so stupid? It's like during COVID when the Kardashians would go on vacation and post pictures of it. You just don't have to do this. You just don't have to do this. You're at the height of your fame. You're absolutely, this is it. This is probably the biggest you're ever going to be. You can sustain this for a while if you just play Paul. Just don't do this. Don't even go see your family. You don't have family when you're famous. You're famous. You can't have family. I know, but if it's your mom's 60th birthday party. I don't give a shit. I'm going to buy her a fucking car and say I'm busy. If there's any chance of something like that happening, I ain't doing it. Is Uncle Earl coming with that red hat? If the answer is yes. You bring – I'm saying you got to bring somebody with you. Like you got to bring somebody with you who's like, hats off. Hats off. You want to take a picture with Sydney? It's like, that's my sister. Hat off. We're taking the photo now. Hat off. Your sister right here, she's the reason why you got that Hellcat. Exactly, exactly. You can't afford that Hellcat. I'm just like, you like that plasma TV, don't you? Okay, then that's where I take the fucking hat off. I just don't – I just really – like some of these mistakes that these people make, I'm just like, that's crazy.

Like that – this is so preventable. So much at stake that you would think that people would – It's just like – well, it's also like Sidney Sweeney isn't Julia Roberts. She's not some established actress that has had this amazing career. It's like literally like you are – it could go away. This is the most famous you've ever been. This could go away tomorrow because you haven't – you're not like – you're in one show and you're hot. There's not – like you haven't done enough for people to like really love you. You're on the right track. Yeah, for sure. Everything's going well, but even more cause to be cautious. I'm just saying, if you're famous, get rid of your family. Yeah. No pets, no family. That's not what happened to Hunter Biden. That's not doing well. That's what I'm saying. Just get rid of your family. I don't got any family. I'm surprised Trump didn't get rid of his family. He wished he could, but he wants to fuck his daughter, so he got to keep her around. But it's like you just got to pay for everything and don't talk. Just pay for everything. I don't think Sidney Sweeney's probably got that much bread is the reality. And I think her family might have some bread. Obviously, they're fiscal conservatives. Well, that reminds me because when we had Five Yo on and we had Smiley on, they both talked about once they became famous, all their family members were hitting them up for money, business loan, can you let me hold 10 real quick, stuff like that. And obviously, that's a universal thing for all families, not just families of rappers. I'm sure Sydney Sweeney has uncles and cousins who are hitting them up. But it seems like a different energy. There's just like, give me my money, I deserve it, and I'm going to keep doing my shit. This is something I was actually – I was watching Selling the OC, the new Selling Sunset offshoot. It's in my queue. And Gio, who's this clearly gay man who's married, and his mom were talking to the two kind of – So he's a real estate agent. Exactly. Got it. Two evil women characters, and one of them is like – They're saying that I'm fucking guys for listings. She's like, they don't know what I've been through. And her story is actually fucking crazy. She talks about how she's like, her mom was homeless, blah, blah, blah. But I was just talking last night. I was talking about it, and I was just like, it's this weird thing that it flips where kids are supposed to support their parents, especially if you have a lot more money. I'm like, well, you know what? No.

I'm not your child. I'm your child no matter what. No matter how much money I have and no matter how old I get, I'm still the child. Having a kid is not a retirement plan. That's what I'm saying. I'll put you in a home and pay for it. That's a money pit. But I ain't changing your bedpan. I don't give a fuck. And my parents don't want – they don't even want me around now. You ain't going to do nothing but burn the toast? Yeah, they don't give a shit. Like it's just crazy to me that that's the – but you have a kid. The kid gets famous. Your first thought, if you're – I think it happens pretty often, unfortunately, is like, all right, where's mine? Time to cash in my chips. Yeah. My stock has vested. Yeah, I've finally done it. And I understand because the only point of having a child is for them to be famous, and I totally get that. And it's kind of like a model rock star actor, kind of like the game with the three cups and the ping pong ball. Yes, yes, yes. It's just like, which one is it going to be? You know what I mean? In some cases, obviously. But we need to talk about selling the OC. Okay. Because I think you might really, really relate. I almost watched it last night. I chose to hit the bong and watch Crazy Rich Asians. Not a dry eye in the house, of course. Classic film. And I barely know any Asians, and I still love that movie. Every time I watch it, a new Easter egg appears. Like Chinatown. This is the 20th time. But selling the OC is just like – It seems like – because I watched Selling Sunset Season 1. I haven't been able to get in the mood to pull the trigger on Season 2 just because I know too much. Selling the OC is about as good as it gets because if this is the thing that happens with reality shows, once they become popular and people become famous or rich, it's over. This show is like – In real estate, so I think a few of them are rich, but most of them aren't. And they're really wearing cheap-ass clothes. The only thing they've been able to pay for somehow is fake titties and lips. But the guys are the most interesting part. The guys are super hot, tatted up, surfer.

The guy drives the fucking vintage Land Rover with the surfboards on top. He's got the tats. His family's in real estate. He's married to actress Brittany Snow. So he's like a little bit. I can only imagine how dank his outdoor pizza oven is. Oh, bro, this guy's got hella water features in Laguna. But the whole thing is these guys, low-key religious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've all got kids. They're like in their early 30s. They're really good looking. They're married and have kids. All they should be doing is carrying their money and fucking. They've completely ruined their lives. With Jesus? With Jesus. I don't know this for a fact. No, I mean, anytime you're in an affluent white suburb, I'm sure you've been around a few down south. I don't know what you're talking about. There's a little bit of... It's very subtle, Jesus. I call it the Nashville disease. Where it's like, why does this 25-year-old have two kids and he's a millionaire? And it's like, oh, yeah, he's a country songwriter. You know what I mean? But he's a follower. An affliction of the Christian virus that's taken a hold. I mean, it's one of America's worst. It's polio. Yeah, it makes women form separate training groups. So, you know, just me and my four other, you know, my cousins and my aunts. Some of my white friends from work can all get together, and we all just pay $10, and then the trainer can only train us, and we don't have to look at other different people. That's right. There's a little bit of that. That's literally what church is, is what you just described. So that's funny that you do that. It doesn't even require any booty bands. It's church, and then you can... Of course, support Christian Small Business, Lululemon with your – Of course. No, no, no. I have to warm up as well as my cool down gear. I love to donate to Starbucks. Howard Schultz is a religious man. So what I like to do is get my Starbucks and then hit Chick-fil-A. They're right next to each other. So it's kind of easy for me after the service to kind of go by. Bing, bang. Luckily on Wednesdays, Chick-fil-A is open because you know they're closed on Sundays. But the show is – it's really, really good because it's so –

It's just, I don't know. I guess I need to watch it. You need to watch it. I mean, people might argue, people might say it's bad, but of course it's bad. When I say good, I mean awful. Yeah, I mean, there's a real estate show on television. It's never going to be good. No, and these two chicks that are a team claim to have gotten a $20 million listing with a cold knock. I don't fucking believe that. I know Zillow TJ. Cold pair of knockers. I know Zillow TJ don't believe that. And the one chick who said she had the rough upbringing looks like she's had like full chin reconstruction. Her face looks fucking crazy. Really? She looks like a linebacker. It's fucking crazy. She looks like she has the Chad filter on. Yeah, no, literally. She looks like she's been chewing that incel gum. I could go for a stick of that, actually. My TMJ is acting up on the road. Oh, I hate that. I hate that. All right. Well, I think we're good here, Chris. We have. We've got some funny pods this week. Yeah, we do. Some odd and unconventional guests. That's right. You guys could – you literally could never guess. We have an announcement coming up pretty soon. Yeah, on the 7th of September. We'll be making a little announcement. It's on the 7th of September. That's right. I'll be in New York. We'll be there. J'adore, je crew. We can do – yeah, we can do a – classic eastern time announcement um so fun yeah uh more pods this week and also let's give a quick shout out to a friend of the show john mayor we saw him this week i just want to say john we see you down at the bungalows we saw john down at the bungalows he was enjoying the buffalo cauliflower just like us we won't say what day do moi oh no of course not no no of course not um but yeah that's that's it i think we got nothing else That's it. I'm glad I'm finally back now. I woke up at 7 a.m. yesterday and today. Feeling good. Which is so crazy. I mean, it turns out the only thing I needed to do to get back on a normal sleep schedule was reintroduce a steady stream of THC into my blood system. That's all it took. I had a feeling that's where you were going with this. I think the real answer here is never going back to Europe unless there's money attached to it. So thank you for that. No. Every year, two weeks.

I'm visiting a country where marijuana is illegal or bad and hard to get. Good luck with your treat talks. I don't want to do it, but I have to do it. I don't like seeing you like this. You are irritable, short, not as kind of creative. Yeah, when you go into a rehab, when you're checking at Promises and everyone's trying to kick their H, does everybody look like they're having a good time? No, they're going through withdrawals. The difference is H is cool. Hot as food. Pot is cool. How long going? We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening. See you later.