350. - Andy Baraghani

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. I was thinking today how long gone LP2 produced by Kid Harpoon. I'm going to go ahead and book out some time at Electric Lady. Just kind of feel it out. Who the hell is Kid Harpoon? I need to know this. He's the guy who It did all the good Harry songs as well as the new Maggie Rogers song that is definitely going to be a hit and also sounds a little bit like Pink, as you pointed out. It's a good song. It seems weird for Maggie Rogers. I like her as a crooner, not as a whatever Pink is. I think it's a necessary evolution. I think that, you know, it's... A little bit of a smacker, a little more confidence, you know? I've never heard anyone refer to a song as a smacker. That's new. Is this an old... the old thing for you or do you just invent this right now chris uh actually i just invented it right now i sometimes jason when i'm not thinking really cool when i'm not thinking that's kind of when the best stuff happens yeah i mean you know don't think just do you know the the body will do it for you your muscle memory and that's how good you are at improvisation now that's right with you don't have to think about it you've become what maybe top because of me top

Top 20 in the country. I haven't even spent a dollar on classes. I've never hung out with any comedians in real life, thank God. Today is the second day of Pride Month. It's a big day over there for you in West Hollywood. Not so much in Glendale, if you can believe that. How has the vibe in the neighborhood shifted? I haven't seen anything offline that is leading me to believe that it is Pride Month, but online. Nothing out of office. No, but thanks to all the great brands like Coach, I'm very aware that Pride is happening and this new style of tweet that's happening, which I'm sure you've seen. Gay people don't buy Coach, right? I think. Coach would like gay people to buy it by the amount of money they're spending. I don't know necessarily what the actual P&L is. There's all these tweets that are going around. One or two of them are actually pretty funny. Oh, I know what you're talking about. As a baby queer figuring it all out, I made doubtful aesthetic choices, struggled with reliability, and even tended towards spontaneous explosion. That's why this Pride Month I'm partnering with Tesla. Right. That's the worst one that I've read out of all of them. The best one is Home Depot. The original one is the Home Depot. Yeah, that one is the best one. And just like everything on the internet, a person of color will invent the funniest one, and then white bitches all across America will take it and rewrite it into their own little... Fun parameters. Every holiday, whether it's created by Hallmark or created for the LBGTQ Plus community, is instantly rendered corny by the people that choose to participate online. If you and I went to the Tom of Finland fucking party, that would be lit. And you didn't say the fucking party. You said the party where fucking is the draw. You weren't just using normal colloquialism slang. No, no, of course not. I just mean that if I'm – I would much rather go to a –

tom of finland uh daddy party i would much rather go to that than read 150 tweets uh a day that are trying to be funny is it more brands or is it just the internet in general that have sort of taken the wind out of the sails of the ferry to To Fire Island. I don't want to speak for the community, but I do think that the... I think you're an honorary member at this point. I think that it's probably... It's like anything else. The brand started... I mean, you saw the Marines. It's so fire. The Marines posted the helmet. I did not see the Marines. The Marines posted a helmet with gay flag bullets. I honestly thought that that was something that somebody photoshopped in terms of... No. Unfortunately, unfortunately... I thought that was like... like subversive art about school shootings about like, we're making the bullets look like crayons because people only use guns at school. Unfortunately, that's real. Uh, and, and unfortunately the rumor that search and Stevens convert to Islam is not real. So I'm kind of reeling from that one, but yeah. So it's stuff like that. And I think that the major gripe from the community is that it's like, hey, bitch, there's 11 other months. What's going on? But I also think that if you're in the influencer space, you're cashing the fuck in this month, baby. I sure am. I sure am. And there's no ifs, ands, or buts about that. No pun intended. Chris. I'm sorry. So it seems like it's good and bad, like most things in our crumbling society. There are people benefiting. There are people that are just going out and having more fun than usual, which obviously we applaud. And then there's brands absolutely grasping at straws to make running shoes in rainbow colors. Yes. You know, you win some, you lose some, but overall, it's probably a net positive. I noticed that your friends over at The RealReal changed their logo to a rainbow pattern. Shout out to our friend of the show and previous guest, Shamir, who said that I have to send him a free T-shirt because it's Pride Month. And Shamir, I'm still waiting to hear back to see if UPS is going to give free shipping for Pride, if we can get that worked out.

He said that. You know I cannot buy this during Gay Pride Month. I cannot give you two straight men money during Gay Pride Month, which I thought was maybe one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Big, big shammy. Yeah, absolute legend. Oh, yes. So for all of our members of the LGBTQ community, of course, whatever free merchandise you want, we will send it to you. Of course, you do have to pay for the shipping. And because I know that gay people will never do that, that means we're never going to have to send out any free shirts. Shipping is unfortunately not included, and Jason's stamps.com account did get shut down for delinquency on payment. I'm in between cards. The older one expired. It has nothing to do with the lack of funds. I'm in between cards right now. I just have to switch it to the new one. It's like coming in the mail in like two weeks. I love the idea of you on a date being like, oh, I'm in between cards right now. Like you're talking about jobs or places to stay. Chris, you and I have an influencer dinner tonight, right? At the Ghia house? That's right. We do have an influencer dinner at the Ghia house. From our Canadian slash... Egyptian friends at Cotton. Those guys know they're Cotton. I'll be there with bells on. I can't wait to enjoy some delicious vittles. Hopefully, they did check on dietary restrictions. I'll let them know that I'm both paleo, vegan, gluten-free. Not really kind of trying to have much caffeine right now. So we'll see what they're able to do with that. Yeah, whereas I said I'm kind of not doing water this month. Also, shout out to everyone in the low-key don't drink water community. A lot of heavy hitters are coming out of the woodworks and showing their support for the movement. This is feeling like it's going to turn into right love on her arms if I don't kind of step in now. So I just want to make sure there's no merch being made behind my back or any sort of meetups. I don't want an AA-style meeting for water addicts. So like Hannah Goldfield, food critic for The New Yorker, she said, I also do not drink water. I drink when I'm thirsty. I hydrate through fruit and vegetables, maybe a glass of water a day.

Fit as a fiddle. Congratulations. Friend of the show and wise podcast guest, Dave Coggins. He said a man should only drink water in private. And that kind of distills, pardon the pun. The ethos of the message, which is like, obviously we have to drink water. I'm not a fucking idiot. The Stills is a good choice of word because he drinks gin instead. And I think that's maybe why. I think that's maybe why. It is also clear. And especially if you choose the Hendrix Neptunia edition. There is a lot of some of that seawater in there. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. So you are getting a little bit of water. But look, I'm glad that you found a home online and a community to build with. And I can't wait to get an invite to the Facebook group just to kind of check out what's going on there when you guys are kind of. doing your anti-water protests at local grocery stores. Yeah. For our older listeners who are familiar with Married with Children, the classic no ma'am support group for hating women. That's right. This is a no sip kind of situation. Sipping and water in general is for losers. That's fine. All right. We do have a guest say, but before we get to that. We did announce the official announcement of our Tribeca Film Festival show, Baby's All Right, Sunday, June 12th. What a beautiful poster. It's a matinee. Sam Jane snapped on the poster. A lot of people saying, print those. And I'm saying, we're not trying to do the six-color screen print poster right now, but we will get there. Tickets are available on the Tribeca Film Festival website. Eli Kesler will be joining us for some exploratory and extremely cool percussion. I think Brooklyn, I heard Brooklyn's coming back. Yeah, sure, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeahs did put out a new song, and it's pretty good. So Williamsburg is back. We do have a guest today, and Jason, you know, I'll let you kind of, because this is a guy from your planet a little bit more than mine. I don't know where he stands on water, but I know he's kind of a move maker in the food and beverage community. Yeah, Andy Baragani, he's a chef, cookbook author. He was at Bon Appetit for a long time.

Became a very well-known and fan-favorite character on their YouTube channel, which I think never had any problems at all, right? No, smooth sailing. He abandoned ship like a smart man. I know he's from the Yay area. Cut his... I think it's Chez Panisse as a high school student. Oh, wow. This guy's advanced. This guy's advanced. When I was in high school, I was wearing cargo shorts and taking naps in the back of a dry cleaner is where I worked. And he was peeling onions for no money. Because he loves the game. It's called a fucking internship, and he continued that at Condé Nast. God bless him. And there's a new book in stores, correct? Yeah, he's got a new book. It just came out. I think it's called The Food You Want to Eat or something like that. The Food You Want to Cook. Andy's here right now, and he's on mute, and he's probably judging us. It's interesting, Andy, because, yeah, you can't say anything to us right now, but it's interesting that even though I don't cook and find cooking to be stinky, Neither Jason nor I received a copy of this book before the show. So we'll follow up with your publisher about that. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional.

as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot. Because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world... is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code. How long taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34, you know. If you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So, elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash howlong for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, even on a nice holiday, now available in Canada. That is quince.com slash howlong. That'll get you free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash howlong. I feel like I need to take my shirt off now that Jason is. Let's get you out of that tight shirt, Andy. Come on. Are you in a hotel room? It looks like you're in kind of a nice Best Western somewhere. Oh, it's definitely certain. It's not a nice hotel room. I'll say that much. I'm in San Francisco, and I don't know. Andy, are you getting a lot of Kempton points on this room, though, at least? I am. I'm all about the point system. I'm trying to set my mic up. I'll stop dropping these beautiful zingers until you're ready to go. Don't waste this A material, Jason. I don't want to burn it. My plant's coming in over there, Chris. You see it? Remember, I was shamed by Alison Roman by saying my plant was dying. And now I water, I give it like more water than Chris drinks. And it's finally starting to look alive. You're in San Francisco, America's best war zone. How's it going over there? Oh, you know, it's changed a lot since I was coming here and then fucking around. going to punk shows and doing Lord knows what that I can't say. Actually, I should say, because I don't think my parents are going to be listening to this podcast. That's right. Your parents aren't worried about you doing Coke at Gilman? Gilman Street? They already know. No, no. It was a great American musical. That's R.I.P. Ah, okay, okay. So your parents would listen to some other podcasts you've done on this press tour, perhaps, but not this one. I'd like to know why, Andy. Oh, no, they probably will. They'll find out. I mean, my...

My mom has a way of finding out every single thing that I've been a part of or any kind of news. I mean, her Instagram at this very moment, God bless her. I love her. It is just a grid of my book covers. And I don't know what she thinks if that's like a smart marketing plan. I love her. Do you think your mom hired a social media intern to kind of help with the rollout? Well, the truth is I think she has maybe 40 followers, and I want to tell her mom, like, those 40 followers have already bought the book. Like, we got to, like, change the show. They're family members. They're family members. They had no choice. Her son wrote a fucking cookbook, and it's probably going to be a bestseller. Of course she's proud. Actually, you know, I've been a bit of a mess, I'll admit, because I just found out that I just made. the New York Times bestseller number six. So I'm like... Damn, those pre-sales must have really hit. I hope you're going to celebrate with some natural orange wine tonight, Andy. Oh, hardcore. And a few cigarettes, maybe. Andy, what's your cig brand before we get into it? So it was originally a Marlboro 27s. And I think at this point in my life, I'm a Parliament Lights. Oh, wow. When I have those days, I go with Parliament Lights. I know I'm not American spirit. I'm like, and you'll never see me smoking. I go to a corner and I chain smoke for an hour and then I come back. The Parliament, I'm wondering if the Parliament. could make a return because obviously that was the cigarette, the most popular cigarette of our youth. I'm seeing it come back. And it was also a very San Francisco cigarette as well. Very San Francisco, for sure. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize it was tied geographically to the Yale area. Oh, no, there are regional cigarettes. I thought you guys were aware of this. Yeah, I'm aware of this. I pay attention to most cigarette trends. I'm from the South, so I feel like Winston, you know what I mean? There might be some other low-rent cigs. Winston and Marlboro Reds. Marlboro Reds, for sure. I've never smoked Marlboro Reds. Are they really that harsh? Is it really that fucked up? Terrible. I mean, terrible. I'm telling you, I have had a lot of things in my mouth, but the cigarettes knock me out. Those ones. Chris, you know when you get a bag?

and it's just like the worst cocaine you've ever snorted. Yes. And it hurts going down the tube. It's kind of like that. You're like, oh, what am I doing? You still finish it, of course. You finish the bag and the cigarette. As long as you finish it, at least you don't have to do it off the back of a toilet seat. You know what I mean? You can kind of do it in public. You can do it anywhere, yeah. Yeah, you can do it anywhere. It's accepted. So you're in San Francisco, or do you have a book event tonight? I do have a book event tonight. I've been here since last Friday, and I'm here until I leave Saturday, and I'm off to L.A., your town. But, yeah, I have an event tonight. Tomorrow, it's been go-go-go. Very little sleep, but I'm happy to be here. So you've been in this hotel room all week? Yeah. I clean it up just for the two of you. Wow. You have a lot of lamps, too, Andy. Yeah, there's a lighting. I'm very particular about... interiors, and I will say this one gets a one for me. I'm surprised you didn't. If you're a real pro, you'd have asked them to kind of remove the unsightly art because it was fucking up your process. You know what I mean? It's like when I check into a hotel, I have to tell them to remove all the drugs and alcohol. Clean out the minibar. Clean out the minibar because I want to feel like a sober celebrity even though I'm just a sober podcaster. But moving art, I've definitely taken stuff off the walls and kind of put it in a closet. But the kind of place you're in right now, Andy, that might be secured by multiple kind of – Oh, yeah, for sure. I won't be able to – oh, no, no. It is very much – it's heavily sealed. I think I'll move around furniture. That's for sure. I've done that a lot. But I move this around. I move the desk, the chair around. Were you do that yourself or were you asked for maybe a nice bellhop to come assist you? No, I checked out the bellhoppers. They're not – They didn't have enough core strength according to your guidelines. Yeah, those guys. Hey, can you lift your shirt up for – oh, you're not. Yeah, this isn't going to work. Andy, my life partner is very sensitive and in tune to interiors, and I'm talking about Chris, but also my fiancé as well. And her biggest thing is, like, lighting. Oh, yeah. Like, if the lighting is off, it's like her signals are scrambled, you know? She just – she's like, ugh. Like, she can't do anything until the lighting is right. What is your –

Interior hang up. Well, definitely lighting is a big issue. I think just the layout. My partner's in design. He's been in design for many, many years. He worked at Architectural Digest, and now he kind of left and worked on the brand side. So if I'm bad, he is like a whole other level, and we will just start putting things away. Truthfully, we're pretty good with what hotels we go to, but San Francisco, I have to say, I've been coming here for years and staying at hotels. It's always just a crapshoot. I've stayed at some. Some ones that are supposed to be really nice. But, yeah, it's been rough. I'll say that. Jason and I experienced this on tour because I stayed at the Fairmont because I wanted that old school vibe. This is the Fairmont. This is the Fairmont. And you get the old school vibe, but unfortunately, it's shitty old school vibe. All right. Let's just go there. All right. The exterior. It's like the shining. The exterior is amazing. The exterior is amazing. It's amazing. You go up your knob hill. The views are amazing. The views are great. The lobby, like, you know, a little dated. But all right. Sure. Why not? And then you go into your room and it's like, oh, fuck, this is a Marriott. It's a big Marriott. I had a decent bathroom. It also could use an update, but it was large and in charge. There was a soaking tub. Yeah, I have that too. I got that too. I got that. Okay, guys. What room number are you in? I feel like I was in like an auxiliary tower. So it took me like an hour to watch. Jason came because we recorded in that room. And it took like – it was a stroll. I needed a golf cart Coachella style to get to my room. I'm schvitzing. I went and I got a cup of coffee before this call. And like I'm telling you, from the lobby to my room, it's like a mile and a half. Get our steps in, girls. I will say, if you want to pump before your book event, the gym is quite nice. They charge you for it, but it's like a separate business, and it's very well appointed. They were about to charge me for the Wi-Fi, and I was very, very confused. I'm like – I think I even – What year is this? And also, like, this is San Francisco. It's like –

I have to pay for Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi is in the trees. Wi-Fi is in the trees. That's not... No, I mean, it's an unfortunate... But Jason stayed in a cool new hotel, and it was shitty for different reasons. I stayed at the proper hotel, which was more modern and nice, but it was in the middle of the Tenderloin, so the bellhop was like, don't go outside when you stay here. That always is really welcoming. Don't go out. I stayed there last time, and I think all the propers, they do a really great job. The rooms there are tiny, though, really tiny. As a professional food creator and cookbook author, what is your go-to? Because when I was at the Fairmont, they thought it was 2020, and they wouldn't deliver room service. They're like, oh, I'm sorry, that's closed. So what is your go-to? But that was COVID. That was COVID. Do you – are you like a turkey club guy and some French fries? Or are you just a Pomodoro and a water? No way. If I'm ever doing room service, it's going to be like a BLT. I think you can't screw that up. And I'll ask for the mayonnaise on the side, bread toasted. But like a BLT, you can't really mess up. Why do you do mayonnaise on the side? The bread stays crunchy? The bread stays crunchy, and so, like, you know, because who knows when they're assembling it, and so I thought, like, I'll layer on the mayonnaise on my own. The mayonnaise creates a moisture barrier from the tomato into the bread, though, Andy. It's something to consider. That is true. I love that. It is considered. I think in a big bottle of seltzer and, I don't know, maybe a cookie and call it at night. I think cookie is a good call, but I agree. I think the assembly. It's undocumented when that's actually happening. Jason, you make a great point. Thank you for kind of taking it down to a food science level for us. That's kind of where my head always goes. You guys are more into a feeling and I'm more scientifically minded. That's why we make such a great trio in the back of house. You know, Jason, you know that we've established I'm a front of house shorty. We know that. I'm kind of...

I'm making sure the room dances. I'm getting people the right table. I'm intermingling. I'm sending champagne. Chris is moving the caviar supplement, of course. Plus, plus. Oh, just a glass? You don't want a bottle? Okay. Yeah, I don't like to show them the champagne prices. I just want to ask them if they want it. That's kind of something I learned from the good folks over at Mr. Chow. Mr. Chow started showing how much the champagne costs, and I called the waiter a sellout, and I don't think he got it. I don't think he understood that joke. Yeah, yeah, lie to me, menu. So, Andy, you've been doing a lot of press this month for your book, I'm assuming. Yes, it's been go, go, go. Interviews, podcasts. All the things. All kinds of shit. What has been your most favorite interview or piece of content you've done, and what has been your least favorite? Well, I don't know. This is pretty much coming up as my favorite. I've been able to talk about hotel rooms and dicks and drugs. This is coming up. That's what we do over here at How Long Gone Baby. Don't forget it. We're only 10 minutes in, too, Andy. No, I feel very lucky. I've been grateful not to get. Too sweet, but I've been very lucky. Oh, I'm not asking you to get sweet, Andy. I'm asking you to name your favorite and your least favorite interview. Have you done any funny local morning TV or anything yet? That's when it gets spicy. Good day, Indianapolis. I'm doing some local TV in L.A., and I'll do some in New York when I go back to New York. I mean, Good Morning America was very – that was like a lot. Bro, you did Good Morning America? Yeah, I was there last week. George and I, we had a little romance. You should have seen. He was locking eyes on me. I was locking eyes on him. I didn't know you were into short guys, but that's fine. I didn't know you were in an open relationship either. What time do you have to be there? Five? Seven in the morning. Okay, seven's not that bad. Not too bad. So what did you wear? Was this like something you labored over? Or were you kind of like, I'm going to wear a t-shirt. I'm going to keep it cash. Did Bodie make something custom for this?

I already am like, I'm waiting. I'm going to try to wear something for Bodhi for some kind of a bet. Of course. Honestly, for Good Morning America, I'm like, I wanted to wear like a t-shirt. And my mom, of course, was like, you better. Do it in the mom voice, please. You better look good. Okay, so she's getting the tuxedo pressed for you, and you're like, that's a little much, Mom. I am not someone who dresses up. I am happy to wear a T-shirt. You saw me with, like, a hat on. I am, like, a... I think now I'm realizing, like, I've got to probably put a collared shirt on. I've got to look a little bit presentable. I mean, your body is like a steak. All we need is a little Maldon on top. We don't need to overdress. Don't put ketchup on there. A little bit of flaky. Do not overdress this salad. No, no, no. Let the greens speak for themselves. Okay, so simple. I mean, a clean white T-shirt, a nice pair of trousers. You're good to go. Yeah, I think I wore some nice trousers, and I wore, like, a little bit of, like, a button-down, long-sleeve collared shirt. It ain't the Golden Globes. Yeah, it ain't the Golden Globes. And you're saying George responded well to this. Oh, yeah. I think George was into it for sure. I mean, I was looking for Robin. I mean, I love George, but I was looking for Robin, and Michael's very much... How do I say this? Am I type? So I was like, all right. Okay, I didn't know you were into ex-NFL players. Who is it? I should also make it very clear. I am deeply committed in a relationship, and it is monogamous. It's not a crime to look, Andy. It's not a crime to look. Also, I mean, obviously we have kind of a big NFL contingency that listens to this podcast, so I'm glad you made that clarification. I want to make it very clear. I don't want them to come after us. Also, why are both of you guys on first name Basie? NPCs with the hosts of Good Morning America. Do you guys watch the show? I mean, no shade. Because we're gay, bro. That's why. That's why. That's exactly it. Copy that. Right away we get in with the first name. Easy. I feel like it's part of the fabric of America, to be honest. I mean, I watched that. My mom had that on the TV every morning as a kid. And so even if obviously the hosts have changed somewhat over the years, but like I just know. I haven't watched it since I was probably.

in high school, but I still just know. I can't wait to send you guys my segment. I can't wait. Did you cook something? I did. I feel like I was on for, they told me it was four and a half or five minutes long, which feels like a long time for live TV. I made two recipes from the book, a pasta with big shells, spicy lamb sausage, and pistachios. And then a peach and blackberry crisp with like a cinnamon toast crunch topping. I know how it goes. I'm more of a light overnight oats guy, but sure. When you're doing food for Good Morning America, do you have to pick or did they tell you like pick something that's a little more user friendly for the average? Did they say straight up like let's keep it a little less ethnic, chief? We want to have some less urban cuisine. Maybe stray away from the fest engine and maybe more. Do you guys have like a like a devil? I'm just overwhelmed by all the kind of all the name drop ins and then you come in Jason with the fest engine. They definitely have, like, suggested some recipes, and then I kind of chose and picked what made the most sense. But I also, I know the demographic. I like kind of each of my recipes. It's responsible for you to do that on TV, obviously. But, I mean, I'm happy to kind of make this in June privately at one of your guys' home in L.A. soon. Okay. Because that dish does not, that is not a pretty dish. It's a delicious bowl of diarrhea every time. Yeah, exactly. I spent $37 for this shit. I don't care how many pomegranates eat. I'm seeing red from the pomegranate. I would say that we've talked a lot about Persian cuisine on this show because Jason has deep ties to the Persian community, and I actually had a former boss that was Persian and introduced me to the Persian community. I want to know your thoughts about it, about the people, the food, safe space. I love all of it. Honestly, it's sick. Everybody's rich. The food is pretty good. Like, everybody's got a Mercedes. It's cool to me. There's no downside I've seen so far. Yeah, they prioritize, like, Patron silver and dancing to high-energy trance music. You guys, look, you guys are, overall, you're a little bit hairy, but that's something I can look past. Definitely a little bit hairy. I will admit, like, the L.A. Brie, and I have a lot of...

I know a lot of Ronnie and Tonelli. It's a very specific kind of community versus, let's say, New York. Yeah, there was a whole TV show about it we watched. Don't worry. Yes, yes. I definitely grew up in the Bay and with no money at all. We did not have a Benz review. Well, you're rich now, so it's fine. It takes time for people to get there. It's a classic immigrant story, really. Yes, it's a journey. I think your journey has been beautiful so far, Andy, and we're just getting started. Jason, we've been offered a few. Rostam has offered to cook us Persian food. No one's actually followed through, though. No, I'll make it happen. I'm happy to actually go there. You just invite me over, and I'll make it happen. I just need to have a kitchen because I don't have the space in LA. I got the kitchen. I have dried limes already in the house. I usually put Jason on the salad station, but he can do your shopping and kind of be the sue for you. It's no problem. Who's the better cook between the two of you? Oh, no. That's a joke. I don't cook. I hate cooking. No, I hate cooking. He's never turned his oven on. Chris, he believes that food being cooked in the house is too stinky. It's gross. He only keeps water and concentrated cold brew coffee in his house. We're fantasizing. This is obviously not going to happen because I cohabitate with my wonderful partner, but I'm envisioning a kitchen renovation. Stick with me. No appliances. Only low boy hidden refrigerators, no oven, no stovetop, just cold for beverages. So when I hear all this, that means I'm sure you have a lot of opinions on restaurants then. You must be going out and eating all the time. That's right. I am. I do have a lot of opinion. Because if he didn't, he would die of starvation because all he has is a refrigerator full of water. It's like graphic design, Andy. I've always been around people who are much better at it than me and have devoted their lives to it, so I don't need to. You just defaulted them. Yeah, I have so many people in my life that are... incredible like home cooks and i also love the fine art of dining and restaurants so i'm kind of i'm good even though i live in la where restaurants are kind of generally bad compared to new york it's been it's there's been some good changes though in the last five years though in la like i i'm always i feel like i've been going to la a lot and every time i go there i'm like there are so many restaurants i want to be trying and i that i can't get to because of the damn traffic the thing that i like about

Persian culture is, it feels like it's super, or it's like, to me, it seems like it's a culture that's run by the women and not the men. A hundred percent. Do you agree with that? A hundred percent. I think they are very much the leaders of the house. They run the household. And, uh, I mean, I, I love my dad, but my mom, what there's a, there's a, I'll never forget. It's like, I feel like the, The women are like the neck of the human body, and they control where the head goes. They have full control. Well, I can feel that from you since the amount of times your mom has told you what to do just on this book tour. Well, the tricky thing is I'm a gay man, and I left it to New York so early at 18, so she really tries to tell me what to do these days, and I have to be like, Mom, like... It's never going to work. Like I am way too – Like she's trying to set you up with a nice Persian girl from the neighborhood or just clothing-wise? Oh, no. She knows. I have adopted more of like – it goes back and forth with kind of like my Iranian-ness and my American-ness, and I'm first generation. It's such a hospitable, warm culture. and they suffocate you with love and food. She's trying to do the right thing. I feel like it's nice because my mom listens to this podcast, which I would prefer that she didn't, and I think she's learned more about me through this than she could have ever any other way, which is interesting and modern and also terrifying. Yeah, I'm hopeful. I'm sure my mom's very proud of me, and I have no doubt she'll like. She loves the book. I don't know how many recipes she'll make from the book because she's a very good cook and she doesn't like following directions. I'm just waiting for her to like get to the passage where I compare persimmons to come. So like, I don't know where she's like, I'm like this. So I'm sure she's. I'm waiting for her to be like, you're writing this. We don't talk. You go to your house and Chapter 17 has been ripped out of the book. Yeah, that's gone. There's no – Persimmons have been redacted from her copy. Wait, is that a real comparison, Persimmons and Cum? Oh, for sure. Well, I think I say on the lines of like –

slice one open and give it a whiff, and it always has reminded me of a certain male bodily fluid. Okay, so like the trees, the famous cum trees, this is the fruit that is comparable. Yeah, I think the Fuyu variety, the kind of more crunchy variety. But compared to the hachia, it's always reminded me of that. And not to say that, like, oh, I have, like, this is my favorite thing. Are you saying that did persimmons make you gay? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no. Persimmons did not make him gay. They just made him into a slut. Yes. Oh, I see. Okay, I see. You know, I've never noticed that with a persimmon. I need to slice one open. What about when you dry them out and hang them from a string? For a bone app cover, what does it smell like? Old cum? Different kind of smell. How did you approach the photography for your book? Because I find that sometimes food photography is a little maximal. I have to say, did you really not get a copy of the book? No, but I've seen it online. Everybody knows not to send me cookbooks because they know I'm going to give it as a gift. You know what I mean? That's fine. I'm going to make sure you do. I'm going to make sure you just do get a copy. And you can give it as a gift. Don't worry. I won't personalize it. Or maybe I will until you can't give it away. Because I know you now, I like a personalized copy for my library. It's kind of my life's work. So I would appreciate that. But I mean, I just mean because you did Bone App for so long and Bone App is like to me the... triple OG of the, like we're filling every inch of this fucking square with stuff and it's colorful. You know what I mean? So I definitely, I was very, very, very aware of how I wanted to approach the photography. I knew what photographers I wanted to work with. I worked with them on my very first one app story and many other stories, Michael Grinner and Nicole Harriet. There's been a kind of renaissance in cookbooks the last five years. And I do think this kind of maximalist trend has taken place. And I think it's great and it works. And there's a range of cookbooks and styles. But I knew that with this book, I wanted you to be able to pick it up now or five years from now or 10 years from now. And it kind of more has a timeless feel rather than being so kind of trendy.

uh so i kind of stripped it down and there's definitely more of a not just in the photography but also the design and and uh yeah i've always kind of even when i when i was working in magazines i was always like down with the photo and art team because i was so obsessive about it and they're like you don't belong here i'm like i don't fuck like i want to be involved i want to i want to learn and so i think there was definitely a learning purpose just with the photo and design but uh my creative team they were they're so incredible and i knew that just with the kind of props and tableware and tabletops i knew that i wanted to kind of bring in a lot of my own stuff this tablescaping i tell you what man i you can't log on to instagram without seeing somebody's fucking charcuterie board with too much shit You know what? These people are wasting food, and I don't understand how they're getting away with this. There's no way you're eating all that. There's no fucking way you're eating $500 worth of cheese. There's just no fucking way. I don't care how many people you have over. I see your oysters. I see your raw bar. Maybe people are kind of grazing more there because it's a high-end product, obviously. But I just – there was a time – I think it was last summer where it was just like – Guys, what are we doing here? What is the appeal of that? And is it to show that you're... rich is it to show that your your bounty is spilling onto your table i don't understand like unless it's just like a visual thing which is very possible no i do i do think there's this trend of like kind of almost and i don't know if it's like now that we're kind of coming out of our homes and there's this over-the-topness that it never has been very appealing for me i think it's a i'd rather be a little bit more thoughtful, I guess, in the way I'm kind of putting food out. And I do think food waste is a big issue, not to get too political. I was joking. I don't care about food waste, but it just seemed like a problem here. I'm good, but sure. Persian food kind of continues to rise. Restaurants opening up, doing their modern takes on it. People like me are doing my little sumac thingies.

And as your food is sort of continuing to grow and also kind of be bastardized at the same time, like what are some things that you'd like to see happen as Persian food progresses and some things you'd like to leave in the past? You know, I get this question all the time of like, oh, where do you go and eat Persian food? And the truth is like, well, I don't really eat. I'm not asking you that. No, what are you asking me? I'm asking for every time there's a new kismet or something like that. Would white chicks steal your swag? Does that make you mad? That's not exactly what I was asking. That was part of it, though. I would say... I think... I think if you're wanting to open, I'll just speak for Persian. If you're trying to open up a Persian restaurant and you're not Persian, do your research and also consult with someone who actually knows that food and have an understanding of it. So how many Persians does Jason have to sleep with before he opens a Persian restaurant is what he's asking. Basically one and a half. Otherwise, you're good to go. All right. That's fine. We're concentrated. We're potent. I could open up a franchise now. We're up with Southern California. We're taking over. Doing the research is one thing, but what are the most co-opted dishes? What's the go-to crossover Persian dish? I need some education. A version of maybe fest in June, like Jason was saying, which is the pomegranate and walnut stew, or cuckoo seems to be like popping up, which is an egg-based dish with a ton of herbs and turmeric. So there's certain things that do transit easily. There's obviously a lot of kebab houses, and I think that's the thing I just am tired of seeing because that's just scratching the surface. There's so many amazing dishes that are not kebabs, but you just never see it because people just think that that's going to be the best-selling thing. Oh, well, look, we're not going to stop the popularity of street food on this podcast, but we can try. God damn it. We can try. Well, Persian food's a lot of stews, so it's not...

Not a ton of street food other than a kebab or something like that with some levi. Well, a stew is probably the last on my list of things I want to eat. Actually, we've talked about this before. We think that eating soup or stew as your main course is a female trait. How do you feel about that, Andy? Wow. I'm going to stay away from that one. Come on. I'm being such a pussy, Andy. I'll say this. I'll say this. I fucking love soup, and I did a whole fucking chapter on soup, so I'm a huge fan. Look, I'm a soup lover as well, but I'm saying, are you happy with eating a bowl of soup for dinner as your main course? Never, never, never, never, never. Okay, so you do agree that it is a female trait. I'll never have soup for dinner. It's part of my meal. But stew, I feel differently because. There's so many stews in Persian cuisine, but you don't just eat the stew. You eat the stew over rice, and you eat it with the herbs, and you eat it with bread and yogurt. So it's like a whole kind of – you have a lot of moving parts. So a stew is not just a stew in Persian food. You've got all these other things going. But I will never have like just a soup. I feel like I'm a big eater. Yeah, soup to me is hot chick trying to lose weight food. That's what soup is. And I just don't – it's – hot water to me you know what i mean obviously there's hardier obviously there's hardier versions and more flavorful versions but i just that doesn't jump out at me on a menu i've never thought to order it i'm gonna make sure i don't ever make you a stew or a soup or anything with like hot liquid ever again i'm gonna give you cold crunchy filling but would you eat but i mean you know like a oh man i miss the days of a nice cereal for dinner oh that's now that's a bowl i can get my cereal for dinner This sounds like Oxycontin talking. It could be. It could be the Oxys. Cereal is a snack to me. I'm never eating cereal for breakfast, but I'll have cereal for a snack. Usually, if I'm coming home late or something like that. Instead of pizza, you would have a bowl of cereal. Yes, exactly. I used to do that, too. I used to do that, too. Try sobriety. You'll never do it again, but I used to do that. I used to do that all the time. I would come home, be fucked up, and I didn't want to stop and get pizza. There's a line or whatever. Yeah.

I, of course, have some Khalifa brand almond milk in the fridge with some delicious Kashi cereals. Crack open a Kashi Golene. Oh, baby. Bowl after bowl. Sprinkle some salt in there. Sprinkle some salt in there. Oh, Andy. Not the flakes. Don't chef my cereal, okay? I'm a working class man who just wants a nice heaping bowl of cereal. I just get a big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a little MSG. A little Bonito kind of at the end, and it runs alive. I finished my Captain Crunch with Bonito. I also feel like pizza is not a meal. It's a snack. Not the way I eat it, big dog. Not the way I eat it. I feel like I need something. You know what? It might be a meal, but then I'm going to be hungry the next hour. I always find that. First of all... Let me put you on to eating more. Second of all, the problem is that most pizza places don't have great salads. And I think it's something they're missing because nothing would be better than a selection of great fresh salads with a selection of pies. I get that. Jason's had to make salads to accompany the pies because they're just not available. I have to go get his special arugula from cookbook or else he's going to be in one of his moods. Well, speaking of that, in terms of eating and restricting and staying in shape, Andy, you have a good workout plan. You're in shape. Wow, I love how you think that I'm so consistent with my workout. Well, you have a good-looking body, and you seem to eat a lot of food. I'm assuming you eat a lot of food because it's part of your job. Yeah, I do. Chris and I eat a lot of food too, kind of, I guess. Maybe more me than him. But we kind of have to set up guardrails, rules, restrictions. I usually don't eat breakfast. Lunch is sometimes or a smoothie instead. So what kind of guardrails or rules do you use to maintain your snatched little waist and your wet little bod? I try to limit my...

fruit intake. I know that sounds silly, but like I try to limit my sugar intake period. And I think it's so easy to, I'm not going to be eating dessert or ice cream every day. I don't do that. But even fruit, I find like, and I'm, I won't call, I shouldn't call him out, but like my partner loves fruit and he could eat fruit so much food every day. And I'm like, this is not good for you. You're calling him out for eating fruit sometimes? That's not a call out. Too much. So you can pull the receipts and see all the frozen blueberries in the fridge? Okay, so your partner eats too much fruit, and that's why he's 600 pounds? No, no, he looks pretty good. He still looks pretty good. I limit my fruit, and I limit my dairy. Fuck dairy. Fuck dairy. Nobody needs dairy. Jason's a big dairy guy. He wants the whole milk. I love dairy. I just know that it's going to fuck me up for like... That's why you push through. It's like eating edibles, Andy. You ever had edible marijuana before? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So some people, they eat an edible and they get paranoid. They freak out. You stick with it. It's the same thing with dairy. You teach your body, hey, you know what? I'm going to be eating dairy every day. And your body kind of gets in line. That's my relationship with Jason. I've just had to push through. I just, you know, it's like a tall glass of milk. It hurts, but then finally my bones are growing. Yeah, I don't want to be pushing through all that shit out of my body either, though. It's worth it for the mouthfeel. What is your workout routine? Are you hitting berries? Are you a SoulCycle chick? I was a CrossFit person. Oh. Yeah, I was. Not anymore. I will go back, hopefully, when I have like a... You were hitting the box. Do you bring the monster truck tire with you when you travel? Yeah, the whole thing. Wherever I go, bring it on the plane. I check it in. Sometimes they'll let me out. He wheels it down during Terminal 4. Okay. But it's just easy for me to go, check out, and I'm just told what to do for an hour. I think the gym, I just end up, I don't know, I get distracted. Yes, for somebody like you who's now your own personality and you have things going on and you're making decisions and you're doing a lot, people need to be told what to do sometimes. Yeah, I don't mind that at all. In a gym setting, in a bedroom setting? Yeah, I'm very open to the experimentation these days.

Okay, okay. Well, we'll get you on the assault bike and see how you like it. You know what I mean? I hate the fucking bikes, though. That's the only thing. It drives me nuts. I hate the bikes, too, but unfortunately, it's part of what we have to do. Andy, on the internet, do you have – are there, like, Andy haters? Or do you have mostly like a loving fan base? Oh, no, I'm sure they are out there. They just haven't mobilized and vocalized. Thank you for using the correct pronoun. I'm sure, yeah, but, you know, they exist. I'm not going to try to fight them. I have no desire to engage with them. Okay, but you have seen it. Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I was, I'm aware of it. Maybe less so now. I just can't even. Once you're on the bestseller list. You're too popping. You're too popping. You're too popping. I think a lot of us in some shape or form, social not in our lives, we've been around people who maybe don't care for us and I think have learned I don't need to go to that place. I don't need to be engaging because once you're there, it's like if someone already has this mindset of you, it's so much. It's unnecessary to try to change their. their uh their framework it's unnecessary but i mean like for people like chris and i where you know every day we're spouting our opinions on things it's very easy for us to amass people who disagree with us and want to let us know about that online but for you it seems like you've you got a pretty positive vision. There's no real reason for anyone to hate you, I guess. Yeah, you're blessing the world with these great recipes. Unless there's something that we don't know about you, Andy. A more sinister side. There's a, there's a, there's definitely something that happened a while back that I should, I'm very curious, never brought it up, but I should probably be, I'm very curious too. There's this fake meme out there, like from, I don't know when, two years ago or three years ago that like family members and friends brought up to my attention, but it was like a, I think a WhatsApp message, but I think it's like this.

again, fake conversation about a drug dealer talking to one of his clients and the client is requesting like these designer drugs and the drug dealer was like, only you and Annie Baragani request designer drugs. And I'm like, and then it just, and then it just like went all over and on Twitter and I'm not on Twitter and I'm just like, I didn't care about it because I'm like, oh, this is obviously fake. But then so many people thought it was real. And I'm like, no, I got to tell you, one, I don't do drugs anymore. Two, I never did those drugs at all. So but but it's crazy. People still sometimes have asked me. Have you seen this? And I'm like, yes. That's really good. That's pretty funny and kind of harmless, except to your parents, of course, but it's pretty funny. At least it wasn't like you owed a drug dealer money. At least you wanted good quality products. It could be worse. It's a sign that you've made it. It's a sign that you made it. Well, you're not on Twitter, but you are on Instagram. I saw you posted a story today where it was like a little bingo card of different types of people. And you circled the one that says chaotic gay. I don't really consider you a chaotic person. And I feel like the words like feral and unhinged and chaotic are being overused and exaggerated. I think you're probably right. I wouldn't say I'm chaotic. Maybe at this very moment, I'm a little bit chaotic because there's so much going on. But I think generally, I think I've been like, if anything, I'm like very. discipline and type a and like i know my way so maybe maybe not so chaotic regularly but at this very moment i i fucking feel like i'm all over the place i'm melt i feel like my face is melting okay well when when you're done with this press tour and we move up the from number six to number five to number four up the the bestseller list climbing are we going to go to greece for two weeks Are we going to Italy? Where are we going to decompress? Where are you going to do your Charlie XCX siesta in between tour days? So I typically, I feel like whenever I go, my partner and I, we love to travel. And I feel like he's a little bit better at this where he turns it off when we're traveling. And I think on my end.

I want to go to a city. I want to like keep busy. I want activities. I'm not good at a beach vacation. I can't do that. It's very hard for me. That's because you're an earner, Andy. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's because you're an earner. I like the hustle. I want to keep going. I want to be on it. And I think I could do a beach for a day, maybe a two. But even those two days, like, I got to do something. I can't just lay down. I mean, I'll be on tour until, like, mid-September, so it's going to be pretty intense. What? Yeah, yeah. They're on tour until mid-September? Yeah, I have events until mid-September. They really think this shit's going to sell, bro. They ain't playing with you. They're not playing with you. September, that's fucking crazy. I didn't know people even did that anymore. No. How do you do in front of crowds when you do like a live Q&A, book reading type of thing? Honestly, I feel the most comfortable doing that. I feel very easy when there's like a crowd. She loves a spotlight. And there's people. No, it's just because I'm feeding off that energy. You know, I need to see people. I want to be able to interact and I get their energy and I try to give that energy back. Like I love that. I think I do better. I think I prefer that than this whole kind of. social media marketing and promotion like that that is very hard for me i think there's so many people who do a great job at it like that it does not come natural to me i it feels weird to have that barrier wait till you wait till you get to austin and that energy is you know come on a little different you know what i mean a little different energy can be different you know what i'm saying no but that's that's a i'm just impressed because honestly i think that that really does sell books Like, I think it really does help, especially a cookbook. And I think that a lot of publishers have, like, cheaped out on that, you know, and could get away with it during COVID because, like, you couldn't do it. But I think that those events – I mean, we had Sloan on. She's doing it. Obviously, not as extensive. But I think that it's coming – Ryan O'Connell, I think it's, like, coming back a little bit, which is good. You know, it's a mix. Also, like, I wanted to throw, like, a dance party. I wanted to kind of go a little bit not the traditional route. Well, let me –

Just say DJ Them Jeans is available for bookings. I kind of handle that stuff, so just let me know if you'd like to. Put the publisher in touch with Chris to discuss budgets and stuff like that. I'll make it happen. Yeah, I don't want to talk money with you. I think that would kind of like sully our friendship, so I'll just go straight to the top. What kind of music are you listening to, Andy? I don't think we know the musical side about you. Well, I should say like my teenage years was very much spent at like listening to. Comeback Kid, Satia. It was a very... Satia? Wow. Congratulations. This is the first time Satia has been mentioned on this podcast for the five people that get that. Ministry. I think I have my ministry shirt somewhere over here. I was black nail polish. I had my mohawk. I was like a... Completely different. Damn, you're a true freak. Don't be confused by this now. I definitely have that in me. So you still have a little bit of your dungeon darkness side to you? No, now I just listen to Jessica Simpson. That's what I thought. Smart or better that way. What's keeping you going on the road in the AirPod Pros? Mazzy Star, Led Zeppelin, old Diana Ross, Prince. I will say I'm bad with the kind of new music. I really should be better at it, but I feel like it is work. I am not good about it. Most of it is bad, so you're probably doing okay. In your Persian family, were you the uncle that plays guitar at the party, or was there somebody else that would do that? I was not, but I definitely had a few uncles who played the sitar. Oh, cool. Wow, wow, wow. Yeah, but I think I'm trying to find music that just like, because I'm only listening for maybe 40 minutes at a time or in transit. Yeah, yeah. It needs to be calm. But Bjork, Sade. Dustin Springfield. I'm trying to like – Go off, Andy. I'm impressed. It was a good sampling. What did you think? What did you think? You thought I was just listening to what? Was there a stereotype that you thought? No, I didn't think anything at all. When I thought of you and music, it was like a blank page. I don't know if I've ever heard you discuss it whatsoever. And I love to stereotype. So the fact that I didn't have one is a testament to your place in the world. I think also like I used to go out –

out a lot in new york but it was very much cocaine driven and less music driven are we are we talking beatrice in era are we talking the jane era we talking lit we're talking about the j we're talking about the jane era we're talking about the jane era which is very specific and like i was there and there's that but then there was also like queer lady fag bushwick so there was like a mix and now I feel like because I really don't go out like that at all it's just music that is it's so much from like the past or just classics that just easy what about podcasts Andy have you ever listened to this podcast I've listened to this podcast I mean I was very very surprised I was very happy to hear that you guys had Bill Addison on Bill was great. Bill was a great guest. Yeah, Bill's one of those guys, hopefully he's listening to this now, but I know that there's no way he would ever say yes if he didn't think that we were hot. If I didn't use my sexual powers on him, he would have never agreed to do the podcast. Oh, I have no doubt. I think he finds both of you attractive, if I had to guess. I'm fine. I love to be exploited on my own program. I mean, that's part of the reason why I'm on. Okay, good. Congratulations. Didn't you have Sue Chan on? No, we haven't had Sue Chan on, but she's a dear friend. I love her. She's a part of our extended network. She handles most of my culinary-based influencer deals. God bless her. She's good. She's getting the bottle of Dom this Christmas. I'll tell you that. If Jason gets a mayo deal, she's going to get a nice 12-pack. I want to hear what are your go-to places in LA. You don't want to know this from Jason. Go ahead. No, no, no. I live in Glendale, so I go to Rafi's quite often. No wonder you love the Persian. I mean, for God's sakes, you're in Glendale. Of course you love Persian food. Yeah, I mean, Rafi's is unfortunately the best Persian food in L.A. That's just how I feel. I've had all of them, and it ain't close. That's just how I feel. I've been to Taste of Tehran and all this shit in Vestwood. Pales in comparison. The sandwiches at Atari are good, and the Osh is good there.

I'd like to see more Osh happening in the world. It's a beautiful soup. Otherwise, I mostly cook at home. So it's Rafi's In-N-Out, Del Taco. And then we go to SGV and eat Chinese food and stuff out there. We do a lot of duck and then a lot of Korean food. I'm very into all that. Do you want to go to some fun restaurants where people are good-looking, or do you want to eat good food? No, I mean, I want good food. That's first and foremost. Oh, come on, man. Live a little. Jesus Christ. I know what the trendy restaurants in L.A. are, and I have been to them, and they are good, but I feel like I want just good food. Okay. Well, you guys can go on a nice little date an hour away to eat some food that's fine, and it's going to upset your stomach. Chris, the San Vicente Bungalows is an hour away from me. That's a good point. That is some really bad food. I forget about the distance from you, but I just have no interest in driving. to San Gabriel Valley to eat food that's going to make me feel like shit. I don't care how good it tastes. It's just too much. Your taste buds are too Caucasian to really appreciate that kind of stuff. Bitch, it's not about appreciating it. It's about... Paying for it, not financially, of course. It's very well-priced. It's your body. Yeah, I just don't want to feel bad. It's not worth it to me. Okay, it's not your Caucasian taste buds. It's your Caucasian digestive system because I'm able to eat lots of different cuisines. I'm not mad at it. No, I just understand. There are people that love that experience. and want to go do that, and that drives their life, and they think it's so cool to talk about how they found this place. That's my travel, Chris. That's my travel. I'm all set, bro. I want to go to the place. I like to travel with my mouth. Open. Wide open. Jason's done a lot of mouth traveling. I'm sure you've kind of seen the world with your mouth. But, yeah, I want to go to places where the music is good, the people are hot, and the food is a seven. So have you been to horses? Of course. Yeah, of course.

Go to horses all the time. I would say the crowd's the hottest. The crowd's pretty hot. It's pretty hot, yeah. You know, the places I feel like Jason and I can relate on are Shintaro, which is like sushi, and then Hoika, which is like Thai, which we used to go to all the time. Hoika. Oh, I haven't been there. Okay. It's really good for vegetarian time options. Yeah. Have you been to Found Oyster? Yeah, I've been to Found Oyster. I actually have it. I loved it the first time I went during COVID, and now the bloom is off the rose for me. Okay. I don't know why. All right. How do you feel about publicly talking shit on restaurants? I try. It's probably tough for you. It's a little tough for me. I don't only because. It's so fucking hard for anybody who works at restaurants. It's fucking hard. No, no, no, no. I don't back this. I don't back this. All right, tell me. Why? Well, I just think it's like this is the world we live in. If I can't say what I think about something, like I understand what you're saying, that restaurants need to make money, but like everybody needs to make money, and that doesn't stop people. It's like a record comes out, and people are like shitting all over it. The people who still want to go see that band play are going to buy the tickets and go see it. I'm happy to tell you if I didn't have a good meal somewhere. But I don't think I'll ever go as well and be like, don't go here. But I'll definitely tell you if I don't have a good meal somewhere. I will say, for example, horses. I happened to go there the first night they opened. And it was totally by accident. And it fucking was amazing. I thought, like, the room, the three different spaces. I knew about the April Bloomfield restaurant beforehand. I thought the service was good. I thought the food was great. I came back a second time. Amazing. The third time, maybe because I had been there. already twice before i was like oh and it was a different room i was like oh you know i think i could take a break from this i'm like i don't think maybe i ordered wrong or something but uh i can take a break from yeah no and maybe i was just craving like a different no i think the same thing happened to us and also yeah restaurants can evolve and dip down and like oh i don't know why i don't like it as much before and it could be just like they change the gm or they change something else and it affects it differently or new staff or something but

They come back, and we had a thing where we were like, oh, I can't go to horses anymore. I had a bad experience, and then we went again, and it was wonderful. So we're back. So I think it's good to criticize publicly. Just make sure you have an open mind to come back and give it another try. I just don't think restaurants should be immune. That's my thing. I think everything in this world gets criticized, and because it's hard to have a restaurant, that doesn't mean you get a pass. Everything's hard. Doing this podcast is fucking hard. I got to look at Jason with his shirt off. I got to talk to your ass. No one has a problem criticizing us in this podcast. I'll talk shit about your little mom and pop restaurant. I don't give a shit. Luckily, this podcast has very good margins, though. Yeah, if Chris wants to fire me, he doesn't have to do three written write-ups and consult with the board. That's easy. We just cut each other. Yeah, it's tough. It's an easy text message. Yeah, it's an easy text message. It's great. It's great. Andy, thank you for joining us on How Long Gone. It was a pleasure. Thank you so much. The book is everywhere, correct? The book is sold. You can buy it wherever books are sold. The Cook You Want to Be, Everyday Recipes and Press. Beautiful. The Cook You Want to Be. Last question. Martin potato rolls. Are you boycotting or are you going to separate the art from the artist? Do they hate the gays? It wasn't necessarily a gay thing. They found out that the owner was donating money to a conservative right-wing pro-gun anti-abortion candidate in Pennsylvania. Kenji Lopez was posting about it. He's like, yeah, I'm bummed. Tell Kenji to stop ordering trash bags from Amazon. You talk. I don't know who Kenji is. I have no idea who this person is. He's kind of like an Alton Brown food science nerd. But I've said this to you a million times on this podcast, and I think this is true. If we start going to the top of any company, it ain't good. No.

Nowhere. Across the board. Across the board. Martin's Potato Rolls is probably, I would guess, like a family-owned business to some extent. And they're going to keep it that way, brother. Yeah, and you've got to choose your battles. And luckily, I don't eat a lot of bread, so I'm kind of Switzerland in this thing. I don't do rolls. Yeah, no rolls for me. I just don't even touch them. Don't let the rolls touch the table or we're out of here. Tell your life partner, Andy, that one of the biggest fruit distributors in the New York area, actually the president has been donating to anti-gay, anti-trans communities, and maybe he will stop eating so many pineapples and blueberries. Put the fear of God into him. You know what, babe? The raspberry guy? The raspberry guy actually fucking hates us. Start with fruit at the highest glycemic index level and work your way down there. And just go down. I'm going to start doing that with a lot of different foods, and we'll see. Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a new diet. It's the boycott diet. Yeah, it's no problem. All right, Andy. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for potting with us. We really appreciate it. And everyone, go buy the book. Thank you so much. And we'll see you in L.A. Yes, I want to cook for you. Just Jason, not Chris. Chris, you're not going to want to smell these things. Luckily for you, Andy, I am heading out of town. It's not planned. It's not to avoid you and your stinky little virgin food, but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. Khudaafiz, Andy. All right, khudaafiz.